Lucy Gordon - A Convenient Wedding

‘It’s a formality, nothing more. Meryl and I each gain what we want. When the dust has settled we get a discreet divorce and never see each other again.’

‘That’s what she’s told you, is it?’

‘Sarah, my dear, what is this? Meryl has no interest in me as a man.’

Even as he said it the memory of her teasing ‘Wanna bet?’ darted through his mind and was gone, with a mischievous flick of the tail. Luckily Sarah was too agitated to see the disturbance in his face.

‘Not long term, no,’ she agreed. ‘But I knew what she was like the moment we met. The way she just marched in here and expected to take over-so sure of herself-of the divine right of money-’

‘That’s not really fair,’ he said, forgetting how often he’d thought the same.

‘Oh, Jarvis, she’s spoilt, she’s used to getting her own way, yielding to every stupid impulse and assuming that someone else will pick up the pieces. Look at the way she just turned up here without warning. Never mind the inconvenience to everyone else. Never mind the risk.’

‘That’s true,’ he said, struck. ‘I don’t know that any risk fazes her. She nearly drowned that night, then she ended up here, all alone, no clothes, and she faced me down as if she had an army at her back.’

‘Whatever do you mean? No clothes?’

He was about to make a humorous reference to the way his robe had fallen open on Meryl, but instinct warned him that Sarah wouldn’t see it as he did. Besides, he was trying to avoid that memory.

‘Her own were wet so she had to borrow some,’ he said lamely. ‘Come on, Sarah, try to be happy for me now that my troubles are nearly over.’

‘Your troubles are just beginning, if only you could see it. You think she’s just going to go away? Well, maybe she is, when she’s turned you into her poodle.’

‘That’ll never happen. She knows that.’

‘And you think she’s accepted it? Don’t you realise that she has to bring every man to heel? She won’t be satisfied until she’s bought and sold you emotionally as well as financially?’

His face darkened. ‘If you think that could ever happen-my dear, that’s practically an insult.’ He took hold of her arms and gave her a gentle shake. ‘Trust me. I know what I’m about.’

‘Of course.’ She gave him a determined smile. ‘Let invaders tremble.’

‘That’s the spirit. You’ve always been my dear friend, Sarah. I know I can count on you.’

‘Now and always.’

He gave her a fierce, brotherly hug. He wasn’t sufficiently alive to her to sense that she was exasperated with him. Nor did he see Meryl passing the door and swiftly averting her gaze from the sight of them in each other’s arms. Only Sarah noticed that.

Larry reached them two hours later, sweeping in with a face like thunder.

‘I suppose I might have expected it,’ were his first words.

‘I suppose you might,’ Meryl observed mildly. ‘You know me.’

‘I know you’re not going to change now. You said you’d find a fortune-hunter and you’ve found one.’

‘Larry-’ Meryl said in a warning voice.

‘Good evening,’ Jarvis said politely, descending the stairs. ‘We haven’t met before. My name is Jarvis Larne.’

‘So it’s you! Well, you ought to be ashamed, that’s all I have to say. No decent man would have written that letter-’

‘Jarvis didn’t write it,’ Meryl broke in desperately. ‘It was his friend, Ferdy, who meant it as a joke. Jarvis knew nothing about it and tried to throw me out. He hates the idea as much as you do.’

Larry gave a disbelieving sniff. Meryl could hardly bear to look at Jarvis, but to her relief he’d managed a grin. As they went into the library he muttered, ‘When do I ask him for your hand in marriage?’

‘Never, if you want to live. Look, I’m sorry-’

‘Don’t be. I’m rapidly developing a thick skin. I wouldn’t have missed him for worlds.’

In the library Larry was persuaded to sit down and drink some sherry, but he refused an invitation to supper.

‘I have one hour,’ he declared loftily, ‘then I have to leave if I’m to catch my flight.’

‘You can’t come all this way for just one hour,’ Meryl protested.

‘One hour is enough.’ He glared at Jarvis. ‘You, sir, have you no shame?’

‘None at all,’ Jarvis declared more coolly than he felt. Whatever his private feelings, this was between himself and Meryl. Hell would freeze over before he explained himself to Larry Rivers.

‘It doesn’t worry you to take advantage of a helpless woman?’

‘I don’t take advantage of helpless women, but we’re talking about Meryl.’

‘And you think Meryl is calm and clear-headed, able to take care of herself?’ Larry demanded.

‘No, I think she’s harebrained, impulsive, idiotic and needs locking up. But she’s going to do what she wants, and neither you nor I can stop her.’

‘You could stop her!’

‘It’s too late for that,’ Jarvis said calmly. ‘I already owe her money.’

‘What?’

‘Well, I’m marrying her for her money, so it seemed only sensible to get my hands on it before she had time to think. Let’s see-twenty thousand last night-that’s pounds sterling, which at the current exchange rate-’

‘I know what the exchange rate is, thank you,’ Larry bawled.

‘There’s that, and-’ Jarvis glanced at Meryl ‘-whatever you paid for the car.’ To Larry, ‘How did you like my wedding present, outside?’

‘It didn’t take you long to get your snout in the trough,’ Larry said stiffly.

Jarvis shrugged. ‘Start as you mean to go on. I just hope the dowry is worth it. An English title doesn’t come cheap.’

In the deadly silence that followed this remark Larry raised his head to survey Jarvis, and something like respect dawned in his eyes. ‘I’m sure Meryl will tell you what she has in mind,’ he said.

‘I don’t believe in discussing finance with women,’ Jarvis declared, straight-faced.

‘Oi!’ Meryl said, and to her delight Jarvis winked at her.

This was an unexpected side of him, and it made her want to know more. But for now she felt the time had come for her to take charge of the conversation.

‘Larry, if this is your attitude I suppose it’s too much to hope that you’ve started the paperwork. I need to be signing things fairly soon. Otherwise my betrothed might jilt me.’

Jarvis suppressed a grin. Incredibly he was enjoying himself.

Larry glared. ‘Nobody has ever accused me of inefficiency. I have some preliminary papers here.’ He produced them from his bag. ‘I never really thought you’d listen to me. If you’re determined to do this thoroughly stupid thing, at least let’s do it properly. Of course these are just the initial papers. I’ll be back with more for the actual wedding. I take it I am invited?’

‘Of course. You’re giving me away.’

Pleasure and shock warred for supremacy on Larry’s face.

‘Give you away? But that’s for church weddings. A nice, quiet civil ceremony is what you need.’

‘No way!’ Meryl declared. ‘Lord Larne’s people will expect him to marry properly in the castle chapel where his ancestors have always married.’

Larry appeared to have difficulty finding his voice.

‘You seem to have completely taken leave of your senses,’ he managed at last. ‘Next thing you’ll be wanting the full works-white dress, bridesmaids, big reception, morning coats, button-holes, wedding cake-’

‘Certainly,’ Meryl agreed. To Jarvis she added, ‘You couldn’t marry any other way, could you?’

‘No, I couldn’t,’ he agreed, regarding his bride with tolerant cynicism. ‘But Mr Rivers has a point. Do you want to attract the world’s attention?’

‘Don’t start agreeing with me, for pity’s sake!’ Larry begged him. ‘You’ll only make her worse. It wouldn’t surprise me if she wanted that pretty boy to make her bridal gown.’

‘Pretty boy?’ Jarvis queried.

‘Benedict Steen. The one she’s doing this for.’ Hope gleamed. ‘Hasn’t she told you-?’

‘Yes, I have, Larry, so give up. There are no surprises for Jarvis. He knows all about my reasons.’

‘Then he needs his head examined. You need your head examined, and I need my head examined for aiding and abetting you. That’s all I have to say. Let me know the date. I’ll be there and-heaven help me!-I’ll give you away.’

Jarvis ferried him across the water to where a taxi was waiting. For most of the journey Larry sat in offended silence, trying to be dignified despite the bobbing of the boat.

At last Jarvis said quietly, ‘Forget what I said in there. None of this was my idea.’

Larry burst out, ‘You don’t have to tell me that. I recognise her handiwork. I only wish I thought Benedict Steen was worth it. She must be madly in love to go to these lengths for him.’

‘Does she say she is?’ Jarvis asked, concentrating on the boat.

‘Of course not. She gives me some flim-flam about his being married, but that’s just their cover. The marriage is finished and he’s latched onto Meryl.’

‘Is he really good-looking?’ Jarvis asked indifferently.

‘Like a film star. Women swoon over him in flocks, like sheep.’

‘If Meryl was anything like other women we wouldn’t be having this conversation,’ Jarvis pointed out.

Larry shot him a sharp look. ‘You’re not falling in love with her, I hope.’

‘Certainly not!’ Jarvis snapped. ‘I’m a greedy fortune-hunter, marrying her for her money. We’ve settled all that.’

Larry had the grace to blush. ‘I suppose you might be worse,’ he conceded. As they landed, and Jarvis escorted him to the waiting cab, he added, ‘You haven’t the remotest idea what you’ve taken on. I can only say that I’m sorry for you.’

IT HAD been an inspiration that made Meryl point out that she’d nearly brought disaster onto Jarvis and thus had a duty to him. The truth of this helped him relax in the following days.

He showed her over the castle. It took nearly a day and brought it home to her just how huge this place was. There were four towers, three hundred rooms, counting the tiniest closets, and four floors including the dungeons.

‘We can’t use the dungeons these days because of the damp,’ he informed her, straight-faced. ‘It’s very inconvenient.’

‘You made a joke!’ she accused him.

‘Good grief! I believe I did.’

He even took her out in the little sailing boat he kept in the boat house at the castle rear, where it faced the sea. Like everything else here it was shabby.

‘But don’t dare buy me a new one,’ he warned her. ‘I used to sail this as a boy.’

‘I won’t buy you a new one as long as you promise to take me out again.’

‘Word of a Larne.’

This was Jarvis at his best, at his most charming, she might have said, if the idea of charm didn’t sit so oddly on him. But he smiled, and seemed happier for being relieved of financial care.

She had the same feeling of peace and happiness she’d known before, but now it was as much to do with Larne’s master as Larne itself. She wondered what the feeling would turn into. Perhaps she would know by the end of this delightful day.

But her hopes were ruined when the inevitable happened.

‘Rain!’ she cried up to the sky. ‘I don’t believe it’s raining again!’

‘I told you, it rains all the time here,’ he said, hurriedly wrapping her in oilskins. ‘You’ll soon get tired of it.’

Such remarks reminded her that he still didn’t really trust her, and his agenda was to secure the safety of his estate and bid her farewell. She put it aside for another day. It was foolish to think she was in love with him, anyway. Who could be in love with a man who lived in a permanent rainstorm?

Their trip around the estate was a triumph. Wherever they went people took Meryl to their hearts, not merely because she’d brought the good times with her, but because she exerted herself to charm them, and succeeded.

‘If the new Lady Larne doesn’t open our fête,’ the vicar of St Luke’s told her, ‘and judge the children’s fancy dress, everyone will be so disappointed.’

Meryl immediately promised and wrote the date on the back of her hand.

‘And what do I tell them when you leave?’ Jarvis demanded when they were driving away.

‘Say I didn’t come up to standard so you exchanged me for Sarah,’ she said blithely.

‘Can you be serious?’

‘What for? Jarvis, don’t you feel that any minute someone’s going to prick the balloon and you’ll find yourself back in reality?’

He nodded. That was exactly how he felt.

With the disconcerting change of weather that was normal in this country, the rain abruptly ceased, giving way to a pallid but valiant sun. In Little Grands Jarvis bought them beer, and they sat outside at a wooden table. He watched her leaning back to enjoy the sun on her face, and thought how at home she looked, how uncannily she fitted in. But it was a game, he reminded himself. To her this was like being on the hologram deck in Star Trek, where you could vacation by slipping into another life.