“I've never seen them before. Where'd you get them, Mom?” Zoe was curious. As though she had a sixth sense.

“They were a Christmas present from a friend.”

“A friend?” Zoe made a face, it sounded like an odd story to her, and then she understood. “Omigod, don't tell me that guy you grew up with sent you rosary beads, Mom?”

“It's not exactly a shocking gift. It seems pretty respectable to me.”

“Yeah, if the guy is in love with you. No one else would even know to send you something that would mean that much to you … and they look expensive too.”

“They're antiques, and you have a twisted mind. The poor guy tried to send me something religious and respectable, and eminently appropriate for Christmas, and you interpret it as a sign that he's in love with me. I love you, Zoe, but you're sick.” Faith smiled innocently at her.

“I am not. I'm right. You'll see. Actually, that's a pretty cool gift.” Zoe looked impressed.

“Yes, it is. But do you suppose that you could readjust your thinking to accept the idea that I'm married, I love your father, and no one else is in love with me? That might be a wholesome twist.”

“Maybe, but it's not true. This guy is crazy about you, Mom. Look at that, those are emeralds and rubies on that rosary, even if they are little ones. He must be a pretty cool guy.”

“He is, and a good friend. I hope you meet him again one day.”

“Me too.” She put the rosary beads back in her mother's bag, and helped herself to twenty dollars, for the movies with her friends.

“I'll cash a check tomorrow and give you some money. And by the way,” she came over to give her daughter a hug, “I love my backpack and scarf. I'm going to be the coolest kid in school.”

“Yes, you are, Mom. And all the boys are going to fall in love with you.”

Faith rolled her eyes. “You're obsessed.” The whole concept of Brad falling in love with her seemed silly to Faith. And offensive in a way. It disregarded the gift of his friendship and made it seem less than it was, and it was very important to her. She had no sense that he was in love with her, nor she with him. They were just very, very good friends, whether Zoe believed that or not.

Zoe went out a few minutes later, and Faith went to sit with Alex next to the tree. He was sipping a glass of port, and relaxing, lost in his own thoughts.

“Thank you for the nice dinner,” he said to Faith generously.

“Thank you for a beautiful bracelet,” she said, giving him a kiss on the cheek, but as always, he didn't respond. As far as Alex was concerned, displays of affection belonged in bed, at their appointed hour, and nowhere else. Anywhere else, they embarrassed him. And they no longer happened in bed very often either anymore.

“I'm glad you like it,” he looked pleased. “I love my suits, and shirts, and ties. You have terrific taste. You always pick out better things than I could pick out for myself.” It was a nice compliment, and they had a nice time sitting by the fire. He said he had had a nice chat with Zoe before she went out, which they both knew was rare.

Alex and Faith spent a surprisingly pleasant evening together, and they went upstairs after a while. It hadn't been an exciting Christmas for any of them, but it had been a pleasant day. They watched television for a while, and Alex had been thinking of making love to her, but he fell asleep in front of the TV, and she smiled at him. They had such an odd life. They weren't old, either of them, but they led a life of old people. Sometimes she felt now as though her whole life lay behind her, and not ahead.

It was the same feeling Brad had when he went to bed that night. It had been an exhausting evening for him, playing host to a hundred people he didn't give a damn about, and playing consort to Pam, in her endless social ambitions and endeavors. He couldn't even begin to imagine spending the rest of his life doing it, and yet he knew he would. It was what he had signed on for twenty-five years before, and where, whatever it cost him, he was going to stay. But living it was harder and more depressing than he had ever dreamed.





14


FAITH TOOK THE DREADED LSAT IN THE WEEK BETWEEN Christmas and New Year's. It was as hard as she had feared, and she had no idea how she'd done. In the pit of her stomach, she was afraid that she had done miserably, and Brad tried to reassure her when she called him afterward. He was the only person in her life who knew she had taken it. She didn't even tell Zoe where she'd gone. But at least it was behind her now. Another hurdle crossed. And all she could do now was hope she'd gotten a decent score.

Zoe left for Brown on New Year's Day. She was starting school the next day, and she hated to leave. She had had fun with her friends over the holidays, and she always hated leaving her mother, although Faith had reason to be excited herself. She was starting school the next day.

Alex was painfully silent at dinner after Zoe left, and Faith knew why. He was still annoyed with her for going back to school. Zoe had made a big fuss over her before she left, and Faith had her backpack and her school supplies ready for the next day. They were in her study, all ready and waiting on a chair. She went downstairs to check everything again before she went to bed. She hadn't been this excited since she was a little girl.

She'd had an e-mail from Brad that day, wishing her good luck and telling her how brilliantly she was going to do. She wasn't sure of that, but she was really excited to be going back to school. She knew it would be hard, but she was finally doing what she wanted to do.

She was up at dawn the next day, and dressed by eight o'clock, when she made breakfast for Alex. He left at eight-thirty, as he always did, and he said not a word to her. He wanted to be sure she knew he still disapproved. It was hardly a secret to her, or to anyone in the house. He simply glowered at her, and closed the front door.

She made herself another cup of coffee, and kept looking at the clock. She was going to leave at nine, and take a cab downtown. She didn't have to sign in until nine-thirty And she was just picking up her backpack, and getting ready to leave, when her laptop came alive and told her she had mail. She clicked it twice, and was surprised to see it was from Brad. It wasn't even six A.M. for him.

“Play nice in the sandbox, and have a great day! Be a good girl, and call me when you get home. Love, Brad.” It was sweet of him. She hit the reply button quickly, and set down her backpack again to answer him.

“Thank you. You're up very early! Not just for me, I hope! I'll call you…. Pray that the other kids aren't mean to me. I'm scared. But excited too. Have a nice day. Love, Fred.” It was Zoe who had always been scared that the kids would be mean to her at school, and they never were. Faith was more afraid that she wouldn't do well in the classes she was taking. It had been a long time since she'd been at school.

She hurried out of the house then, and took a cab to NYU. It was confusing when she arrived, but she had a sheaf of papers telling her what to do, and where to go. They were remarkably clear and accurate, and she found her first classroom with surprising ease. And the class was even better than she thought. It was called “The Judicial Process.” It was fascinating, and the professor was interesting and challenging. She was exhilarated by the time they stopped for lunch, and she had another class that afternoon on constitutional law. She was going to school two days a week. She knew it would help her for law school in the fall, and the first one seemed like a terrific class to her.

She was exhausted when she finally headed home that afternoon, but it was the most interesting day she'd had in years. The professor of her Judicial Process class was a woman, and about Faith's age. She would have loved to stop and chat with her, but she felt shy about it, and she knew she had to get home after her Constitutional Law class. It would be four o'clock by the time she got back to the house, and she couldn't dally at school.

She set her backpack down as she came in the front door, and was already thinking of the assignments they'd been given. They were both challenging and would take time. The phone started to ring almost as soon as she walked in. She was still wearing her coat. It was Zoe.

“How was it? Do you like it, Mom?”

“I love it! It's even better than I thought.” She was happy and excited, and Zoe was irrepressibly proud of her. They talked for half an hour, and finally Faith said she had to go. She still had to organize dinner for Alex, and she wasn't sure what she had in the house. But as soon as she hung up, the phone rang again. This time, it was Brad.

“I can't stand the suspense, did you like it?” was his opening line, and she smiled.

“I loved it. I have great professors, it seems like the people in my classes are intelligent. The time flew by, and the homework is terrifying, but I think I can handle it.” She let out a little squeak of excitement and he grinned. “I really love it! I just got home.”

“You're going to do great!” he said, thrilled for her. It was exactly what he had hoped for for her.

“Thank you for your e-mail this morning.” He didn't tell her he had set his alarm at five-thirty so he could send her off in style. “I was scared to death.”

“I figured you were. That's why I didn't call. I didn't want to give you an opportunity to fall apart, so I sent the e-mail.”

“That was smart.”

“I'm so pleased for you. Is the homework tough?”

“Sounds like it, but I think I can handle it, as long as I don't get buried in outside stuff, like dinners I have to do for Alex. That'll be hard.”

“Good thing you're not married to Pam.” They had had another huge bash on New Year's Eve. Faith and Alex had stayed home and watched TV, as they always did. And Brad said he envied them. “So what's next?”

“I work my ass off, and hopefully get into law school for the fall.” Alex was still having a fit over it, but she was slowly forging ahead, and feeling more confident after her first day of school. “I'm going to apply pretty soon.”

“Where?”

“Columbia, NYU, Fordham, New York Law School, and Brooklyn Law. I don't have a lot of geographical choice, it has to be in New York.”

“Too bad you can't come out here,” Brad said with a smile.

“Alex would be thrilled. He'd really love that. A wife who comes home from school for vacations. Although sometimes, I wonder if he'd notice if I were gone. Maybe I can hire a stand-in to do my job,” whatever that was these days, mostly it involved dinner, breakfast, the occasional dinner party, and as little conversation as possible, and once in a great, great while, making love. It was hardly a full-time job anymore.

“I would love to hire one to do mine,” Brad laughed. “He could do all the black-tie dinners, and opera and symphony openings. Boy, would I love that!” They both laughed, and Faith looked at her watch.

“I'd better get organized, or Alex will have a fit when he gets home. Whatever goes wrong from now on, will be because I'm in school. I have to be on extra-good behavior now. Perfect dinners, everything on time, dinner parties worthy of Julia Child and Martha Stewart, I can't screw up now.” She had been thinking of making him a special dinner that night, to prove that she could juggle it all, but she no longer had the time or the desire.

“That's a lot of pressure on you,” Brad said sympathetically. “Maybe you don't have to prove quite so much to him. It's not like you've done something really terrible,” he said pointedly.

“In his eyes, I did. I'll send you an e-mail later. I've got to figure out what I'm doing for dinner. And then I have to do my homework.”

“You're a good kid,” he smiled.

“You too. Thanks, Brad.” She hung up hastily, checked the fridge, and decided to run out and buy something Alex really liked.

By the time he got home, she had stuffed sole in the oven, she was making asparagus with hollandaise, and a wonderful rice pilaf from a recipe by Julia Child. And she served it all impeccably, proud of herself for pulling it all together in record time. Alex made no comment about it, ate his dinner quietly, and did not ask her how school had gone. Faith was more than a little stunned.

“Do you like the fish?” she asked, angling for a compliment from him. She thought it was one of her best. “It's a new recipe I found.” She felt like Susie Home-maker making the perfect dinner for him, and still managing to go to school, even if it was the first day.

“It's fine,” he said without expression.