Maya Banks - Colters’ Lady

Or how much she simply loved to be kissed. And held. Some comforts were never forgotten no matter how long they were denied.

“You taste so damn sweet,” Seth murmured against her lips. “I want you so much, Lily.” He pulled away and then rested his forehead against hers. He ran the tip of his finger over the line of her jaw and let it linger over her lips.

Forgotten was his father and his sister, though when she glanced sideways she saw they’d already taken the horses into the barn, leaving her and Seth alone.

She raised her gaze to meet Seth’s, her thoughts jumbled by the morning’s events.

“Seth, Dillon kissed me earlier. I don’t understand why. I mean, he’d only just met me. But I also kissed him. I don’t know what’s going on. I’m confused by…all of this. But I thought you should know, that you had the right to know.”

Seth pulled away, his eyes troubled. But she didn’t see anger. Or jealousy.

“Come walk with me, Lily. There are a few things we need to talk about.” He put his arm around her and led her away from the barn down a stone path that led through a cluster of aspens. There was a bench in a small clearing, and he settled her onto it, but he remained standing, his body language tense and unsettled.

“You probably think we’re all crazy,” he said. “My family. My brothers. The way things are with my parents.”

She shook her head. “Not crazy. Just different. It’s obvious your fathers love your mother very much.

It works for them.”

“I want it to work for us,” he said bluntly.

She stared back at him, sure she hadn’t understood. He ran a hand through his hair and blew out his breath.

“Something happened when I met you, Lily. Something powerful I’m at a loss to explain. All I can say is that I knew you were meant to be mine. The problem is, the same thing happened with Michael and then Dillon.”

She looked down, uncertain how to respond. What did anyone say in a situation like this?

“You felt it too, Lily. I watched you with my brothers. You responded to them like you responded to me.”

“I don’t know what to say,” she murmured.

He knelt in front of her and took her hands in his. “I’m going to ask you for the same two things my fathers asked my mother when they met her. Your trust and a chance.” She met his gaze, her heart beating so hard, it made her lightheaded.

“There are things you don’t know.”

“And we’ll get to them. In your time,” he said softly. “I want you to be able to trust us, and more than that, I want a chance. Give us a chance to make it work.” The past still had her firmly in its grip, but what if this was her chance to change her future? She couldn’t change what was done, but she could not spend the rest of her life paying for her mistakes over and over.

But what if when they knew the truth they no longer wanted her? It was natural that they’d want a family. They’d grown up in a large family. That was the one thing she couldn’t give them. Could they accept that?

And then it sank in. She was sitting here calmly considering a relationship with three men. Three men she barely knew. There were so many unanswered questions her head hurt.

“I know you’re overwhelmed,” Seth said. “Hell, who wouldn’t be? But this is where the trust and the chance come in, Lily. We have a lot to work out, and it won’t be easy. But we can do it.”

“Can we?”

He stroked the side of her head, the curls springing back after he flattened them.

“I’m falling in love with you, Lily. I feel stupid even saying it, but it doesn’t alter the inevitable.” Her breath stuttered and hiccoughed until she thought she’d choke. Love? Even as she shook her head in mute denial, he was nodding, reaffirming his words.

His eyes were so serious. An intense blue that seemed to sear right into her soul.

How could he love her, or think he loved her?

“Oh God, Seth. You don’t know. You just don’t know.”

“Then tell me,” he said gently. “When you’re ready, I’ll listen, and we’ll face it together.”

“Something tells me that if I agreed to…try…that it would be taking the easy way out.”

“Easy?” He laughed. “I don’t expect any part of this to be easy. Easy would be walking away. Hard is going to be staying and making it work.”

Walk away. Could she do it? It was what she’d done before and it hadn’t been easy. But maybe it had been easier than facing her reality. She’d been a coward for too long. Maybe it was time to grow a backbone and start living again. Maybe it wouldn’t be with these men, but how would she know if she didn’t try?

She frowned then, because Michael and Dillon had said nothing to her of this.

“Are you speaking for Michael and Dillon?” she asked hesitantly.

Seth rocked back and then rose. “No. I’m speaking for me. I can’t and won’t make their decisions for them. I didn’t pull this out of my ass if that’s what you’re asking. They’re aware of the way I feel.

Michael…he was the first to bring this up. I’ll be honest, I fought it. I wanted you. I still want you. But it’ll be up to them to speak their minds and up to you to accept or reject what we’re offering.”

“Oh.”

He reached for her hand again and pulled her to her feet. “I’ve given you a lot to think about. I don’t want to overload you. For right now, I only want you to promise me you’ll stay. No more running. Let’s see where this takes us. Okay?”

She took a deep breath and curled her fingers tightly around his. Anticipation and fear curled within her chest and fluttered around in her stomach like a crazy amusement park ride.

Then she met his gaze and saw the hope reflected. And the same mirroring fear. She let out her breath in a long exhale and said, “Okay.”

Lily was a little dazed when she and Seth returned to the house. It hadn’t settled in. Yes, she’d told him she’d try it. But how innocuous did that sound? It was as if she’d told him she’d try some new dish.

But what she’d agreed to was a relationship—a relationship—with three men.

Nervous laughter bubbled and fizzed in her throat like a shaken-up soda. She was out of her mind.

She had no business entering a relationship with one man, much less three. And while she had at least gathered some idea of Seth and Michael, she knew nothing of Dillon. She’d spent all of half an hour in his presence. He’d kissed the daylights of her, but a kiss did not a relationship make.

She shook her head as she and Seth entered the kitchen through the back door. She hadn’t agreed to a relationship. She’d agreed to give them a chance, and she’d agreed not to leave.

Most women in her position would leap at a chance to leave a life on the streets and allow a tender and caring man to shelter her.

She wasn’t most women.

Seth’s hand settled possessively on her hip as they walked through the kitchen and into the living room. To her surprise, Dillon stood by the fireplace, one leg kicked up and his shoe planted against the wall as he leaned back.

She was struck again by his presence. In a family of conservative looking…cowboysshe was convinced they all looked like the typical western, mountain familyDillon stuck out like a steel blade among plastic knives.

Thick muscled arms with intricate tattoos. She was dying to study the patterns, to trace them with her fingers and see how far over his body they ran. Did they extend to his chest? His back?

He fascinated her. He exuded confidence and self-satisfaction, as if he was right where he wanted to be in life and couldn’t care less if anyone else found him lacking.

She glanced around, searching for Michael, but didn’t see him anywhere in the living room, though it was pretty crowded with the rest of the Colter family. They were all watching her, some more subtly than others, but she felt the weight of their stares as they measured the situation.

Tension spiked and held thick in the air. Seth’s hand was a brand on her hip while Dillon’s gaze burned her with its intensity.

She pulled away from Seth, putting a bit of distance between them. There was already so much focus on her, and the entire family seemed to be watching and holding their breath to see what would happen between Dillon and Seth.

Already she regretted her hastily given promise. This was a close-knit family, and she was a nobody.

It was already uncomfortable, and she hadn’t even exchanged more than a few words with Dillon. The last thing she wanted was to be a bone of contention.

Her throat narrowed and the air felt too hot squeezing through her windpipe. Her instinct was to flee, and she only fought the compulsion for the barest of seconds before she murmured a faint excuse and turned back toward the kitchen.

She’d said she needed something to drink, but she didn’t even pause. She opened the back door and stepped into the crisp mountain air. Inhaling sharply, she savored the tang of pine and the cool relief as air flowed easily into her lungs.

When had she become such a mouse? This nervous, hesitant person was a stranger to her. She’d become someone she no longer recognized. A shell of the young woman who’d once held the world in her hands.

The truth of the matter was, she was angry. Angry at herself. The instant she’d walked into the living room and faced the Colter family, saw Dillon staring at her so intently and knowing of the conversation she’d just had with Seth, she’d immediately felt unworthy.

Unworthy.

And why?

“You deserve to be happy, Lily,” she whispered. “Quit punishing yourself for past sins.”

“Very sound advice.”

She jerked her head around to see Dillon standing just behind her. She hadn’t even heard him come out the door. Warily, she edged sideways, her gaze never leaving him.

His eyes darkened with regret, and he ran a hand through his short, spiky hair. “I didn’t mean to frighten you, Lily.”

She frowned slightly, unsure of how to take his apology.

He took a step forward. “At any time. Before in the bar, and now. I’ve made you uncomfortable and that’s the last thing I ever want to do. Seth’s ready to kick my ass, and the truth is, I deserve it.”

“Seth said…”

“What did he say?”

“He said a lot of things. About him and you and Michael. About your family. About your…feelings…for me.”

Dillon shoved his hands into his pockets and rocked back on his heels. Then a slight gleam entered his eyes, and he glanced back toward the house. “Want to go take a ride with me? On my bike?”

She blinked. “Your bike?”

“Yeah, I drive a Harley. Well, I have a truck too, but the bike is a hell of a lot more fun to ride when the weather’s good.”

She hesitated. This became more surreal by the minute. She expected at any moment to wake up from a dream. Everything seemed so random. Something different at every turn.

Embrace it, Lily. Live, for God’s sake. Two days ago you were living alone in an alley with the knowledge that you’d always be alone. Now you don’t have to be. Even if it’s only for a little while, savor it.

“I want to spend some time with you, Lily. Just you and me. No Seth. No Michael. Nothing to confuse the issue. I don’t want to know what Seth said about me or my feelings. I don’t care. What I care about is exploring this thing between you and me. Because my feelings—whatever they are—will be explained by me. Not my brother.”

“And no one will mind if we just…disappear?”

He grinned—a cocky, self-assured grin—that did funny things to her insides. In that moment she caught a glimpse of the mischievous rebel that was part and parcel of his image.

“Do we need their permission?”

She smiled. “No, I suppose not. Although I don’t want Seth to worry. He wasn’t happy that I went riding with Callie with my arm.”

Dillon’s eyes darkened as his gaze swept down her shoulder and then he frowned. “Where is the sling?”

She rolled her eyes. “I took it off. I don’t need it.”

“I’ll be careful with you. All you have to do is hug tight to me and keep your shoulder against my back.”

The idea of being so intimately pressed to him sent a flutter of awareness through her veins. Her belly clenched and adrenaline spiked, sending a warm flush over her skin and deeper until she was aware of the slow thud of her pulse.

Dillon tilted his head in the direction of the house. “They’re used to my craziness. They won’t even blink. Seth might get uptight, but he’s already had you to himself. If he’s so keen for this to work, he’s going to have to deal.”