N. Walters - Craving Candy

“What the hell are you trying to do, kill yourself?” His voice was gruff, but he was gentle as he stood her back on the stairs.

“I just want to go home.” The tears were coming faster now and she swiped them away, despising herself for shedding them. I don’t usually cry and definitely not in front of a complete stranger.

“I’m sure you don’t.” She hadn’t realized she’d said the words out loud until he commented on them. “Look.” He swiped a hand through his hair, his agitation plain. “I don’t know what just went on between you two, but I know that you hurt Lucas. Even with that, he wants me to see you home safely. You can either go by yourself and I’ll follow you or you can let me take you. It’s your choice. But either way, I’m seeing you home.”

“Do you want to know what just went on?” Candy was a woman who’d been pushed to the limits of her emotional and physical well-being and lashed out to protect herself against further hurt. “I just had the most amazing sexual experience of my life with the man I love and then he threw me out. So if I hurt him today, then we can call it even.”

Reaching out blindly for support, she grabbed the railing and stumbled down the stairs. Once again, a powerful male arm stopped her. Candy was getting sick and tired of being manhandled by large men. “Let me go!”

“Not until you talk to me.”

“There is nothing to say.” She pulled out of his grasp and kept on going down the stairs, but he was hot on her heels.

“You said you loved him.” His voice was insistent.

She refused to answer him. Her only goal was getting to the door and hailing a cab to take her home.

“What did he say when you told him?”

Candy rounded the corner and kept moving steadily downward. She was almost there.

“Will you stop!” He surged in front of her and blocked the staircase. She stumbled to a halt as he spread his arms wide, placing a palm on either wall.

“I didn’t get a chance to say anything. He didn’t want to talk. He only wanted to fuck, and once that was done, he couldn’t wait to get rid of me. I’ve had enough humiliation for one day. Now move!” She all but screamed the last two words at him. If he didn’t move, she was going to kick him where it would hurt him most. Standing a few steps above him, she had the perfect angle to do some damage.

T. S. looked shocked as he slowly lowered his arms and stood to one side. She cautiously skittered past him, keeping her eyes on him as she passed. “You mean too much to him. That’s why he sent you away.”

Candy flinched as his words hit her like stones. Her harsh laugh held no pleasure. “He sure has a funny way of showing it.”

“You’re both too much alike. Both of you trying to protect yourselves and all you end up doing is hurting yourselves more.” He fell into step behind her as she pushed open the side door and stepped out into the cold, dark night. “Give him a few days, but if you really do care, if you really do love him, don’t give up on him.”

She gave no indication that she heard anything he said. She’d think about what he said. Later. When she was safe at home. Rushing out to the road, she waved at a passing taxi, almost reduced to tears again when he just drove by without stopping.

“Let me take you home.” His voice was softer now and tinged with pity. Candy scrunched her shoulders up around her ears to try to stay warm. She didn’t want anyone’s pity. “Please.” He was closer now. “Lucas won’t rest tonight unless I come back and tell him that you made it home okay.”

He wrapped his arm around her waist and guided her to his truck that was parked just up the road from the building. Unlocking the door, he took one look at her boots and her skirt and scooped her up, depositing her on the seat. He made sure she was tucked in safely before he closed the door and hurried around to the driver’s side. The ride home was made in complete silence after she’d given him her address. He said nothing when he parked in front of her building, but once again hurried to her side of the truck and lifted her down. Like a large watchdog, he followed her up the stairs and all the way to her apartment door, waiting patiently while she dug though her purse for her keys.

Just as she was about to close her door, he finally spoke. “Don’t give up on him, Candy. He deserves to have some happiness. You both do.”

“Thank you for the ride home.” She closed the door gently and engaged all the locks. It was only after the sound of footsteps faded in the distance that she finally allowed the tears to flow unchecked.

Stumbling to her bedroom, she hauled off her clothing and tumbled into bed, pulling the covers tight around her. The sound of her sobs were raw and painful as she cried for what she’d lost in her past, but most of all, for what she’d lost today. She cried so hard, she made herself sick, barely stumbling to the bathroom in time. Eventually, there were no more tears left to shed and with a cool cloth over her swollen eyes, Candy crawled back in bed and fell into a fitful sleep.

The next few days were the hardest that she’d ever been through in her entire life. For the first time ever, she couldn’t lose herself in her work. It no longer interested her. She did manage to lay the groundwork for several upcoming projects, but avoided anything that had to do with Lucas. In fairness to the cookbook, she did schedule Katie for several interviews, playing up the local artist angle.

Physically, she ached for several days from the unusual sexual activity. Each twinge was a reminder of the mind-blowing sexual experience she’d shared with Lucas. Every night, she soaked in a tub of hot water, trying to rid herself of each muscle ache and the memory that went with it. Eventually the physical discomfort disappeared, but she feared that the memories never would.

Candy knew that she looked a wreck. She wasn’t sleeping and food didn’t interest her at all. Mostly, she concentrated on just getting through each day with the hope that tomorrow would be easier. She jumped every time the phone rang, her heart pounding hopefully in her chest. But Lucas never called her.

For the first time since she received the phone call from Barbara Bates, she was seriously considering interviewing for the job in New York City. Maybe she really did need to admit that whatever relationship she had been building with Lucas was over and it was time to move on.

She knew that Missy was worried about her, but Candy wasn’t ready to talk about what had happened with Lucas. She’d probably never be ready for that. She’d just told Missy that it was over between her and Lucas and thankfully her friend had let it go for now.

Today was day four, but it wasn’t getting any easier. Her experience with Lucas had changed her forever. There was no going back to the woman she’d been before she’d met him. That cold, unforgiving, work-driven woman had disappeared forever. In her place was a woman who understood what it was to love deeply and lose. A woman who understood that people weren’t perfect and that sometimes you wished you could change your past.

The phone rang and this time there was no surge of hope or expectation. At least she was making progress, she thought as she reached for her phone. “Candy Logan’s office.”

“Hi, Candy.”

Candy closed her eyes and placed a hand on her jittery stomach. This was something else she’d been avoiding, but the time had obviously come to deal with this as well. Taking a calming breath, she cleared her voice. “Hi, Justin.”

“I won’t keep you long.” He paused before continuing. “I know you’re busy at work, but I wondered if you’d given any more thought to meeting with me.”

The woman she’d been several weeks ago had refused him, but today… today everything was different. Today, she knew she had to see him, if only for one last time. “Where and when would you like to meet?”

She heard his swift intake of breath and knew she’d surprised him. “How about lunch today? I can be at the diner just down from your office in half an hour.”

Obviously he didn’t want to give her time to change her mind. She glanced at her watch and decided she could take an early lunch. “That sounds great. I’ll see you then.” She gently hung up the phone, feeling good about her decision. For better or worse, Justin was her brother and she owed it to him and to herself to talk to him. Turning back to her computer, she felt a new surge of energy. She had time to finish answering her emails before she had to go and meet her brother.

“Famous last words,” she muttered as she yanked the door of the diner open and hurried inside, leaving the cold, bitter wind and sleet behind her. She’d gotten so wrapped up in her work that she was ten minutes late. She only hoped that Justin hadn’t left yet.

The door closed behind her and she was enveloped in the homey warmth of the place. The smells of coffee and spices filled the air, making her stomach growl. She glanced around the room, suddenly unsure. She hadn’t seen Justin in years. Would she even recognize him?

A man rose slowly from a booth in the far corner. Tall and broad, his straight hair hung down to his shoulders, giving him the appearance of a shaggy lion. Her legs moved of their own volition, bringing her closer to him. His nose had a bump in the center and she wondered when he’d broken it. The crooked half-smile was endearingly familiar, as was the warmth in his chocolate brown eyes.

“Justin?” Her voice was little more than a whisper, but the stranger opened his arms to her and she walked straight into them. They closed tight around her, holding her almost desperately to him. She could hear the pounding of his heart through his soft T-shirt and suddenly he was a stranger no more. Candy couldn’t begin to count how many times he’d held her like this when they were children, and the lost years suddenly dissolved and ceased to matter.

She threw her arms around him, hugging him for all the years she’d been unable to do so. When he finally pulled away, it was she who didn’t want to let go and she gripped the front of his shirt tight in her fingers as if to keep him from disappearing again. His rough hands cupped her face as he studied her. “God, you’re beautiful, Candy.”

She could feel the blush stealing up her cheeks and ducked her head. “Thank you.” She forced herself to release the death grip she had on his shirt and step back. “You’re still as handsome as ever.” And he was, in a rough way. Not classically beautiful, but he’d certainly catch any woman’s eye.

Justin laughed and ushered her into her seat before sliding into the one across from her. “Thanks for seeing me. I know this wasn’t easy for you.”

“No, it wasn’t, but it should have been.” Taking her time, she unzipped her coat and slid it off, laying it across the back of her chair. She tucked her purse down by her side and straightened her suit jacket before facing him again. “You don’t need to tell me where you’ve been or what you’ve done. Just tell me what you plan to do.”

Justin studied her for a long moment. He opened his mouth to speak, but the waitress interrupted them. They hurriedly gave their orders for the soup and sandwich special as the waitress poured them each a cup of coffee. When she was gone, Justin picked up where he’d left off. “What happened, Candy? You seem different from the first time I talked to you.”

Candy fiddled with her napkin and sighed. “I am different. I was just angry with you when you first called. Then I did a lot of thinking and faced a lot of things about myself. And it wasn’t pretty.” She tried to smile as she met her brother’s worried gaze. “I guess you can say I finally grew up and stopped blaming everyone for not being perfect.”

Her brother reached across the table and caught her hand in his. “I don’t blame you for being angry. You wouldn’t be human if you weren’t hurt by what happened. You didn’t have an easy life and I didn’t make it any easier.” The sorrow in his eyes was replaced by admiration as he continued. “But you’ve grown into a heck of a woman. Mom told me a lot about your job and also about all you’ve done for her. You should be proud of yourself.”

His honest, straightforward praise helped undo the knot in her stomach and made her sit up a little straighter. “Thank you, Justin.” She gave his fingers a squeeze. “Now tell me about yourself. Whatever you want. You don’t have to tell me about your past unless you want to.”

Justin released her hand and took a sip of coffee. When he put the mug back on the table, he kept his large hands wrapped around it. “I was in prison, but it’s not exactly what you think.”