Beth Ciotta - Anything but Love

“Where are you going?” she rasped.

“Condom.”

Why did they need protection when she was already pregnant?

Maybe it was habit. She didn’t ask. Could barely think. Luke had tongued her into some sort of euphoric daze.

Then suddenly he was looking down at her, a wicked grin on his sinfully handsome face. His buff body poised for action.

Her lungs seized.

The tip of his shaft grazed and teased.

Desperate for more, Rae gripped Luke’s butt, anxious for him to slide home. The longer he stalled the more she ached, the more she begged. He took his time, damn him, inch by inch and then … “Yes!”

Luke plunged and rocked.

Rae bucked and soared.

The ride was slow and hard and achingly wonderful. He kissed her and she came, again and again, swept away by a tidal wave of mind-blowing ecstasy.

A second later Luke followed, stunning her with the intensity of his release.

She held silent as he shifted onto his back and pulled her into his arms.

“It’s been a while,” he said as if reading her mind.

“Since when?” she rasped.

He caught her gaze, his expression unreadable. “Since you.”

* * *

Luke had always been fond of Sundays. His free day. His play day. The one day he always took off from the Shack. He’d spent countless Sundays with the Brody brothers—fishing, skiing, bowling—and occasional Sundays with one of his several girlfriends—picnics, festivals, hot air ballooning via his piloting cousin, Nash. Once in a great while he attended church, but not often, and usually only as a favor to his parents or Daisy. They worried about his soul. Not that he was a bad sort, just unfocused. Sure he ran the Sugar Shack, but he was only half owner and his attention to finances was half-hearted. If someone, typically a young woman, was desperate for a job, he’d take her on even if he already had too many employees on the payroll. Dev was constantly harping on Luke for allowing his soft heart to override good business. And Luke was forever telling his big brother to take the stick out of his ass.

Dev was a control freak, a workaholic, and too grounded for his own good. Although he had loosened up since meeting Chloe—a blessing for everyone.

Luke had always been one of those people who acted on instinct. He didn’t worry overly much about the consequences of his actions since his actions were usually rooted in good intentions. He didn’t worry overly much about the future. Didn’t think twice about the fact that he’d never committed to one woman. He was only thirty-two for crissake. His happy-go-lucky lifestyle suited him just fine—up until twenty-four hours ago.

The only thing typical about this Sunday was that Luke planned on joining his family for their traditional Sunday dinner. This morning he’d woken up in bed with the mother of his child. Yeah, boy, that was a first. He’d ached to make love to her, to brand her body with his touch, to seduce her heart.

Another first.

He wasn’t in love with Rae. He’d been in love a hundred times. That rush you get at the onset of an infatuation. This wasn’t like anything he’d felt before. He didn’t know what it was, but he knew he wanted to push on. Sam had accused Luke of not knowing how to commit. Pure and simple, Luke had never had the inclination. Seeing that ultrasound of his unborn child had sparked a proprietorial urge that extended to Rae. He was immensely attracted to her vulnerability, her seeming innocence, her quiet strength, and her rabid love of the baby in her womb. As of this morning, Luke no longer saw her as Rachel Lacey, the mousy teaching assistant, or Reagan Deveraux, the hot socialite with a master’s degree and a freaking fortune. She was someone in between. Someone he wanted to know better. Someone who inspired him to be a better man. Or at least more focused.

After making love, Rae had excused herself to take a shower. Sensitive to her quiet mood, instead of joining her, Luke had exercised restraint. He got it. They’d gone from zero to a hundred overnight. They barely knew each other and he’d proclaimed them “involved.” He knew from the voice mails that had accumulated on his phone that the news was already spreading throughout town. Once they left the sanctity of this room, they’d be viewed as a “couple” in everyone’s eyes. Except Luke and Rae hadn’t discussed specifics. For the first time in his life, Luke was contemplating the dynamics of an exclusive relationship.

His heart hammered when she emerged from the bathroom wearing a cinched robe and a determined expression. “I’ve been thinking,” she said.

“Me, too.”

“We need to talk.”

“Agreed. Can we do it over breakfast?” he asked. “Or at least coffee? I don’t know about you, but my brain doesn’t fully engage until I’ve downed at least one cup of beanjuice.”

Her mouth curved. “We have one thing in common at least.” She glanced longingly at the carafe on the table as well as the two plates brimming with eggs, bacon, and toast. “Unfortunately, I need to avoid caffeine. I’ll have some of that orange juice though.”

“Got you a glass of milk, too. Two glasses. One whole. One skim. Wasn’t sure.”

“I have to confess, I’m starving.”

“Not surprised, given you haven’t had much beyond broth and water since before yesterday.” He pulled out her chair, waited until she was seated, then took a place across from her. “I ordered pancakes and oatmeal, too. I wasn’t sure what you’d feel like or for that matter what you like. Take your pick.”

“That’s sweet. Thank you.” She blew out a breath, shook her head. “It’s also a reminder of how little we know each other and yet—”

“I declared us involved.” A verbal, public commitment. Spoken from the heart with little to no deep thought.

“What does that mean exactly?” Her brow crinkled in confusion, and though her tone was calm, her vibe was intense. “I don’t mean to push,” she said, “but I need some sort of guidelines. I need to know how to plan. How to … act. What to say when someone asks about us—and you know they will.”

Luke nodded toward his cell and said, “It’s already started,” then poured their coffee. “I checked my messages late last night after you’d fallen asleep. So far I’ve heard from Gram, Dev, Rocky, Nash, and Adam. All wanting to know what’s up with the rumor. Either Sam spilled the beans or someone from the Cupcake Lovers overheard our conversation.”

“Or maybe the CLs pushed Sam to spill,” Rae said. “You did say that they were watching you two argue through the window.”

“Either way, the word’s out.” Luke watched as Rae chose the skim milk and committed that to memory just as he’d noted her preference for sleeping on the left side of the bed. “I don’t know about long term, Rae,” he said honestly. “I can’t think that far ahead. I can’t predict.…”

“Either we’re compatible or we’re not. Something like that?” she asked while forking a generous helping of scrambled eggs.

“Something like.” She likes eggs, he thought, and wheat toast over white—no butter. “I don’t want you to see other men. Not the way I feel right now. Don’t ask me to explain. I can’t. Yet.”

She eyed him over the brim of her glass.

“I wouldn’t ask you to be faithful if I wasn’t willing to do the same.” The words sounded foreign to his ears and incited a short burst of panic. As Sam had pointed out, Luke had never been in a monogamous relationship for more than three days. What if he slipped? What if the Kelly twins tempted him with a ménage or what if he grew bored with Rae after a short couple of weeks?

“I’d feel flattered if you didn’t look so miserable,” Rae said with a soft smile.

“Unchartered territory, is all.”

“Same here. What I mean,” she elaborated after a sip, “is that I’ve never been in a serious relationship, a committed relationship. Especially of a romantic nature.”

“Never?”

She shook her head then reached for the pancakes.

Hearty appetite, Luke noted then scrunched his brow. “Not to be shallow,” he said plainly, “but you’re rich, beautiful, and smart. How is it you haven’t had men dogging after you since you were, I don’t know, fourteen?”

“Plenty of dogs,” Rae said, looking uncomfortable now.

“But no suitable contenders? No pledges of love? No marriage proposals?”

“None that I took seriously.”

He weighed her words, starting to feel uncomfortable himself. “Are you saying you haven’t met a man who met your standards?”

“I’m saying I haven’t met a man who loved me for me.” She set aside her fork, the pancakes untouched. “Can we get back to us, please?”

He felt a little blindsided. “Sure.” He chugged his coffee and poured more. This was a three-cup morning, at least. “Except … hell. I feel awkward asking now, because—”

“You don’t love me.”

“I don’t know you.”

“Ask your question, Luke.”

He dragged his hands though his hair, centered his thoughts then met her gaze. “I want to see you, Rae. Exclusively. I want to date you. I want to sleep with you. I want to learn what makes you tick, what makes you smile. I want to be with you the next time you visit a doctor. I want to talk about our baby’s future and explore the possibility of a future for us. You can’t deny there’s a connection.”

“What if the connection is the baby? Period?”

Luke didn’t answer. It was possible. Sure. But he’d wager not something Rae wanted to hear. He reached across the table and gently grasped her hand. “Will you be my girl, Rae?” The question was so freaking old-fashioned, he half expected her to laugh.

Instead, she brushed her thumb over the back of his hand. “One stipulation.”

The first time he’d ever offered a woman an exclusive commitment and she had a stipulation? “Shoot.”

“If it’s not working, if we’re not compatible, we call it off. Before we start resenting one another, before it gets ugly. If nothing else, I want us to be friends for the sake of our daughter.”

“Or son.”

“I’m serious, Luke. If even one of us is unhappy in this exclusive relationship … It only takes one to end it.”

“Not sure I like the sound of that.”

“It’s the only thing I feel comfortable with.”

Huh. He should’ve been dancing on air. She’d just offered him the perfect out. It bugged the hell out of him. He squeezed her hand. “Okay.”

“Okay.” She smiled a little even though he sensed the tension in her body. “You’re not going to ask me to wear your class ring, are you?” she teased in light of his adolescent proposal. “Proof to the men of Sugar Creek that I’m off-limits?”

“Lucky for you, I lost that ring years ago. But no worries,” he teased back. “I’ll make it clear you’re my girl.”

She narrowed her beautiful albeit suspicious eyes. “Should I be worried?”

Luke’s brain buzzed with everything he’d learned about Rae so far, which wasn’t much, but enough to know she hadn’t been treated well by the men in her life, that she had a shitty relationship with her family, few friends, and few, if any, brushes with genuine affection. The mother of his child deserved better. Any woman deserved better. “Let’s just say you’ve been warned.”

“In addition to toddler and preschool programs, I’m toying with the idea of enrichment programs for ages five through ten,” Rae said. “Supplemental educational opportunities that complement the elementary school’s core curriculum. Most classrooms are overcrowded these days and some children need extra help. I could—”

“You could what?”

Rae looked away from the locked doors of Sugar Tots to the man sitting next to her. On their way to J. T. Monroe’s Department Store, Luke had pulled into the small parking lot of Sugar Tots. He’d invited her to share her plans for reopening the day care center. He’d been the first to ask and apparently she was dying to voice her aspirations because, she realized now, she’d been rambling nonstop for several minutes. “I could help.” A flush crept up her neck to her cheeks. “I don’t mean to sound arrogant, but I have a gift with children and head for education. Special techniques to make learning fun. I have all these ideas—”

“What kind of ideas?”

Rae fussed with her seat belt, angled away the heating vent, and checked her watch. They’d been idling in Luke’s car, in front of Sugar Tots for twenty minutes. It felt like a blip and a lifetime rolled into one.

“Why are you so shy about sharing your vision?” Luke asked.