I wanted to slap that smile right from his beautiful face. He must have been able to read my mind because his smile quickly disappeared and then he was wobbling over to me.

Before I could say anything he was cradling my face in his hands and wiping my face whispering over and over, “I’m so sorry Ash,” in a drunken slur.

I thought I had finished crying but I closed my eyes and more tears escaped.

I felt limp and numb because for the longest time this mess was mine to carry but now Jason knew. I mean I don’t think he knew exactly how deeply I felt about him, but now he knew something was going on.

Gabe and Maddox started to walk over to us but I put my hand up to let them know that everything was going to be ok. At least for tonight.

After they left the hall Jason pulled away and put his hand in mine and we walked back into our room together. I thought he was going to let go of my hand but he walked me into the bathroom and picked me up and sat me down on the counter. He walked out of the room for a minute and then walked back in with my make-up removal wipes.

Taking one out he cradled my face in his hand and my eyes instantly closed. He applied the wipe to my face and removed all of the mascara that I knew was all over my face. When he was satisfied with the job he threw the wipe away and picked me up. Without releasing me back onto the floor he walked us over to my bed and laid me down.

I thought he was going over to his bed but he turned the bedside lamp off and crawled in after me. He nestled up next to me and wrapped an arm around my waist. After kissing my neck Jason whispered, “I’ll fix this mess Ash. I promise.” 

Chapter 3

Jason

The second Ash ran off I didn’t know what to do. I stood in the same position she left me in for a few seconds wondering how I was going to tell her why I couldn’t do this between us. I wanted to tell her how I would kick myself every single second, minute, hour of every day because I couldn’t be with her.

I started to run off in the direction of Ashlynn and Jade but Maddox walked up to me and placed a hand on my chest and said, “Not right now man.” I immediately stopped dead in my tracks and my head slumped over in defeat.

Up until Maddox met Isabelle he was a huge player. In fact I think he was getting more pussy than I was and that’s saying something. I swear he could have a different girl every day for four years of college and there would still be remaining girls for the rest of us pathetic fucks who hadn’t gotten all pussy whipped and fallen in love yet.

That’s just how easy it was for him. However, the second he met Isabelle everything changed. That motherfucker was pussy whipped from the get go and it was kind of hysterical. Anyone with eyes could see how he felt about her. I saw him watch her the entire time she first walked into the café with Sarah and I knew I just had to be a dick to him.

It was like perfect timing when Isabelle started choking. I immediately got up from my seat and started to pat her back because I just wanted to see what the dipshit would do. Of course I didn’t think about how Ash would react to it and I was surprised when I saw her flinch when I touched Iz.

While Iz was gorgeous, Ash was, well, she was something.

Maddox looked like he was going to turn into the Incredible Hulk and fuck my shit up so I just gave him this sly grin. Once Ash saw my face I saw her calm down so it was all good in the motherfuckin’ hood.

I also had to push his buttons when I spotted Maddox and Isabelle at the bar with Ash. I looked at her and she laughed and said, “Go get ‘em tiger.” We all knew Maddox had a major crush on Iz but that girl was fuckin’ blind because he practically was at her beck and call. Of course the secrets came out about how her mom was a huge bitch and secretly Jade and I could relate.

However as soon as I saw Madd carry her out of the bar like a fuckin’ caveman I knew that was it and that he was off the market. It just took a girl who wasn’t on her knees waiting to suck dick for that prick to fall in love. I knew he would do anything for that girl and that’s how I would feel about Ash for the rest of my life.

Unfortunately, I could never put my thought into play. I mean, technically, I could but I wanted Ash to be happy and I knew she would not get that with me. In fact I was certain of it because up until Jade and I left for our freshman year of college my life had been a mess. Oh, who the fuck am I trying to kid? It still is.

Maddox grabbed me by the shoulder. Looking up into his eyes he nodded in the direction of our table. Sitting down at the booth I picked up my bottle and took a good healthy gulp. Placing the bottle back down on the table I looked over at Maddox and waited for the interrogation to begin.

He took a sip of his beer and setting it down on the table in front of us he looked over at me and quirked an eyebrow. “You want to talk about what just happened between you and Ash?”

I just shrugged my shoulders and said, “I don’t really know what to say.”

In a more serious tone he said, “Well, let’s start with what exactly happened Jason.”

I was starting to get really pissed off with Maddox. It wasn’t really any of his business.

A little bit louder I said, “Like I said Maddox, I don’t really know what happened.” I wanted to try and explain it to him but he got his girl. I didn’t.

Getting up from his seat Maddox walked over to me and placed an arm around me and said, “Well, since you don’t know what just happened out there then I’ll tell you what happened. Some jackass who hasn’t seen what’s been right in front of him got jealous and made out with a girl who has had a crush on him since forever.”

Looking over at him I began to say something but he put his finger up to stop me and continued on. “You gave that girl hope and you crushed her all over again. I don’t know what the fuck your problem is because I notice the way you look at her and I can tell you right now it’s the same way I look at Isabelle. I just don’t know what the fuck your problem is man.”

Looking over at Maddox I shook my head. I thought I was hiding my feelings pretty well. Apparently not.

Letting out a deep breath I said, “I’ve liked Ash for a long time and I’ve tried to stay away and just be her friend because I’m such a mess and she doesn’t deserve that. So I’ve been quiet but when she kissed my hand … Maddox, I fucking lost it. I just went crazy and she didn’t stop me.”

Putting my hands on the top of my head I started pulling my hair. Yelling, “FUCK,” at the top of my lungs I looked over at Maddox and he scrunched his eyebrows together.

He took a deep breath and said, “You like her?”

I just laughed and shook my head. “Fuck no. The word like doesn’t even come close to how I feel about that girl.”

He leaned in closer and asked, “You love her?”

I stared at him. I began to think about it and then looked over at Maddox and said, “I’m not sure how to answer that question honestly, Madd.”

Half of Maddox’s mouth came up in a grin and he said, “I think you just did.”

I smiled at him but just then I felt something in my gut and I knew I was in trouble. I looked over at Maddox and his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down and then my heart plummeted. I took a deep breath and turned around just in time to see Jade and Isabelle marching up in our direction and they were fuming. I swear I could see smoke coming from their ears and their eyes were glaring daggers right at me.

Isabelle walked over and sat down on Maddox’s lap wrapping her arms around his neck. She smiled and kissed him and then she turned to me and the look she gave was scary as hell. I think I would have rather cut my own dick off than have her look at me that way ever again.

Jade sat down next to me and just looked at me and shook her head. That’s all she had to do because I knew she was disappointed with me and no words could describe how pissed she was at me. She knew I had a huge thing for Ashlynn but while I had huge balls. They just weren’t big enough to tell Ash how I felt about her.

Putting my head down I sighed. Long and hard. Jesus Christ, now my dick is starting to swell.

This was all such a huge mess and I didn’t know how to fix it. I didn’t even know where to begin in trying to make an attempt. I feel like I just keep digging a bigger hole for myself and I don’t know how to get out of it.

In the back of my mind I could hear Jade and Iz talking about the situation between Ashlynn and myself but I didn’t care. I just kept thinking about Ash.

Once Isabelle and Jade gave their opinions they were walking back onto the dance floor. However Isabelle stopped and looked at Maddox waiting for him. I looked over at Maddox and he put a finger up in her direction and said, “I’ll be out there in a second sweetheart.” The second he said, “Sweetheart,” Isabelle was like a puddle at his feet. Her eyes twinkled and the smile that went across her face was indescribable, and it was one I wanted desperately to cause on Ash’s face.

When Jade and Isabelle were out of hearing distance Maddox leaned in and said, “Look, I know what you’re going through. It’s the exact same thing Isabelle and I went through but look at where we are.” He must have sensed that I was going to say something because he placed a finger up and motioned for me to keep quiet so he could continue. “I know something happened to you Jason. I’m just not sure what. But I can tell you that Ashlynn is a lot stronger than you think she is and I know that she would go to the ends of the earth for you.”

I looked up at him and said, “How can you be so sure on your observation of Ash, Maddox?”

Without taking his eyes off me he smiled and said, “Because I would do that for Isabelle without any hesitation.”

At that moment Isabelle walked up and grabbed Maddox’s hand and started pulling him along. “Come on munchkin.”

Maddox looked over at me and raised an eyebrow. I just mock saluted him and chuckling I said, “Understood munchkin.”

Madd just gave me the finger and pinched Isabelle’s ass as they walked back down to the dance floor.

Even though I felt like complete shit for what happened with me and Ashlynn I was extremely happy for Maddox and Isabelle. I started to think about what Maddox had to say about comparing himself and Isabelle to Ashlynn and myself. I know without a doubt that Ashlynn is strong enough to do whatever she puts her mind to but I’m just not sure if I’m strong enough.

As soon as the lovebirds were out of sight I drank the rest of my beer. I was just about to get another one but Samantha, the waitress, walked up and placed another one down for me and winked before she left. That’s how the rest of the night went.

Samantha bringing me drinks and me trying to drink myself into oblivion.

After a couple more drinks everything started to blur together. At one point I was down on the dance floor grinding into Samantha. She was really hot but she was nothing compared to Ash because Ashlynn was beautiful. She kept whispering in my ear for us to go in the back for some privacy but I knew what that meant. I kept shaking my head but my resolve was quickly fading away.

I instantly sobered up when Samantha wrapped her arms around me and leaned in for a kiss. I moved my head down and the second her lips met mine I felt nothing. All that I felt and remembered were the memories of Ash and how hurt I knew she was. Samantha started to deepen the kiss by swiping her tongue along my lower lip but I moved away from her. Placing her hands on her hips she looked up at me with disgust.

Shaking my head I said, “I’m sorry, I just … I can’t do this Samantha.”

Snarling, she said, “It’s because of that bitch from earlier. Isn’t it?”

I started to get really pissed off and met her eyes. “Call her a bitch one more time and see what happens.”

She just giggled and said, “Your loss, asshole,” and with that she walked away from me. Of course she had to shake her ass, look back at me and wink. But at least the bitch left.

Before I could think about where I wanted to go my feet were moving. One in front of the other. Walking back up to our table to grab my wallet I saw Maddox and Isabelle and Gabe and Sarah. Of course they were snuggled up in one another’s arms.

They must have heard me because Maddox looked over in my direction and asked, “You ready?”