C. Brown - Compromising

He shook his head and wiped his face, holding embarrassment back. “I’m fucking sorry about that, man. We got caught up and—”

“Yeah, I know. Whatever. That’s not even my fucking concern right now. My main concern is getting the love of my life back. I just have no clue how to do it.”

“Well, first you have to get through this court-martial. Have you forgotten about that?”

“No! I just don’t give two shits about it. Everyone knows what Cassie and I did. This case is probably a slam dunk. I’ll take my punishment, and I don’t care about that, but I need to get Cassie back. Her walking away is the ultimate fucking punishment.”

“Alex…didn’t you say you walked away?”

“How the fuck can I stay with her when she looks me in the eye and says she can’t be it for me? What if Nat said that shit to you? I don’t even know if you two are on that level, but if you are, and she told you that, how would you react? And anyway, I wanted to request orders for us, get us out of Twentynine, on to bigger and better things. A fresh start. But Cassie didn’t want them. With all of the bullshit swirling around here, she wanted to stay.”

“Why?”

“Dalton.”

“Dalton?”

“Yes, he’s her best friend, and she didn’t want to leave him. So that right there tells me that I wasn’t her number one. I would have thought that she would see shit my way, and that getting orders somewhere else where people didn’t know us or our situation would have been good for us. But no, she wanted to stay because she didn’t want to leave her best friend. All of this shit stings, man. It fucking stings.”

“I think you’re looking a little too far into it. I know Cassie loves you, Alex. She’s just lost, hurt, and doesn’t really know how to deal. Hell, she’s a goddamn Pfc. for crying out loud, with the weight of the world sitting on her shoulders right now. If she didn’t love you, she would have pinned you and walked free, but she didn’t. Don’t be so hard on her or yourself. I’m pretty sure you’ll both make it through this.”

Riley was saying everything I wanted and needed to hear, but that didn’t mean I believed it. I had retreated into the pessimistic, doubtful Alex, who questioned everything and hardly believed anything else. Cassie had fucked me. My mind was hers for the taking, and she’d taken it, screwed with it, and left me reeling. I had no clue how to fix it, or even where to begin. I knew I wanted her, but I wasn’t so sure that having her was good for me right now. It was going to take a lot to fix all of this, and at the moment, I wasn’t so sure that I had it in me to tackle that head on.

“Hey, for what it’s worth, I know you love the hell out of that girl, and I know you won’t just give her up without a fight.”

“Yeah well, sometimes fighting doesn’t fix your problems.”

I laid down, picked up my magazine and went back to reading. I felt defeated and empty, lonely and dejected. I didn’t feel like me. It was tearing me apart to feel so many emotions all at once—like I had morphed into a little bitch. I couldn’t allow myself to remain this person for long.

“Fighting solves everything, Alex. We’re Marines, first to fight. You’ll sleep this shit off, kick that court hearing’s ass, then fight like you know how in order to get your fucking girl back. You’re a warrior, a fucking Devil Dog, and I’m going to be right there, by your side, locked and loaded, helping you win this fucking battle. Now take your ass to sleep. I don’t need to see this side of you anymore.” With those words, Riley walked out of the room, leaving me alone.

He was right.

I was a goddamn Marine, primed for battle. There was no way I was about to let Cassie go this easily, and even though stepping back and getting some clarity was necessary, fighting through the trenches would make getting her back that much sweeter. Victory would never feel so good.

I went to bed that night with a heavy heart and an eager mind. Riley gave me the starting point that I couldn’t see. Now it was time to carry through with my plan.

Dalton and I laid out by the pool, soaking in some rays after he’d peeled my near lifeless body from my bed. Sleep never really came to me the night before, not after Alex pretty much ended us. How he couldn’t see that jumping into a marriage with everything we had stacked against us was a bad idea was the biggest mystery to me. Marriage was hard work anyway. Throw in an angry, unsupportive family, broken friendships, and monumental punishments for our misdeeds, and we were whipping up the perfect recipe for disaster.

How could he not see it?

Or was I missing something? Was our love supposed to conquer all? Were all of these just small nuances on the road to happiness?

I didn’t have the answers to those questions, and the more time I spent thinking about them, the sicker I became. How could I have been so blind to the fact that coming out of our proverbial closet would be harder than hiding in it? Maybe I was blinded by our lust, then quickly consumed by the depth of our love for one another.

Whatever the case, Alex’s words struck an unsettling blow that knocked me off my feet, gasping for air.

“Cassie, you’ve barely spoken two words since I pried you out of that room,” Dalton said, looking forlornly at me. I hated his overly sympathetic eyes staring down on me. Every time he looked at me that way, I felt like a small piece of me crumbled inside.

“You got me out of the room. That’s enough, right?”

“No, actually it isn’t. What’s the point of a best friend if you can’t confide in me?”

I looked up at him through my sunglasses, feeling the warmth and sincerity of his words, but wanting none of it. I hadn’t felt so low in quite a while. Not even Allen had brought me down so far.

“Cassie…”

“Okay, okay. If you absolutely must know, I’m going to court tomorrow on the outs with Alex.”

“So you guys had a fight?”

“I guess you can say that.”

Dalton sat up. “Cassie, I’m no dumbass. There was more than a fight, and this has nothing to do with your court case. If you can’t talk to me, who can you talk to?” He paused and stared at me for a second. “You have to talk. You have to get this out in the open because it’s eating you alive.”

“Alex broke up with me,” I blurted out, not wanting to feel the power in those words. Dalton looked on dumbfounded, like he hadn’t heard me correctly. “He broke up with me yesterday after I told him I couldn’t marry him.”

“What? Wait… why did you do that? How did this happen?”

I shook my head, feeling the burning sensation from the threatening tears welling up in my eyes. I was done with crying, and I didn’t want go back down that route. It had taken too much out of me, too much that I was never going to get back.

After a minute of gaining my composure, I was finally able to speak. I told him about our intimacy issues—about Nat and Riley, his family, and our explosive falling out at the beach. At the end of the tale, Dalton scooted over closer to me, taking me in his arms as I allowed my best friend to be my best friend. I allowed him hold me, to comfort me, to make me see that I wasn’t alone in all of this. It was needed, and I was done fighting it.

“I’m so sorry, Cassie. You should have called me. I would have gone to get you. I picked my car up yesterday, so I could have jetted right down there to go and get you.”

“I know, but you had plans.”

“They would have been dropped for you. No wonder you’re such a broken mess. How the hell did you make it home last night?”

“I’m not sure how I made it home. The first part of our drive, Alex stewed in silent anger. He didn’t say anything to me. He didn’t even look at me. But after that, he started talking, started asking questions, and shit just went from there.”

“What did he say? I’m so sorry for having you relive this, but I honestly want to know. I need to know if there is a way to fix any of this. And how I can help you?”

I smiled. Dalton was my right hand. He genuinely loved me and wanted what was best for me, but I saw no way that he could help. Alex and I were at a point where the only thing that could help us was a miracle and Dalton just didn’t possess those powers.

“He wanted to know how long I had been feeling this way, and why I hadn’t spoken up about it before everything came to a head. I told him it had been slowly building since I’d left the hospital. Alex not being able to look past the ugly that Allen had inflicted on me was tearing me up. How was I any good to him if he continued to allow that to be a road block for us?”

Dalton sat stoic, taking in every word. He pursed his lips a couple of times, and shook his head as he did.

“Then he went on to speak about his family. How he wanted to put distance there.” I paused and stared into Dalton’s icy blue eyes. “You know what kind of shitty home-life I came from. Family is all I’ve ever wanted. I couldn’t believe what happened in that living room, and I knew it was all my fault.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Cassie. It sounds like his grandma had it out for you from the very beginning.”

“She was suspicious, yes, but that was before she got to know me.”

“She still doesn’t know you.”

“And she never will. She doesn’t want anything to do with him as long as I’m in the picture. You think she’ll magically warm up to me?”

“Cassie, I don’t have the answers to this problem. Hell, I’ve got my own issues. But I know you love him, and I know he loves you. I think after everything you two have been through, you guys deserve to work this out and be happy.”

Truer words were never spoken, but being happy came with a hefty price tag for us. At this point, I wasn’t even sure if Alex was willing to try.

“Dalton, you have to listen to me and promise not to fly off the hinges.”

“Do I ever?”

“Just promise.”

“Shoot.”

I blew out a gallon sized ball of air, clearing the way for what was the most heartbreaking, gut-wrenching, and devastating thing that Alex had ever said to me. “He told me, and I quote, Cassie, if I can’t have you, all of you, then I can’t have any of you. I’ve never loved anyone more than the way I love you, and it’s that love that won’t allow me to be with you. It hurts looking at you, it hurts touching you, its hurts smelling you. It just hurts. And for my own sanity, I can’t live with this hurt.”

Tears slowly trickled from my eyes again, prompting Dalton to take me in his arms. He rubbed the back of my head as we sat at the edge of the pool, and I cried as he shushed me, making me feel something besides hurt, anger and despair.

“Cassie, he loves you. He’s hurting, and he’s a prideful son of a bitch. His pride is in the way. Give him time.”

“I don’t know if I can, Dalton.”

“How did he leave you last night?”

“He walked me up to my room…” I paused for a second, reliving the kiss that made me feel alive and distraught at the same time. “He kissed me as if it were the last air he would ever breathe.”

A smile took over Dalton’s face. His pearly whites were on full display, shining brighter than the scorching desert sun.

“What are you smiling for?”

“Because you’re so blind to the fact that this isn’t over. You two mules love one another so much that it’s blinding your better judgment. First you deal with court, then you work on putting your fragile relationship back together.”

The smile that crept across my face was the first that had appeared in what felt like days. I hugged Dalton with everything I had, finally feeling as if a bit of life had sparked inside of me. I wasn’t sure how I had gotten so lucky to have him in my life, but right now, I was beyond thankful.

“Let’s go. We’re going to be red as lobsters if we stay out here too much longer.”

Nodding my head, I stood and walked over to the lounge chair to grab my towel, only there was a male sitting there, hindering my ability to pull it away. He had a devilish grin on his face, his eyes full of deceit as he sat there and staring at me as if he were a wolf ready to eat its unsuspecting prey. I tried to ignore him and go for my towel, but he held it down, biting onto his bottom lip before finally speaking.

“Pfc. Bennett, I presume?”

I took a deeper look, trying to figure out if I knew him or not. Nothing was ringing a bell, and if we weren’t at a public pool, I would have feared for my safety.