Molly Ryan - A Real Disaster

“But you are normal.”

“And what if I’m not? What if you know nothing about me and you only think you do? What if there’s this whole other side of me… A dark side… That I’m hiding?”

“I know all that I have to know about you,” Nash said. “I know that you’re beautiful, smart, witty, and tough. I know that you’ll be the one who keeps me in line and yet keeps letting me know how much she loves me. I know that, even if you put up a tough front, all you want to do is be loved. This is all I need to know about. The supposed dark side, the stuff you don’t want to tell me, it doesn’t matter. I don’t care about your past, whatever it may be. You’re here, today, right now, that’s the only person I need. It’s the only person I want.”

“I’m just no fun.”

“Yeah you are. We can have fun together. I want to enjoy warm nights with you walking through campus. I want to take you to my concerts and be able to look at you while I’m playing. I… I want you, period.”

How easy it would be to let myself be swept up with Nash. I could picture us, the two of us, walking around hand and hand. I could picture waking up next to him and having some breakfast in the early morning sun wearing nothing but his button down shirt. I could picture it all and it all seemed so… Perfect.

But there was no real perfection.

Things wouldn’t stay like that. One day everything would fall to pieces, just like my past, and I would be left with a shattered heart in my hands. It already happened once and we weren’t even dating. What happens if it happened again after we were involved? It was a chance that I wasn’t sure I wanted to take.

But if I didn’t take a chance with my life who would?

“Please,” Nash begged. “I know that I fucking screwed up and I know that you don’t trust me but, please, just give me another chance. Let me prove to you that I can be the guy you want… No…Deserve to have.”

“Okay,” I whispered, finally relenting. “I’ll give you another chance.”

Nash turned me to him and tilted my head up with his two fingers. His lips pressed against mine, neither hesitant nor pushy. He was giving me the chance, the option. I would set the mood and pace.

The dampness of my mound greatened with the touch of our lips and I shifted, halting our kiss only to pull my shirt from my body. Nash did the same and then my bra was gone. Wrapping his well-toned arms around me, Nash pulled me close until our bare chests were touching. I moaned and Nash nibbled my ear lobe before sucking on the sensitive skin right behind it. I moaned again and my hands found the button of Nash’s jeans. My heart hammered and my hands trembled as I tried to pull the button free. Nash trailed kisses from my ear down my neck, stopping to tease his tongue against my collar bone. His hands worked my pants and underwear down until they were pooled in a pile around my ankles. I shifted, releasing my ankles from their shackles.

“Nash,” I gasped as his fingers found my sweet, throbbing clit.

“Yes,” he said to me. “What do you want?”

“I want…” I panted.

Now Nash was rubbing my clit with his fingers, slowly, tantalizing me as he stared at me.

“Tell me what you want,” Nash said. “I want…”

I couldn’t think, let alone come up with a coherent sentence. As Nash played with me with one hand, he slid his own pants and boxers down, kicking them away from us.

“Nash!” I growled in frustration.

His pressure against my clit grew and a knot of delight tightened in the base of my stomach.

“Please Nash.”

“Not until you tell me what you want,” he said, even though he knew exactly what I wanted; what I needed. “So tell me... Tell me what you want me to do to you.”

Putting my hand over his, I tried to push his fingers in, but he resisted, keeping me on the edge. I was wound tighter than a brand new guitar and I was teetering at the edge with no hope of falling over into a flood of release.

“Nash,” I whimpered as I tried again, in vain, to get him to help me over the edge.

“No,” Nash said fiercely. “Not until you tell me exactly what you want.”

He’s was trying to kill me! He was trying to drive me mad with unresolved passion. I paused, staring at him through passion filled haze.

Fuck this.

I pulled myself away from him. He paused, momentarily surprised, and I used that time to push him down onto his back, his erection standing stiff and straight.

“What the-”

The rest of his words were cut off as I swung my leg around him and straddled his lean torso. I didn’t know exactly what I was doing but that didn’t stop me from trying. Gripping his hands and keeping them pinned above his head, I lowered myself onto him, pausing only to let my body get used to the new sensation. Now it was Nash that groaned. Leaning my body forward, I put my lips next to his ear.

“Tell me what you want,” I whispered as I ground against his penis, lifting my body up and back down.

Bracing my legs, I continued my rhythm as Nash thrashed about.

“I want to touch you,” he moaned, begged really.

“No,” I said with a wicked grin.

I was enjoying this far too much.

“No touching, only watching… While I touch.”

“And how are you going to stop me?” Nash challenged. “You can’t let go of me so you can’t touch yourself. You’re going to lose…”

“Oh God,” Nash murmured as I continued to grind on him. “God damn you’re sexy, Lily.”

I finally let go of Nash freeing his hands to grab my breasts. I slid one of my hands down my body and began to play with my own clit, pinching it and rubbing it. Heat built up in my body and my legs trembled.

“Fuck,” Nash moaned. “Come here, now.”

I shook my head even as my stomach clenched.

“Fuck yeah!. Keep going...”

He grabbed my breasts harder and rocked into to me taking complete control. With a guttural cry, I finally let myself go and shook as the orgasm overcame me. Seconds later Nash moaned and his body jerked.

 “Fuck,” he murmured, drowsily.

Nash pulled me close tucking me against his body. Closing my eyes, I drifted off to sweet oblivion.

* * *

Hours later my eyes opened and I saw Nash staring down at me, my hair twirled around his fingers.

“Hey there,” he whispered as he brushed his fingers over my cheek. “Sleep well.”

“Yeah,” I admitted. “You?”

“Great now that you’re next to me.”

Nash rolled on his back and pulled me to him until my head was on his chest and I could hear his heart beating. Despite everything I said to Sabrina, and the drama that Nash and I had been through, I finally felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I didn’t know what would happen tomorrow, or even the end of the week, but it felt right, now. I wanted to live in the moment, taking it one day at a time.

“Let’s go away this weekend,” Nash suggested. “Let’s go away and have some time together, just you and me. What do you say?”

“I can’t,” I murmured against his chest. “I have midterms to study for.”

“I’ll help you study for them and we can hang out. Come on.”

It sounded great. Actually, it sounded more than great; it sounded perfect.

“But my midterms. If I fail… My father will kill me and bring me back home on the first plane they can book me a seat on.”

“They can’t control you.”

“Yeah they can, I’d lose my scholarship and have nowhere to go but home.”

I looked at Nash, who was frowning.

“Well we can just stay here and study. I can help...”

He was actually serious about helping?

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“After my midterms,” I promised. “We can go somewhere. Okay?”

“Sounds like a plan.”

He kissed the top of my head and I felt my face warming. I let my eyes close once again. Sabrina was right; talking to Nash had been the best thing that I could have ever do.

When I opened my eyes, Nash was gone. Where he was once lying beside me was now cold and I was alone in the whole room. Panic seized me.

Where did he go?

Was I just a booty call to him?

Was I tricked?

I sat straight up, my heart pounding in my ears, and looked around. My eyes fell on a ripped piece of paper taped to my phone. Curious, I pulled the paper off and stuck it in front of my face, willing my eyes to focus on the words.

Dear Lily,

Before you go start thinking things that you shouldn’t be thinking, I didn’t run out on you. This wasn’t a one night stand and I’m not going to find another girl to lay tonight. My band called and they said they had some sort of emergency. They needed me right away and you looked so peaceful that I didn’t have the heart to wake you. I’m sorry.

I’ll call you later today since I know we have a lot to still talk about. And I’ll come by to help you study, like I promised. Let me know if you want to study at my place or your dorm. I’ll make us dinner.

Nash

As my heart fell back into its original rhythm, I settled back down and smiled. Nash and I were together. Who would have thought that would happen? I sure as hell didn’t but I wasn’t going to lie and say I didn’t like it or that I wasn’t excited. Tucking the note under my pillow, I pulled the blanket off of me and stood up.

Every step I took my muscles cried in protest. If I was going to get through the day I would need to start with a hot shower and some Advil. Oh and I couldn’t forget the coffee.

I wrapped my robe around me just as the door to the dorm opened and Sabrina came strolling in.

“Good morning there, sleepyhead,” Sabrina said. “Have a good night?”

“It was okay,” I said, keeping my face blank. “I’m surprised that you didn’t come back. How was your night?”

Sabrina shrugged and her eyes darted down. I knew that morning wasn’t a good time to be asking Sabrina any questions. If she wanted to tell me what was wrong she would.

“Did you sort everything out with Nash?”

Just his name sent shivers down my spine and blood to my cheeks. I couldn’t help but wonder if Sabrina could tell exactly what Nash and I did last night. I definitely hoped she couldn’t.

“Yeah, he thinks that everything will be okay.”

“And?”

“And I agreed,” I told her. “I told him that I would be willing to see what happened but that I wasn’t making any promises. I also told him that I was scared. He got that.”

“I knew he would. He’s that type of guy. He’s sweet and really cares. He’s also a bit full of himself but that’s only because there’s no one else around to compliment him or support him. Deep down, though, if you needed him he’s going to be there.”

Again I wondered how Sabrina knew Nash so well and I was itching to ask her.

But did I want to know the answer?

“I think I’m going to hang at his place tonight. He’s going to help me study for midterms and everything.”

“Sounds fun.”

 “Yeah... Well, I’m going to take a shower,” I announced. “I’ll be back in a bit.”

Bringing my clothes with me, I crossed the room and down the hall into the shower. Thankfully it was still too early for anyone else to be awake and the bathrooms were empty. Tucking my clothes into the cubby, I hung my robe and towel on the peg and slipped into a shower stall. Turning the water on as hot as I could handle it, I let the drops pierce my skin like little knives, cutting me open and smoothing out all my aching muscles. Water fell on my hair, soaking it, and droplets trickled down my spine, hugging all my curves and crevices. After I lathered my hair with shampoo, I began to wash, closing my eyes, and as I washed, I thought about all the places Nash’s hands touched. My collar bone, my ribs, my breasts.

Suddenly the main door opened and I heard footsteps walking towards the locked stall that I was in. My eyes widened.

“Lily?” Sabrina knocked on the door. “Lily, are you okay? It’s been, like, an hour since you got into the shower. Did you pass out?”

“I’m fine,” I said, hating the quiver in my voice. “I’ll be out in a little bit.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?” she asked. “Do I need to go get someone?”

 “No. I’m coming out now.”

Quickly rinsing my hair, I pulled all my toiletries into my carry-all and wrapped a towel around my body. I stepped out of the shower and bumped into Sabrina, nearly falling back. Thankfully Sabrina grabbed my arm, pulling me up and steadying me.