To hear him say so casually that his mother had adopted her choked her up. But she was never going to admit to anyone how badly she wanted to be part of a real family. It would make her sound too desperate, too pathetic.
“Hey? What’s wrong?”
Hawk came up behind her, slipped his arms around her waist, and tugged her against him. Great. Having him touch her certainly wouldn’t help her gain control over her wretched emotions.
Despite all her efforts, a damned tear fell. They hadn’t spoken of the future. They hadn’t talked about a happily-ever-after. She hadn’t told him how she felt about him.
“Nothing. I’m just . . .” She was just what? She had no freaking idea.
“I’m not demanding that you come with us,” he said softly, his breath washing across her cheek. “I’m asking you to please make this Christmas my best one ever, and join us.”
How could she tell him no after that? “Okay,” she whispered.
“Why is this so hard on you?” he asked again, this time making her face him.
Natalie suddenly needed to speak about it, needed to release the weight from her shoulders. He said nothing more as he waited, his hands caressing her arms and back. She could do this.
“I . . . it was always just me and my mother while I was growing up. She had me when she was only fifteen, and I grew up in shelters, and then she worked hard and got us a little apartment. Mom worked all the time, I mean like seven days a week. Even working so much, we never had enough—not enough food, clothes, not enough to pay the bills. Mom told me over and over again not to mess up like she’d done, not to fall for a guy who would walk away at the first sign of trouble. She told me to go to school, get an education, and get a good job. She was bitter a lot, but she did love me.”
“I’m sure she loved you very much,” he whispered when she paused for too long.
“She did,” Natalie sighed. “She did the best she could. But I had no family, Hawk. I had no one but her and she was gone so much. We didn’t do holidays; we didn’t celebrate much. I feel like I’m betraying her by enjoying my life.”
“You feel that way because you are kind and caring. But, Natalie, if she truly loved you, she would want you to be happy. Don’t all parents want better for their children than what they had for themselves?”
“I don’t know, Hawk . . .” Would her mom forgive her for straying from her goals? She honestly didn’t know.
“I know I want my kids to be happy,” he said.
“Do you have some secret children you’ve been hiding from me, Hawk?” She smiled up at him, trying so hard to quit her self-pity party.
“It’s not that easy to divert my attention, Natalie. Let my family love you. Don’t feel guilt about it, and don’t feel sadness. Just let us love you.”
When he said us, her heart leapt with joy. But what exactly did he mean by it? The question was on the tip of her tongue, but she wasn’t brave enough to ask—not yet, not now. After an extended silence, Natalie was relieved when he asked whether she needed help packing. Their talk was over for now, and she’d survived it. She’d shared something with him, and he hadn’t turned away in disgust. There was hope, after all, that the two of them would make this relationship last longer than his three-date maximum.
As they moved through the house, he looked up and smiled. “My family has a cabin up in the woods where we spend Christmas every year,” he told her.
“I’ve never seen a white Christmas,” Natalie admitted, not that she’d ever gotten to celebrate Christmas, not really. “I’m kind of excited, though I still hate the idea of snow on every day other than Christmas.”
“Let’s get your bags in the truck and get up there. You will never miss California again after spending Christmas at our family cabin.”
“I already don’t miss it, Hawk.”
The smile he sent her as he helped her into his truck almost made her heart stop. “Natalie Duncan, I’m not letting you escape.” With that, he closed her door and moved around to the driver’s side, leaving Natalie to wonder exactly what he meant by that.
When they arrived at the cabin a couple of hours later, she learned that her idea of a cabin and Hawk’s idea were completely different. Yes, the building was made from logs, but this place wasn’t some rustic little cabin in the woods. It was enormous! Large enough to house several families and all their friends.
That was a good thing, because when they walked in the door, Natalie found what appeared to be half the town inside. Several dozen people were gathered in the spacious living room, their voices carrying with its high vaulted ceilings. Christmas decorations adorned the walls and eggnog sloshed in everyone’s cup.
No one made a big deal when she and Hawk arrived, for which Natalie was grateful. They just greeted the two of them with eggnog and spoke with Natalie like she belonged. It didn’t take too long for her to grow comfortable and realize this wasn’t a dream. When it came time to go hunting for a Christmas tree, she was thankful she didn’t miss out on joining Hawk and his family and their many friends.
“Are you too cold?”
Natalie entwined her arm with Hawk’s and snuggled a little closer. “A bit, but it’s refreshing. I still can’t believe I’m going to have my very first Christmas with snow!”
“Tell me more about your life in California, more about your life with your mom.”
She’d finally opened up to someone, finally shared a small piece of her past, and now she found herself wanting to share it all. But if he knew the truth, the full truth, wouldn’t that frighten him away? Even with that thought she couldn’t seem to stop herself from speaking. Now that he’d opened the floodgates to her past, the words came rushing out.
“You know that it was just me and my mother and that she worked a lot. So, from the time I was little, I was on my own most of the time. That’s why I loved school, because then I was with other people.”
“Was it miserable?” Hawk stopped and leaned against a large tree, pulling her into the cradle of his arms as he rubbed his hands up and down her back.
“No. The thing was that even though we didn’t have a whole heck of a lot, I wasn’t unhappy. I loved my mom, even during the bad times. I loved what little time we got to spend together. I didn’t need to have the newest pair of jeans, or to go to summer camp. When she died, I was devastated. It took me a lot of years before I felt like I could live again. She did the best she could. . . .”
“You impress me, Natalie.”
“Why?”
“Because you don’t dwell on the bad memories. You even manage to find a way to turn the tough times into positive experiences. You humble me with your attitude.”
“I’m not that noble, Hawk,” she said with an uncomfortable laugh.
“We’ll have to just agree to disagree,” he said before giving her a kiss that melted the snow that was covering them.
chapter
16
I love my family, but they’re a bit overwhelming,” Hawk said later that night as he and Natalie strolled outside, hand in hand.
“Yes, but I honestly enjoy spending time with them. I think your mother and I baked at least five hundred Christmas cookies today,” Natalie said with a laugh as they approached a large red barn.
“Want to see something really cool?”
“Always.”
He opened the barn door and they stepped inside. She didn’t see him turn around and engage the latch.
“Over here,” he said, and he led her through the ginormous building.
They entered a large room behind another door, and before her was an old cherry-red fire truck.
“It’s seventy years old and my dad and I spent ten summers bringing her back into mint condition. I love this engine.” He couldn’t contain his excitement when he ran his hand along the shiny bumper. That small gesture had her stomach clenching as she thought back to the other fire engine and the first night they’d made love.
It had been several days since they’d last been intimate, and now that her body knew how incredible sex between them was, she didn’t want to miss out on the feel of his hands and his . . . never mind . . . for even a single second more.
Without much sound, Hawk was suddenly behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and tugging her close. “Want to see where I had my first kiss?”
Natalie tensed at the thought of Hawk ever kissing anyone else.
“Hawk!” she snapped, no longer wanting to play as she had ten seconds before.
“Awww, come on. The place is really cool.”
“I seriously have no desire to see where you kissed some trashy girl.”
“Well, can you really be trashy at five years old?”
“Five? Really?” she asked suspiciously.
“Yep. I was five and kissed JoBeth up in the hayloft,” he stated proudly.
“And how many other girls did you kiss in the hayloft as the years passed?” Natalie had no intention of being just one of many.
“I kissed lots of girls in lots of haylofts, but, alas, only JoBeth in this one,” he replied.
“Fine. Show me this loft, but if you think you’re going to get any kisses out of me, then you will be very disappointed.”
They climbed a ladder and then Hawk was right behind Natalie, nuzzling her neck. “I’m not kissing you, Hawk,” she said again, but her voice came out breathy because his hands were slipping beneath her shirt and touching the bare skin of her stomach.
“Why? Don’t you like my secret hideaway?” he murmured as he gently nipped her shoulder while his fingers climbed higher, lightly brushing across her breasts.
“No,” she replied, though they both knew she was lying, especially when she pushed back against him and rolled her hips so she could better feel his arousal.
He lowered his fingers across her abs and reached for the zipper of her jeans, taking his time in releasing the material that was binding her. Natalie gave up even the smallest pretense that she didn’t want this.
“Yes, Hawk. Faster.”
He didn’t disappoint her. He slid his hands inside the denim and gave a good push, and then her jeans were pooling at her feet, landing on the hay to provide a nice barrier between their bare skin and the dry grass when they became horizontal.
With her back still to him, Hawk pushed her legs apart, leaned in, and sucked on her neck while he slipped a hand inside the silk of her panties and found her core more than ready for his touch.
“I love how you respond to me,” he groaned in her ear, causing a shudder to rip through her.
“You make me catch fire, Hawk.”
“You inspire me, Natalie.”
He took her shirt away, adding it to the pile beside them, then flung her bra aside, leaving her gasping while his hands wandered all over her.
“More,” she begged, moaning as he pinched her hard nipples.
Dropping them both to their knees, he turned her around and kissed her before edging back just a couple of inches so he could remove his shirt, revealing his incredible abs and disgracefully hard pecs. With sure fingers, he undid the buttons on his jeans and pushed the denim down his muscular legs. When he unveiled her favorite part of his body, she gasped in anticipation. Soon, very soon, that pulsing arousal would take her to new heights of pleasure.
Natalie pushed him backward, and he lost his balance. She crawled up his legs, her tongue licking along the sweet muscles of his thighs until she reached his manhood. Without hesitation, she grabbed his hardness and took her first taste of him. Oh my . . .
“Natalie,” he groaned.
She didn’t answer him; she just moved her hand up and down his throbbing arousal while she sucked on it. After a couple of minutes, he pushed her back, his face crimson, his eyes wild.
“Your turn,” he growled, easily flipping her over onto her back. “Hold on!”
Hold on to what? she wondered before she couldn’t think anymore, because he’d slid his hands beneath her thighs and was taking his turn at tasting her. Natalie cried out as his masterful tongue stroked her pulsing flesh, taking her higher and higher as she strove for release. His low moans mingled with her cries in such beautiful music that Natalie felt tears sting her eyes.
When the first explosion of pleasure raced through her, she rode the wave, loving how he drew it out, loving the perfect way he played her body. He slowed his touch, murmuring his approval of her response to him. Then he shifted, his eyes hungry, almost starving, as he looked down at her flushed skin. Without another word, Hawk climbed up her sated body and then plunged inside her, making her cry out again at such a welcome invasion.
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