Kristen Ashley - At Peace

“Vi, this is Kate. She’s got her Mom. She knows that. We’re all home. We’re all safe. Safer than we were yesterday. And we’ll be safe tomorrow. Just fuckin’ safe. Let her be. She doesn’t need you fussin’ because she’s got enough in her head. She doesn’t need to worry about why you’re fussin’. She needs to think you’re safe and sleepin’.”

He was right which was annoying.

“It’s annoying when you’re right,” I muttered.

“Better learn to get over that, you’ll need to get used to it.”

I rolled my eyes and settled in, head to his chest, ear to his heartbeat.

We were silent for awhile, me listening to the pounding of Joe’s heart, I didn’t know what Joe was doing.

“Today, I thought for a coupla hours you were dead,” I whispered.

“Vi –”

“Tomorrow, I glue a camera to my hand.”

“Violet –”

“I won’t need them. This is over and it’s just us now. But I want memories. Millions of them.”

He was silent.

Then he said, “Whatever you want, buddy.”

I would have lifted my head but I didn’t want to lose his heartbeat.

“Whatever I want?” I asked.

“Whatever you want.”

“Careful what you promise me, baby, even in your state.”

His body shook gently with his chuckle and his hand at my hip gave me a squeeze.

We were silent again then I called, “Joe?”

“Yeah, buddy.”

“I never said thank you.”

“Honey, for what?”

“For handin’ me the world.”

“Yeah you did,” he replied.

“I did?”

“You do it all the time,” he said, “fuck, baby, you’re doin’ it now.”

God I loved him. I more than loved him.

“What’s beyond love?” I asked and felt Joe’s body give a slight jolt.

“What?”

“What’s beyond love?” I repeated.

“Don’t understand the question, Vi.”

I didn’t explain. Instead I said, “Whatever it is, that’s what I feel for you.”

He was silent and still for a second. Then he rolled into me.

“Joe –” I whispered when his hands went into my tee.

“Shut it, buddy.”

“Joe –”

“Shut it.”

I shut it.

“Momalicious!” Keira shouted. “I’m gonna go to the beach and lay out.”

“Big surprise,” Joe muttered and pressed deeper into me as I looked at the nightstand and saw it was barely nine o’clock.

I lifted up from the pillow as far as I could go with Joe’s weight against my back holding me down and shouted, “You had breakfast, baby?”

“Toast!” Keira shouted back.

“Where’s Kate?” I yelled. “She still sleepin’?”

“Um…” Keira muttered loud enough for me to hear and at her hesitation I felt Joe’s head come up and his body move and I twisted my neck to look at him. “That boy from next door is out on the beach. She’s out there talkin’ to him.”

I wondered when Taylor had become “that boy next door” since I was under the impression, considering the amount of time Keira spent talking about him, that she had a crush on him. Not to mention the amount of time Taylor spent out on the beach which I reckoned meant he had a crush on Keira. Perhaps I was wrong and he had a crush on Kate.

This was not good.

“Bummer for Dane,” Joe murmured and even with my misgivings about the Kate/Keira/Taylor teenaged triangle, I grinned.

It had been months but Dane had not fully made it back into my good books yet, nor Joe’s. Kate had forgiven him and they were as tight as ever so Joe and I should give it up, it was just that we couldn’t. If you hurt someone’s child that forgiveness takes awhile but Dane was determined and I figure he’d get there one day. As long as he didn’t act like an ass.

“All right, honey,” I yelled.

“See you on the beach,” Keira called then we heard the door close.

Joe settled back in and I did too.

It was Christmas break and we were at his beach house in Florida for two weeks. The house was up on stilts and painted a faded blue with white woodwork. It had a deep deck all around and a big locked garage which held Joe’s Land Rover, a beach buggy and a huge barbeque grill which was the first thing Joe (with Keira’s help) rolled out onto the deck. The house had wood floors all through, even the kitchen. It was rustic but cute with two bedrooms; open plan living room and kitchen; a small utility with a deep sink, a washer and dryer and a bunch of hooks for beach towels; and one bath. But the bedrooms and living room were huge and airy and all the furniture was way comfy. There were so many windows that there was barely any wall space and all you could see was ocean or trees. It was fantastic.

Even as fantastic as it was, my first order of business was to make Joe take us to town where we bought a Christmas tree and all the decorations. We also bought bright, braided throw rugs, new linen and bathroom and kitchen towels to perk up the place. Further, I bought a huge windsock which Joe installed on a flagpole out on the corner of the deck. Lastly, I bought some wind chimes because nothing said “Florida” (or “beach” for that matter) better than wind chimes. Joe put those up on the overhang of the deck.

We’d been there three days and the girls were already golden tan from playing Frisbee, laying out and travelling the beach in the buggy Joe taught us all how to drive.

He was mostly right. There wasn’t much to do but fish, cook, eat, sleep, read and, for Joe and I, have sex. He was only mostly right for there was a beach which meant the girls could lay out, Joe had the buggy in which the girls could tool around, the girls bought a Frisbee which provided them with hours of entertainment. The kitchen had been updated with top-of-the line appliances so I was in throes of ecstasy. I’d already finished two books while sitting out on the deck or in the sand and the beach house next door had the aforementioned cute boy-man in it named Taylor. Therefore, the Winters girls were not at any loss for things to do and were nowhere near bored.

I, particularly, was not bored. I was a lot of things but bored was definitely not one of them.

It was the best vacation I’d ever had, bar none, even the ones I had with Tim and that was saying something. And we were only on day four.

There was a reason for this and I lifted my hand to my face and stared at that reason. On my hand was the princess-cut diamond ring Joe slid on my finger last night over shrimp at a shrimp shack in town. He did this without saying a word, just like Joe, letting his face and his actions speak for him. He also did it with the girls looking on, Kate crying silently, Keira giggling excitedly.

Only Joe Callahan would propose in front of his woman’s daughters.

Many would find this unromantic, such an act being a couple’s thing.

I thought it was perfect.

Therefore I’d cried too, all the while giving Joe a kiss that communicated my “Yes!” and tasted of tears.

A tearful kiss might not have been the thing but Joe didn’t seem to mind.

In our Florida bed, Joe’s hand went from my belly to slide up my forearm then his thumb tweaked the ring.

“How much time you think we got?” Joe whispered into the back of my hair.

“Kate’s just havin’ fun. She won’t step out on Dane especially when I think Keirry’s got a thing for Taylor. She could be back anytime,” I told Joe.

“Mm,” Joe murmured.

“Keira’s out for the long haul,” I went on because I knew she was and I also knew she looked cute in her bikini and I reckoned Taylor felt the same. Or at least I hoped so for Keira’s sake.

Joe chuckled and his hand left mine and went back to my belly where he pressed in. He moved slightly away and I fell to my back and looked up at him. His hand started to move from my belly but my hand went there to hold it where it was.

“Joe?” I called even though he was up on an elbow, not but a foot away and looking down at me.

“Yeah, buddy?”

“I like that you proposed in front of the girls,” I whispered and his face got that tender look and started to dip closer but I kept talking. “It was sweet you included them.” His face kept coming at me so I said quickly, “Joe.”

His head stopped its descent and he said, “Right here, Vi.”

“I liked that but what I have to say right now needs to be between us.”

That tender look left his face and his eyes locked with mine.

“What?”

“Not that the girls can’t know…”

“What?”

“Soon… ish,” I went on.

“Buddy, what?”

“We just gotta figure out... um –”

“Vi…” he was getting impatient, I could tell. He always was when he had to repeat himself which, unfortunately for Joe who lived in a house with three women, was often.

“I’m pregnant.” I blurted and Joe’s entire frame went solid.

Then he whispered, “What?”

“I know it’s soon. It seems my body’s incapable of waiting to get pregnant until after I’ve said any marriage vows but I missed a couple of pills and I thought I caught up but –”

“Vi –”

“I guess I didn’t.”

“Buddy –”

“And this is a lot. I know. The whole mess and then the next mess and then more mess and now this vacation and then you asking me to marry you and now this. The girls, I don’t know –”

“Baby –”

“I’m worried. Only so much they can take. Keira’s been the baby since –”

“Vi. Shut it.”

I shut it and stared at him.

“How pregnant are you?” Joe asked.

“How pregnant can you be?” I answered nervously, not certain about his question and I saw his mouth get tight.

“How many months, Vi?” he continued.

“Eleven weeks,” I answered and his sky blue eyes went unfocused.

“Nearly passed it,” he muttered and I stared.

“Passed what?” I whispered as the three month mark was the mark you couldn’t cross for an abortion and I thought he might be thinking about that. If he was, I would be shocked and it would hurt a lot, too much and furthermore, I couldn’t do that. I thought he wanted a baby and I thought he’d be happy and I wanted a baby if it was our baby and it was. I figured maybe he wouldn’t want it this soon but I thought he’d still be happy.

Though it was too soon. We still hadn’t settled. He’d just proposed the night before.

Well, thinking about it, he seemed pretty settled and the girls seemed okay with everything but it was all still relatively new, living life as us without the cloud of Daniel Hart and the heaviness of mourning shrouding our lives.

“Passed the three month mark,” Joe answered. I thought his answer followed my train of thought and bit my lip.

“Yeah,” I said and his hand pressed gently into my belly as his eyes went there.

“We’ll wait.” His voice was soft and his eyes were still at my stomach.

“For what?” I asked and his gaze came back to my face.

“You two. To get passed the three month mark. We’ll wait until we know it’s all good with you and the baby then we’ll tell the girls.”

I felt a shimmer of electricity against my skin and I whispered, “Joe.”

If I meant to say more I couldn’t have. Something shifted into his eyes and stayed there. Something peaceful and warm and so beautiful, looking at it, I couldn’t breathe.

“Crash,” Joe whispered back and I blinked.

“What?”

“That’s the sound of my side of the scales, buddy,” Joe said and my hand left his at my stomach and went to his scarred cheek.

“Joe,” I whispered again.

“Kid’ll be beautiful,” Joe whispered back.

“Joe,” I repeated.

His hand pressed in at my belly again, a slight movement, a sweet one. “Gorgeous,” he murmured.

“Aren’t you gonna kiss me?” I asked.

“Yep,” Joe answered but didn’t move.

“Well?” I prompted and Joe grinned.

Then he moved but he didn’t move toward my mouth. His hand slid up the tee I was wearing and his head moved to my belly. His arm wrapped around my hip and I watched his dark head bend and felt his nose slide along my skin and then his lips rested there.

That’s when I felt the tears slide out the sides of my eyes.

“You happy, baby?” I whispered my question and his arm at my hip convulsed but his head came up and he looked at me.

“Yeah,” he replied, the word was heavy and it was thick.

Both my hands went to his face and I smiled through my tears.

“Good.”