Coen—­November 1, 2010

I WAS FROWNING by the time Saco’s wife, Olivia, was done ranting and bitching loud enough that I’d begun to wonder if she was trying to let me hear her.

Saco groaned. “Sorry, man.”

Waiting until I made sure I wouldn’t tell him he’d made a mistake in marrying her, I asked, “What was that about this time?”

“She took what little savings I had after buying the house, and put it down on a brand-­new Mercedes yesterday without telling me. When she came back, she got pissed that I wasn’t happy for her and took off to her parents’ house.”

“Are you serious?”

“I don’t know how I’m supposed to be happy about her draining our savings, and then giving us a car payment I can’t afford.” He let out a long sigh. “Anyway, that was her, just coming back from her parents’. I’d had to go out and buy formula last night so I could feed Tate.”

I wouldn’t say it. I would. Not. Say. It. “I’m sorry, Brody.”

“Aw, damn. You’re using my first name, I think I would rather you tell me I made a mistake.”

“Are you a mind reader now?”

He laughed, but it still sounded off. “Nah, I just know you. Tell me something to get my mind off her bullshit. How are you and Reagan?”

I didn’t want to sit there and brag about my relationship when the only good thing to come from Saco’s was his son, but I knew he needed the distraction. “We’re great, to be honest. Things have . . . I don’t know. So much has changed.”

“Good or bad?”

“Good. Every day that passes I know more and more that I need them, and I don’t know what I would do without them. I hate that they don’t live with me, I can’t stand the fact that they aren’t my family. I don’t know how it happened, but I love that kid, and I love his mom so damn much. I want to marry her. I want to adopt—­”

“Whoa, wait.” Saco cut me off. “What? I knew you were really into her, but didn’t the two of you just start dating a few months ago?”

I paused and thought for a second. “No.”

“Yeah, Steele, it’s only been a few months. I’ve been home for a little over three months, you met her after I got home.”

My head jerked back. “Yeah, I met her the day I got out, but that was the middle of August. That was—­”

“Two and a half months ago.” Saco was quiet while I sat there, not moving, not blinking. “So two and a half months, and you already want to marry her and adopt her son?”

I still wasn’t saying anything. That couldn’t be right.

“From what you’ve told me, and the stories I’ve heard from Hudson, Reagan’s incredible. But slow down, you’re twenty-­four, she’s twenty-­two . . . just let this play out for a while. Make sure this is what you want first. Make sure you want to be a dad. I know you love them, but you don’t want to make a decision now, regret it later, and break their hearts then. If it’s meant to be, then it’s not like either of you are going anywhere. So enjoy getting to know her before you marry her. You’ll have the rest of your life with her and Parker.”

“Yeah,” I said on a breath, but I still couldn’t believe what had felt like six . . . seven months with them was only two and a half. And still I wanted them to be mine. What was it Reagan had said to me in Hudson’s apartment? “Everything’s fast with us, but fast feels right when I’m with you.” Never had truer words been spoken.


SCANNING THROUGH THE last dozen or so shots I’d just gotten, I nodded to myself and looked up at my client. “Those are gonna look great, man. If you wanted to change one more time, go for it.”

It was only supposed to be an hour-­long shoot, which is why I’d taken it when he called. And even though this is what I loved doing, I was glad the hour was almost up. I wanted to be with Reagan and Parker.

I walked over and started adjusting the lights while he changed, and glanced over my shoulder when I heard the side door to my studio open. My lips stretched into a wide grin when Reagan and Parker walked in.

Reagan’s eyes widened, and an apologetic look crossed her face when she looked around. “I didn’t know you had a shoot tonight.”

“Last minute.” I shrugged and pulled her in to kiss her quickly before hugging Parker. “Hey, bud! How was school?”

“It was good.” He looked past me at my client and asked loudly, “Are you going to shoot him?”

Reagan looked horrified for all of a second before a sharp laugh burst from her chest, and it took everything in me to keep from laughing with her and my client.

Bending down, I got close to Parker’s face and spoke softly. “Remember when I took pictures with you and your mom?” He nodded. “That’s the kind of shooting I’m doing.”

“Oh, yeah. That was cool.”

I smiled at him. “It was cool.”

“Well we’ll go so you can get back to it,” Reagan said as she put a hand on Parker’s shoulder to pull him back. “Are you coming over tonight?”

“I planned on it,” I said each word slowly as I judged her reaction.

“Okay, I’m exhausted from today—­”

Disappointment quickly flooded my chest, but I refused to let her see it. “Then I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She laughed and placed a hand on my chest. “I meant, I’m exhausted in that I’m just going to be ordering takeout instead of cooking. Please come over.”

“Takeout sounds perfect, and maybe bed early and I’ll take care of you since you’re so exhausted . . .” I raised an eyebrow and she blushed.

“Coen,” she chastised.

“Drive safe, Duchess, I’ll see you soon.”

After a quick light-­saber stabbing from Parker and a kiss from Reagan, they left my studio, and I just stood there staring at the door they’d walked through.

“I didn’t know you were married.”

I turned to look at my client and laughed awkwardly. “Uh, I’m not. That’s my girlfriend.”

He looked over at the door, and a look crossed his face like that had explained it all. “Got it! Now I don’t feel bad thinking that kid had probably been the result of the milkman.”

My face dropped and hands clenched into fists, but I forced myself to laugh again. “You ready to finish this?”

“Yeah, but, Coen . . . I wouldn’t be looking out for you if I didn’t say this.” He put his hands on his hips and looked at me like he was about to deliver the worst news possible.

I steadied myself and crossed my arms over my chest as I waited for him to continue. I still hadn’t completely ruled out punching him.

“I dated this girl for a while who had a daughter. I was cool with her kid, the girl was a total sweetheart. Next thing I know my girlfriend’s pregnant and freaking out, saying she can’t have another kid by herself. She tried so damn hard to get me to marry her before she had the baby; but that wasn’t about to happen. And thank God it didn’t. Found out after the kid was born that he wasn’t even mine. My girlfriend had to do a paternity test to find out who the father was because she had been fucking four different guys. Trying to get one of us to marry her because she wanted someone to help her raise her first kid. And she’d sworn up and down she was on the pill. I believed her, trusted her, loved her and her daughter . . .”

My forehead bunched together. “What exactly are you getting at?”

He held up his hands like he was surrendering. “I’m not trying to piss you off, and your girlfriend may be amazing. But I thought my girl had been amazing too. I’d admired how strong she was, and how she never wanted help from anyone. How she’d never let anyone into her and her daughter’s life before me. How she supported her and her daughter all by herself. It wasn’t until push came to shove that everything began unraveling, and I found out everything had been bullshit. An illusion that the four of us—­hell, maybe even more—­had fallen for.”

My body had locked up at some point, and I had to force myself to start breathing again. Keeping my expression blank so he wouldn’t realize he’d just explained Reagan perfectly, I stared at him for a bit longer as I tried to block the words he’d just told me, and finally shook my head. “You don’t know my girlfriend.”

“All right. I’m sorry, you’re right, I don’t. I just . . . when you said she was your girlfriend, it was like déjà vu, and I wish there’d been someone to warn me. So, I had to at least give you something to think about. I told you, she might be amazing. That was just my experience, and I felt like I needed to warn you or something. Sorry for overstepping my bounds.”

“Let’s just finish this shoot, yeah?” I walked over to grab my camera, and no matter how hard I tried not to think about it . . . I couldn’t stop.

His story, and thoughts of what Saco was currently going through, flooded my mind. One with an ex-­girlfriend who matched mine. One with a wife who had succeeded in trapping him in a marriage by getting pregnant. I’d never once worn a condom with Reagan. Even though she’d avoided men, she’d been on the pill ever since Parker was born.

Or, that’s what she’d told me.

Now that I thought about it. That didn’t make sense.

No . . . no. I knew Reagan. I knew her. I loved her. I loved Parker.

But then, why would she suddenly let in a guy after so many years of avoiding them? And a guy like me? I was damaged. I had demons. I was constantly trying to figure out what I’d done to deserve someone like her . . . and now us together made even less sense. Had I seemed like an easy target? Someone who would easily believe her story?

Pressing my hand against my forehead, I willed all this bullshit to leave my mind. I’d never doubted us, or been suspicious of her, until five minutes ago. And it was only because of that fucking story. I knew Reagan. She wouldn’t—­Christ. I’d just told Brody that I wanted to marry her and wanted to be Parker’s dad. He was right. Not even three months later and I was already thinking about marrying her? I couldn’t do this. I just—­I couldn’t.

Reagan—­November 1, 2010

PARKER’S FACE LIT up when there was a knock on the door, and I nodded my head in the direction of it.

“Want to guess who that is?”

His smile got wider before he took off running for the door. “Coen! Did you have fun shooting that guy?”

I laughed and sighed. We somehow needed to get Parker off that whole “shooting” thing.

“Uh . . . yeah. I did.”

“Are you gonna stay tonight? I want you to take me to school tomorrow.”

I raised an eyebrow as they rounded the corner into the living room. Parker’s excitement was quickly draining from his face, and Coen looked like someone had just punched him in the stomach.

“Yeah, I don’t know about that. We’ll talk about it later.”

Parker shot me a confused look, and I tried to compose my expression, but didn’t catch it in time. He looked back and forth between us before walking over to stand next to me.

I took a step toward Coen, but stopped when his near-­black eyes met mine. “Are you feeling okay? Did something happen?”

“No, I’m fine,” he clipped out, his voice rough and low.

I glanced down at Parker when he wrapped an arm around my hip, and looked back at Coen—­who was now looking in the kitchen. Clearing my throat, I tried to ease the awkward tension that had settled. “Well, do you have something in particular you want for dinner?”

“Whatever you want,” he mumbled.

“Coen.”

He looked back at me and shrugged. “I said whatever you want, Ray. Order what you want.”

My eyes widened and my lips parted. He wasn’t raising his voice, but this Coen . . . well I’d never seen this Coen.

“Are you mad at Mom?” Parker asked from by my side, and my chest started aching right then.

Parker hadn’t asked Coen if he was being mean to me since the very first time he met him, and he’d never asked if Coen was mad at me. If he was catching onto the weighted feel to the room too, then I knew it wasn’t my imagination, and I hated that he was witnessing this at all—­whatever this was.

“Parker, honey, can you go to your room so I can talk to Coen?”

Coen shot me a look like he didn’t understand why I would want to talk, and Parker moved in front of me and tilted his head back to better see me.

“But he’s mad at you,” he said softly.

I put a smile on my face for him and ran my hand through his hair. “No, he’s not, but I do need to talk to him. Just adults, so can you go to your room until I come get you? You can take my iPad and play your games on there,” I added when he didn’t look like he would budge.