Johanna Lindsey - Angel

When she got around to wiping her eyes dry, she decided she wouldn’t have had the nerve to ask Angel to stay even if she’d gotten the chance to. Rejection was a horrible thing, after all. She ought to consider herself lucky that she’d avoided it. So why didn’t that make her feel better?

She was dragging her feet by the time she reached the barn, though she didn’t particularly care what kind of temper her mother was going to be in. She just didn’t want to have to talk about Angel again, not now. And she got a short reprieve, but only because her parents were still sleeping — side by side on a bed of hay.

Cassie didn’t think anything of their proximity. She just left them there with the doors unlocked and went back to the house. But by the time she’d bathed and changed into fresh clothes, her mother was knocking on her door.

“That was a rotten thing to do to your mama, Cassie,” were Catherine’s first words.

“I know,” Cassie replied dispassionately, and dropped into her reading chair. “I should have locked me and Angel in the barn instead.”

“Oh, no. Your papa has the right idea. You’re not going to be left alone with that man again.”

“You don’t have to worry about it,” Cassie said in a quiet voice, raising her knees to rest her chin on. “He’s already left.”

“Good.”

“Why ‘good’? You don’t even know him, Mama.”

“Of course I do,” Catherine replied. “Who in Wyoming doesn’t know him?”

“You’re talking about his reputation. You don’t know what he’s really like.”

“And I don’t intend to find out. Your papa told me what happened. I just—”

Cassie looked up in surprise. “You and Papa talked to each other?”

“Don’t change the subject,” Catherine replied sternly. “I just have one question for you. Why on earth did you tell those people he was your fianc�?”

“Because he was about to tell them who he really was, and tempers were too high at the time. I was afraid they’d get the wrong idea, and think I hired him to fight them.”

“Which is what you should have done. That’s what he does, after all.”

“Mama, I started the whole thing,” Cassie said in exasperation.

“And from what I heard last night, you patched it up nicely. Well, never mind about why you ended up getting married. It’ll be an easy enough thing to dissolve, and we’ll take care of that before we leave Texas.”

“No.”

Catherine came to stand before her daughter. “What do you mean no?”

Cassie dropped her head back on her knees. “I promised Angel I’d wait until I got back home — in case there’s a baby to consider.”

“A — oh, God, why do I suddenly feel like that poor woman from last night — what was her name? Dotty?”

“Dorothy Catlin,” Cassie said. “But it’s only a possibility, Mama.”

“Only?” Catherine bent over until their heads were touching and she could get her arms around Cassie, knees and all. “My poor baby. You’re so brave not to cry about it. And why didn’t your papa mention that part — or doesn’t he know that the man raped you?”

Cassie pushed herself back to say indignantly, “Mama, he did no such thing.”

“He didn’t?” Catherine said in confusion, then quickly changed her tone. “Well, why the hell not?”

“Obviously because he didn’t have to.”

Catherine digested that, as well as the dryness it was uttered in, and admonished, “Cassandra Stuart, don’t you dare sit there and tell me—”

“Mama, it’s too late for a lecture, don’t you think?”

Catherine was forced to concede that point. “I suppose it is.” Then she sighed. “Oh, baby, what possessed you to make such a fool mistake?”

“He wanted me,” Cassie said simply. “And that’s all that mattered to me at the time — well, there was the little fact that I wanted him, too.”

“I don’t think I want to hear this.”

“I’d rather not talk about it myself,” Cassie said dismally. “I can’t even figure out why he wanted me.”

Catherine took exception to that. “Nonsense. You’re a beautiful girl. Why wouldn’t he want you?”

Cassie waved a dismissive hand. “You’re my mama. Of course you’d say that. But I’m well aware that men don’t find me very attractive.”

Catherine grinned. “And that bothers you?”

“It’s not amusing, Mama.”

“Actually, it is, because when I was your age I thought the exact same thing. I didn’t have a single suitor, even though there was no end of eligible young men in my town. Then suddenly I had, not one, but three suitors who were so serious in their efforts to win me that it became embarrassing. I couldn’t go anywhere that one or two of them didn’t show up, sometimes all three.

“There was a lot of bickering and jealousy, even though these men happened to be lifelong friends. It finally escalated into an actual fight, with one of them taking on the other two — at the same time. He just barely won, but I thought it was so romantic, I accepted his proposal that very day. That was your papa.”

“That’s hardly the same thing as my case, Mama. You happen to be a beautiful woman.”

“And you still think you aren’t? Well, let me tell you a secret, baby, a confession your papa once made to me. He said that I grew on him, that one day he noticed that I was prettier than he’d thought. You see, we’d known each other for years, and he’d never paid any attention to me before then. He also said that every time he saw me after that, I kept getting prettier, until finally he thought I was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.”

“Are you pulling my leg, Mama?”

“I wouldn’t do that. I’m trying to tell you that your looks are just unusual and take a bit of time getting used to, same as mine used to be. As I got older, my features filled out and sort of settled into more traditional lines. I expect yours will, too, and it won’t be much longer before men find you lovely when they first meet you, not weeks later.”

Cassie couldn’t help laughing. “That’s a nice story, Mama, but I’m not buying.”

“No? Well, I reckon that gunfighter was around you long enough for you to start looking mighty pretty to him. You can’t figure out why he wanted you? My guess is the man couldn’t help himself.”

Cassie blushed at that, but only because she so wished it were true. Of course it wasn’t, and it didn’t matter now anyway.

She said as much. “It doesn’t matter now. He’s gone and he expects me to divorce him.”

“And we certainly won’t disappoint him,” Catherine said firmly.

It was obvious her mama didn’t like Angel, but that last crack rubbed Cassie wrong. She wanted a change of subject, and knew exactly how to get it.

“So what did you and Papa find to talk about after twenty years?”

“None of your business,” Catherine replied and left before Cassie could probe further.

Cassie never did find out what happened between her parents in the barn that night— or if anything did happen. Her mama simply wouldn’t talk about it. Her papa just teased her, saying they’d stopped acting like children, whatever that meant. But they did seem to have a truce of some sort going on. At least they continued to talk to each other. Nothing of a personal nature, at least not that Cassie heard, but it was communication: cautious, hesitant, as if they’d just met each other for the first time, but definite communication.

Catherine even insisted on holding off her and Cassie’s departure until after the holidays, so for the first time in ten years, Cassie got to spend Christmas with both of her parents. And she got to see Jenny once more at church services. Jenny had already moved in with her husband — R.J. had gotten his way in that — and she claimed the MacKauley men were treating her like a queen. It had been quite a few years since a woman had ruled the roost in that household, so things promised to be interesting there for a while.

Of course, R. J. and Dorothy were presently the talk of the town. Mabel Koch stopped by to tell Cassie, in case she hadn’t heard, about their being seen having dinner together, and that they’d stayed so late, they hadn’t gone home that night. They’d taken two rooms at the hotel, but Mabel insinuated only one had been needed.

Catherine had laughed for a half hour after hearing that. With all Cassie had been through, she hadn’t found it so funny herself. But ironically, the neighbors weren’t mad at her anymore. R. J. even sent by a brief note. “Feel free to meddle in my town anytime.” Cassie didn’t find that funny, either. The fact was, she wasn’t finding humor in much of anything these days.

She missed Angel.

When Catherine caught her seriously moping about it, she decided they’d go on a shopping spree back east before returning home, maybe all the way to New York this time.

“Let’s make it St. Louis instead,” Cassie impulsively suggested.

“Whatever you like, baby. And we can see a lawyer about filing for that divorce while we’re there. No point in letting all of Wyoming know about it if we don’t have to.”

Cassie said nothing to that, but she’d felt like asking, “If you’re so divorce-happy, how come you never got one for yourself?” But that wouldn’t have been very nice — sometimes she wished she weren’t so nice. A little mean streak could come in handy when dealing with certain overbearing people.

Her mama meant well, of course; she just had a longtime habit of overprotectiveness and making Cassie’s decisions for her. Cassie had never protested because Catherine was happiest when she was controlling things. But it was time Cassie started making a few decisions on her own. Going to St. Louis was one, even if it was spur-of-the-moment.

Sending off a telegram was another, and something she didn’t bother to mention to her mama. But she’d had Angel on her mind so much, the idea had just sprung up and wouldn’t go away. So she sent off a request to have a Pinkerton detective meet her in St. Louis to find out what, if anything, could be done to locate Angel’s parents. She didn’t think he’d ever try again himself, after all, and it was just the sort of thing that appealed to her meddling nature, the reuniting of a long-lost family.

Cassie and Catherine left Caully a few days after the new year began. With everything turning out so surprisingly well where Charles’s neighbors were concerned, Cassie knew she could come back for another visit next fall if she wanted to. What she hadn’t expected was her papa’s parting remark, that he’d probably be coming north himself for a visit in a month or two — and her mama’s secret smile when she heard him say that.

Obviously, something had happened in that barn. And unraveling the mystery of it was just what Cassie needed at the moment to take her mind off Angel. Not that she had been successful so far in getting any information out of her mama. Perhaps she’d just been going about it the wrong way.

She remembered being so amazed when she’d first realized that the Catlin and the MacKauley children didn’t know what had started the feud they were so deeply involved in. But Cassie was so used to not meddling in her parents’ lives that it hadn’t occurred to her at the time that she was just as ignorant of what had caused her own parents’ rift. She decided to start with that.

But a crowded stagecoach was no place to have a private discussion, so Cassie waited until they reached the rail lines farther east, which offered much more comfort in traveling and some relative privacy. In fact, she began her conversation in the dining car their first day on the train, deliberately lingering over dessert and coffee until the tables around them had vacated.

By then, more than a week since leaving Caully, Cassie was eager to try out her new strategy. Innocently she asked her mother, “How come you and Papa stopped loving each other?”

Catherine nearly choked on her last bite of cherry cobbler. “What kind of question is that?”

Cassie shrugged. “Probably one I should have asked a long time ago.”

“Your little party in your papa’s barn that night has made you bold, Cassie — or should I say impertinent?”

“Do you think so? I do try—”

“Don’t you dare be catty with me, young lady.”

“Then don’t be evasive, Mama. It was a simple question, and one I figure I have a right to ask.”

“It’s too… personal.”

Catherine was still evading. Cassie knew the signs. She wasn’t giving up this time.

“I’m not some nosy neighbor. I’m your daughter. He’s my papa. I should have been told a long time ago what happened, Mama. Why did you stop loving him?”