As the music begins, I gristbite my teeth and try to pay heed to Miss Linville. She is, I suppose, comely, light-footed, and elegant; yet I do not enjoy her company. The woman has, without warning, become an unmuzzled, flap-mouthed flirt-gill. While we move through the steps of the dance, I halfheartedly listen to her prattle on, with great energy, about tonight’s wondrously romantic moon.

Am I crying for the moon? Is Elizabeth Bennet as unattainable as that celestial body?My mind is preoccupied with awareness of her. I swear she is sitting in the exact position, next to her sister Mary, as when I uttered my initial asinine impropriety. I dearly wish I could turn back the hands of time and regulate that churlish, ill-nurtured clack-dish of a mouth that spoke within her hearing that night… or, at least, back to when I could ask her to stand up with me for this set instead of Miss Creant.

I gaze in admiration as Elizabeth lovingly tucks a stray curl behind her sister’s ear and tenderly coaxes a smile from her. My reaction mirrors Mary’s. Dearest, sweetest Elizabeth! She would be a caring and supportive sister for Georgiana and an accomplished, lively wife for any man. Not for any man, for me! If I can but see Elizabeth Bennet, no, Elizabeth Darcy happily settled at Pemberley, I shall have nothing for which to wish.

All my life I have been spoiled, granted whatever suits my fancy, and given everything my heart desires. Until Elizabeth. My younger self might have pouted at such deprivation; but I am, after all, a grown man. Instead of childishly protruding my lower lip, I tauten my already stiff upper one in a gentlemanlike manner… which makes it rather difficult to smile … which is what I am supposed to be doing. Gah! Why can I not be inherently amiable like Bingley? I mean, really, how hard can it be if he has it down to a fine art?

The dance brings me back into Elizabeth’s line of vision, and… Blast! I was under the impression Meryton suffered from a dearth of eligible men since the departure of the militia. Apparently not. From perdition’s pit a plethora of slavering young bucks has suddenly appeared and congregated around her. Elizabeth smiles and chats with both of them but is taking an eager interest in and, I daresay, giving undue attention to one of the spleeny, elf-skinned measles. No doubt he will be her next partner. Why does she not notice me? I have, many times over, the consequence of those plebeian clod-poles.

The two toad-spotted foot-lickers look at my heart’s desire with great admiration. Although their appreciation of her allure does not surprise me, it nettles me most ruthlessly. Elizabeth is the most enticing woman of my acquaintance and five, nay, ten times as tempting as every other woman in this room.

Be that as it may, the woman’s physical attributes are, honestly, of secondary importance. Fine eyes may have first captured my attention, but … Oh, fie upon it! I hereby confess her eyes were not truthfully my primary focus, but I swear they were the second. Nevertheless, as I became better acquainted with Elizabeth, her exceptional qualities of conviction, dedication, intelligence, and liveliness of mind soon totally and unconditionally enthralled me. Oh, bloody hell and very well! It was not totally unconditional. I struggled mightily against the attraction. I am … I was pond-scum.

The set ends; and I have, except for a few rather painful confessions, survived it relatively unscathed. Elizabeth appears to be enjoying herself, which should be all that matters. Perhaps this charitable feeling is due to the fact I caught her eye twice during the half-hour ordeal. Although her glance flitted away far too quickly, I am satisfied she has, at least, observed my gallantry.

This evening simply must allow us an opportunity to enter into something more of conversation than the mere ceremonious salutation attending her family’s arrival. Every expectation of pleasure has thus far been snatched away, and my frustration is reaching a degree that threatens to make me uncivil. My well-being, not only during this evening but for a lifetime, depends on her regard. I shall not surrender without a valiant struggle.

I escort my atrociously ignored partner, Miss Linville, back to her parents and valiantly struggle through the reeking rabble. Pertinacity leads me toward Elizabeth. I will not be gainsaid. She will stand up with me for this next set, or I shall surely lose what is left of my gleeking, beef-witted mind. OOF! But first I must apologize profusely to Mrs. Phillips, with whom I have just collided. Can people not watch where I am going?

I remind myself to smile pleasantly at Elizabeth’s aunt and to unclench my jaw whilst doing so. This time I shall put forth a concentrated effort. Certain ladies of the ton have practically swooned upon receipt of my dimple-bracketed smile. It is only fair to caution you, madam, the full force of my beam is about to be unleashed.

“I beg your pardon, Mrs. Phillips, my sincerest apologies. I was obviously not attending. Have you been injured?” I am all solicitousness. Perhaps she will put in a good word about me to her niece.

The stupefied woman staggers slightly, adjusts the feathered contraption upon her head, and says, “I am fine.” Still a bit unsteady, she looks up at me in confusion. “But you, sir … You are unwell?”

“I am quite well, thank you, madam.”

“Oh. Well, good. I assumed you were grimacing in pain.”

It is blatantly evident Mrs. Bennet’s poor sister is in desperate straits and cannot afford a blasted pair of blasted spectacles. I politely bow, make my escape, and helplessly watch as Elizabeth accepts Mr. Morris for the blasted upcoming set. The temptation to stomp my blasted foot in frustration is great, but I stoically resist exposing myself to ridicule. Bloody, bloody, bloody hell! Must she stand up with every puking, pottle-pocked pumpion that bloody-well asks her?

Retreating to a corner where I can smooth ruffled feathers, I wonder why Elizabeth has to be so bloody agreeable and, oh, so totally charming, not to mention absolutely ravishing in that fetching blue frock. I heave a lovesick sigh, reminiscent of Bingley, and wander off in his direction.

I really should be engaged in a more sociable activity, such as reacquainting myself with all the principal people in the room; but my heart is not in it. My heart is either somewhere in my shoes or in Elizabeth’s possession out on the dance floor. Either way, it is certainly being trampled underfoot. I hover close at hand to Bingley but withstand the impulse to speak only with him. I did that almost exclusively the last time we were here. There is not much likelihood of doing so now anyway; he is, of course, preoccupied with his blessed angel and chatting up a group of locals. Bah! I nod at them, take a stance with the other wallflowers, and wallow in self-pity.

Bitterness of spirit, petulant pouting, and boorish brooding are not to be borne. Nevertheless, it is a dreadful injustice I can arrange neither a dance nor a private moment with Elizabeth. I simply must determine whether I have the slightest chance of earning her regard. The woman has captivated my heart and holds the power to either break it or grant its every wish. My personal preference would be the latter.

I close my eyes against the sight of her enjoying another man’s company. Good God, am I jealous? … of a countrified, base-court, fat-kidneyed scut? I am one of the wealthiest men in England and could bloody-well have any woman I bloody-well desire. In truth, I am pathetically envious of said scut. He is the fortunate recipient of Elizabeth’s radiant smiles, unaffected airs, and witty banter. She is the only woman in the country who would have the audacity to devalue money and rank… and with the good sense to have refused my arrogant offer.

Shall I be capable of simply walking away if she spurns me a second time? What are my available options? Other than abduction and elopement! Listen, you mewling, plume-plucked mammet, should the worst happen, you will hold your head high, walk out that door, never look back, resign yourself to an empty, passionless existence, and accept your fate like a man.

A Darcy’s lot in life is not unenviable. I have Pemberley and all the advantages of wealth and prestige. I have the company of Georgiana, my Fitzwilliam relatives, and friends like Bingley. Perhaps I shall enter a loveless marriage with cousin Anne or some other equally dull prospect. Forgetting Elizabeth will never be possible; but I have lived eight and twenty years already without her. Surely I can continue to do so, although it pains me even to think of it. Gah! Who needs love when it hurts like Hades?

If my vanity had taken a literary turn, this lovesickness would have been invaluable. Stabs have been made at poetry, but I have not the talent which some gentlemen possess of composing pretty verses on their ladies.

Speaking of stabs, would it sway Elizabeth if I eloquently articulated how her arrow has transpierced my psyche and how I am equal parts pessimism and optimism? Such sentiment could, no doubt, be worded beautifully; but I am incapable of expressing my emotions adequately. I certainly proved that at Hunsford.

Although Mrs. Bennet might be delighted with any attempt made at poetry, my stab at verse would surely have Elizabeth heading for the hills. Hold on … the hills. Is it not my fondest wish she settle in the Peak District? Perhaps a lighthearted love sonnet would send her running off toward Derbyshire.

You still have my love and admiration,

Though rejection caused much aggravation.

Unless I’m acquitted,

I’ll be Bedlam-committed.

I, therefore, beg for your approbation.

Obviously, that weedy, slime-sucked gruel does not come close to the charming love sonnet I intended to compose. Even a fine, stout, and healthy love would choke on such vomitus. Bingley is right; I study too much for words of four syllables. It matters not. Since I do not perform to strangers, I shall never expose myself to ridicule by reciting my rhyme aloud. Thunder and turf, what would people think? Fitzwilliam Darcy… gentleman, master of the grand estate of Pemberley, nephew of both the Earl of Matlock and Lady Catherine de Bourgh of Rosings Park, member of the ton, and, now, author of a puking, plebeian limerick.

“Darcy?… Darcy… DARCY!”

“What?”

“Whatever has gotten into you, man?”

“Whatever do you mean, Bingley?”

“The harvest moon truly must spawn lunacy, for I swear you were chortling to yourself just now as I approached.”

“I most certainly was not! And what if I was?”

“Your doing so was illy timed.” Bingley glances over his shoulder, raises his voice a notch, and says, “Were you not listening while Mrs. Long lamented the loss of her beloved canary?”

I turn to see if the woman is following our conversation. Before she can identify the guilty expression on my face, I pull my friend aside and speak so only he can hear. “You did not tell her?”

“Well now, what do you suppose?”

“I suppose not. Thank you. Still and all, the woman had no business permitting her pet to escape its bloody cage and fly willy-nilly about the neighbourhood … especially when there are gentlemen in the area allegedly returned to enjoy some sport.”

“I regret we allowed our pretense to last three whole days, Darcy, and that our activity resulted in calamity.”

“While unfortunate, I would hardly categorize the loss of a hen-witted canary as a calamity; and it was your idea we wait that long before making an appearance.”

“Mrs. Long absolutely considers the loss of her fine-feathered friend calamitous, and it was certainly your idea we wait three days.”

“Bingley, I will not stand here debating these issues with you. I have a much, much more important matter to settle. Nevertheless, I fully intend to inquire as to where one might procure a canary. Where does one get hold of such a creature?”

“Perhaps you should ask Herne. Your faithful hunting dog simply fetches them as they fall from the sky.”

There are times I question why I have chosen to befriend Charles Bingley, and this is one of those times. Despite our easy camaraderie, we are definitely not birds of a feather; and the man has a well-hidden cruel streak.

Yesterday morning a very obliging grouse was perfectly lined up in the sights of my trusty Manton. It was game, unlike a certain canary. Mrs. Long’s ill-fated pet may have escaped its cage, but it could not escape the path of lead fired from a wildly flailing fowling-piece. How could one’s shot not swing wide when one’s so-called friend suddenly calls out, “Darcy! Is that not Elizabeth Bennet scampering about in yonder field?” Bah!