Juliana Stone - Boys Like You

She shook her head as if she was trying to decide what to say, and then she spoke so softly I had to listen hard in order to hear her.

“I talked to Rachel.”

“Rachel,” I repeated.

I tried to keep it together. To keep it cool. But the truth was, there was a lot that Rachel could tell Monroe if she wanted to screw my night up. A lot. Shit. This had to be a guy’s worst nightmare. No one wanted their ex-girlfriend gossiping about sex stuff to the new girlfriend.

“She seems really messed up.”

I nodded. Messed up was an understatement. I’d known Rachel for a long time, and she was way more messed up than anyone knew. There were a lot of family issues—mainly with her stepfather—and she smoked too much weed and drank more than she should. I wasn’t sure if she was ever going to be the carefree fun girl I started dating in ninth grade.

“What did she want?” I asked hesitantly.

“I’m not sure,” Monroe said. “But I think she was checking to make sure I was treating you right.”

Huh.

Monroe was quiet for a few moments, her forehead furrowed as if she was thinking really hard.

“She’s going to need someone this year. I mean, I won’t be upset if you are the one she leans on.”

“So let me get this straight. You’re giving me permission to hang out with my ex-girlfriend.”

Her eyebrow rose. “Just hang out. You know, if you want to, because I think she needs someone right now.”

God, I loved this girl.

“But no touching,” she continued.

I grabbed her chin. I stared into her eyes so she had to see me—had to know how I felt. “I don’t want to touch anyone but you, Monroe. There is no one else for me.” I shrugged. “There just isn’t.”

“Let’s go inside.”

I knew what she was asking. What she wanted. And it’s not like I hadn’t thought about it every night for the past few weeks. It’s not like I hadn’t dreamed of being with her. Of watching her breathe and move. Of knowing what it felt like to be inside her.

But…this wasn’t just any girl. “Are you sure, Monroe?”

Her lips slid across mine until her mouth was against my ear. “Yes.”

* * *

The house was in darkness but she didn’t care.

“Where’s your bedroom?”

I grabbed Monroe’s hand and led her down the hall. My room was at the back of the house, and I shoved the door open, following Monroe inside.

“Is there a light?” she asked, her voice light like a whisper on the wind.

I crossed to my bed and turned on the lamp. Its glow was muted, which was nice, and I watched the shadows that danced across her face.

She twirled a piece of hair between her fingers and I knew her well enough now to know that she was nervous. Hell, so was I. I’d never had sex with someone who I was in love with, and it mattered so much more on so many levels.

Sure, I thought I’d been in love with Rachel, but now I knew different. Now I’d felt and touched real love. Real love was full of emotion—it wasn’t just about the physical stuff, getting laid or making out.

Emotion and love together? It changed things.

“I’ve never…” Her eyes slid away from mine. “I’ve never done it before.”

I’d suspected Monroe was a virgin, and the enormity of what she was giving me pressed into my chest and I ran my hands through my hair, because in that moment, I didn’t know what to do.

“I’m sorry. I should have told you.” She sounded anxious. Scared.

I took the two steps needed to reach her and slid my hands into her hair, holding her so that there was nowhere for her to look but at me.

“God, Monroe. Don’t apologize. Don’t apologize for being you. For being the most incredible girl I’ve ever met.” She was everything to me. “I love you.”

“Then kiss me,” she said softly, standing on her toes to reach me.

I kissed her for the longest time. Holding her softness against me as my head spun crazily and my heart tried like hell to keep up.

Things got heavy. They got wicked heavy.

We were on my bed. My T-shirt was on the floor.

Monroe felt so damn good, and when she rolled over on top of me, I was nearly out of my mind. Her long hair was all over the place, her pale skin smooth in the dim light. Her mouth was swollen from my kisses, her cheeks flushed and rosy.

She was the hottest thing I’d ever seen, and when she slowly reached behind her neck, I froze.

We were both breathing pretty hard by this point, and I couldn’t look away as she undid her halter top and slowly peeled it away.

Nothing but my ragged breaths filled the air.

She straddled me and moved her hips slightly and I groaned. “Jesus, Monroe.”

I couldn’t take my eyes off her, and when she bent forward to lie against me, to press her softness into me, I think I might have died a little.

My hands crept up her bare back and I held her there, fighting for some kind of control.

I banged my head back into the pillow and swore under my breath.

“Nate?” she whispered into my neck. “Don’t stop.”

I turned my head and grimaced, fighting for some kind of control because things were moving fast and she felt way too damn good in my arms.

“Nate? Don’t you want…me?”

I inhaled a deep breath and reached for her, cupping her jaw so that I could stare into her eyes. I didn’t say anything. My mind was searching for the right words, so for a long time, I held her. I held her until her breathing slowed, and eventually, so did mine.

“Tell me it’s not just me who feels this connection,” I finally said, needing to hear her say the words.

“No,” she whispered. “It’s not just you, Nate.”

“Have you felt like this before?”

She shook her head no but didn’t answer.

“This connection that we have, Monroe. It’s not like anything I’ve ever felt before.” I had to try to make her understand. “And we have to work to keep it strong. Things are going to be tough with you back in New York, but we can make it work.”

“Okay…”

“No, I need you to listen. There is no okay. There is no right or wrong here. I don’t want to do anything to make you regret me. To make you regret us.”

“I could never regret us. I want this, Nate. I want to know what it feels like to belong to someone. To belong to you. In every way possible.”

God, to hear her say those words.

I searched her face. I looked into her eyes until my own blurred and I couldn’t see shit.

“Are you sure that you want to…”

But her mouth was on mine and there were no more words. There was only the taste of her lips, the feel of her tongue, and her body against mine. Hands seeking and legs entwined.

I held her as long as I could before I thought I was going to explode, and when she finally moved onto her back and reached for me, I was done for. I wanted her and I wanted to be her first.

As corny as it sounded, I wanted to be her only guy.

But most of all, I wanted to hold this feeling that we had inside me forever. And there in the dark, with Monroe in my arms, I tried to do just that.

* * *

We fell asleep, and when I woke up with blankets tangled around my legs and a warm body cuddled against me, it was her eyes I saw staring up at me. Her eyes and her pink cheeks and that slow smile that got me in the chest every time.

“Hey,” I said roughly, kind of choked up as the memories of the night before chased through my mind.

“Hey,” she replied softly.

I glanced toward my window. “Guess we’re in trouble, huh?”

She nodded. “Yeah. I texted my mother a couple of hours ago and told her we got held up and, uh, were stuck at Brent’s without a ride home.”

“Shit, really?”

“She was all about coming for me, but I told her that I’d be home for breakfast, and for whatever reason, she let it go.”

Monroe exhaled a shaky breath and her lower lip trembled. “What if we don’t see each other again? What if you go back to school and fall into your old life and forget all about me? What if all of this slips by as if it never happened and I don’t get the chance to be with you again?”

“That’s not gonna happen.”

A tear slipped down her cheek. “How do you know?”

I leaned my forehead against hers. “Because I promise it won’t.”

A heartbeat passed between us.

“Nathan?”

“Huh?” I trailed kisses down her neck and it was hard for me to think straight. Hard for me to even hear the words she was saying.

“I love you.”

“I know.”

“Nathan?”

“Yeah, babe.” I was reaching for her mouth. Wanting one more taste.

“Do you think we can do it one more time…you know, since we’re in trouble already?”

After that, there was no more talking. After that, there was just the two of us, struggling to stay inside the little cocoon we’d created.

And for now, that was good enough.

Monroe

My gram told me once when I was eleven that I could do anything. She’d been very matter of fact as she poured us each an iced tea on a steamy afternoon.

It was the kind of afternoon when the air sizzled and stuck to the insides of your clothes. The kind of afternoon that made your skin clammy and your muscles lazy. I remember that the birds were quiet but the locusts chimed like mini buzz saws.

Funny, the things that you remember, and the things that you can’t forget no matter how hard you try.

I think about that now and it seems so long ago.

I’ve learned a lot since that summer. I’ve learned that tragedy can strike when you least expect it. That life can disappear.

But I’ve also learned that life goes on. The world still turns, and every morning, the sun still rises. I learned that while pain and regret can burrow beneath your skin like a parasite, there is always hope.

We just have to be patient and lucky enough to find it. Or if you’re like me, it finds you.

Nathan Everets was my hope and I knew that I was his. He was right. Together we could do anything.

It just sucked that our together was going to end in about ten minutes.

“Flight 247, New Orleans to New York, now boarding.”

The disembodied voice cut through my thoughts and I squeezed Nate’s hands. “That’s me.”

We stood up and I watched Gram hug Mom and Dad before turning to me. Her silver hair caught a beam of light from the windows, and for a second, I thought she looked like an angel.

An angel who dressed in pearls and linen like a real southern woman.

Nate let go of my fingers and I flew into her arms, fighting the knot of emotion that clogged my throat.

How could I express to my gram everything that I’d felt and experienced this summer? How could I tell her that I think she saved me? That she and Nathan had pretty much kept the crazy out of my head so that I could heal?

“You take care of yourself, you hear?” Gram hugged me fiercely. “I love you so much, my little girl.”

“I know.”

“Thank you,” she said softly, pulling away.

“What for?” I was barely able to get the words out.

“For being strong enough to let me in.” She tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear and whispered, for my ears only. “And for catching Nathan.”

“Monroe, we’ve got to board.”

I nodded at my mother and watched my dad shake Nathan’s hand. The two of them moved off a few paces, and I waited for Nathan to come to me.

“So,” he said huskily, “I guess this is it.”

I nodded. I couldn’t speak because I was too afraid that if I tried to, I would burst into tears and things would get messy real fast.

He gathered me into a hug, his mouth next to my ear. “We’ll talk every day.”

Again I nodded.

“Skype will be our best friend, right?”

I sniffled. And nodded.

“And when Trevor gets better, I’m bringing him to New York to meet you.”

“Okay,” I whispered.

“Monroe, we have to go.” My mom looked like she was going to cry, and I kissed Nathan, a soft, quick brush of my lips.

“I love you,” I said with a smile, my eyes watery and on the verge of leaking like Niagara Falls.

Nate blew out a long breath and gave me one final hug. Then he whispered, “See you soon.”

I didn’t look back at him as I followed my parents to the boarding desk. I didn’t even look back before heading down the tunnel that took us onto our plane.

I didn’t want to remember him standing in the airport lounge with his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans and his long, sun-kissed hair touching the tops of his shoulders.