* * *

The following morning, Christina awoke knowing that something was urgently important. Then she remembered she was going to write to John this morning. Excited, she started to get up. Then she felt Philip's hand resting lazily between her breasts, and a different excitement consumed her.

Philip still slept, and there was nothing important enough to make her leave his side. Christina wondered fleetingly if she should wake him, but then his eyes opened slowly and he smiled at her.

"I'd have thought that you'd be writing your letter already," he said sleepily as his hand moved slightly, cupping a soft, rounded breast.

"You were sleeping so peacefully that I didn't want to disturb you," she lied. "Are you hungry?"

"Only for you, my sweet." He smiled and brought his lips down to her other breast, sending fire coursing through her body.

"I wouldn't want to deny nourishment to a hungry man," she whispered, and wrapped her arms about him as he mounted her.

Later, Amine called for entrance just as Christina and Philip came out of the bedroom. When she entered with the morning meal and saw the contentment on Christina's face, she was very happy for her friend.

"It is going to be a nice day, I think," Amine remarked cheerfully as she set the tray of food down on the table.

"Yes, it's a beautiful day," Christina sighed contentedly as she sat down on the couch. She blushed deeply when she saw Philip looking at her quizzically, for she had not been outside the tent yet and would have no idea what kind of day it was. "Ah—how is little Syed?" she blurted out, trying to hide her embarrassment.

"He is fine," Amine smiled knowingly. "He follows his father everywhere now, and Syed is happy to take him along."

"I'm glad," Christina replied, gaining back her composure. "That's the way it should be. Oh—I'm almost finished with little Syed's robe. I'll bring it to you later."

"You are so kind, Christina." Amine smiled timidly. She had never before had a friend like Christina, who was so good to her and generous with her time. She loved her dearly and would do anything for her. "I will see you later."

Philip regarded Christina all through breakfast, making her nervous and embarrassed. When they finished eating, he finally spoke to her.

"I used to write to Paul before I went back to England, so everything that you'll need to write your letter is in my chest. I'll go and tell Saadi what he must do, and be back later."

As soon as Philip left the tent, Christina rushed into the bedroom. She was filled with happiness to be able to let John know that she was all right. She found the box containing writing supplies and went back into the main room. She sat down and after a few minutes started the letter.


To My Beloved Brother,

Forgive me, John, for not writing to you before now, but it didn't occur to me to do so until just recently. Let me begin by telling you I am perfectly well in both body and spirit, and that I am truly happy.

You probably thought me dead, since three months have passed. I am so sorry if I have caused you anguish, but that is what I wanted you to think. At first I didn't know what was to become of me, so it was better that you did not know I was alive. But now everything has changed.

Do not think badly of me when I tell you that I am living with a man. I don't wish to tell you his name, for that doesn't matter. What does matter is that I love him and I want to stay with him. We are not married, but that doesn't matter, either. As long as I know that he wants me, I will be happy.

This man that I love is the same man who took me from you, and at first I hated him. But being with him from day to day slowly turned that hate into love. I didn't even know it had happened until two weeks ago when he was almost lost to me. But since then I have learned that I want to stay with him forever. I don't know if he loves me or not, but as time passes, I pray that he will.

Perhaps in the future he will marry me, but even if he doesn't, I will stay with him until he no longer wants me. I would tell you where I am, but he doesn't wish it. I know in my heart that someday I will see you again, John. Until I do, please don't worry about me. I am happy here, and I do not want for anything.

John, I pray you, don't judge me harshly, for I cannot help what I feel in my heart for this man. I would do anything for him. Please understand this and forgive me if I have caused you pain. You know that I wouldn't do so intentionally. He wanted me, and so he took me. As he says, it is the way of this land, and now I love him and want him more than anything. Understand this for my sake.

I love you, Crissy


Christina leaned back and sealed the letter. She was satisfied with what she had written, but she couldn't let Philip see the letter. She started to leave the tent to find Saadi, when Philip came in.

"If you're finished with your letter, my sweet, I'll give it to Saadi. He's waiting outside."

"No," she said a bit too quickly. "I'll give it to him."

Philip looked at her critically. "You haven't told your brother where you are, have you?"

"Philip, you asked me not to, so I didn't. I give you my word. If you will not trust me now, then you never will."

"All right You may give the letter to Saadi," he said, and opened the entrance cover for her.

Saadi was waiting on his horse. Christina handed him the letter and whispered, "Go with God."

He smiled down at her sheepishly, his eyes filled with admiration, then he kneed his horse and started down the hill. Christina stood and watched him until he was out of sight Then she turned to Philip, who was standing beside her, and placed her hand nervously on his arm.

"Thank you again, Philip. I feel much better now that John will know I'm all right"

"Doesn't that warrant another kiss, my sweet?"

"Indeed it does," she returned. And she put her arms around his neck, pulling him down to her lips.

Chapter Twenty

СHRISTINA was curled up on the couch absentmindedly staring at the chipped glass cup in her hands that contained her morning tea. She was trying desperately to remember what Philip had told her this morning before he left It had been so early, and she had been so tired from the night before, that she hadn't come fully awake to listen to him.

He had said something about going to sign a treaty with Sheik Yamaid Alhabbal to ensure that the two tribes would not conflict over the water they shared. He would be making arrangements for a meeting of the tribes to celebrate their renewed friendship. He would be gone for the entire day and possibly the night as well.

It all seemed so vague that Christina wondered if she could possibly have dreamed the whole thing. But if it had been a dream, where was Philip? He had not been in bed when she finally awoke. And Amine told her later that she had seen him talking to Rashid very early by the corral and that Philip had then ridden out of camp.

Suddenly Christina felt very lonely. Philip had never been away from her for a whole day before, except that time when she was stolen from him. It was still early morning, and she missed him already. What the devil was she going to do with herself today?

Perhaps there was a book in the collection Philip had given her that she had missed reading. She went to the cabinet where she kept her books and started rummaging through them. But before she had a chance to look them over, Rashid called from outside asking to enter.

Christina straightened up and smoothed her skirt before he entered. She started to smile, glad that she had someone to talk to for a while, but stopped when she saw the grave expression on Rashid's face.

"What is it, Rashid? What has happened?" she asked hurriedly.

"I have something for you, Christina. It is from Abu."

She ran to Rashid and quickly took the piece of paper he held out to her. But she was afraid to open it. Why did Rashid look so nervous, and why had Philip left her a note? But she was being silly. This was probably some kind of surprise or perhaps an apology for leaving her so quickly this morning while she was still half-asleep.

Christina walked over to the couch and sat down, still holding the note clutched in both hands. Slowly she opened it and began to read.


Christina,

I have asked Rashid to take you back to your brother. I did not think it would happen, but the fires have died and there is no point in going on. I am setting you free, which is what you have always wanted. I wish you to be gone before I return. It will be better that way.

Philip


Christina shook her head slowly, staring at the note in disbelief. No—this wasn't true! It was some kind of cruel joke. But why did she feel so sick inside? She wasn't even aware of the tears that had come to her eyes, but she felt a choking lump swelling in her throat and a tightening in her chest. Her hands felt cold and clammy as she crumpled the piece of paper and squeezed it tightly in one hand.

"Dear God, why—why would he do this to me now?" she whispered hoarsely.

The tears flowed freely down her cheeks, and her nails dug deeply into her palm as she squeezed the piece of paper that had shattered her life. But she felt nothing but the anguish that consumed her.

Rashid stood before her and rested his hand gently on her shoulder.

"Christina, we must leave now."

"What?"

Christina looked up at him as if she didn't even know who he was. But life returned to her, and she suddenly felt angry at Philip. How could he so callously dispose of her?

"No!" she said quickly, her voice filled with emotion. "I am not leaving. I will not be cast aside like an old shirt. I'll stay here and face him. Let him tell me himself that he wants me to go. I'll not make it easy for him."

Rashid looked at her in surprise. "But I thought you wanted to go back to your brother. You told me yourself that things were not well between you and Abu."

"But that was a long time ago. Everything has changed since then. Rashid, I love him."

"You did not tell him of this?"

"No," she whispered. "How could I tell him when I didn't know how he felt? But now I do know."

"I am sorry, Christina. But you cannot stay here. He ordered me to take you away before he returns."

"Well, I won't go. Let him tell me to my face he doesn't want me."

Rashid looked desperate. "Christina, we must go! I did not wish to tell you this, but you have forced me. Abu does not desire you any longer. He wants you out of the way so he can marry Nura when he returns."

"Did he tell you this?"

"Yes," Rashid said quietly, with his eyes downcast.

"When?"

"This morning—before he left. But he has spoken of it before. It was always expected that he would marry Nura. Now we must go. I will help you get your things."

There was no point in staying to be tortured further. Christina went to the bedroom and opened the curtains. She wanted to have one last look at the room where she had spent so many happy nights. Why did she have to feel this way—why had she fallen in love with Philip? If she had continued to hate him, she would be happy at this moment. Instead, she felt as if her life had ended.

Then she remembered that she couldn't ride through the desert as she was dressed now. She walked to the chest that contained all her clothes, took out her black velvet robe and kufiyah, and donned them quickly.

She would take nothing with her except the clothes she wore—not even the ruby-studded comb in her hair. She remembered how surprised she had been when Philip gave it to her for Christmas. She tossed it on the bed, for she wanted nothing that would remind her of him. But when she saw the looking glass that Rashid had given her, Christina thought of Amine. She picked it up and left the bedroom.

"Christina, we must get your things."

She turned to face Rashid.

"I will take nothing that Philip has given me. I just want to say good-bye to Amine—and give her this," Christina said, holding up the mirror. "I don't want anything that will remind me of this place. But Amine has been a good friend to me, and I'd like to give her something. You understand, don't you?"