I park my car four houses down, the closest spot I can find. Even from this far away, I can still hear the deep thump of bass coming from Matt’s backyard. It wouldn’t surprise me if the neighbors call the cops within the hour. Hopefully, we’ll be gone by then; it would be hard to explain why I was here instead of halfway to my grandparents’ house when one of the deputies inevitably calls my dad.

When I get to Matt’s, I spot a guy and a girl sitting in the grass near the driveway, and they seem to be arguing. The drama doesn’t usually get started this early. They get quiet when they notice me, and I pick up the pace, trying to give them their privacy. Following the music, I head to the backyard toward the pool house. Just as I’m about to round the house, I feel a tug on my arm.

And then I’m swallowed in a breath-crushing hug.

“I thought you weren’t coming!” Addie squeals loud enough that several people turn in our direction.

“Can you believe I talked my parents into going without me?”

“I can’t! Are you staying at Nonna’s?” She sticks out her bottom lip in a pout. “I’m still barely going to see you!”

I laugh. “Yes, you will. I have a plan. Nonna will be so busy during the day, she won’t even miss me. I’ll head back here and we can hang out.”

“Your parents will flip if they find out. We’ll have to hide your car.” Addie jumps up and down. “Oh! And bring Olivia. I haven’t seen her in forever.”

I nod, even though I doubt she’ll want to come back with me. Olivia is one of my many cousins and the daughter of Mom’s twin sister, Lisa. We’re only two months apart in age and used to be super close when we were younger, but we’ve seen less and less of each other over the last couple of years. “Olivia is helping Nonna at the shop. I’m not sure she can get away.”

Addie’s eyes brighten; then she starts dragging me to the pool house. “We’ll just have to find a way to break her out of there.”

“Have you seen Griffin?” I ask, changing the subject away from Olivia.

“Not yet, but Danny and I just got here. Maybe he’s inside.” She nods toward the pool house. “Want a beer?”

“Nah, I have to drive to Nonna’s soon. I’ll find a bottle of water somewhere,” I say as we part ways. Addie heads to the keg hidden in the shrubbery and I push through the crowd. The music is so loud once I get inside that the first few people I talk to can’t hear me at all.

I finally make it through the room and find a few of Griffin’s friends.

“Sophie! What’s up!” Chris yells, then tries to hug me. He’s already down to his white undershirt and boxer shorts. I hold my arm out to keep him at a safe distance. Chris is the guy that always manages to get one step from naked at parties. At the school Halloween dance, he came dressed as a cowboy, but by the end of the night all that was left of his costume was the pair of chaps over his boxer briefs. He got a week’s worth of detentions for indecent exposure.

“Not much. Where’s Griffin?” I ask, then turn around to scope out the room.

Chris waves his hand behind him. “Somewhere back there. Went looking for a beer.”

I nod, then scoot around him. It’s hard to make any progress through the crowd, but I finally spot Griffin just as he turns into the small kitchen in the back of the pool house. It takes me a few minutes to catch up, since I stumbled into the middle of a dance circle and Josh Peters won’t let me leave without spinning me around a few times. As I’m just about to round the corner into the kitchen, where the music is actually somewhat muted, I hear Griffin say, “Sophie’s on her way.”

It’s not the words that make me stop. It’s the way he says them. Full of disappointment.

Parker, one of Griffin’s best friends, is pulling two beers out of the refrigerator. Neither one of them notices me just outside the door.

“I thought she was going to her sister’s house or something?” Parker asks.

Griffin’s head hangs. “She was. But not anymore.”

He’s so bummed I’m staying, like I’ve ruined his break. I can hear it in his voice, that horrible feeling — the one where you were so looking forward to something, like you were about to bust out of your skin because you were so happy, only to have it snatched away. That’s how I felt when I thought I wouldn’t be here for the break.

And that’s how he sounds after hearing I will be here.

What is happening?

Griffin starts to turn, and I duck around the corner. Why am I hiding? I should be storming in there, demanding answers. But I’m frozen. I count to five and then slowly look back into the kitchen.

“She’ll be here any minute,” he says, but stays rooted in his spot.

Parker pops open one of the beers and hands it to Griffin. Griffin takes a long drink.

“So what’s the problem?” Parker asks. Obviously he can hear the disappointment, too.

Griffin shrugs. “This is going to make me sound like an asshole, but I was kind of glad she was going to be gone. You know, like a trial run of what it would be like if we broke up.”

My heart is pounding.

“Do you want to break up with her?” Parker asks, then takes another swig of his beer.

Griffin shrugs again. My desire to scream is almost overwhelming.

“I think so.”

I gasp. Parker and Griffin both turn toward the door. Parker’s eyes get big, and he looks from me to Griffin and back to me.

There’s a split second where Griffin tries to figure out if I heard what was said. But the expression on my face makes it obvious that I did.

I stumble back, hitting the wall before fleeing.

I have to get out of here. I can’t look at him. I can’t be here.

“Sophie!” Griffin follows behind me, but I duck and dodge my way toward the door. I’m afraid I won’t make it outside before the tears start to fall. Then Addie sees my face and barrels through the people dancing, pulling me out of the pool house.

“What happened?” she asks once we’re on the other side of the pool.

I crumple to the ground and tell her everything.

“That asshole,” Addie says. She turns, like she’s going to hunt him down.

“Please help me get out of here,” I plead.

She moves back toward me. “Of course. Let’s go.”

Addie helps me off the ground and we pick our way through the landscaping. Tears are streaming down my face now, and I don’t even try to stop them.

My heart is crushed.

More than crushed.

Pulverized.

He wants to break up with me.

“I can’t believe him,” Addie mutters under her breath. “He’s going to break up with you? Whatever. He’s lucky to have you!”

I don’t have the words to answer her. Not sure if I ever will.

Just as we make it to the driveway, we see Griffin. He’s running down the driveway, scanning the street.

“I can’t talk to him right now,” I croak out. Addie nods and moves me into the shadows before marching out to confront him.

“No. Just no,” Addie says. “She doesn’t want to talk to you.”

Griffin’s face is illuminated by one of the lights anchored to the eave of the house. He looks awful.

Guilty, yes, but there’s also sadness swimming in those eyes.

“Please, Addie. I need to talk to her.” He squints toward the darkness where I’m hiding. “Please, Sophie. Talk to me. Let me explain. I didn’t mean it like that.”

I take a step back, not wanting to be near him…not wanting to hear his excuses. Running behind a row of azalea bushes to the front yard, I trip every other step, trying to put some distance between us.

I hope Griffin doesn’t follow me. There is a small part of me that wants to take what I heard, twist it around until it’s something that doesn’t crush me. But I can’t quit hearing the disappointment in his voice. No matter what he says, he didn’t want to see me. He didn’t want to be here with me.

By the time I make it to my car, I’m shattered. Footsteps pound on the pavement behind me, and I brace myself.

“Sophie, please talk to me?” Griffin begs.

I’m facing the car. He’s right behind me, and I know Addie is somewhere behind him.

My mouth tightens. “I was so excited my parents let me stay home because all I could think was how fun it would be to hang out with you. Just the two of us. That’s what I was looking forward to. But you want a break. From me. Right? Isn’t that what you were looking forward to?”

His hand lands softly on my shoulder and he says, “Turn around and talk to me.”

I shrug him off. “Is that what you want?”

I can feel him struggling to find the words. “I don’t know what I want, Soph. Everything is so confusing right now. Things got so serious between us. It’s our senior year. We’re supposed to be having fun!”

I spin around. “Well, let me make it easy for you. You want a break? You got it. We’re done.”

He reaches for me, but I dodge his grasp. He seems frantic, and I can’t help but think it’s because of how this is going down. He didn’t get his trial run first.

“Wait, Sophie. Can we talk about this? I love you. I really do.”

His words are like a blow. I’ve waited and wanted him to say this to me for months.

I can’t do this.

I can’t stay here.

“Please stay and talk to me,” Griffin begs. I turn and get into my car.

Griffin finally retreats to the sidewalk as I start the engine, and Addie runs to the window. “Let me drive you.”

I give her a weak smile. “I’m fine. I’ll call you later, okay? I love you.”

She reaches in the window and gives me a quick hug. “I love you, too.”

Thankfully, Griffin keeps his distance.

Within minutes, I’m on I-20 headed to Shreveport.

***

By the time I get to Nonna’s house, I’m a wreck. I check my appearance in the rearview mirror and almost scream at the mascara-streaked stranger staring back at me. My nose is red, my eyes are swollen, and I’m pretty sure there’s dried snot crusted on my shirt.

Thankfully, most of the lights are off, so there’s a good chance no one is here but my grandparents. At this house, it’s not unusual to step over sleeping bodies just inside the door. Out of the eight kids my grandparents have, six live here in Shreveport, four of them within blocks of this house. Though you’d think it would mean they’d go home, that’s usually not the case. But tonight looks quiet.

I park my car on the street and grab my bag from the backseat, but I only make it to the front steps before I collapse. I can’t go in there like this. Nonna will call my parents, and they’ll be mad I didn’t come straight here. But they’ll also be upset about Griffin. They love him. Even with all of their crazy rules, they already treat him like he’s part of the family.

Using my duffel as a pillow, I lie back on the dark steps and stare at the full moon. There’s a huge part of me that wants nothing more than to curl up in my mom’s lap and cry.

A year. That’s how long I’ve wasted with Griffin. A freaking year.

What did I miss? We were both focused on school. We were both looking forward to college and making sure we got into the schools we wanted. I thought we both were happy with our relationship.

But apparently he’s not having any fun with me.

“You going to stay out here all night, or are you going to come in and tell me what happened?”

I nearly fall off the step when my grandmother’s face looms over mine.

“Nonna!” I jump up and stumble into her arms, almost knocking us both over.

She runs a hand up and down my back. I start to cry all over again.

“Oh my, come in and tell me all about it.”

We walk inside, hand in hand, straight to the kitchen. Her kitchen is the heart of this house. It’s a big open room with lots of cabinets and counter space. The fridge is one of those gigantic stainless steel ones that’s covered in pictures, and I know if I open it, the shelves will be packed with food. There’s a row of bar stools along the side of the island and a huge wood farm table stretching in front of a row of windows that look out toward the neighbor’s house. And there is always a vase of fresh flowers sitting in the center.

It’s my favorite room in the house.

Nonna leads me to one of the bar stools, then cuts me a piece of the most decadent chocolate cake I’ve ever seen. There’s never a shortage of goodies here, and tonight definitely doesn’t disappoint.

“I don’t think you’re crying about your mom and dad leaving, so I assume this is about that boy. What’s his name?”