This was bad, I knew it because Mike’s eyes went from top to toe and his face went from angry to enraged.

“Mike –”

He cut me off too, by putting his hand in my belly, pushing me into the house, keeping his hand there even after he stepped in and closed the door.

Then he dropped his hand and stared down at me.

“Mike –”

I cut myself off when his hand came up, palm out and facing me and I waited. He dropped his hand, looked away and a muscle in his jaw jerked.

Then he looked back at me.

“Been patient,” he said softly, I opened my mouth to speak, he shook his head and I closed my mouth. “Please tell me, while you been draggin’ me along, you didn’t start fuckin’ him again.”

“I wasn’t dragging you along,” I whispered.

“Yeah, sweetheart, you were.”

I always liked it when he called me sweetheart but the way he did it then, I didn’t like.

“No, Mike, I wasn’t.”

“Bullshit.”

“I’ve been honest with you.”

“You fuckin’ him again?” he asked.

“Absolutely not,” I answered.

“Why you wearin’ his shirt?”

I considered lying, telling him it was Tim’s but Mike and I weren’t about that and, I pulled this through, I didn’t want to do it by making us about that.

“It’s comfortable.” At least this was true.

“He take you to the funeral?” Mike asked and how he knew that I didn’t know.

I nodded. “Only because Kate asked him to.”

“You wouldn’t let me do it, but you let him?”

“Mike, Kate asked him to.”

“And I asked you to let me do it.”

“Honestly,” I whispered, beginning to lose it, beginning to wonder why I cared, beginning to wonder why I fucking got out of bed at the same time throwing the phone on the couch. “I don’t have the energy for this.”

“I know life’s shit for you now, Violet, but serious to God, this shit is fucked.”

“What shit?” I asked.

“You bein’ with me but him takin’ you to the funeral and him leavin’ your house the morning after.”

“How do you know this?” I asked.

“Tina Blackstone stopped by the Station, felt the boys needed donuts, even though the bitch has never done that before in her fuckin’ life. Brought three dozen of them from Hilligoss, stayed while the boys ate, ran her mouth, enjoyed doin’ it.”

That bitch!

I stared at Mike a minute, allowing my blood pressure to drop.

Then, deciding to deal with Tina later, I affirmed, “He spent the night.”

“But he didn’t fuck you?”

“No, Mike,” I told him, losing patience, it was slipping away and it was doing it fast, “he didn’t fuck me. Kate’s attached to him, she asked him to spend the night. She’s feelin’ a bit unsafe, seein’ as her father and uncle have been murdered by the man who’s stalking me. So we got home in the middle of the night and she wanted him to stay. He did. This morning he made sure the girls got off safe with Dane and his folks and he left. I didn’t even get out of bed. I didn’t even say good-bye to my babies.”

My voice was choked when I finished speaking and Mike’s face changed, the anger ebbed out, gentleness swept in and he took a step forward.

I took two back and he stopped.

“Sweetheart,” he murmured.

That’s how I liked him to call me “sweetheart”.

But I shook my head and I told him, “It’s over.”

He blinked, slow, then asked, “What?”

“I’m sellin’ the house. The girls and me are movin’ to Arizona.”

“Honey.”

I was still shaking my head. “He’ll fuck with me, Mike. He killed Tim, he killed Sam and, still, he’ll fuck with me.”

Mike moved forward, I moved back but he came at me faster and caught me in his arms. I forgot why I was retreating, put my hands to his chest and dropped my forehead between them.

“I can’t do this anymore,” I whispered. “You, Joe, Bea, Mel, Mom bein’ a bitch, buryin’ Sam, Vinnie, Theresa, Manny, Benny, Daniel Hart, it’s all too much. I can’t do this anymore.”

Mike was quiet, he just held me in his arms as I fought back the tears.

When I won and did it on a sigh, he spoke. “Darlin’, I don’t even know who half those people are.”

The way he said it, I laughed, turned my head and pressed my cheek to his chest.

Then I wrapped my arms around his waist and his arms got tighter.

“I was a dick,” he said into my hair, “comin’ in here, givin’ you that shit.”

I let him off the hook. “You weren’t. You were just a man.”

“Well, yeah, I am that.”

I pressed my cheek closer and gave him a squeeze. “Yeah.”

“Girls aren’t here, want you with me tonight.”

I closed my eyes and didn’t lift my head, nor loosen my arms when I said with all seriousness, “Mike, I wasn’t joking. I need to let you go.”

I felt his body grow still when he asked, “Why?”

I tipped my head back then and said, “In case you hadn’t noticed, men in my life end up with bullets in their heads.”

“Sweetheart –”

“And I’m entirely fucked up.”

“Vi.”

I took an arm from his waist, placed my hand against his cheek and whispered, “And you deserve better than that.”

“How ‘bout you let me make that decision?” he whispered back.

“Mike, I repeat, I’m entirely fucked up.”

“Sweetheart, I already know that,” he grinned, “and, fuck me, but I kinda like it.”

“Mike –”

“It’s cute.”

Finally, I gave him the truth. “And there’s somethin’ I need to work out with Joe and I don’t want you feelin’ on a string while I work it out.”

His arms spasmed and that muscle leapt again in his jaw.

“What?” he whispered.

My hand at his cheek slid to his neck and I said, “Not that, not what you’re thinking. But we gotta get something clear and, I know Joe, that’ll take some doing.”

“Violet.”

“I got four days, the girls are gone, I got four days to do it. Can you give me that?”

“No.”

“Mike –”

“Vi, you’re in my bed tonight.”

“Mike, listen to –”

His arms gave me a shut up squeeze so I did and he said, “No, Vi, you listen to me. You work it out with him. Talk. I don’t give a fuck what it’s about, don’t wanna know. You come to my house tonight and you come prepared to spend the night.”

Yep, he was getting impatient, staking his claim.

“Mike, I don’t think –”

“And don’t fuckin’ bring one of his shirts. You sleep in tees, you wear one of mine.”

“But –”

“And you take it home too.”

Shit and damn. Joe was home a few days and my brother was fucking dead, I’d been semi-adopted by an Italian family in Chicago, my girls were back under his spell and I was back in this unholy mess.

“I’m not ready for that.”

“Yeah, you are and I am and he can have your days, you need to work shit out with him, but, while the girls are gone, I have your nights.”

“What if we –”

“I want you safe. I wanna know you’re safe and the only way I’ll know that is you in my bed. He and Colt can keep watch durin’ the day but I’m tellin’ you, Vi, I get the nights.”

“Mike –”

He didn’t let me finish again, this time he kissed me. Not his straight-to-fiery kiss, this one was a stealth one, light and sweet, building the fire.

I ended it with my arms wrapped around his neck.

“Six o’clock, sweetheart,” he whispered, “come on in, the door’ll be open.”

“Okay,” I whispered back, because I was a total, complete idiot.

Then, just like Mike, he gave it to me honest.

“You don’t get this, Vi, so I’ll tell you. I’m fallin’ for you.” I closed my eyes. Mike kissed them in turn and I opened them again. “I know you don’t need that, sweetheart, but then again, you need it all the same.”

This didn’t make sense but it totally did.

I gave it back to him, just as honest.

“Mike, you deserve the best and I’m not sure that’s me.”

He just grinned, gave me a squeeze, kissed my forehead and repeated, “Six o’clock, door’ll be open.”

Then he let me go, turned and left.

I stared at the door.

Then I walked to it and armed the alarm.

Then I went to my cold cup of coffee, nuked it and stood in my kitchen, staring out my kitchen window, watching three men now carrying out to the dumpster what seemed to be Joe’s entire freaking kitchen and while I did this I drank my coffee.

* * *

After I had a shower, I spritzed with my perfume, put on light makeup, my Lucky jeans and a blouse I always liked. The cotton looked almost tie-dyed, all in deep shades of grape, the split at the neckline was embroidered with green, lilac, lavender and blue flowers and there were braided strings hanging down from the top sides of the split, their weight holding it open. It fit loose but had an elastic waistband and elastic at the cap sleeves. It was kinda Heidi and kinda rock ‘n’ roll. I loved it, it made me feel good and I needed that in a big, honking way.

Then I picked up my phone, scrolled down to “Joe’s cell” and hit go.

He picked up on ring two.

“Yo.”

“It’s Violet. We need to talk. Come over.”

“Buddy, I’m in the middle of something.”

“You come over here or I come over there and we do it in front of all the boys who’re demolishing your house.”

He was silent then he sighed and said, “Give me ten.”

“You got ten then I’m headin’ over.”

“All right, baby, cool it. I said I’d be over.”

“Right,” I said into the phone then slid it shut.

I had ten minutes and I knew what I’d do with them.

I limped out the front door, walked across my yard, cautiously jumped the split rail fence that separated the front of Tina and my yards then walked right up to her door and pounded on it.

She made me do this awhile then opened it, her face a smirk, she knew this was coming and she wanted it, the bitch.

“Hey Violet.”

I didn’t greet her, I said, “I hear you spread my business around again, we got problems.”

She put her hand to her chest and said with totally fake innocence, “I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.”

“Donuts for our boys in blue, tellin’ Mike shit you have no idea what you’re talkin’ about, that’s what I’m talkin’ about,” I unnecessarily reminded her.

The fake innocence melted away and her eyes narrowed. “Know you walked out Cal’s backdoor wearin’ his shirt. Know you’re stringin’ along a good man like Mike. Know that’s fucked.”

“You’re standin’ there throwin’ stones when you regularly screw a married man,” I fired back, watched her sneer even as she flinched and continued. “You don’t know shit, Tina, but even if you did, it isn’t your business so keep your mouth shut.”

“You gonna make me?” she asked, like we were eight and having a verbal tussle at recess during grade school.

“Yeah,” I answered, not in the mood to be mature. “I got way too much fucked up crap happening in my life, I don’t need to deal with you.”

She leaned back and sneered, “What can you do to me?”

I decided to steal Joe’s line. “Don’t know, but you force it, I’ll get creative.”

“Bring it on,” she snapped.

I shrugged and replied, “You got it.”

Then I turned and limped away to see Joe standing in my yard, feet planted, arms crossed on his chest, his eyes aimed beyond me to Tina’s house.

“What was that?” he asked when I’d jumped the fence again and got close.

“Nothin’,” I replied, limped passed him to my front door and I stepped through.

Joe followed me and closed the door.

“Vi, what was that?” he repeated.

“You and me, we’re over,” I announced again.

He crossed his arms on his chest, stared down at me and I forgot how scary he could look. He’d never done the arm crossing thing and that was super scary.

“I asked twice and I’ll do it one last time, what the fuck was that with Tina?”

I noticed he ignored my announcement so I decided to answer him so we could get to what I wanted to get straight, something that Joe wouldn’t let me do if he was stuck on Tina.

“She saw you drive us away yesterday, she saw you leave the house this morning. She decided to bring donuts to the Station and, while spreading her sugar cheer, share all that shit with the guys, Mike bein’ one of them.”

Joe’s face got hard and far scarier and he turned his head in the direction of Tina’s house to look at my wall.

“Mike and I are good, we’re solid, she’s tryin’ to shake that up and I told her I’m not havin’ that,” I finished, bringing that subject to a close.