She looks at me sadly. “I just called Coby, I needed to make sure he was okay...”

“Is he?” I say, walking over, and leaning against the railing.

“He is. He said Axel was ruthless.”

I swallow. “I don’t imagine he would have made it easy on Trigg.”

She looks out over the yard. “Trigg deserved what he got. I just...I feel like I failed somehow.”

I take her hand, and she looks down at me. “You didn’t fail, Lady. Some people can’t be helped—or, worse, they don’t want to be. Sometimes you can give a person everything you are, but it won’t mean they’re going to give it back. He didn’t want to accept a better path. That’s not your fault.”

“You know, when Axel came to me, I thought I’d never be able to help him. He was so broken. So angry. But then, with time, something happened, and he found a way back, even just a little. With love, and understanding, and space, he found his way. I made it my life’s mission to help people after him, and I’ve had a few go through. Coby and Trigg were my most recent, and Coby has come so far, but Trigg...I just...I’m so sorry, Meadow.”

I squeeze her hand. “This isn’t your fault. Sometimes these things...happen.”

“You’re a brave girl. What you just did in there, for him...you don’t know how much strength that took.”

“He’s everything to me,” I say, looking away. “If I didn’t do it, then who would have?”

She cups my cheek. “He’s lucky to have you. You’re going to be the reason he keeps fighting. Promise me that no matter what happens you won’t let him push you away. He’ll try, it’s how Axel works, but promise me you’ll fight for him.”

“I promise,” I say with determination in my voice.

“How’s he holding up now?”

I shrug. “I’m not sure. I imagine Axel has seen worse in his life—hell, I’m sure he’s even done worse, but it rattles him all the same.”

“It can never be easy to take a life, no matter how many times you do it,” she says sadly.

“No, I don’t suppose so.”

“I’m going to get some rest. You wake me if you need.”

I nod, and let go of her hand. She leaves me alone on the balcony, and I watch as the sun begins to rise. My eyes are heavy, and I’m tired, but I know sleep won’t come to me right now. There’s no point in trying. I sit on an old porch swing, and I stare out at the rising sun. My mind is struggling to comprehend how this has all gone down. Only a month ago I was running from Axel, and now he’s here...in my bed.

I wonder how much my father would despise me if he knew I’d betrayed him so.

My heart clenches at that thought, and I tuck my legs up to my chest. I never had it easy—not really. I never got the chance to have a good go at things. My father was always working with the club, and my mother killed herself long before I could get a decent memory of her. I often try to think about her, but I just don’t remember. My father said she had a problem with drugs, and overdosed one day. That’s all I know.

I imagine now, it’s all I’ll ever know.

I feel the chair shift beside me, and I turn to see Axel sitting beside me, fully dressed. I narrow my eyes, and my skin prickles. “You’re leaving.”

He turns his eyes away from mine, and stares out toward the trees. “I have to.”

“And you’re going to leave me here?”

He doesn’t look at me, but I know he’s fighting against himself. “I have to, it’s too dangerous. I haven’t dealt with Beast yet, and...”

“And what?” I cry. “I’m no safer here, Axel...or have you forgotten already what went down?”

“Meadow,” he begins, but I cut him off.

I stand, and stare down at him. “When are we going to stop doing this? You can’t keep hiding yourself from me. You can’t keep pretending there is nothing here between us. I...I...care for you, Axel, more then you know. Why won’t you let me in? Why do you keep pushing me away?”

He sighs deeply. “I can’t give you what you want, Meadow. Even if I want this...I can’t...I just can’t give it to you.”

“You haven’t even tried,” I snap.

“You won’t like the man that’s in here,” he growls, thumping his chest.

“You haven’t let me see him. Not really. How do you know I won’t like him?”

“I just fuckin’ do!” he growls, clenching his fists. “I’m not good enough for you, Meadow. I’m not what you want.”

“How do you know what I want?” I cry, feeling my lip tremble. “How would you know?”

He storms toward me, and grips my shoulder. “You’re so adamant you want to see this part of me. I’ve given you what you think it is you want. I’ve put my cock deep inside you and come. I’ve held you to me, I’ve opened the part that you’ve been seeking, but what about the other part, Meadow? The part you haven’t accepted?”

I feel my lip tremble. “I’d accept all of you, Axel. You just won’t let me.”

“No,” he roars. “You think you’d accept me. You think that me needing to control women is a problem you can fix. You think that this hard side is something you’re slowly cracking into, but it’s not. You’re not even scratching the surface of the fucked-up shit in my head.”

He turns and walks down the front stairs, not letting me answer.

In a small, timid voice, I say, “You can’t make me stay here, Axel.”

He stiffens, and turns, staring back up at me.

“Then go, Meadow. If that’s what you want.”

With that, he disappears into the trees.

* * *

I stand in the room, debating for a solid two hours. I know this is my moment to make my choice. I’ve been coming backward and forward with Axel now for too long, and I’m tired of it. He walked away from me, leaving the door open. He told me I can’t accept what he is, and then he left. Now it’s my turn to decide if I can deal with what he’s got to give, or if I’m going to walk away.

Since Axel came into my life, there have been so many things pulling me toward him, and an equal amount pushing me away. He’s the kind of damaged most people would run a mile from, but for me, he’s the reason I breathe. I don’t want to let him go, not without knowing what it is he hides behind the shadows. The only way I’ll know is to go to him, and let him show me.

I’m being unfair if I deny him the chance to be himself.

Only when I’ve seen all of it can I make an informed decision.

I turn and walk toward the door, shoving past it and heading downstairs. Lady is standing in the living area, staring blankly at the television. I know it’s still bothering her, and I can’t say I blame her. I would hate to be in the position she’s in. I walk over, placing a hand on her arm. She jerks and turns to me, forcing a smile.

“What’s the matter, love?”

“I need you to take me to Axel.”

She stares at me. “What for?”

“I have things to sort out, and I need to do it now.”

She sighs. “Sweet, I have direct orders not to let you go. I can’t take you, you know that.”

Dammit.

“Please, Lady, this is important to me.”

She looks sorry. “I’m afraid I can’t, I’m sorry.”

She’s not going to take me, which means I need to find another way. I plant a fake smile on my face, and nod. “I understand, I’m sorry. I’ll just call him.”

“Give him a little time. He’ll come to you.”

She’s wrong, but I don’t tell her that. “I hope so,” I say in a timid voice.

“You should get some rest. You must be exhausted.”

At her words, my body tingles with warmth. I know I need to rest, and I know the better time to go to Axel is at night. I’m safer if I go at night. So, I hug her, and head back up the stairs. When I reach my room, I close and lock the door behind me. I change into a pair of panties and a long shirt, and then I climb into bed, feeling my body ache with exhaustion.

Within minutes, I’m out.

* * *

When the sun begins to set that night, I decide it’s time to find a way to get out of here and to Axel. Lady is resting right now, but I know I can’t walk past her, or she’ll hear me. I remember Axel climbing through my window, and decide it may be the only way I can get out without raising alarm. I walk over, staring down. It’s only one story, and if I do it right, she shouldn’t hear me.

Deciding this is my only option, I pull on some jeans and a tank, then I throw my hoodie on, and my best pair of sneakers. I have to prep myself to get the guts to climb out that window, but I think of Axel, and I know it’s something that has to be done.

It takes me a solid ten minutes to get down without making noise, and I come close to slipping at least four times. By the time I reach the bottom, my heart is pounding, and a fine trickle of sweat is running down my face.

God.

I turn and quickly rush down the driveway. It’s getting darker by the minute, and a cool air is whipping across my skin. I wrap my hoodie around myself, and keep running. When I reach the road, I head the right direction back into town.

It takes me forty-five minutes to flag down a car. It’s an old woman that pulls over, and she seems to take pity on me because she goes out of her way to turn around and take me where I need to go.

“What’s a girl like you doing out on your own?” she asks, just as we get into the city.

“I got a bit lost after a party,” I lie.

“Young girls these days.” She shakes her head. “I never went to parties when I was young.”

I smile, but it’s forced.

“Where do you need to go, love?”

I give her that address and her eyes widen. “Isn’t that a biker lot?”

“My...father is there.”

“You shouldn’t be hanging around with them. They’re scoundrels, the lot of them.”

I don’t bother arguing with her.

“I just need to get my dad, that’s all.”

The minute we arrive at the Angels compound, I jump out of the car, quickly thanking the woman before she has a chance to argue with me, then I run through the open gates. I’m surprised they’re open, but it makes sense as soon as I get to the front door of the clubhouse, and I hear the pounding music coming through the door. They’re having a party.

I open the front door, and step inside. The scene before me has my head spinning. There are men and women everywhere, and the brothers are all up in the women. Some of them are having lap dances, others have their women bent over the bar, driving into them like mad men. Well then, I guess this is the real side to an MC club. I shake my head, and push my way through the people, looking for Axel.

“Meadow?”

I hear Colt’s voice, and turn. He smiles down at me, taking my shoulders. “What are you doin’ here?”

“I came to see Axel.”

He frowns. “Aren’t you meant to be with Lady Matilda?”

“It’s a long story. Is he here?”

His eyes grow a little hard. “He’s...busy.”

“Busy?” I say loudly, so he can hear me over he music.

“Meadow...he’s...ah...got someone with him.”

My blood turns to ice, and I feel my fists clench. “He what?”

“Look, I don’t think tonight is the right time for you to be here...”

I roll my eyes. “Do you think this shit shocks me?” I mutter, waving my hands around, indicating the room in general.

He looks confused. “I thought...”

“Look, just tell me where he is...please Colt?”

He sighs loudly, and rubs his forehead with the palm of his hand. “He’s in his office.”

I shove past him, and rush toward the hall. I don’t know what I’m going to find when I go into Axel’s office, but I have to go in. I push past a couple fucking against a wall, and only once I’m past do I recognize that it was Jax, and one of the whores. Nice. I get to Axel’s door, and I don’t wait, I just swing it open. The first thing I see is the blonde-headed girl on his lap. She’s got hair halfway down her back, and she’s wearing nothing but a thong.

She’s grinding against him, shoving her big fakies in his face. He’s got his hands on her hips, but I can’t see his face. My heart beats wildly, and I want to be sick, but I step in further, slamming the door loudly behind me. Axel jerks, and his head whips around the girl. His eyes lock directly onto mine. His entire body stiffens, and we hold eye contact for the longest moment. I see a challenge in his eyes, and I imagine he can also see it in mine.

The girl doesn’t stop giving him a lap dance. She doesn’t even notice I’m there.

She’s probably off her face.

“You said I didn’t want to know what you are, that I wouldn’t like it, but you haven’t given me the chance to find out. So, here I am. I want to know, Axel,” I say, my voice stern and determined.