Jamie McGuire - Beautiful Oblivion

“Shut your face! You’re coming to my parents’ house with me.”

“No way . . .”

“You are, and you’re going to like it, as punishment for not telling me your psycho, wife-beating father barged into our apartment to attack you, and is still at large!”

“Mom has him under control. I don’t know what she did, but he hasn’t been back, and Colin, Chase, and Clark have no clue.”

“Did Trent beat his ass?”

“I’m pretty sure he broke his nose,” I said, cringing.

“Good!” she yelled. “Pack your shit! We’re leaving in twenty minutes.”

I complied, throwing together an overnight bag. We threw our luggage into Raegan’s trunk, and just as she began backing out of the parking lot, my phone chirped. I lifted it and stared at the display.

“What?” Raegan said, her eyes dancing between me and the road. “Is it Trent?”

I shook my head. “T.J. He was hoping I could drop him off at the airport tomorrow.”

Raegan frowned. “Can’t his dad or somebody?”

“I can’t,” I said, tapping my answer into the phone. I dropped it into my lap. “So much could go wrong if I did.”

Raegan patted my knee. “Good girl.”

“I can’t believe he’s in town. He was so sure he wouldn’t be able to come home for Thanksgiving.”

My phone chirped again. I looked down.

“What does it say?” Raegan asked.

“ ‘I know what you’re thinking, but I didn’t know until a couple of days ago that I would be home,’ ” I said, reading his text aloud.

Raegan’s eyes narrowed as she watched me tap out a short response. “I’m confused.”

“I don’t know what Eakins has to do with his work, either, but it’s probably the truth.”

“What makes you say that?” she asked.

“Because he wouldn’t be coming here otherwise.”

When we got to Raegan’s, her parents were surprised but happy to see me and welcomed me with open arms. I sat on the navy-blue kitchen counter, listening to Sarah tease Raegan about how hard it was to break her from her blankie, and listening to Raegan tell stories about Bo, her dad. Their home was decorated in red, white, and blue, American flags, and stars. Black-and-white pictures were framed on the walls, telling stories of Bo’s naval career.

Raegan and her parents waved good-bye as I left for my shift. The Red Door’s parking lot was more concrete than cars, and the small crowd didn’t stay long. I was glad I was the only bartender. I barely had enough tips to make the night worth it.

Trenton texted me a half dozen times, still asking me to come over. They were playing dominoes and then watching a movie. I imagined what it would be like to be snuggled on their dad’s couch with Trenton, and was a little jealous of Abby that she got to spend time with the Maddoxes. Part of me wanted to be there more than anything.

When I checked my messages just after close, I saw that Trenton had texted with news that Travis and Abby had called it quits. Just when I didn’t think I could take one more disappointment, my phone rang, and Trenton’s name appeared in the display.

“Hello?” I answered.

“I feel terrible,” he said, quiet. He sounded terrible, too. “I don’t think I can slip out of here tonight. Travis is in pretty bad shape.”

I swallowed back the lump forming in my throat. “It’s okay.”

“No. It’s a lot of things, but it’s definitely not okay.”

I tried to smile, hoping it would carry over into my voice. “You can make it up to me tomorrow.”

“I’m so sorry, Cami. I don’t know what to say.”

“Say you’ll see me tomorrow.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow. I promise.”

After we locked up, Kody walked me to my car. Our breath glowed white under the security lights.

“Happy Thanksgiving, Cami,” Kody said, hugging me.

I wrapped my arms around his large frame as best I could. “Happy Thanksgiving, buddy.”

“Tell Raegan, too.”

“I will.”

Kody began texting the moment he walked away.

“I assume that’s not Ray,” I said.

“Nope,” he called back. “It’s Trenton. He wanted me to text him after I dropped you off at your Jeep.”

I smiled as I hopped up into the driver’s seat, wishing I was on my way to see him.

When I got back to Bo and Sarah’s, the windows were glowing. They had all waited up for me. I hopped down out of the Jeep and slammed the door. I’d nearly made it to the front door when a car pulled up to the curb. I froze. It wasn’t a car I recognized.

T.J. stepped out.

“Oh, God,” I said, puffing out the breath I’d been holding. “You scared the shit out of me.”

“Jumpy?”

I shrugged. “A little. How did you know where I was?”

“I’m pretty good at finding people.”

I nodded once. “That you are.”

T.J.’s eyes softened. “I can’t stay long. I just wanted to . . . I don’t really know why I’m here. I just needed to see you.” When I didn’t respond, he continued. “I’ve been thinking about us a lot. Some days I think we can make it work, but then I put those thoughts away when reality sets in.”

I furrowed my brow. “What do you want from me, T.J.?”

“You want the honest truth?” he asked. I nodded, and he continued, “I’m a selfish bastard, and want you all to myself . . . even though I know I don’t have time to spend with you. I don’t want you with him. I don’t want you with anyone. I’m trying to be an adult about this, but I’m sick of holding everything in, Cami. I’m sick of being the bigger person. Maybe if you moved to California? I don’t know.”

“We wouldn’t see each other even then. Look at the last weekend I spent there. I’m not your priority.” He didn’t argue. He didn’t respond at all. But I needed to hear him say it. “I’m not, am I?”

He lifted his chin, the softness in his eyes disappeared. “No, you’re not. You never have been, and you know that. But that’s not because I don’t love you. It just is what it is.”

I sighed. “Remember when I came to California, and I mentioned that feeling that doesn’t go away? It just did.”

T.J. nodded, his eyes floating around as he processed my words. He reached for me, kissed the corner of my mouth, and then walked back to his car, driving away. As the taillights disappeared when he turned the corner, I waited for a feeling of emptiness, or tears, or something to hurt. Nothing happened. It was possible that it just hadn’t hit me, yet. Or maybe I hadn’t been in love with him for a long time. Maybe I was falling in love with someone else.

Raegan opened the door before I knocked, and she handed me a bottle of beer.

“It’s Black Friday!” Sarah said from the couch, smiling. Bo held up his beer, welcoming me inside.

“Less than five weeks to Christmas,” I said, holding up the beer to greet Raegan and Bo. The thought of a Christmas alone made me feel sick to my stomach. Hank would close the Red, so I wouldn’t even have the option of working. I wondered how Felix would explain that away to the boys. Maybe he wouldn’t get the chance. Maybe Mom would kick him out, and the dust would settle enough by then that I could come home.

We sat in the living room chatting for a while, and then Raegan and I crawled into her pink, frilly bed. Posters of Zac Efron and Adam Levine still covered the walls. After we changed into sweats, we lay on our backs and propped our feet on the wall above her headboard, crossing our sock-covered feet at the ankle. Raegan clinked her beer bottle to mine.

“Happy Thanksgiving, roomie,” she said, tucking her chin to take a drink.

“Back atcha,” I said.

My cell phone pinged. It was Trenton, wondering if I’d made it home yet.

I tapped in the words “Staying w Raegan at her parents tonight.”

He replied, “Good. Huge relief. I’ve been worrying about you all day.”

I sent back a wink face, not sure what else to say, and then let the phone fall to the mattress next to my head.

“Trenton or T.J.?” Raegan asked.

“God, when you say it that way, it sounds awful.”

“I happen to know the situation. Who was it?”

“Trenton.”

“Are you worried about T.J. being in town at all?”

“This is so awkward. I keep waiting for him to text me that he’s heard all the dirty details about Trent and me.”

“It’s a small town. It’s bound to happen.”

“I’m hoping whatever brought him here is keeping him too busy to talk to anyone.”

Raegan touched her bottle to mine again. “To impossibilities.”

“Thanks,” I said, drinking the rest in a few swallows.

“It’s not like there are that many dirty details anyway, right?”

I cringed. Trenton wasn’t exactly a virgin or insecure, so admittedly I was more than surprised that not one of the nights he’d spent in my bed did he try to undress me.

“Maybe you should tell him you have glow-in-the-dark condoms in your nightstand from Audra’s bachelorette party,” she said, taking a swig. “That is always a good icebreaker.”

I chuckled. “I also have regular.”

“Oh, right. The Magnums. For T.J.’s tree trunk.”

We both burst out laughing. I giggled until my sides hurt, and then my entire body relaxed. I let out one last sigh, and then flipped around and rested my head on the pillow. Raegan did the same, but instead of lying on her side, she was resting on her belly with her hands tucked beneath her chest.

She looked around the room. “I’ve missed talking about boys in here.”

“What’s it like?” I asked.

Raegan narrowed her eyes at me and smiled, curious. “What is what like?”

“Having that kind of childhood. I can’t imagine wishing I could go back. Not even for one day.”

Raegan’s mouth pulled to the side. “It makes me sad to hear you say that.”

“It shouldn’t. I’m happy now.”

“I know,” she said. “You deserve it, you know. Stop thinking you don’t.”

I sighed. “I’m trying.”

“T.J. should let you tell. It’s not fair to put this burden on you. Especially now.”

“Ray?”

“Yeah?”

“Good night.”

IN THE EARLY HOURS OF SATURDAY MORNING, TRENTON shot me a text that he was at my door, so I hopped up from the love seat and opened it.

“I have a doorbell, you know,” I said.

He frowned, pulling his coat off and hanging it on the closest barstool. “What are we? In 1997?” He grabbed me and flipped us both over the back of the love seat, landing on his back with me on top of him.

“Smooth,” I said, my eyes falling to his lips.

He leaned up and kissed me, and then looked up. “Where’s Ray?”

“With Brazil. They’re on a date. That’s why she left early from work tonight.”

“Weren’t they just arguing yesterday?”

“Hence the date.”

Trenton shook his head. “Am I nuts, or was she happier with Kody?”

“She feels like this is her second chance with Jason, so she’s trying to iron out the kinks, I guess. She said she was staying at his apartment tonight.”

He sat up, bringing me with him. “Did you get your paper written?”

“I did,” I said, lifting my chin. “And my statistics homework finished.”

“Oh!” Trenton said, wrapping his arms around me. “She’s beautiful and smart!”

“Don’t sound so surprised, jerk face!” I said, feigning insult.

Trenton flipped his red ball cap backward, and I giggled as he planted tiny kisses on my neck. When we realized—at the same time—that we were alone and would be all night, my laughter faded.

Trenton leaned in, staring at my lips for a moment, and then pressed his mouth against mine. The way he kissed me was different from before. It was slow, full of meaning. He even held me in a way that made it feel like it was the first time. I was suddenly nervous, and didn’t know why.

His hips moved against mine in such a small movement, I wondered if I’d imagined it. He kissed me again, this time more firmly, and his breath faltered. “God, I want you so fucking bad.”

I ran my fingers down his T-shirt, took the bottom hem in both of my fists, and then pulled. In one fluid movement, Trenton’s shirt was off, and his warm, bare skin was against me. As his tongue found its way to mine, I ran my fingers down his smooth skin, this time settling on the small of his back.

Trenton anchored himself with his elbows, keeping his full weight from bearing down on me, but he still kept the bulge under the fly of his jeans pressed against the tender part just beneath my pelvic bone. His movements were restrained, but I could tell he wanted to get rid of the fabric between us just as much as I did. I wrapped my legs around him, interlocking my ankles behind his ass. He hummed, and then whispered against my mouth. “This isn’t the way I wanted to do this.” He kissed me again. “I wanted to take you to dinner first.”