But now, after his demanding and desperate touch has subsided, I can see the concern in his eyes, and I wish he could feel the way I do inside. If he could understand how good this ache feels, he wouldn’t worry. He strokes my back and glides his hand over my sore bottom. I turn on my stomach and let his hand stroke my backside. He’s incredibly gentle, and after a moment, he’s leaning up and over me, trailing small kisses all along my back. He eventually makes his way down to my throbbing rear, and he doesn’t hesitate a moment before continuing his trail down over each cheek of my buttocks. It is gentle and relaxing, and as I drift to sleep, he continues to let his mouth tenderly claim and caress every bruise and pain on my body. And the last thought I remember as I give into sleep is, God, I hope there’s a next time.

Chapter 11

I get up early, having lain awake for what seems like hours. I don’t want to leave Rowan’s warm body for even a moment, but in my restlessness I’ve made a decision, and I can’t possibly know if Rowan will argue with me or agree to my new “arrangement.” She’s sleeping soundly when I creep to the kitchen. I start coffee before I sit down at the table and try to distract myself until she wakes. I’m hoping caffeine will work its clarifying magic on me.

I feel guilty about what happened with her father last night, and so jealously protective of her. I can’t help but wonder if she blames me as much as I blame myself. It was ridiculous of me to think I could protect her from her father. Was I really so arrogant or just stupid to think it was ever a possibility? I want to keep her near me, and my obsession with her has made it impossible for me to even try to separate myself from her right now, especially when the end of our time together is so near. So the decision is quite simple. But the logistics of it are another problem entirely, and getting her to agree to it, yet another.

She absolutely won’t go back to that house. What’s so complicated about that? Managing to keep our little arrangement a secret, for one. The aftermath of my moving cross-country for another. She won’t be moving to Ann Arbor until the end of the summer. My apartment will be rented out to someone else as soon as I’ve moved out and that leaves a stretch of three months where she won’t have a place to live. I know all too well how quickly things can disintegrate with her father, and that is more than enough time for him to hurt her if she doesn’t have a safe place to be. I can’t ask her to stay with Sara during the entire summer break because she would without a doubt refuse, not to mention the questions this would incite from my family. And while I’d like nothing else than to drag her along to Colorado with me for the summer, that certainly would go over like the Hindenburg on more than one front.

The only plan I can seem to come up with that doesn’t blatantly announce our little secret to my entire family is putting her up in her own apartment in Allendale for a time or sending her to Ann Arbor early and paying for an apartment there. Sara won’t appreciate Rowan moving to Ann Arbor three months early, leaving her alone in Allendale for the summer before she follows at the beginning of the school year. But a summer apartment in Allendale will no doubt raise at least some questions with Sara and my family. And, of course, Rowan will worry about the money—not that I have any intention of making her pay for anything, and that alone will be grounds for an argument.

She’ll feel like a burden to me, and it will go against that strong independent streak that is so engrained in her after so many years of fending for herself. Why she could imagine for even a second that she is an inconvenience to me is beyond my understanding. Maybe I’d feel the same way in her position, but she must know by now I’d have her no place but by me, protected jealously by me, and cared for ceaselessly by me. Then again, I would be moving away from her in only a couple short months, and the feeling of abandoning her might just rip me apart by then. The thought of leaving her is a painful stab in my gut I’ve had to get very used to dealing with lately. I wonder if it will be as difficult for her as it is for me. Difficult, perhaps, but as difficult, I can’t imagine. But then, I could never imagine being so attached to someone in all my life either.

A few short months ago, I would never have believed I could become so obsessed with someone as I have her. What happened last night was the most amazing and erotic catastrophe I’ve ever created. Obviously, keeping my hands off of her was a battle I pitifully lost. But by having her more or less move in here permanently for the next few months, I would have to worry about keeping my dick out of her, too.

That was the second of the decisions I’d made lying wide awake in bed this morning next to Rowan. I wouldn’t rob her of her virginity just to leave her mere weeks later. I may have given up on keeping my hands off her, but I certainly wouldn’t take that from her as well. The idea of giving into one final desire and ultimately using her just leaves a horrible bitter taste in my mouth. She deserves far more from the man who takes her virginity, and as much as I wish it could be me, I know it can’t. But the idea of it being anyone other than me nearly stops my heart in my chest. I simply can’t give into the temptation. However, now that I’ve opened Pandora’s box, I did intend to give her every ounce of pleasure she could handle between now and then… just sans sex. Perhaps it will make leaving her even more painful and torturous, but I have a very strong feeling it will be agony either way.

I finally return to my bedroom, tired of waiting for her to wake and missing the feel of her warmth. She rouses when she hears me enter the room, and she smiles sleepily and quite shyly up at me. I sit on the side of the bed and lean down to kiss her still swollen lip. The crack down the middle of her bottom lip looks painful but better than it did the night before, and I’m glad at least she won’t be faced with the probing questions of her friends at school today, not to mention Sara.

When I finally break from her mouth, she looks imploringly at me, and I know a question is to come. She seems nervous and unsure about what she wants to say but finally manages to choke out the question that’s been tormenting her for the better part of the last minute. “Will you make love to me?”

I knew this question would be coming soon enough, and I shake my head slowly, not wanting to upset her, but I can tell by the look on her face she’s hurt, not to mention embarrassed. She looks away quickly, not knowing what to say to save her dignity, and I jump in to reassure her. “You know I want to. I’d just like you to stay intact a while longer. It’s important to me.” Well, that was as close to the truth as I was willing to go with her at the moment. And right now, my need to please her body and assuage her feeling of rejection is overwhelming.

My mouth finds its way down to her breasts and her waiting, taut nipples. She instantly sighs in relief, and I instantly want more. She starts to arch her back into my mouth as her pleasure builds, and I run my hand down her perfect stomach and then further down to her wet center. I’m surprised when she suddenly stops me, especially given her recent propensity for sexual gratification. But she pulls my reluctant hand away from her body and draws my gaze up to hers.

“I want something else then.”

Apparently Let’s Make a Deal will be the game of the day. I hesitate. “What might that be?”

“I want to taste you. I want you in my mouth. Can we do that?” The insecure hopefulness in her voice is a turn on in and of itself. Never mind the image I’ve had in my mind for so long now of her kneeling in front of me sucking me deep into her mouth. Well, I certainly wouldn’t want to turn her down twice in a row. That would just be cruel. I nod before asking if she’s sure, which, of course, she replies she is. My morning just got 100 percent better. But then I notice the swollen, split lip, and I’m compelled to warn her. “You know this might just split your lip open again.”

Now it’s her turn, and she chuckles. “I’m willing to take my chances.”

“Well then, how would you like me, my dear? Here on the bed, lying down, sitting down, standing up? I’m at your command.” I toy with her.

She blushes furiously. “Lying down?”

I waste no time sprawling myself out on my back next to her in the middle of the bed. She rises hesitantly to her knees at my side while I look up laughing at her. She smiles shyly down at me before climbing between my spread legs. She looks nervous and excited all at the same time, and I can’t help but smile challengingly back at her.

“What do you want me to do?”

“Whatever you’d like.”

* * *

As I stare down at his thick, hard erection, I want to touch him but am almost too terrified to move. I want more than anything to put my mouth around him but am quite certain I’ll make a complete fool of myself. Logan watches me expectantly and patiently while I battle my self-consciousness. Finally, sensing my terror isn’t going to subside anytime soon, he rescues me. “Why don’t you start by touching me with your hand? We can just see where that goes. Okay?”

I nod stiffly, suddenly feeling more pathetic than I can handle. But I reach out to his waiting shaft and am relieved when he gasps at the first touch of my fingers. I remember the way I touched him the night before, so I start to stroke him. He continues to breathe deeply and study my movements. My own arousal is building with nothing more than the sound of his relaxed and contented breath.

I spend a short time just stroking him. “Do you want to taste me now?” I nod slowly. “You don’t have to take all of me in your mouth. Just kiss me and lick me with your tongue until you’re ready.”

My whole body is shaking when I lean down to his waiting cock. I slowly kiss my way along the shaft until I reach the tip. There, I lick around the head. Logan props himself up on the pillows and watches my every move. I continue to lick and kiss my way all around his throbbing penis, too nervous to look up at him. I reach out with my hand and cup his balls, letting them roll around in my palm. This incites another sharp inhalation of breath and with every sign of his pleasure, I relax more and more. When I finally look up at him, he is still studying me with an almost pained look on his face.

When I ask if I’m hurting him, his only response is, “God, no. Suck me. Please. Take me in your mouth.”

I lean back down and kiss the underside of his head just where the skin draws up in a peak one more time before sliding my lips over the head and down along the shaft. My bottom lip instantly sends splinters of pain through my lower mouth, but his sudden and uncontrolled moan of pleasure drives my pain out of my mind and pushes me further. I want nothing more than to make him come with my mouth. His moaning is all the approval I need to set my self-conscious fears aside. I start sucking and pulling him into my mouth as I slide down and back up along his cock. He continues to moan quietly and enticingly as my mouth is stretched to the limit. He reaches down and runs his hands through my hair.

He begs in a quiet, breathless voice, “Look at me.” I look up at his eyes to see his unrestrained expression staring back at me. “Oh God, Row.”

His panting is ragged and he’s getting very close to his breaking point. I continue to torture him with my mouth and reach my hand up to stroke his slippery, wet cock. The response I get to my hand touching him is his hand winding tighter in my hair as he cries out in ecstasy.

It doesn’t take long for him to warn me he’s going to come. I have no intention of stopping until he’s finished, and after the second warning, he gives up trying to be thoughtful and unleashes himself in my mouth. I feel the warmth of his semen filling my mouth, and my satisfaction at having fulfilled him is overwhelming. I swallow his cum, feeling the warm saltiness of him run down my throat as he looks down at me in repletion. My own contentment is overshadowed only by my need to be touched by him, and I start to move my way up his body.

Before long, I’m straddling his legs just below his hips and can feel the base of his still engorged penis between the cleft of my lips. My body wants him inside me, but the look of warning in his eyes is unmistakable. Warning or not, I slide the cleft of my lips up his shaft. The length of his cock provokes my swollen nub to an almost frenzy of pleasure, but he stays my hips with his hands before I can push my wet opening down over the head of his shaft. And with one simple word, he makes it very clear what we won’t be doing. “No.”