Kendall Ryan - Craving Him

Ellie waved me off. “Psshh . . . I’m not worried about the rent. I’m just glad you’re back and doing well.” She opened her arms. “Come here.”

I stepped into her embrace and gave her a hug. She wasn’t a hugger usually. “It’s good to be home.”

“Though keep in mind I’ll have his balls if he so much as steps out of line with you again.”

“Understood.” I smiled. She meant well.

Not much had changed even with the new apartment, and I was glad it felt nice and cozy to be back. All of our stuff had found its home, and even my room was set up much the same.

After unpacking, I logged onto my laptop, ready to look for jobs. I was set on paying Ellie back for the rent. I knew she didn’t have much extra money just lying around, and I wanted to pull my fair share. Not to mention I’d go positively crazy without a job. A pang of regret coursed through me at how my job at Status had ended. I certainly wouldn’t be getting a recommendation from my former boss. And God, what would I say if someone asked why I’d left my last job? Crap! My male model boyfriend got my boss pregnant and I quit. Ha! Yeah right. That’d go over about as well as a fart in church.

I supposed I’d have to spin it . . . say I went home for a family emergency. They didn’t need to know the emergency was me having a complete emotional breakdown.

Being in New York and back with Ben was emotionally overwhelming. It would take some time to process. I certainly hadn’t expected to run right into his arms again. But then again, nothing about our relationship was expected. I decided last night that I’d give him another chance, and I meant it. But that didn’t mean I wasn’t going to be warier approaching our relationship this time around. I had both of my eyes wide open, and I would wait to see how it all unfolded. He would need to show me with his actions, and not just pretty words, why he could be trusted again.

Ben

My shoot was at an old warehouse in Brooklyn so I was up early and across the Williamsburg Bridge before eight. I wish I could’ve stayed with Emmy last night, but I didn’t want to rush her. I’d done things all wrong the first time around and I was bound and determined to make things better for her. I would go at whatever pace she wanted, take care of her every need, and love her as long as she’d let me. I was one lucky bastard that I’d been forgiven, and it wasn’t something I took lightly.

That being said, I knew my limitations. I wasn’t good at going slow and didn’t trust myself not to try something if she was in the bed next to me. She was too luscious with those tempting curves. And I knew how good she fucked, how soft and silken her skin was, those sexy little noises she made when she came. . . . Damn, I was going to give myself an erection thinking about her like that. And seeing how this was a swimsuit shoot, and I was currently sporting a nut-constricting pair of briefs . . . that wouldn’t be good. Not unless I wanted to give everyone on set a show.

Still, I wished I could’ve spent more time with Emmy. Part of it was that I really didn’t like the look of the neighborhood she lived in. I’d already called a local company about installing a security system in their apartment.

Her roommate was a little firecracker, though. I had a feeling that even at one hundred and ten pounds tops, she’d give an intruder a swift kick to the balls if needed, a thought that made me feel only marginally better.

Fiona lingered just off set, her eyes roaming my nearly naked form every few moments. I hated how obvious she was and I couldn’t believe I’d never noticed it before. Now that Emmy had pointed it out, the way Fiona felt about me was reflected in her eyes, which made it a little difficult to be around her. Annoying, mostly. Nothing I couldn’t handle. This was work. Plain and simple.

I pulled my phone from my backpack near the makeup station to send Emmy a quick text before the shoot started. I needed to see her tonight.

Me: Hey baby. I want to take you out for dinner tonight. Are you free?

Emmy: Hiiii! Yes, that’d be great. I’ve been stuck inside all day looking for jobs.

Me: My driver will pick you up in front of your building at 7:00 and bring you to a restaurant in Midtown. I’ll take the train and meet you there.

Emmy: I don’t want to hog your car. I’m used to taking the train . . .

Me: No, you’ll be safer with Henry (my driver) and I don’t want to have to worry about you. See you tonight, baby.

Emmy: See you soon.

As soon as I shoved the phone back into my bag, Fiona approached.

“They’re just about ready for you, love. I asked them to adjust the lights so they wouldn’t be in your eyes too much.”

“Thanks,” I muttered.

“You look perfect,” she said softly.

I was spray-tanned and my chest and abs were freshly waxed. I’d hit the weight room extra hard the entire month Emmy was gone. I knew I was ready for swim season, which the fashion industry featured during the fall and winter, but I couldn’t help but feel the desperation rolling off Fiona in waves. “Should we do it?” I nodded toward the set, rather than acknowledge her compliment.

She led the way, and I trailed behind.

I knew I should tell her about me and Emmy and figured now was a good time. I wouldn’t have to see the pain in her eyes. I didn’t want to hurt her. “I’m back with Emmy.” Best to keep it simple and to the point.

Her head whipped in my direction, her mouth dropping open. “Oh?”

“Yes.” So much for not hurting her. Her eyes welled with tears, which she quickly blinked away. She didn’t say anything else, just went and sat alone beside the set in a rusty metal folding chair while I got in position for the photographer and tried to act like everything was fine.

Emmy

I wasn’t sure where Ben was taking me for dinner but knowing him, it’d be someplace upscale. He didn’t strike me as a sandwich-shop kind of guy. It was November in New York, which meant it was colder than Antarctica, or at least Tennessee, which was what my body was used to.

I wasn’t sure what to wear so I dressed in leggings with a super-soft cream-colored sweater that was long enough to cover my butt and my tall brown Audrey Boone boots that I’d gotten on sale. I added my navy pea coat then watched the street from our living room window.

Soon a sleek black sedan rolled to a stop at the sidewalk in front of our building. Henry. I didn’t know anything about this guy but if Ben trusted him, I guessed it was fine.

When I approached the car, he exited and opened the back passenger door for me. I didn’t know if I should sit up front since there were just two of us, but I stayed quiet and slid into the backseat.

“Good evening, Miss Clarke,” he said.

“Hi. It’s Henry, right?”

“Yes ma’am. Ben’s asked me to bring you to him at Prime Bistro. I’ve heard the food is great there.”

“Thank you, Henry.”

We rode in silence the reminder of the way while soft classical music played in the background. I watched the city come into view from the window, the skyline rising up in front of me, taking my breath away. The high-rises cast glittering reflections on the river while the sun sunk from view in the background. Coupled with the calming music in the otherwise quiet interior, the car was relaxing.

When we arrived at Prime Bistro Henry helped me from the car and I spotted Ben right away, waiting for me just inside the restaurant’s entrance.

He was dressed in gray dress pants and a white button-down shirt rolled at the sleeves, a wool jacket resting over his arm. I wondered if he’d worked today and if he’d seen Fiona, but all thoughts of her dissipated when he pulled me snuggly into his arms and pressed a kiss to my mouth.

“Hi, baby.” He smiled down at me and all was right with the world.

“Hi,” I returned, breathless from his tender and sweet kiss.

Ben took my hand, lacing his fingers between mine, and led me to our waiting table.

The restaurant was small and intimate, with a glowing stone fireplace at its center; creaky wood-plank floors were dotted with linen-covered tables. The aroma of fresh-baked bread and roasted meats permeated the air. A mouthwatering combination, if my reaction was any indication.

“This place is nice,” I commented as Ben helped me into an oversized red leather booth in the back.

“It’s great. I take my mom here anytime she comes to New York. She and I used to come here when I was a kid.” Ben spread his arms across the back of the booth, looking quite comfortable and happy to show me a place from his childhood.

It was nothing like the kid-friendly restaurants my parents had taken me and my brother, Porter, when we were kids. This wasn’t a peanut-shells-on-the-floor-with-a-play-set-in-the-back kind of place. The kind of place with those horribly sticky vinyl plastic tablecloths and grubby plastic menus, where you could be confident kids wouldn’t mess up anything. I was often reminded of how different Ben’s upbringing was from mine.

When the server appeared, we ordered drinks, a glass of red wine for me and a gin and tonic for him.

“How was your day? Did you work?”

He squeezed the wedge of lime into his drink and took a sip. “Yeah, swimsuit shoot. Went well, but it took longer than expected and I’m starving.”

Warm bread was delivered to our table and I buttered a slice for Ben, sliding the saucer toward him. “Here. Eat.”

“Food pusher,” he murmured under his breath, but one side of his mouth quirked up in a smile.

I buttered a slice for myself next and took a bite. I had to physically suppress my moan, the bread was so good. Crusty on the outside and warm and soft in the center. I hadn’t had bread like this since Paris. Ben’s eyes lifted and locked on mine. I wondered if he was thinking the same thing. We’d shared so many amazing times together in Paris and I didn’t want those memories to be overshadowed by the bitter way things had ended, with Fiona sending me packing in an attempt to keep Ben all to herself.

“What did you do today?” he asked, taking another sip of his drink.

“I looked for jobs all day. Applied to a couple of assistant positions for firms downtown.” I’d packed Ellie’s lunch before she’d left for work, too, a small sort of peace offering for all my erratic behavior lately. But I knew that’d just earn me another chuckle from him for being a food pusher.

“Any modeling agencies?” he asked, helping himself to a second slice of bread.

I nibbled on the bread in front of me, wondering if that was a twinge of jealousy I’d heard in his voice. He couldn’t possibly think that other male models would be interested in me. “No,” I confirmed. My adventures in the modeling world were done. I couldn’t handle the egos, the cattiness. “Investment banks, advertising agencies, places like that.”

He nodded, looking mildly relieved.

The server came by and we placed our order. Grilled salmon for Ben and a chicken Caesar salad for me.

I couldn’t help the burning questions still in my head. I wanted to move forward with him, but before I fully could, I knew I needed more answers. I took a sip of my wine for fortification. “Ben . . .”

“Hmm?”

“Was that the only, uh . . . time that Fiona spent the night with you in Paris?”

He reached across the table and took my hand, his thumb rubbing the back of my knuckles. “Yeah, baby. It was just that one time. She was sobbing and upset, so I couldn’t turn her away. I promise you, it wasn’t a regular occurrence.”

I released a breath I didn’t know I was holding. “Okay. It’s just that you two were alone in Paris for three weeks without me. And I just feel like I don’t know what else might have happened.”

He shook his head, bringing my hand to his mouth and pressing a sweet kiss to the back of it. “Don’t. Don’t do that. I don’t want you playing the what-if game, replaying all the possible horrible scenarios in your brain. I was faithful to you, in my heart and in my head. I was too drunk to realize what was happening, and my body got used against me. It’s no excuse and I’ve regretted that night every day since then. It wasn’t clear to me at the time, but looking back, I know Fiona’s plan had been to seduce me. I never should have opened that door for her. What I woke up to in the middle of the night . . .”

I snatched my hand away. “Ben. Please, not so much detail. It still hurts to think about that night.”