Nicole Edwards - Chasing Dreams

And wasn’t that just fucked up.

“I’m on the pill,” she blurted, but Cooper pulled back and looked down at her.

“That’s nice to know because it will come in handy in the future, definitely,” he started, “but, Tessa, until you trust me unconditionally, I’m not going to take you without a condom. And, unfortunately, I know you don’t.”

He hated saying that out loud, but they both knew it to be the truth. He’d never once imagined he’d turn Tessa away, but Cooper had bigger plans in mind for them than just a quickie in the shower. She’d be hurt and confused later, and he didn’t think he could handle that. Not until she gave him the chance to explain. If, at that point, she wanted him to fuck her right there on her kitchen table, he was all for it.

But right now, he had to settle for holding her in his arms and praying what he would tell her in just a few minutes wouldn’t send her running for the hills.

eighties, Tessa was tempted to put on sweatpants and a long sleeve shirt. Anything to cover herself. Not that it would’ve mattered. Whenever Cooper looked her way, she felt like she was naked. The way his gaze caressed her made her want things she was supposed to be denying herself.

For instance, him.

So it was safe to say that the shower was a terrible idea. His hands, on her body, made her yearn for more, almost willing to beg. And she knew he felt it too, but the stubborn man had held back.

Something about talking and nonsense.

At least one of them was thinking with their brain and not other body parts. Had she had her choice, they’d have gotten down and dirty in the shower just a few minutes ago. Anything to drown out the pain that had started as a dull ache in the center of her chest when she thought about what Marcus told her.

Instead, he’d washed her, she’d washed him, and now she was going to join him in the kitchen where she smelled the heavenly aroma of coffee brewing. After wasting enough time, Tessa finally ventured in that direction.

“Hey, puppies,” she greeted her huskies when they met her in the hallway that led from her bedroom to the main living room. They were pouncing around, but neither of them actually jumped on her – a feat that had taken her months to accomplish. Considering they both weighed upwards of eighty pounds, Tessa appreciated them staying on the floor rather than on top of her. “Y’all wanna go outside?”

Leading them through the house, she let them slip through the back screen door before she turned to face Cooper who was standing in front of her stove.

Shirtless.

She wasn’t sure which was more mouthwatering, the sight of him barefoot or…

“Hey, where’d you get more jeans?” she asked him as she realized he was partially dressed, but a few minutes ago he’d gotten in the shower with his jeans on.

“From my truck. I keep a bag there, just in case.”

The thought made Tessa’s stomach churn and not in a good way. Did he keep clothes on hand in the event he spent the night with a woman?

“Don’t go there, Tessa. That’s not the reason,” he said with a firm tone before turning back to the food he was preparing on the stove. “Get some coffee, then sit. I’ll finish up here, and we’ll eat.”

Not wanting to argue, mainly because she didn’t want to even think about what had happened the night before, Tessa did as she was told. She prepared two cups of coffee and left his sitting in front of the coffee pot while she carried hers to the table. Staring down at the scarred wood, she allowed the events of last night to play out in her mind.

She remembered Izzy coming over with just what the doctor ordered. The bottle of vodka had been just what she needed to muddle her brain enough that she didn’t have to think about Cooper. Well, that was only partially true. The vodka had helped, but she never once stopped thinking about Cooper.

The rest of the night was fuzzy. At some point, she remembered Cooper arriving, and a strange excitement had filled her. Obviously she was getting too attached to him that she was glad to see him, hoping like hell he was going to tell her that Marcus was a liar.

Only he hadn’t said that.

She didn’t think he had anyway.

A plate full of food was pushed in front of her, and Tessa glanced up to see Cooper watching her. Rather than sitting down, he disappeared down the hall, returning a minute later with a couple of aspirin in his hand. After handing those to her, he left again, coming back with a glass of orange juice.

Why did he have to do that? Why did he have to think of everything? She’d much prefer him to be the asshole she expected him to be.

Like Chad.

Couldn’t he just get defensive and blame everything on her? It would make things so much easier. More specifically, walking away would be easier.

“Eat,” he commanded as he dropped into the chair beside her.

Tessa knew she should. She was famished, and the breakfast actually looked wonderful. Eggs, bacon, toast. Everything cooked to perfection and sitting in front of her, beckoning her. Only her stomach wasn’t listening to her mouth.

“Tessa, look at me.” Cooper’s softly spoken words had her breaking her concentration and looking up at him. She felt like she was going to cry. The tears were threatening, and she knew any minute the dam was going to break.

“I can’t do this,” she choked out.

“Yes, you can,” he argued. “Give me a chance, Tessa.”

The statement brought back the memory of Izzy insisting that she do the same thing. Last night, she’d actually been surprised that Izzy hadn’t jumped onboard the hate train and rallied against Cooper after what Tessa told her. That’s what her best friend was supposed to do. But not last night. No, Izzy had been the voice of reason, begging her to let him explain.

And here they were, but Tessa wasn’t sure she wanted to know. Hell, if Cooper wasn’t willing to have sex with her because he didn’t think she trusted him – which she didn’t – then she knew what he had to say wasn’t going to be good.

“Where’s Marcus?” she asked, hoping to derail her thoughts for a few minutes. Grabbing the piece of toast, she nibbled on the edge, staring down at her plate.

“No idea. I fired him last night,” Cooper answered, his fork clinking against the glass plate as he went to work on his food.

Tessa’s eyes flew up to meet his instantly. “You fired him?”

Cooper nodded, his mouth full of food, but he kept his eyes trained on her.

“Why?” she asked, her voice unsteady. Did he do that because of what Marcus said? Did Marcus lie to her and Cooper wasn’t having any of it?

“It was time.” That was all Cooper said before he dug back into his food.

Tessa allowed the silence to descend around them as she made a half ass attempt to eat the food he’d prepared for her. It was good, she’d give him that. Although, she wasn’t sure her stomach was going to hold it down for long. Her nerves were suddenly jumping, and her fear of what he was going to say was getting the best of her.

When they were finished, Cooper grabbed up her half empty plate and carried it to the sink with his. Tessa stared at his back – his sexy, muscled back and smooth, sculpted shoulders. Why did the man have to look so good?

“More coffee?” he asked a few minutes later when he returned to her side.

She just nodded her head, her eyes still glued to his body. She’d apparently sat there watching him the entire time, and now her insides were starting a slow boil. Damn it. She was supposed to be mad at him.

“Come on, Tessa. Let’s go sit on the porch, and I’ll explain,” Cooper stated, sounding defeated. He waited for her as she pushed out of her chair and then mindlessly headed toward the back porch rather than the front.

She had several chairs scattered on the porch, two of them the comfy kind that she loved to sit in and read on a cool evening. Because she could keep farther from him if she did, Tessa chose one of those chairs and dropped into it, taking the coffee he offered once she was seated.

Holding the cup close to her chest, she blew on the top, watching the steam as it drifted upward. She glanced over to see Cooper sitting in one of the hard back chairs, his coffee cup resting on the railing as he sat with his elbows on his knees, his hands wrapped around his downturned head.

He looked so incredibly vulnerable like that. Invisible strings on her heart tugged painfully hard, forcing her to swallow. If this was hard for him, she couldn’t imagine what it was going to do to her.

“Marcus said you do this often,” Tessa said suddenly, unable to sit there and watch him any longer. This was getting to be too difficult. He really needed to spill it and then move on. It was the only way Tessa was going to survive with her heart intact.

Ok, part of her heart intact. A very small fraction.

* * *

Hanging his head low, Cooper tried to gather his thoughts. Ever since he woke up that morning, Tessa’s soft, warm body beside his, he’d been trying to come up with an easy way to explain himself. He knew no matter how he told the story, she wasn’t going to be happy with him.

But he had no choice.

“Marcus told you about a woman in Arkansas,” Cooper began. It wasn’t a question, and he wasn’t expecting her to answer him, so he continued, “Her name was Tabitha. She came to one of my concerts in a neighboring town, and at the end of the night, I found her in my tour bus. That had been a bad night for me.” He remembered feeling helpless and alone that night, and he’d had half a mind to disappear at that time, but he had held tight and just went out to the bus, hoping for some time to himself.

Cooper didn’t look up as the memories of that night flooded his brain. “I was surprised to find anyone on the bus, but she seemed sweet enough, and I had learned to gently approach the fans who were brave enough to go to those lengths to meet me. We talked for what seemed like hours.” Cooper looked up at her. “And no, before you ask, I didn’t have anything to drink. Just three bottles of water.”

Cooper turned his gaze to the yard, watching the two dogs as they sniffed through the flower beds that were just beneath the back porch. “She was the one who brought me the water and honestly, I didn’t think anything of it. At some point, I passed out. I didn’t know it at the time, but she’d drugged me.”

Cooper wasn’t proud of the story. He knew it would sound as though he were making shit up, but he wasn’t.

“The next morning, I woke up in my bed on the bus, completely naked with Tabitha beside me. Just as naked.” He couldn’t bring himself to meet Tessa’s eyes. “We parted ways after that. I was used to women like that, wanting to have a story to tell, so I didn’t think anything of it. I didn’t remember sleeping with her, but she told me… She confirmed that we had.” Cooper wasn’t going to go into details, but Tabitha had been particularly candid about what activities had occurred through the night.

“Three months later, I get a phone call from Tabitha. She got a hold of me through Marcus. Keep in mind, I hadn’t heard from her at all since that night.” Cooper dropped his head, staring down at the floor while he wrapped his hands behind his neck. God, he hated this story. “She told me she was pregnant. Told me she hadn’t been with anyone else before or after me and that the baby was definitely mine.”

Cooper remembered the phone call and aside from being utterly shocked, there was something else. He’d found himself somewhat excited by the idea of being a father. It hadn’t mattered that he didn’t know the woman, couldn’t even remember sleeping with her. But the part of him that had been searching for something more permanent, something that would allow him to settle down, had wrapped its hands around the idea and jumped up and down with joy.

“I went to Arkansas,” he explained. “I bought an old house close to where she was, and we spent the next two months getting to know one another. I knew when the baby was born, I was going to ask for a paternity test, but until then, I didn’t see how it could hurt for me to get to know her. If she was the mother of my child, I wanted to be there for her.”

Looking up, Cooper met Tessa’s eyes for the first time, and he saw tears there. His heart constricted. She was going to hate him after this, he could feel it.

“I never slept with her, Tessa. Not after she told me she was pregnant and as it turns out, I had never slept with her before then either. She was pregnant when she came to my tour bus, but her asshole boyfriend had left her, and she wanted to find someone to help her take care of the child. Don’t ask me why she picked me, I have no idea.