Maddy: I told you, we're getting there in our own time and way. You don't have to make it sound like we've been dragging it out for years. I've only been here three and a half months.

Amy: Excuse me. Can we stick to the current problem, please?

Maddy deleted all of Christine's posts before responding just to Amy: I'm afraid I did something serious this time. See, I thought maybe if I opened Carol's files to see how she keeps the books for the summer camp, I could figure out how to do this. And I guess I sort of hit something I shouldn't have. Because, well, now all the numbers in all the little boxes are sort of… gone.

Amy: Oh dear.


"What have I gotten myself into?" Joe asked the world at large as he and Derrick headed for the

Chief's Lodge. "Do you think you could be more specific?"

"Maddy!" Stopping, he flung a hand toward the office.

"Ah, that narrows it down some, but I'm afraid not enough."

"I can't believe I hired her as our office manager."

"I don't know." Derrick scratched his cheeky looking back toward the office. "She looks pretty" good sitting on a desk to me. And she did a fantastic job with our promo material."

"Except she's completely incompetent at running an office." With his hands on his hips, he stared at his feet. After days of denial, the full magnitude of his blunder settled over him. "I'm going to have to fire her."

"Whoa, my man. I thought the plan was to marry her."

"It is!"

"Then might I suggest you propose before you fire her."

"Yeah." A dry laugh escaped. "Good plan."

"No, not 'plan.' " Derrick held up a finger. "Advice. I think you've done enough planning with this situation."

"No, I just need a new plan." He resumed walking, his mind racing. If only Maddy's art career would take off, he could encourage her to quit. Maybe he could do something there to help out. "Yeah, that's what I need. A new plan."

Groaning loudly, Derrick fell in step beside him.


Thank God for days off, Maddy thought as she packed for the party in Taos. If she had to spend one more minute reading software manuals that made no sense, her head would explode. Why couldn't she figure out how to make it all work? Although anytime she dealt with numbers, her brain turned to Teflon. The only reason she'd kept her math grades up in school was because of Joe and then Amy helping her.

No wonder he'd been shocked to learn she was such a good student in all her other courses.

As for the current situation, at least Joe never yelled at her the way her father yelled at her mother for every mistake, large or small. Joe just came quietly along behind her and fixed things.

Which made her feel awful. She was supposed to be helping him. Instead she was causing him more work.

Well, tomorrow they were heading for Taos, where she'd see her friends for the first time in months. Maybe if she sat down with Amy, they could figure out what she was doing wrong.

Comforted by the thought, she pulled two dresses from the closet to add to her growing pile of potential outfits for the night of the show. They were both simple, jersey knit, a flattering, forgiving fabric that could be dressed up or down. Stepping before the mirror that hung on the bathroom door, she held the hangers under her chin. The short red? Or the long black? Black was always great. Artsy. Sophisticated.

Funereal.

How appropriate.

Without warning she burst into tears. Loud, wet sobs shook her whole body.

Pressing the heel of her hand to her eyes, she wondered what was wrong with her lately. She always seemed on the verge of singing with joy or bawling her eyes out. If she hadn't just ended her period, she'd swear she was pregnant or PMSing.

She had no reason to be this way. Things were going great with Joe. Every day they were moving in the right direction, getting one step closer to the day when she would be able to say the words that felt like a living entity, trapped inside the center of her chest and struggling to get out. Christine was right; if she couldn't say "I love you," she'd never say "I do."

God, it hurt, physically hurt, not to voice those words. Once that happened, though, once she told him she loved him, maybe the rest would work out.

Who was she kidding? The rest would never work out. She was doomed to spend the rest of her life chained to the desk in the camp office, mucking up Joe's books and being miserable.

That thought drew her up short, had her sniffing back tears.

She wasn't miserable. She was happy! And she needed to stop all this stupid crying.

Moving to the sink, she splashed water on her face as her breathing steadied. She had a growing relationship with a man she adored. A new life helping him with his business. So of course she was happy.

As for her art, she hadn't given it up completely. Once the boot camp was up and running, she'd get back to it.

Lifting her head, she caught a look at her dripping face in the mirror. Good grief, she looked like hell. The curse of being a redhead was that her face turned blotchy at the first sign of tears. She ducked back down for a few more splashes of cold water, then reached for a hand towel and dared another look.

Okay, better, she decided. Not great, but not so noticeable.

She heard the slamming of a truck door and jolted. Was Joe already back from his trip into town? He and Derrick had gone to buy lumber for their obstacle course. A quick glance at the clock told her more time had passed than she'd realized. And here she was standing in nothing but her underwear so she could try on outfits as she packed.

She checked the mirror again, fluffed her hair, tried out a smile. Passable, she decided, then grabbed her robe and headed for the door. She opened it just as he reached the landing. "Hey, you're back. Great. You can help me decide what to pack."

He didn't take her into his arms for a kiss, as he normally did, or comment on her lack of attire. In fact, he didn't even return her smile.

"Do you mind if I come in?"

"What?" Since when did he ask to come in? "Of course not." Stepping back, she watched him stride to the middle of the room, wearing camouflage pants and an Army green T-shirt. His shoulders were set in a rigid line. "Is something wrong? You look upset."

He turned to face her. "I wanted to show off your artwork to Derrick, so we stopped by the gallery while we were in town."

Alarm snaked up her spine. "Oh?"

"Maddy-" He stared at her as if he'd never seen her before. "What the hell are you doing?"

"W-what do you mean?"

"Do not look at me like that!" Controlled anger vibrated in his voice. "Like you don't know what I'm talking about. Sylvia told me."

"Told you what?" Why was he so angry? What had Sylvia said?

"Everything!" He turned on his heels and paced. "I've spent the last several weeks thinking your career had somehow tanked before it even had a chance to take off, which made no sense to me. And now I learn it didn't tank. You thre.w it away! I can't begin to tell you-to explain what that means-how I feel- Christ! I can't even talk."

"Joe, I-" His fury had the blood draining from her face. "I told you, that's not the most important thing to me. Yes, I would have loved to accept her offer, but this is more important."

"This?" He shook his head, staring at her. "What 'this' are you talking about?"

"You and me." She took a step toward him. "I told you, I want a chance to make this work."

"Wait." He raised a hand to hold her off. "I thought you were talking about your art career. Why didn't you tell me you were talking about us?"

"I did. I told you I wanted to stay here and make this work."

"You could have been a bit more clear about what you meant."

"Joe-" Frustration and fear had her heart racing. "You made me promise not to say it aloud unless I meant it, so I've been too scared to say it, scared you won't believe me. You didn't believe me before, even though it was true, and I don't know if you'll believe me now. I don't care, though." The pressure in her chest rose up to fill her throat. "I'm tired of not saying it. I love you! All right. There! I said it."

"And this is how you show it?" He gestured toward her. "By lying to me?"

"What?" She gaped at him. Why wasn't he saying he loved her too? "I didn't lie to you."

"Well, you sure as hell weren't being honest. Omission is a type of lie. What I can't figure out is why. Why didn't you tell me what was going on with Sylvia? And why in the world would you pass up such a great opportunity? That makes no sense. Are you insane?"

"Because… I had to make a choice. Last time, I chose my art, my independence, myself. This time, I chose you."

"Who's asking you to choose?" His hands went up in frustration. "Have I ever asked that of you?"

"No, but…" Why was he so upset? Didn't he understand? "It didn't seem fair for me to go off chasing all that. This is more important than that. You're more important than that."

"Fair? You're not making sense." He drew up short. Held a hand out. "Wait. No. Tell me I'm wrong. You think I'm settling for less than I want. Poor Joe got shot and had to leave the Rangers. He's not good enough for what he really wants. He has to settle for half a life. A less important life than being a successful artist."

"I didn't think of it that way. Exactly." But she had. Oh God, she had!

"Fuck! I'm right." He turned his back to her, visibly struggling to rein in his temper before he faced her again. "Damn it, Maddy, you've been working with me for weeks on this. How could you not see how much I want this? How could you think I was settling, when in fact I've found something I really want to do? I'll never make a lot of money, but what I do with those kids matters. And what I'm going to do with adults matters too."

"I do see that. And I want to be a part of it. That's why I chose to stay and help."

"Well, pardon me for pointing this out, but you're not that much help."

"I can't believe you said that." The words struck her square in the chest and had her earlier tears springing back to her eyes. "I'm not stupid. I can learn."

"I didn't say you were stupid, and don't you dare cry on me." He shook a finger at her face, making her cry harder. "I'm too furious right now to deal with tears."

"Then don't insult me, because it hurts." She swiped at the wet trails running down her cheeks. "And I cry when someone hurts me."

"What do you think I'm feeling?" He stared at her with pain in his eyes. "Do you think what you did doesn't hurt? You've been pandering to me for two months!"

"I wasn't pandering to you."

"The hell you weren't! You thought I couldn't handle it if you became successful. Did you think I'd resent you?"

She bit her lips, which was answer enough.

"Jesus!"

"It's not like that. It's-" She couldn't seem to think straight. "It's about priorities. You're the one who broke up with Janice because she picked her career over family, and you're the one who said long-distance relationships were hard."

"What?" He pressed fingertips to his forehead. "Okay, first of all, Janice has nothing to do with us, especially since there are thousands of women who have careers and still manage to make family a top priority. And second, when I said long-distance relationships were hard, I was thinking about you moving back to Austin and how much I didn't want to fly back and forth constantly just to see you- even though I was fully prepared to do that."

"You were?"

"Yes, damn it! But instead, I offered you a job to keep you here. Frankly, I'm beginning to think flying back and forth would have been easier."

"Don't insult me!" She balled her fists, angry now too.

"You insulted me by thinking my male ego couldn't handle it if you became successful."

"I'm sorry, all right? I'm sorry!"

"Yeah, well, I am too." He shook his head with a look of disbelief. "I really thought we had a chance this time."

Fear hit her like a bolt of lightning. "What are you saying?"

"That I can't be with a woman who keeps things from me. Especially when she thinks so little of me that she thinks she has to be less in order to make me feel like I'm more."

"I didn't mean it that way. I was trying to put you first."

"I never asked you to. And you never gave me the chance to tell you to go for it. Or didn't it occur to you that we could have worked all this out?"

Her body started shaking. "Are you saying we can't now?"

"I don't know! I can't think straight. Jesus!" He turned away from her, as if he couldn't bear to look at her. "I think you should go to Taos alone. Maybe we can talk when you get back."