‘Re-insurance?’ He looked surprised. ‘Oh God, it’s bollocks. You borrow a shed load of money, and then you lend it to someone, and then you borrow some more and lend it to someone else, and then it all comes back to you, and everyone takes a cut along the way. Pretty cynical, if you ask me, but am I bothered?’ He gave a dazzling smile as he chewed hard. ‘Not remotely!’

I laughed despite myself. No way would Phil have described his job in such derisory terms. No way would he have not wanted to sound important, either. But then, if I compared every man I met to Phil, they’d be bound to look good, wouldn’t they? I must stop using him as a sounding board.

‘I’m just a little cog in the wheel,’ Luke went on, popping in more bread. ‘A minion, who’s shunted from pillar to post rather like the cash. But who isn’t, in a financial organization these days? Unless you’re up there with the fat cats, you’re bound to be taking orders. Course, come the revolution, it’s guys like me who will rise up and give the management a run for their money.’ He tapped his chest. ‘The real workers.’

‘I thought Angie said you had your own business?’ I said without thinking, then realized it sounded as if we’d been talking about him, which of course we had. I blushed.

‘Did she?’ He looked up from buttering his bread, surprised. ‘Oh, well, I suppose I did start Parkers with some other guys, but no way do we own it. That’s just Chinese whispers got out of hand. No, as ever, there’s a brace of Ruperts at the top, typical old-school types, although my immediate boss, my particular cross to bear, is called Gary, who’s definitely comprehensive material. In fact my mum would have him down as secondary modern. Sweet man, he’s got a dotted line tattooed around his throat saying: Cut.’

‘You’re kidding.’

‘I am not. He’s a barrow boy made good. He had that pleasing feature adorned on his body on his eighteenth birthday. No doubt rat-arsed and with his mates giggling outside.’

‘God, I bet he regrets that.’

‘Just a bit,’ he said cheerfully, popping in the last of his roll. He was moving onto the bread sticks now. ‘You don’t see it until he gets hot and bothered and loosens his collar and tie, then he suddenly remembers and does it up in a hurry. We’re always turning the heating up and switching the air con off. So yeah, he’s my line manager, then above him is Rebecca, a red-haired vamp who wafts down the corridors in very tight skirts, desk-perching along the way. If she asks you to step inside her cubicle you keep your hands on your belt and your wits about you. She’s been known to pounce in broad daylight.’

I giggled. ‘You wish. That’s just boys fantasizing. I bet she’s thoroughly professional and you’re all scared stiff of her.’

He grinned. ‘Yeah, you’re probably right. Although she did snog the new trainee at the office party. Still, we’ve got to have something to talk about in between haircuts, haven’t we? Something to brighten our day.’

‘Is that how you chart your life? With haircuts?’ I was feeling a bit better now. Slightly warmer as I looked at the huge menu I’d been presented with.

‘Well, it’s not a bad staging post, is it? And it’s amazing how nothing much happens in the six weeks or so in between. And don’t you love the way you can tell barbers anything and it’s going nowhere? Giuseppe – he’s my man – asked me the other day how it was going, and I told him I’d made a million on the markets before lunch. He was hugely impressed. We had a good old chinwag about what a clever chap I was. He’d probably forgotten it by the time he moved on to the next client, but I went back to the office with a massive grin on my face, thinking I had made a million. It’s got to be the way forward, hasn’t it? Better than any therapy crap?’ He took a huge gulp of champagne.

I laughed, enjoying his candour. ‘Perhaps you really will make a million? Then you can set up on your own without Gary and Rebecca.’

‘Yeah, I’d love to do that,’ he said wistfully. ‘Except it’s getting harder these days. It’s not like in the eighties when you could do it in your tea break and have a pile in Gloucestershire by the weekend – swimming pool, helipad, all the toys. The banks are less accommodating now. Back then you could blag your way into making anything sound like a new business venture, but they’re a bit more savvy now, not so quick to hand over the loot. You need a bit of capital too. Anyway,’ he said quickly, ‘enough of me and my crummy little life. What about you, Poppy? How are you? That’s a lovely necklace you’re wearing, by the way, really catches the light.’

I touched the fake turquoise pendant from Accessorize around my neck, amused. I rather liked Luke’s blatant attempt to charm me every so often. Any minute now he’d go down on one knee and break into ‘Love Me Tender’, like Dad.

‘Thank you, I bought it specially,’ I told him. ‘I thought it matched my eyes.’

‘Well, it would if they were blue. Nice try, Poppy, but I’d already spotted they were brown.’

I laughed. ‘Just checking. Wouldn’t want you to be flattering me.’

‘Flattery? Me?’ He widened his eyes in mock protest. ‘Perish the thought.’ He cheerfully filled up our glasses. ‘Well?’ he asked.

‘Well what?’ I studied the menu.

‘I asked how you were. Only …’ He hesitated. ‘You didn’t seem yourself at the book club the other day.’ It was said kindly. I looked up, startled at the change of tone.

‘Really?’

‘Yeah, you were … well, distracted.’ He gave a small smile. ‘I even found myself giving Saintly Sue the eye in defence. Might even have made a prat of myself. Sorry, if I did.’

I stared at him, surprised. Right. I had been distracted, but I hadn’t known it had shown. And actually, I did remember Luke greeting me very enthusiastically at Angie’s: bounding across the room, giving it lots of chat. But I’d been thinking about Marjorie and Cecilia at the time, had lost track of what he was saying. As he’d talked animatedly, I’d gazed beyond him, to Angie’s horses in the field, thinking what a nice life they led: no dead husbands, no in-laws, just friends, snoozing together, nose to tail. I’d possibly even forgotten to answer. And now I came to think of it, had his face fallen? Had he looked a bit piqued? And then later, when we were leaving, had he tried to make me jealous? Perhaps he’d been deliberately flirting in the garden with Sue? Suddenly I realized this was quite an up-front admission; a genuine apology too. I also remembered how hard it had been to get up this morning. Clemmie shaking my shoulder when Archie cried, saying it was time for school, Mummy. Quickly swallowing my pill. How I’d almost taken two. I put the menu down. Regarded my dinner companion. His eyes across the table were warm, concerned.

‘Sorry, Luke. I had a lot on my mind at the book club.’

‘D’you want to talk about it?’

I considered this. Then shook my head miserably. ‘No. D’you know, if you don’t mind, I don’t think I do.’ How many more people needed to know my dead husband’s family had sided with his mistress? No more, I felt. And this was supposed to be a pleasant evening out.

It helped, though, getting that out of the way, and we glided through the first two courses. There were no smouldering looks over the Dover sole, no observations about my jewellery. Just nice, general chit-chat.

‘You’re not supposed to know we call her Saintly Sue, by the way,’ I chided him as I tucked into a heavenly chocolate mousse. ‘That’s a girly secret.’

‘Well, it’s not a very well kept one. And I got it from one of the girlies’ mouths too. Angie told me. She’s massively indiscreet, by the way, which is great,’ he grinned.

‘I know. Peggy calls her The Only Virgin In The Village.’ The wine had clearly got the better of me.

‘Who, Angie?’ He feigned astonishment.

‘No, idiot. Sue.’ I laughed.

‘Ah yes, so I gather. Angie told me that too. Apparently she’s Keeping Herself Nice For Her Husband, which is lovely, isn’t it?’ he said naughtily. ‘So very twenty-first century. And something of a challenge too.’

I burst out laughing, a sound I hadn’t heard for a while. Not a combust like that, anyway. ‘Fancy rising to it?’ I asked.

‘God, no.’ He shuddered. ‘Too pi for me. Massive knockers, of course,’ he added reflectively, and with mock regret.

I laughed. As I savoured the last of my mousse, licking my spoon, a thought crossed my mind. ‘How did you start playing the organ, Luke?’

He gave a knowing twinkle across the table. ‘You mean, what’s a likely lad like me doing with something as sensitive as a musical instrument? Tinkling the ivories?’

‘Well, no, I –’ I reddened.

He grinned. ‘It’s all right, everyone’s a bit fazed by it. My dad was a concert pianist. He taught me.’

‘Oh! How amazing.’

‘Yeah, amazing but not very lucrative. Only the really brilliant guys get to the Wigmore Hall. My dad was more Hackney town hall. When times got really tough he started playing in hotel foyers. South of France, mostly.’

‘Which is where your mum lives,’ I said in surprise. ‘Didn’t you say she lived in a hotel in Monte Carlo?’

‘Er, yes, although she sort of works there too. When Dad died she got a job on reception. Been there ever since.’

‘Oh. Right.’

As I drank my coffee it occurred to me that Luke put quite a gloss on what hadn’t been the easiest of rides. Pulling the wool, some might say. I wondered if the sister at Vogue was on reception too. But I decided I rather liked him for bigging it up; for not turning his life into a hard-luck story, an excuse to hang failure on.

When we said goodnight in the car park, there was just a chaste kiss on the cheek, no lingering, and no expectation of coffee back at my place either. Although he did express a desire to see me again a few days hence.

‘Would you have supper with me again, Poppy? Or maybe we could go and see a film. Avatar is supposed to be good.’

It seemed to me that twice in one week might reasonably be construed as Going Out With. Did I want that? I mean, the occasional one-off supper was nice, but did I want to go out with Luke? Fun though he was?

‘That sounds lovely, but can I ring you? I haven’t got my diary and obviously I need to get a sitter.’

‘Or I could ring you?’

‘You could,’ I hedged, ‘but I’m usually so preoccupied with the kids. I’ll ring you.’

And there we left it. Off he went to his car, rather a smart BMW, I noticed, casting me a last smile over his shoulder, and off I went to mine.

Interesting, I thought, as I drove home; that blatant attempt, not to seduce me, but to romance me. It was rather refreshing. No pressure. It smacked of doing things by the book. Dinner, a chaste kiss, then another date, then perhaps coffee, then another date, and only then, perhaps, a grapple on the sofa. And he’d made me laugh too. Even though I hadn’t been in the mood, he’d brought me out of myself. Added to which there was that rather sweet admission during supper, which had disarmed me. Why then, hadn’t I agreed to another date? Thought twice?

Because you think too much, I told myself wearily as I pulled up outside my house a few minutes later. I sat there a moment. Jennie would agree. Jennie, who’d be disappointed in me, I thought guiltily, glancing at her front door. For not jumping at it, not giving him a chance.

‘Just give him a chance!’ I could hear her squeal, almost through the party wall. ‘You don’t have to marry him!’

I knew myself too well, though; knew I found someone else’s ardour very attractive, even if it wasn’t mine. Knew I found vulnerability and little admissions like that hard to resist. So, to that end, self-protection worked best for me. In order to prevent myself falling for a charm offensive, I just wouldn’t expose myself to it. Simple.

I was about to get out of the car, when I sank back in my seat. Stared ahead through the windscreen into the night. Self-protection. Was that the same as not wanting to see the truth? Not wanting to know the truth? Had there been moments in my married life when I’d been deliberately blind? It was a question I’d asked myself a lot lately. And the answer was always no. I’d never had an inkling about her. There were definitely occasions when, even in the privacy of my own head, I’d been dishonest about certain things – about loving Phil in the early days, for instance – but this was not one of them. She’d come as a bolt from the blue. Yet she’d played such a huge part in my life. Had been there for four years. I narrowed my eyes into the night.