The two of them left the room arm in arm, and once the furor settled down, the three of them had a nice time. They went out for hamburgers, and to Serendipity for banana splits, and she told them about going there with Brad.

“So what's with that?” Ellie asked, back in the fold again. She held hands with her mother, and Faith was enormously relieved. She had both her girls back. She didn't wish Alex any harm, but she was grateful that Ellie had come around, and had come all the way from London for the weekend. She told her mother she had broken up with Geoff, but she had two new suitors both of whom she seemed to like a lot. But just like Zoe, she wanted to know more about Brad. Faith talked about him a lot, and seemed to think the world of him, but she always insisted that they were just friends.

“I told you, we're friends. He was like my big brother growing up. He was Uncle Jack's best buddy when we were all kids. He's married. And we're never going to be more than friends.” She said it so firmly that it always made Zoe suspicious of her.

“I still think he's in love with you, Mom. He has to be. No guy spends that much time calling and sending e-mails.”

“He just likes to talk, I guess. But that's it.” She sounded sure.

“And what about you?” Ellie asked thoughtfully. “Are you in love with him?”

“Nope. I don't fall in love with married men.” She only wished it were the truth, but it was going to be. She had said a thousand prayers, and told herself a million times that no matter how wonderful he was, she could not be in love with him. And one day either the prayers, or what she told herself, would work. It had to. She had no other choice. And fortunately, as far as she knew anyway, he was not in love with her.

“Don't you have feelings for him?” Ellie pursued.

“Purely platonic ones.” Faith was emphatic, and inscrutable, to say the least.

“Are you dating anyone?”

“No. And I don't want to.” That much was true. She hadn't caught her breath from the agony of her marriage breaking up, and didn't know if she ever would. She doubted it. She couldn't bear the thought of getting her heart broken again. She was happier alone, talking to Brad, and spending time with her kids. “I don't ever want to get married again.”

“You don't have to get married,” Zoe intervened. “You can just go out, like on a date.”

“Why? I'm perfectly happy with the two of you.” But they both agreed later on, when they were alone in Zoe's room, that it wasn't a healthy life for her. In the end, they decided that it was probably too soon for her. Unlike their father, who had clearly jumped the gun, sharing his “anniversary dinner” with Zoe. They were both still horrified to have learned that he had cheated on their mother for nearly an entire year, if not longer, while blaming Faith going back to school for the breakup of their marriage. School had nothing to do with it, it was only the excuse.

But in any case, by the time Ellie flew back to London on Sunday night, she had reestablished her relationship with her mother. And when Brad called Faith late that night, after both girls had left, he had never heard her sound happier. At least part of the nightmare was over for her. She had her daughter back at least.





22


ALL WAS WELL IN FAITH'S WORLD IN MAY, WHEN ZOE came home from school for the summer. She had a summer job in an art gallery, and Faith was happy to have a break before she started law school. Her classes had ended at the same time as Zoe's. And Eloise was talking about coming home from London eventually. She was beginning to miss Zoe and her mother, particularly after her recent weekend. And both girls were on bad terms with their father for the time being.

Things got markedly worse when he told them that he and Leslie were planning to get married in October, after the divorce was final. And Faith hated to admit it, but it came as yet another blow to her. She sat and cried in her room for hours when she heard the news. She told Brad in an e-mail the following day but she had been too depressed to call him. Alex was still trying to force her to sell the house, and it was easy to see why now. He was buying an apartment on Fifth Avenue for himself, Leslie, and her daughter. The girls were both furious with him.

It was the following week that Faith was sitting in her study, trying to figure out where to take the girls in August. She was thinking about Cape Cod, or maybe renting a cottage in the Hamptons. Ellie had promised to come home for a few weeks, and Faith wanted to spend some time with them before she started law school in the fall. She was having a lazy morning, going through some papers, and trying to make a decision about the vacation, when Brad called. She had never heard him sound like that, and she realized instantly that he was crying.

“Are you okay? What happened?” She couldn't even imagine a situation that would make him so distraught. He sounded tense and terrified when he answered her.

“It's Jason. I don't know the details yet. We got a message from Dylan an hour ago. There's been an accident. They were working in the village, and a structure fell in. He was trapped under it for seven hours.” And then Brad started crying again. “Fred, you don't know how bad the medical care is there. There's only a doctor for a few hours once a month, they're hours from the hospital. I don't even know if they can move him. We just don't know more than that. We sent a message for Dylan to call us. But he has to go to the post office to call, and even if he could get a line, he may not be able to leave his brother.” He sounded as though the world had ended, and Faith's eyes filled with tears as she listened to him.

“What are you going to do?”

“I'm going over. I'm leaving in an hour. I have a flight to New York at noon. I'm connecting to a flight to London. It's so goddamn hard to get there. It'll take me more than twenty-four hours to get to him. God knows if he'll still be alive by then.” He was in a total panic, justifiably it seemed.

“When do you get here?” It was all she could think of. She wanted to see him. Even if Pam was with him.

“I get in to New York at eight o'clock tonight. The flight to London leaves at ten. I'll have two hours between planes.”

“I'll meet you at the airport. Can I bring anything?”

“I'm all set. Pam's packing for me. She can't come now. She has to go to court tomorrow. She's coming right after that,” he said, and he didn't mention it to Faith, but he was furious that she wasn't leaving with him. He gave her the flight number, and hung up, and she sat in her study, staring into space, imagining the worst, just as he had. All she wished was that she could go with him, but she knew she couldn't. Particularly if Pam was going to meet him.

And in San Francisco, the subject was under heated discussion.

“For chrissake, call the judge and tell him what happened. He'll put the matter over till you get back. This is more important.” He was frantic and livid with Pam.

“I can't do that to my client,” she said as she closed his suitcase. She looked as worried as he did, but she felt her responsibility was to her client, which to Brad seemed insane, and was an enormous statement to him.

Even if Jason was all right in the end, Brad wanted her with him. It was the first time in years he had asked her for anything, and this was important to all of them. The boys needed her support, and so did he.

“I think your priorities stink,” he said bluntly. “We're talking about your son, not your client.”

“Dylan did not say he was dying,” she said, shouting at him. They were both on edge, and Brad was dressing while they shouted at each other.

“Does he have to die for you to move your ass and cancel a goddamn court appearance? For chrissake, don't you get it?”

“I get it. I'll be there in two days. That's the best I can do.”

“No, it isn't, goddamn it.” She was like a mountain he couldn't move, and they were still fighting when the cab came to take him to the airport. But he knew he would never forget the fact that she hadn't left with him, nor forgive her if something happened to Jason. And he knew she wouldn't forgive herself if something terrible happened, but she didn't seem to get that either. She had total denial. “I'll get a message to you once I see him,” he said, and left with his suitcase in his hand. He had no idea what she had packed for him.

The flight was an agony for him. He was unreachable on the flight, and he called Pam several times, but she had heard nothing more.

By the time he got off the plane in New York, he looked half crazed. He had run his hands through his hair a hundred times, and he looked frightened and disheveled. And just as she had promised, Faith was there, waiting for him. She was wearing jeans and a white shirt, and loafers. And she looked fresh and clean and pretty. But all he could think of was to hold her close to him, and they both cried as they walked to the nearest restaurant for a cup of coffee. He told her what he knew again, but he still didn't know anything of substance.

They talked aimlessly and held hands across the table, and discussed the endless possibilities. But without further details, she couldn't make suggestions, nor could he make decisions. He just hoped that Dylan made the right choices, and that he was able to get a plane to transport his twin to the hospital if he had to.

“You have no idea how primitive it is, how remote, how impossible to get anywhere. He'd have to travel in a truck over a road full of potholes for two to four hours. It could kill him.” The plane was the only hope, if it was available, and they could find it. Faith felt helpless as she listened, just as he did.

It was an endless two hours as he waited to board the plane, and he was grateful that Faith was with him. He called Pam again, and she had heard nothing, and he went berserk when she told him she was going out to dinner.

“Are you crazy? Your son has been in an accident. Stay by the goddamn phone in case someone calls us.” She insisted she had her cell phone and Dylan had the number. He hung up, and looked at Faith in despair. “You know, it's times like this when you realize what you don't have, and when you know how stupid you were to think it would be different. It's just more of the same shit it's been for the last twenty years with her.” Pam just couldn't be there, not even for her children. And Faith wisely chose not to comment. “I wish you could come with me,” he added. He knew how much support she would be, and he needed her desperately. Whatever had happened to Jason, he was terrified he wouldn't survive it. He wanted to be there for him, and for Dylan, regardless of their mother's stupidity, or perhaps even more so because of it.

“I wish I could come too,” Faith said softly. But they both knew she couldn't. All she could do for him was be there in spirit, and they both knew after his trip in March that there would be no way for him to call her, only to send her a message via circuitous routes and people. “Let me know something when you can.” She would be heartsick for him in the meantime.

“I promise.” They announced the plane then and he took out his passport and his boarding pass, and she had to leave him at the security checkpoint since she wasn't traveling with him.

“Brad, take care. Try to relax. You can't do anything till you get there.” That was the worst of it, and they both knew his son might be dead when he did. It was beyond thinking. “I'll go to church and pray for him as soon as you leave.”

“Light a candle for him … please, Fred …,” he said with tears in his eyes as they looked at each other. Her whole heart was his, and there was no way for her to say it to him.

“I will. I'll go to church every day. Just know that he'll be okay … try to believe that….”

“I wish I could. Oh God … if something happens to him…” As much to silence him as to bring him comfort, without even thinking, she stretched up toward him, and he had the exact same instinct at the same instant she did. Without hesitating, he pulled her into his arms, and kissed her on the lips. And for an instant they forgot the entire world, as they clung to each other and kissed. She looked startled when he pulled away, and so did he, but he didn't apologize to her. She was convinced it was her fault, and then without saying a word, he kissed her again. “I love you, Fred.” It was the outpouring of nearly forty years of loving her, and the past seven months of growing ever closer to her. She loved him too, but even now she knew that it was something they could never have.

“Don't say that… I love you too … but we can't say that, we can't do this … I have no right to …” He silenced her with another kiss, and she started to cry. “You'll regret this. You'll hate me for it after this is over. We can't ever do this again.”