C. Brown - Compromising

“Well, I know Sergeant Riley and Gunny Chavez went to see Captain Hedlund this afternoon. They said they were going to see about allowing Alex visitors. I don’t know how that will go, but they’re going to try.”

“Wait, he isn’t getting to see anyone?”

“I guess not.”

My heart sank. He was basically on solitary confinement when he got back into his barracks room. No phone, no visitors…just him, four walls, and ample space and time to think about nothing good, and slowly but surely lose his damn mind. I hated what had become of him, and how he was being used as the sacrificial lamb to prove a point for O’Hara. There was plenty that Alex and I probably deserved, but O’Hara was taking it to another level—almost like it was personal for him.

In my mind, and certainly in my heart, this was personal for me. I would do everything that I could to make sure that Alex wasn’t alone and wouldn’t bear the brunt of our actions.

“Dalton, you have to promise me that if they let him have visitors you’ll go and see him. I’m not so sure I’ll be allowed.”

“Won’t that be kind of weird?”

“No, you graduate tomorrow. You’ll be at Third L.A.R., and you’ll just be another Marine.”

He sat thinking for a minute.

“Dalton—”

“Okay, Cassie. Okay. I’ll play middle man for you.” A smile spread across his face. He couldn’t say no to me even if he tried.

“Thanks, Dalton. You know I appreciate you so much.”

“I know.”

The door swung open, and my doctor and nurse walked in. “Pfc. Bennett, we will be discharging you later this evening. We spoke to First Sergeant O’Hara, and he will be sending Staff Sergeant Mitchell over to pick you up,” Doctor Copeland informed in a very formal and curt tone.

For some reason, it put me on edge and made me nervous. After what I’d to say to First Sergeant O’Hara earlier, I was confident that he wasn’t preparing to welcome me home. I was sure he was ready to lay his crusade at my feet, and I had to get myself mentally prepared for it.

I nodded my head. “Thank you, Doctor Copeland.”

He nodded. “Lieutenant Pearson will give you all of your medications and discharge instructions. Take care of yourself, Pfc. Bennett. Best of luck to you.”

His words carried a cryptic undertone. I wasn’t privy to whatever First Sergeant O’Hara had said to him, but whatever it was, it didn’t look good for me. I decided that the stone face would come out. When I saw the pit bull, I’d be ready. There was no way he was going to intimidate me and get the pleasure of witnessing it.

Dr. Copeland walked out, but Lieutenant Pearson stayed behind, giving me a sympathetic smile.

“I’ll be back in a while with your meds and discharge papers. Take care of yourself, Pfc. Bennett.”

“Thank you, ma’am.”

She held a tight smile, then turned and walked out of the room, leaving Dalton and me looking confused. The air was stale, and I could feel a storm brewing. Whatever was coming my way, I was slowly, mentally preparing myself with every second. As strong as I thought I had become, I could tell I was going to have to dig deep and make myself that much stronger.

The next day was another waste of time. I was sick and tired of fucking paper filing, paper shredding, and just paper all together—and I had the paper cuts to prove it. This was someone’s job in the Corps, sure, but it wasn’t mine.

Gunny Rawls watched me and checked in periodically. I knew he was under the command of First Sergeant O’Hara, so I tried hard to stifle my anger where he was concerned. He was only doing what he was told, and O’Hara was the dick that didn’t think I was fit to breathe on my own. In his eyes, I was a puppy, held on a tight leash, ready to run if given the opportunity. He couldn’t get it through his thick skull that even if he’d let me go—if he turned his back and dared me to run—it would be directly to Cassie.

Every day that passed by without her by my side was another step closer to what felt like death. I hadn’t smelled that deliciously sweet vanilla scent, stared into those sparkling emerald eyes, touched her satiny skin, or heard that pristine voice of hers. I couldn’t even bring myself to think about tasting her because that would have sent me into a full on fit. I missed the fuck out of my blondie, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.

As my thoughts began to wander during the work day and even after, I wondered what exactly it was that First Sergeant O’Hara was truly after. Was he hoping to have me fall to my knees and admit my wrongdoings by begging for mercy? Was he on an ego trip, hoping that I would grovel at his feet and agree with every vile word that he had to say about me? Would he back the fuck up if I did? It dawned on me that the more I stood firm, the more peeved he got. I wasn’t going to let him see me squirm because honestly, I wasn’t sorry. I couldn’t relegate myself to lying out of convenience. As far as I was concerned, he could go and fuck himself with a splintered stick.

I still hadn’t heard anything from Captain Hedlund, and the silence was beginning to wear on me. No news could be good news, but in my case it was fucking torture. I felt like I was caged off from the world, and when I was let out it was in such small increments laced with restrictions that the need to break free violently was beginning to grow overwhelming.

I needed to move forward, one way or another.

Gunnery Sergeant Moss was in charge of babysitting today, and I was unusually quiet when he came to get me. At the onset, I couldn’t figure out what had me so defeated. I was missing the hell out of Cassie, sure, but this was something different. It didn’t hit me until we got to the Admin building and I saw the students lining up for their graduation ceremony from Comm school. The ache that pierced my heart carried the sting of a thousand knives.

Those were my fucking students. That was my fucking class.

I wasn’t allowed near them. I wasn’t allowed to see my work head off into the world with my teachings stored in their back pockets. I wasn’t allowed to do shit except for file papers and continuously cut my goddamned fingers.

The build of missing Cassie, then seeing my hard work move on without me, was slowly driving me insane. I had a feeling that this was exactly what O’Hara wanted.

After lunch, a new stack of orders landed on my desk, and I angrily began filing them until I ran across a Pfc. Cassie Bennett. O’Hara had gotten her new orders in a hurry, and he had kept his word that he would be keeping her here at Twentynine. What I didn’t expect was that he would be sending her off to MWSS 374, which is where Ruiz had gone.

As much as the girl tried to make nice with Cassie after everything that had happened, I still didn’t like much of anything about her, and I certainly didn’t fucking trust her. My already agitated mood turned downright sour with that bit of news, and there was no one that I could vent that shit to. I was turning into a closed up volcano ready to erupt.

By the time the work day came to a close, I was so stuffed with anger and bitterness that I was sweating, and my hands were trembling. If O’Hara were playing mental games, I feared that he was beginning to win, even though I would never let him know that. He didn’t deserve the fucking dirt beneath my boots, so I surely wouldn’t stroke his ego by allowing him the satisfaction of knowing that he was slowly but surely shredding my heart by toying around with Cassie and me.

I walked out to the car where Gunny Moss sat, plopped down in the passenger seat, and greeted him. “Hey, Gunny. I’ll go straight to my room. I’m not hungry for chow.”

He eyed me curiously, seeing the defeat laced throughout my face. “I have orders to take you back to the room. Captain Hedlund is on his way there now.”

Finally. I didn’t know what I was hoping to hear from him, but anything would be better than nothing. If I were about to walk the fucking plank, I wanted to know it. I needed to know it because festering in my own mind was destroying me, and I didn’t want to rip myself to shreds.

“Do you know what he’s coming for?”

“None of my business. He just said he’d be over to see you.” There was nothing more to say. Gunny Moss was stern faced and made little eye contact. I knew even if he knew anything, he wasn’t about to share it with me.

We pulled up to the barracks building, and I hurried to my room, hoping that I could change out of my cammies before Hedlund got there. To my surprise, he was waiting for me when I arrived, standing outside and talking to the Staff Sergeant on duty.

I walked up and saluted him. “Captain Hedlund.”

“Sergeant Cruz. I need to speak with you.” He turned to the Staff Sergeant and waved him off, then followed me to my room.

My heart was pounding with each step I took. I wasn’t sure if he were coming with a bag of shit to throw at my feet, or if he were ready to lift me from my misery finally. Whatever it was, I wanted him to hurry up and get it out because the longer he held it in and my masochistic mind began fielding various scenarios, the more agitated I became. When I reached the door and turned the knob, my hands were slick with sweat, forcing me to grip tighter on the knob in order to get it open.

“You can take a seat, Captain,” I said, pulling out the lone desk chair in the room.

“This won’t take long. I spoke to First Sergeant O’Hara and asked why you were being held on barracks restriction since we know that you are not a risk to leave the area. He said you were labeled as a predator on students, and he needed to make sure to keep you away from the students in the schoolhouse.”

If I had to hear that motherfucking word one more time, I thought I would rip someone’s fucking head off.

“I asked that he lift the barracks restriction, and he declined my request. I asked that you be allowed visitors, to which he once again declined, so I headed straight for Sergeant Major Thomas’ office.”

“Does First Sergeant know that you had gone over his head?”

“Doesn’t matter. Once he’d declined both requests, my business with him was over. I spoke with Sergeant Major Thomas, and she felt it was best to bring Colonel Davis into the meeting. After speaking to them both, and explaining your side of the story—the meeting, the relationship, the subsequent fallout—they at least listened to what I had to say.”

“And?”

“And, they declined it.”

Fuck. I wasn’t sure why he was here if he were just coming to tell me that I was going to sit and rot exactly where I was currently sitting.

“But after going through your files, I saw that you currently receive a housing allowance. Having you sit in the barracks would revoke your BAH because you would no longer rate it. I took this bit of information back to them, and they found that to be an easy fix. You’d just lose BAH and become a barracks resident. After digging a bit more, I found that you own your house out in town, and therefore, need to keep your BAH in order to make your monthly mortgage payments. That coupled with the task of having to move your household goods into storage, finally got their attention. The Corps does not like default of any kind, and often reprimand Marines for failure to live up to their financial obligations, so setting you up for default would be irresponsible and unnecessary. They finally agreed to free you from barracks restriction.”

A boulder sized lump dislodged from my throat as I finally got some news worth listening to. I exhaled loudly and relaxed my shoulders. “So I am free to go now?”

“Yes, you are free to go now.”

“What about Cassie? Am I allowed to see her?”

“That restriction has been removed as well. I wouldn’t parade her around base though. They are still adamantly pushing for your court-martial and will see that as a slap in the face and push even harder.”

I couldn’t contain the joy inside of me. Captain Hedlund’s words were music to my ears. Not only was I no longer bound to this barracks cell, but I was no longer torn away from my reason for breathing. I couldn’t get Captain Hedlund out of my room quickly enough.

“Do you know where Cassie is staying? Or if she’s even out of the hospital?”

“She was discharged this morning and is in the student barracks. I’m unsure which room.”

“I’ll find out.”

He pulled something out of his pocket and handed it over to me. “Your cell phone.”