This was the first night we spent together sleeping in the same bedroom, and although we weren't sharing a bed, there was an intimacy that at first made me a little uncomfortable. As I stood before the sink and mirror dressed only in my slip and washed the makeup off my face, I saw Paul in the mirror, standing behind me, staring, the blue in his eyes so deep, I felt naked. Once he saw my gaze go to him, he moved away quickly.

I went into the bathroom and dressed for bed. Paul was already in his when I put out the light and crawled under the cover.

"Good night, Ruby," he said softly.

"Good night." The silence and the darkness seemed to grow thicker between us. We would share everything a man and a woman who married and became one could share, except one thing: each other. That thought lingered in the darkness above me, taunting, tormenting. I turned on my side and when I closed my eyes, my thoughts fled back to my memories of Beau and our passionate lovemaking. For now, those recollections were all I had.

We continued our shopping safari the next day, following the list Mrs. Tate had written. I went to an art supply house and gave them my list. Everything would be delivered. After lunch, Paul and I walked through the French Quarter, now looking for gifts for his sisters and parents.

"You haven't mentioned it yet," he said, "but do you intend to see your stepmother? She has yet to learn about us."

"I was thinking about it, yes," I said. "Although I'm not eager to do it."

"I'll go with you."

"No. I think I'd better do this alone for now," I said.

"Okay." He smiled. "Should I get you a cab or . . ."

"No, I think I want to take the streetcar," I said. I had done it so often when I had lived in my father's great house in the Garden District. It was still a quaint and delightful ride for me, but the moment I stepped off the car and began to walk toward the mansion, I felt my heart begin to pound.

Could I do this, walk back into that house and face my stepmother after I had run away? I knew Gisselle was at school, so I wouldn't have to contend with her, but to go into that great house knowing my father was gone, Nina was gone, and Beau was off in Europe involved with some other young woman seemed like self-imposed torture.

I paused across the street and gazed at the ivory white mansion. It looked unchanged, frozen in time. Maybe if I crossed this street, all that had happened since the day I had arrived would disappear and I would be starting over again, I thought. Daddy would still be alive, vibrant and handsome. Nina Jackson would be in the kitchen mumbling over some ingredients and complaining about some evil spirits that had camped in the closets, and Otis would still be at the door, waiting to greet me. I would hear Gisselle shrieking some complaint from upstairs.

I started to walk across when the familiar Rolls-Royce pulled into the driveway. I watched it come to a stop in front of the house and then Daphne step out. If anything or anyone looked unchanged, it was she. Still the ice queen, she rose to her statuesque posture instantly and uttered some command to the driver. The car pulled away and she started up the steps. A new butler, a shorter man with dark gray hair, instantly opened the door. It was as though he did nothing but wait just behind it for her return. Without acknowledging him, she marched into the house. He bowed slightly and then looked out as if he were looking at freedom. A moment later the door was closed and I stepped back onto the walk.

Suddenly nothing seemed more frightening and unpleasant than the thought of facing her. I pivoted quickly and hurried away, walking so fast, I'm sure I looked like someone in flight. But I was fleeing, after all. I was fleeing from the horrible memories of Daphne's spiteful ways, her attempt to have me committed and locked away, her jealousy of my father's love for me, her eagerness to make me look terrible in the eyes of Beau's parents. I was fleeing from the emptiness of that great house once Daddy had died, from the shadows and the darkness that lingered in its corners.

I didn't get back onto the streetcar for blocks, and by the time I arrived at the hotel and Paul opened the door for me, I looked frenzied, my hair disheveled, my face full of agony.

"What's wrong?" he asked. "What did she do?"

"Nothing," I said, throwing myself down on the bed. "I never spoke to her. I couldn't do it. I'll write to her," I said. "And leave it at that. Let's go home . . . now!"

He shook his head. "But we still have a few things to get. Mother thought we should have—"

"Oh, Paul," I cried, seizing his hand. "Take me home. Please . . . just take me home. You can get the rest yourself, can't you?"

He nodded. "Of course," he said. "We'll leave immediately."

It wasn't until we had arrived in the bayou and began up the drive to Cypress Woods that I felt a sense of relief again. Our new great house loomed before me and I realized this was my home, even if my mother-in-law was the one decorating it and not me. Now, more than ever, I was happy I had made the decision to marry Paul and come here. It was far enough and isolated enough to keep out the ghosts of my horrid past.

I couldn't wait to begin setting up my studio and painting again. The swamps and our great acres of land and our oil wells would comprise the walls keeping the demons away was safe here, I thought . . . safe.


5

  Sad News

Each day of my first six months as mistress of Cypress Woods was so filled with responsibilities and activities, I barely had time to ponder over the life I had chosen for myself and my daughter. I don't think I noticed the winter until I saw the snow geese leaving and realized it had ended. The first buds of spring were opening in an explosion of flowery splendor the likes of which I had never seen. Furnishings and decorations for the great house had begun arriving shortly after our trip to New Orleans. Painters and decorators, tile and carpet people, drapery and mirror people, a parade of artisans, marched through the house daily.

Paul's mother arrived nearly every morning to supervise. When I commented about it, Paul either misunderstood or ignored my meaning.

"Isn't it wonderful how much interest she's taking in us," he replied. "And her being here, running from room to room, upstairs and downstairs, answering questions, frees you to work on your studio."

I did direct my attention to it because it was the one place Gladys refused to enter. Paul was caught up in a flurry of activity, too. His days were divided between his work at the cannery and his supervision of the oil wells. Two weeks after our return from New Orleans, a new well was drilled. He called it Pearl's Well and decided that all the proceeds from it would go into a trust for her. Before she was a year old, she was wealthier than most people were by the end of their productive lives.

On weekends we had grand dinners for the husbands and wives of the people whom Paul dealt with in his oil business. Everyone was impressed with our home and grounds, especially the ones who came from Baton Rouge or Houston and Dallas. I knew they had all expected quite a bit less in the Cajun bayou. Paul never stopped bragging about me, bragging shamelessly about my artistic talents and successes.

I finally did write my letter to Daphne, but not until nearly a month had passed since my attempt to confront her in New Orleans. Paul would occasionally inquire if I had done so and I would say, "Soon. I'm just composing my thoughts." He knew I was procrastinating, but he didn't nag. At last, one afternoon while I had a chance to catch my breath, I sat on the patio with pen and paper and began to write.

Dear Daphne,

We haven't written or spoken to each other for nearly a year now. I know you have little interest in what's happened to me and where I am now, but for my father's sake and memory, I have decided to write this letter.

After my horrible experience at that disgusting clinic where you sent me to have an abortion, I ran off and returned to my roots, to the bayou. For months I lived in my Grandmère's old shack, doing the things she and I had done to keep ourselves alive. I gave birth to a beautiful daughter whom I have named Pearl, and for months I struggled to provide for both of us.

I realized that my first responsibility now was to my daughter and her welfare, and with that in mind, I have married Paul Tate. I do not expect you to understand, but we have a very special life together. We are more like partners, devoted to making each other happy and secure and providing a secure future for Pearl, than we are husband and wife. Paul's inherited land turned out to be rich with oil. We have a beautiful home called Cypress Woods.

I ask nothing of you, certainly not your forgiveness, nor should you interpret this letter as my forgiveness of you for what you have tried to do to me in the past. Actually, I feel pity for you more than anger. I do expect, however, that what my father had decided to give me will be given to me. My love for him has not diminished one iota. I miss him dearly.

Please see that the attorney in charge of my trust has my new address.

Ruby

I received no reply, but that didn't surprise me. At least I had put myself on record and she couldn't claim I had disappeared and disavowed all contact and connection with my father's estate. I really had never accepted her as a mother or as family. She was a stranger to me when I had lived in the House of Dumas, and she was even more of a stranger to me now.

Jeanne came more often than Toby to play with Pearl and visit. With my marriage to Paul, she eagerly embraced me as her new sister and, at times, confided more intimately in me than she did in her own blood sister, Toby, and certainly more than she did her mother. One afternoon we sat on the patio and sipped fresh lemonades, watching Mrs. Flemming take Pearl for a little walk through the gardens.

Jeanne had come to Cypress Woods especially to talk to me about her boyfriend, James Pitot, a young attorney. He was a tall, dark-haired, handsome man whose politeness and charm reminded me a bit of Daddy.

"I think we're going to become engaged," Jeanne revealed. I knew from the way she spoke that I was the first to learn of it.

"You think?"

"The thought of such a big yes terrifies me!" she exclaimed. I had to laugh. "It's not funny, Ruby. I lay awake nights just tormenting myself over it."

"No, it isn't funny. You're right. I shouldn't laugh."

"What made you finally decide to marry Paul?" she asked.

If she only knew the truth, she wouldn't be so sisterly, I feared.

"I mean, I don't know what love is, really is. I have had crushes on so many boys, and you remember I used to go with Danny Morgan."

"I remember."

"But he became such an . . . an idiot. James is different. James is . . ."

"What? Jeanne," I said.

"Caring and considerate, loving and gentle. We haven't done it yet, you know," she said, blushing. "He wanted to, of course, and so did I, but I just couldn't without being married. I told him that and he understood. He didn't get angry."

"Because he really does care for you and for what makes you happy," I concluded. "That's love or at least the most important part of it. The other things are important, of course, but there doesn't have to be an explosion of bells every time you kiss. What I have learned is that dependability is the soil in which a long and lasting love is planted, Jeanne."

"But surely there was an explosion of bells for you and Paul. The two of you have been in love for so long. I remember when he couldn't wait to finish dinner just so he could get on his motor scooter and ride out to see you, even if it was for just ten minutes. It was like . . . like the sun rose and fell on your face.

"I don't have that intense a feeling for James," she admitted, "so I'm afraid I'm going to make a tragic error if I say yes."

"Some people love too much," I said softly.

"Like Adam loved Eve," she replied, nodding. "He ate of the forbidden fruit after Eve had just so he wouldn't lose her. That's what Father Rush told me once."

"Yes, like Adam, then," I said, smiling.

"But that made the story so romantic for me. I want my marriage to be romantic, as romantic as yours is," she said. "And yours is, isn't it, Ruby?"

I stared at her. Was it only her youth that prevented her from seeing the truth in my eyes or was it my own ability to mask reality? I smiled softly.