Johanna Lindsey - Brave the Wild Wind

They ate in silence, Chase confused by her abrupt change in mood. He watched her covertly, while she kept her eyes lowered and devoured her food as if she hadn’t had a meal in days. She seemed perfectly well, too well, back to her old high-tempered ways. It was hard to recall that she had been pale and sick just a few hours ago. A little sleep must have been all she needed. She’d better take it easy for a day or so, he thought, so there would be no further problem.

This silence continued. Perhaps she was more worried about Bowdre’s attempts to ruin her than he realized.

Chase began hesitantly. “You know, Jessie, if you’re just going to keep it bottled up and brood about it, it’s going to fester.”

“What?” She looked at him with wide eyes.

“You know what I’m talking about,” Chase said flatly.

“I’m afraid I don’t,” she hedged.

“Laton Bowdre, of course. The theft of your cattle. It’s not the end of the world, you know.”

She sighed. “No.”

“Well?” Chase prompted after a while.

“There isn’t much to say.” She shrugged. “I’m simply going to kill the bastard if I ever see him again.”

Chase burst out laughing. “No, you’re not, Jessie. Come on now, be serious.”

“I’m dead serious.”

“What will you do, challenge him?”

“Why not?” she countered.

“Because he can decline, and no one will think the worse of him for it. No man would face a woman in a gunfight, not even scum like Bowdre.”

“He’s not going to get away with this, Chase. If I had proof, I’d leave it to the sheriff, but without proof, I have to take care of it myself. What else can I do?”

“Let me take care of it.”

“You challenge Bowdre?”

“Yes.”

“No.”

Her flat refusal irritated him. “But he would accept a showdown with me, Jessie.”

“I said no! That’s not right.”

“It’s probably all over with, anyway,” Chase said. “Bowdre undoubtedly got what your father’s note was worth and more when he sold your cattle. He’s probably satisfied and long gone from this area.”

“I hope not,” Jessie replied bitterly.

“Bloodlust never solved anything, Jessie. You’re not ruined. Just scratch this loss. Forget it.”

“That’s easy for you to say, Chase Summers. It’s not your life that’s threatened. My ranch isn’t big enough to absorb this loss. Thomas Blair never meant to be a cattle king. He just wanted to settle on the land where he’d spent his youth, and ranching offered the solution. Our herd was never very big. We lose a good portion of it every winter, anyhow. The blizzard of ‘66 wiped out seventy percent of our gain, and Thomas went into debt then, too, to replenish the stock. No sooner did he pay that debt off than he got the idea for the grand house. It seems we’ve always been in debt, selling just enough cattle each year to get by. I can’t afford this loss.”

Chase felt strangely affected by her speech. He was feeling her pain right along with her. “You know your mother would gladly help you out, Jessie.”

“Forget it,” she snarled.

After that, he knew he’d be wasting his time making his own offer. But then, you never knew. He had to offer.

“Would you consider taking a loan from me? I won a good sum in Cheyenne, more than I need.”

Jessie sat back, shaking her head. “What is it with you, Chase? First you want to fight my battles, now you want to lend me money. Are you feeling that guilty over my ruination at your hands? Has Rachel gotten to you?”

She surprised him. She wasn’t angry, just confused. Well, no more confused than he was!

“Well, Chase?” she prompted.

He scowled and replied gruffly, “All right. Let’s just say I owe you.”

“No. Let’s be honest and agree you don’t,” she came back coolly.

Again she managed to surprise him.

“Facts are facts, Jessie. You were a virgin before I touched you.”

“Oh, so what!” she cried in exasperation. “If you had forced me, then you would owe me. But you didn’t. Have you forgotten that I wanted you, too?”

Jessie could have bitten her tongue. Furious with herself, she added curtly, “It was purely physical.”

“Far be it for me to assume anything else,” he said just as curtly.

“You needn’t be sarcastic.”

“And you don’t have to convince me that you feel nothing for me,” he retorted coldly. “I am quite aware of that. But you’ve skirted the issue. You may feel now that the loss of your virginity doesn’t matter one bit, but you’ll feel differently when you marry someday and have to explain that loss to a husband.”

Chase thought he had lost his senses when she burst into laughter, rich, musical laughter.

“I fail to see what’s so amusing, Jessie.”

“I bet you do,” she laughed, barely able to get the words out.

She tried to stifle her laughter. How she would have liked to tell him what she found so ridiculously funny. If she ever did marry, her husband would be accepting her with a child in tow. Her virginity, or lack of it, would hardly be a question!

“I’m sorry,” she said, calming herself.

“Not at all,” he replied caustically. “Why should I expect you to feel like other girls? I keep forgetting you’re not at all like other girls.”

Jessie sobered. “I’m not so different.”

“No?” he said rudely.

“No. It’s just, being raised as I was, I see things in a different light. I see things like... how many men go to their wedding beds virgins? If it’s acceptable for a man to have lovers before marriage, why can’t a woman? As long as I’m faithful afterward, it shouldn’t matter.”

“Only you would think so, Jessie. Men aren’t so open-minded.”

“Well, then, it just goes to show the difference between the Indian’s and the white man’s viewpoint. Little Hawk didn’t care that I wasn’t a virgin.”

Chase stiffened, and his eyes turned coal black. “And how did he know that, Jessie? Did you let him find out firsthand?”

Jessie stood up, placed her hands on the table, and leaned forward. “I’m not going to take exception to that.” Her blazing eyes belied her words. “Little Hawk was entirely honorable except for one stolen kiss. He wanted me for his wife, not some passing fancy.”

It struck home. Her eyes bored into his. Chase’s anger shriveled. He was guilty as charged. He hadn’t wanted her for his wife... but that didn’t mean he didn’t want Jessie.

Chase stood up slowly and leaned forward in the same manner as Jessie, their faces only a foot apart now. His voice was a deep whisper. “Do you have any idea how beautiful you are when you get like this?”

Jessie drew back warily. “That’s a far way off from the subject we were on.”

“True. But when you look like this, I have a hard time thinking of any subject but one.”

Jessie could scarcely meet his eyes. His voice was so husky when he got in this disarming mood. And that damned knowing smile of his...

She made a frantic dash for the door, but just as she opened it, he slammed it shut. “You don’t want to go out there. The cattle are fine, and there’s too much snow to get any work done. We’ll stay right here.” He turned her around and hooked his hands behind her back. “Isn’t it nicer in here, and warmer? And you’ve got nothing better to do than let me love you.”

He was kissing her before she could think. She wouldn’t let herself feel anything this time—she wouldn’t! He was no good, he was... he was setting her blood on fire, damn him, just like before. Her muscles relaxed, making her lean into him. Her legs felt useless.

He was doing it to her, making her want him with the feel and touch of his body, the persuasion of his lips. His belly was pressed against her, making hers flutter wildly. The moment she wrapped her arms around his neck, he crushed her to him even closer.

“You’ll let me love you, Jessie?”

“Yes.”

“All day?”

“Yes.”

“And all night?”

“For God’s sake, stop talking!” she whispered.

Chase laughed deeply and swept her into his arms. He carried her to the cots and, with his knee, shoved the two together before laying her down. He began to remove his clothes immediately, and Jessie did the same. She couldn’t take her eyes away as one article of clothing followed another into a pile on the floor. She found that just the sight of his body had the power to excite her, and her own hands were clumsy because of it. He was done before she was half finished undressing.

Chase leaned over to help her, and impulsively Jessie caught his face between her hands and kissed him, not with passion, but tenderly.

When she released him, Chase was looking at her strangely. That kiss hadn’t been a response to his own kisses, but something entirely different. He stood looking at her for a moment, then lay down beside her. They were both naked, and he enjoyed just lying there, bare skin against bare skin.

She was watching him, running her hands over his chest in a delightful way.

“Are you going to act this way with every man who wants you?” His voice was light and teasing, but he wanted to know.

“I haven’t so far,” Jessie replied.

“Which doesn’t mean you won’t.”

“No, it doesn’t.”

He looked down at her, his features rapidly turning solemn. “Jessie ...”

She caught her fingers in his hair. “Shut up and love me, Chase.”

THE next morning, Chase woke before Jessie. The sun was shining, the snow having given up sometime in the night. He didn’t feel the slightest urge to get up and face the new day. He leaned on one elbow and stared at Jessie. She slept on her side, facing him, wrapped tightly in her cocoon of blankets. He wished they were in a large single bed so he could get closer to her and share her warmth.

He thought of her illness and wondered if she would be sore today. He supposed he had overdone it. He had made love to her no less than four times in the course of the late day and evening, and even then he didn’t feel he’d had enough of her. He had taught her the benefits of patience where loving was concerned and had explored her body to his heart’s delight.

She was incredible, ready every time he was ready. And she’d been just as passionate and giving the fourth time as the first.

He wished it had gone right on snowing. He wished like hell they didn’t have to leave the cabin.

Jessie moaned softly, and her face screwed up in a frown.

“Jessie?”

She moaned again, and he shook her lightly in case it was a bad dream.

“Don’t... shake... me!” she groaned.

“Wake up, Jessie.”

But she didn’t want to wake up, not with her stomach awakened to her morning complaint.

“I’m sorry, Jessie,” she heard Chase say. “It might help some if you got up and walked the stiffness out of your muscles. The sun’s up and shining this morning.”

Morning. How early was it? How many dreadful hours did she have yet to contend with this infernal nausea? But even a short time in Chase’s presence was too risky. She couldn’t let him know she was sick again. He wouldn’t understand, not after her perfect health of yesterday afternoon and night. Or he might understand all too well.

“I, ah, don’t think I can move right now,” Jessie managed.

“You’re making me feel guilty as all hell, Jessie. It can’t be that bad.”

She finally opened her eyes. “It’s not that bad,” she offered. “I’m just going to lie here for a while yet. But you don’t have to wait here. Go on and get to work. That’s the privilege of being the boss, you know.” She tried to grin. “Giving orders and taking it easy while others do all the work.”

Chase didn’t buy that for a second, not from Jessie. He got up and dressed, casting worried glances at her all the while. Perhaps she just wanted some time to herself, time to think. He wished she would simply say as much, instead of making him feel like a louse.

After he dressed he got the fire going for her, its warmth quickly filling the small room. But Jessie still hadn’t moved.

“I’ll head out then,” Chase said reluctantly. “But the least I can do is offer some relief before I go. A massage is in order, I think.”

“No!”

“Now, come on, Jessie. Quit being so modest. It can only help,” he said as he pulled her blankets down and turned her onto her back.

“Don’t... touch... me!”

Chase drew back as if burned and watched her curl slowly back onto her side. She had said exactly the same thing yesterday morning when she’d been so sick. The pale face was the same, too, and the way she kept her arms well away from her stomach.