Susan Mallery - Almost Perfect

He missed Liz.

He hadn’t realized how much he’d gotten used to having her in his life until she was gone. He missed talking to her, seeing her, having her smile at him. He missed her in his bed, but that was the least of it. While he would want her until the day he died, the ache inside him wasn’t just about getting laid. It was about having a conversation, hearing her laugh, watching her with Tyler and Melissa and Abby.

He wanted her in his life. He wanted her to be his family.

He wasn’t the only one. Tyler had gone from being mad at his mom to talking about her all the time. Today he’d regularly counted down the number of hours until he saw her again. Both of them had learned a lesson in the past few days. Which was probably the point.

Tyler had learned to show his mother a little more respect and Ethan had learned that Liz was everything to him. His eyes sank closed as he realized he loved her.

What should have been a stellar moment in his life made him instead want to put a fist through the wall. He loved Liz. He loved her. And instead of making her feel like a princess, instead of promising to love and adore her forever, he’d offered marriage as a practical solution.

“Oh, crap.”

He rolled onto his side, his face in the cushion. Talk about stupid.

He lay there, mentally beating himself up, then straightened. Fine. He’d screwed up. He would fix it. There had to be a way. Liz was a great woman-and he would fight for her. Figure out how to do it right. How to be the man she deserved. She’d loved him once, maybe she could again. Everything wasn’t lost.

He understood what she didn’t like about Fool’s Gold. While he didn’t like the idea of leaving everything behind, it didn’t have to be like that. He could run his business from San Francisco. Make a few trips in a week. Maybe they could have a second house here and spend summers in town. That would be a good compromise. Liz wasn’t looking to make him miserable. She would meet him halfway.

As long as she was willing to give him another chance.

She had to, he told himself. He would convince her. Somehow he would show her that they belonged together.

The decision made, he rose and started for the front door. Halfway across the porch, he stopped. Showing up at her house in the middle of the night probably wasn’t smart. Nor was leaving Tyler home alone. So Ethan would wait. He could come up with a plan and this time, he would get it right.

LIZ WATCHED THE CLOCK anxiously. Ethan was supposed to bring Tyler home on Sunday. It was only a little after eleven. At this rate, she would give herself a heart attack in the next hour. She needed to keep busy.

Both Melissa and Abby had run off to spend the morning with friends, celebrating her decision to keep them in town. They were beyond happy and seeing their joy confirmed that she’d made the right decision. Tyler would appreciate it, too. The chance to be with his dad more, and with his family.

She’d wanted to call Denise but had decided that Ethan and Tyler should hear it first. So she’d spent a restless night and a bad morning. Writing would be impossible. There was no way she could focus.

The thought of cleaning made her shudder, so she grabbed a big straw hat and a few garden tools from the back porch then went outside to see what she could do to spruce up the garden. She’d barely begun weeding when she heard someone calling for her.

“Mom? Mom? Where are you?”

Still on her knees, she straightened. Her heartbeat thundered in her chest as her son burst through the back door and raced toward her.

“Mom!”

He flew into her arms and hugged her so hard, she couldn’t breathe. She held on to him, doing her best not to cry, letting the familiar feel of his body ease her fears that she’d lost him forever.

“Hey, you,” she whispered, when he’d released her and stepped back. She pulled off her gardening gloves and shoved them into her pocket.

He stared into her eyes, then hugged her again. “I really missed you.”

“I missed you, too.”

He glanced back at his father and then at her. “Maybe I could still live here, you know. More of the time.”

“I think that could be arranged. Your dad and I will work things out.”

“Yeah?” His dark eyes-Ethan’s eyes-lit up.

She stood and ruffled his hair. “It’ll be a grown-up thing. Melissa and Abby will be back soon and we’re going to the pool. Want to get changed and go with us?”

“Sure.”

He dashed toward the house, then paused and looked at his dad. He ran back, hugged Ethan, then took off again.

Liz stared after him, feeling her world right itself. Denise had called it exactly as everything had played out. At least from Tyler’s point of view.

She turned to Ethan. “How did it go?”

He shoved his hands into his pockets. “Damn, I missed you, Liz.”

She thought about their last conversation. How he’d hurt her with his thoughtless words. It wasn’t his fault, she told herself. Why would he offer more? She’d never bothered to tell him how she felt and now she never would. Not when she was staying in town.

“Did you two get along okay?” she asked.

He shrugged. “Great. He’s a good kid. But there’s a whole lot more work involved than I realized. A few hours here and there is easier than taking care of him full-time.”

“I know.”

“I don’t think I’m nearly as exciting as he thought I’d be. Regular life taught us both something.”

“That was the point.”

He moved closer. “Liz, I never wanted to take him from you. Okay, maybe at first, but not now. I care about you both. We have to work something out.”

She held up a hand to stop him. It was oddly difficult to be this close to him, to hear him talk. Probably because as much as she’d hated how he’d proposed, there was a part of her that couldn’t help dreaming about how it could have been. If he’d loved her back.

“We have to talk about it,” he continued, ignoring her gesture to stop. “We meet with the judge next week.”

“It won’t be a problem,” she said. “I’m staying in Fool’s Gold.”

He stared at her. “What about your life in San Francisco?”

“I’ll sell the house and move here. It won’t be that difficult. Tyler wants to stay, as do the girls. If I’m here, you and I can co-parent him. I won’t live in this house, so I’ll make sure I buy something close to you. Tyler can spend alternating weeks with each of us. That should satisfy the judge and you’ll both be happy.”

She had already talked to Peggy, who was interested in moving to small-town America. “It should only take me a week or so to get things organized back there. If you’ll take Tyler, I’ll ask your Mom and Montana to split duties with the girls while I get everything settled. I’ll make sure I’m back before everyone starts school.”

“What do you get out of the deal?” he asked.

“I get to make my family happy. There are things I don’t like about this place, but the good far outweighs the bad. Eventually people will stop telling me whether or not they support what I did with you and Tyler. I’m a writer, Ethan. I can work anywhere.”

“Then why do you look so sad?”

Because being close to him, knowing that she’d never been able to forget him or get over him, wasn’t her idea of a good time. Because the love inside of her seemed to grow bigger every day. Eventually he would find someone. Who wouldn’t love Ethan? And then she would have to smile and pretend she was happy while he went off with someone else.

“I’m tired,” she answered. “I missed having Tyler around.” She glanced toward the house. “I need to get inside. We’re going to the pool.”

She started past him. He grabbed her wrist and held her in place.

“Wait.” He stared into her eyes. “Liz, we belong together. We’ve always belonged together.”

She had a bad feeling about where he was going and she didn’t think she could survive it again. “Don’t.”

“Hear me out. I’m sorry about what I said before. I don’t want to marry you because it’s practical. I want to marry you because I love you.”

He released her then, as if confident the words were enough to keep her where he wanted her.

“We can be a family together. The five of us. I was going to tell you that I’d move to San Francisco to be with you. But this is better. This is home, Liz, for all of us.”

They were good words, she admitted, feeling the sadness pour through her. Nice words. Telling her that he would move added a little touch of sacrifice. Playing the kid card was good, too. Easy enough now that she was staying.

“No,” she said and started for the house.

“What?” He came after her. “Why not?”

She paused by the back porch and looked at him. “I don’t believe you. Oh, I think you want to marry me. It makes everything tidy. Besides, I’m the mother of your child and it’s the right thing to do. But love? You never loved me. Not then, not now.”

She drew her gardening gloves from her pocket and squeezed them in her hand. “You haven’t loved anyone outside of your family. I’m not sure why that is. If you’re afraid to care that much or if there’s no need. You’ve always been blessed with everything you want. Even now, you’re getting your son with very little effort on your part.”

“Is that what this is about? I haven’t suffered enough?”

“No. It’s about risking everything. Putting your heart on the line, even when you don’t know what’s going to happen. It’s risking having the person you love rip it out and stomp all over it in public.”

“You’re never going to let that go, are you?”

“I loved you, Ethan. I gave you everything I had. Not just my heart and my soul, but my body. I’d spent years being called a whore and being propositioned and lied about, so I protected myself. I didn’t care about anyone. Until you. I was a virgin and you called me a slut in front of your friends. You said I wasn’t worthy.”

“I know. I’m the one who wasn’t worthy. I never have been.”

Hearing that didn’t make her feel any better. “It doesn’t matter now. I’m letting the past go. This is the last time we’ll talk about it. I loved you then and I still love you. But I won’t marry you. I won’t be one more thing you got right. We’ll raise Tyler together, in this town. That’s going to have to be enough.”

She walked up the steps to the porch, crossed the refinished wood and stepped into the house.

For a second she allowed herself to hope. To believe that he would come after her, tell her that she was wrong. That of course he loved her. He’d always loved her. He would beg and plead and she would allow herself to be convinced because that’s all it would take. A little effort on his part.

But there was nothing. Finally she turned around and he was gone.

“HOW DRUNK DO YOU WANT TO get?” Raoul asked as he poured another Scotch and handed it to Ethan.

“I’ll let you know when I’ve had enough.”

“Not a great plan,” Josh told him from his place on the opposite sofa. “You’re already going to feel plenty of pain in the morning.”

The three men were sprawled in Ethan’s living room. It wasn’t even dark and they were already plastered. At least Ethan was-he couldn’t speak for his friends. They were probably being more careful.

As for a hangover, bring it on. Maybe a pounding head would help him forget what Liz had said to him that morning.

“She doesn’t believe I love her,” he mumbled into his drink.

“Liz Sutton,” Josh said to Raoul. “It’s a long story.”

“Not long,” Ethan replied. “I got her pregnant, turned my back on her and didn’t love her enough.” He frowned. “I didn’t know she was pregnant. If I’d known, I woulda married her. Which makes me the bad guy. Doing the right thing is wrong. You two know that?”

“She’s not mad because you would have married her,” Josh explained.

“Then why?”

His friend shifted on the sofa. “Women are complicated.”

“She said I don’t love her. I do. Always did. I never saw that before.” He gulped more Scotch. “There was always something about her.”

“What did you say?” Raoul asked. “When you said you loved her?”

Ethan squinted at the other man, trying to bring him into focus. “I said I loved her. That I wanted to marry her and it wasn’t because it was prac…” He cleared his throat. “Practical.”

“When did you say it was practical?” Josh asked.

Ethan waved. “You know. Before.”

“Before what?”

“The lasht time I proposed.” Was it him or did his words sound funny? “Before I knew I loved her. Said we should get married because it’s the right thing to do.”

His face had gone numb, he thought, poking his cheek a few times. And his brain felt boiled. Or was it pickled? Maybe it was pickled.