Kendall Ryan - Craving Him

“Because.”

Using two fingers, I lifted her chin, bringing her eyes up to meet mine. “Because why baby?”

“Because . . . this future with you . . . it’s everything I’ve ever wanted.”

“And . . .” I prompted.

She sniffed, her chin quivering. “And, I know this isn’t you. It’s not what you want, and I won’t pressure you. I won’t have you do this—make this grand gesture just to gain my forgiveness over your sex tape.”

Holy shit. Her words felt like a punch to the gut. “That’s what you thought this was? Some makeup gift? Some penance for my sins?”

She nodded carefully.

“I’m not good with pretty words, but I promise you I meant every word of that proposal. I want you with me always. I need you like I’ve never needed anything before. How can you not see that?”

“I believe you. I just can’t go into this thinking you’re doing it for the wrong reasons.”

Realization struck me and hope ballooned in my chest. “Baby, I’m a selfish bastard, trust me. I’m going into this for all the wrong reasons. Because I want you to be mine. Forever. I can’t let you go. I want us to vow that we’ll be together because I can’t lose you. I bought your ring before the tape even came out. I knew I wanted to marry you months ago. I’ve been trying desperately to get you to move in with me.”

“Bennn . . .”

The sound of her whimpering my name was the sweetest sound. It signaled her defenses falling away and her letting herself give in.

I could tell she was nervous but only because she thought I was proposing for the wrong reasons. I needed her to know how incredibly special she was to me. I gazed into her eyes, holding her face carefully a few inches from mine. “You’re amazing. I love everything about you.” I lightly stroked her jawline. “I love how soft you are. And I love the way you smell.” I pressed my nose and mouth to her neck, tasting as I went. “I want to kiss every part of you,” I whispered against her neck. She let out a soft moan at my words. “And I can. Because you’re mine.” She smiled up at me, relaxing a slight bit more “So beautiful,” I murmured against her lips.

I sunk to my knees in front of her, lifting her left hand to my lips. I kissed her naked ring finger and let my teeth lightly graze the soft flesh. I wanted her to understand that this finger was mine to mark.

Emmy’s eyes widened as the meaning behind my gesture sunk in. Her breathing hitched and she bit her bottom lip.

“Lie back,” I murmured, urging her back onto the bed and arranging the pillows behind her. She leaned against them so she was resting before me. I wanted her to be comfortable and at ease. She’d accepted my explanation, but that still didn’t mean she’d said yes to my proposal. Fuck, I wished there was a playbook for this. I was out of my element. Big time.

“Close your eyes,” I whispered.

She obeyed, letting her eyes slip closed.

She was so stunning laying there waiting for me. Long eyelashes resting against her cheeks, delicate nose, the familiar slope of her chin, and the slight outline of collarbones at her neckline. Desire sliced through me. I wanted to do bad things to her and cherish her at the same time. My mind reeled with what to do first.

I brought my hands to her face, cradling her jaw and softly stroking her cheeks with my thumbs. “So soft.” I leaned over her and nibbled on her bottom lip. I felt her mouth lift in a smile.

“Mmm. That feels nice,” she breathed.

“I want to make you happy.”

She let out a happy little moan. A good start.

I pressed a tender kiss to her mouth and licked at her lips until they parted, sucking her tongue into my mouth. She inhaled sharply at the surprise of my tongue sucking hers, and her eyes flew open before slowly drifting closed again. We kissed passionately for several minutes and my entire body relaxed into hers. “I want to take care of your every need,” I whispered, breaking the kiss.

I’d wanted tonight to be perfect. This proposal meant everything to me, and now that the moment had passed I was desperate to get it back. To somehow recapture the magic. I lay down beside her, lacing our left hands. Her fingers tightened around mine. “I love you, Emmy. Let me make you my wife and love you for the rest of my life.”

She looked up at me and smiled, murmuring the three best words I’d ever heard. “Where’s my ring?”

Emmy

Six Months Later

“What are you still doing working?” Ellie stormed into my office, heels clicking loudly across the polished wood floors. “I’ve been blowing up your phone for the past hour. Get your booty outta that chair.”

I glanced up from my computer screen, pausing just briefly in my work before letting my fingers resume tapping against the keys. I didn’t want to lose my train of thought. “One sec. I just have a few more emails to send out.”

“News flash, sweetie, you’re getting married tomorrow,” Ellie chuckled.

An unstoppable smile overtook my mouth and I grinned at her. I wondered if I should feel nervous or scared . . . but I only felt excitement. Ben and I had been living together for several months now and had never been happier. We’d opened the office to his charity last month and things had gone from busy to crazy. Thank God for my mom and Ellie’s help with wedding planning. And Ben took on the responsibility of planning our honeymoon. I never would have survived otherwise. I felt a bit guilty about keeping on Magda to cook and clean, but the extra help had been a godsend.

I clicked send on the last email to my assistant. I vowed to never use brief, terse messages scribbled on Post-it notes to communicate with her, as was Fiona’s method when I was her assistant. Instead I treated her like a human with a functioning brain. I just wanted to make sure she knew all of the vital things to get done in our absence for the next few weeks.

“Just about ready.” I glanced up to see Ellie touring the small office Ben had rented me uptown. It was just a large loft with light, airy windows and pale woods floors. The walls were still stark white and the furniture basic, but it was perfect. He stopped in a few times a week and worked alongside me, the modeling jobs becoming less and less frequent, which suited us both fine. Now that we’d set up our charity, it was where we both wanted to devote our time.

I powered down my laptop and straightened the papers on my desk. No sense leaving the place trashed. I took pride in what I did. It was work that mattered.

After talking for months about which worthy cause we’d devote our time to, Ben decided on starting a charity for children who needed surgery and couldn’t afford it. His organization funded plastic surgeries and medical procedures for children in need. We’d worked with families on things like cleft palates and reconstructive surgeries. My days were spent on the phone with hospitals and insurance companies, finding donors, and connecting with families. And lots of mundane things, too, like figuring out Web-hosting, answering mountains of emails, and making pot after pot of coffee to fuel us.

The glitz and the glamour of the modeling world had been replaced with helping children gain a positive self-image in the most basic of ways. By helping them get the care they needed and deserved. It filled my heart to know we were helping families, that we were making a difference in the lives of others.

I had the best job in the world. And the man I loved deeply right by my side. Except for tonight. Tonight was girl time with Ellie, and Ben was meeting up for a drink with Braydon.

“Last chance . . . instead of dinner reservations we could hit up a male strip club . . .” Ellie smiled wickedly.

“I have zero interest in going to a strip club, but thanks.” Besides, I knew it wasn’t my last chance. Ben wouldn’t care if I suddenly woke up one day and told him I wanted to check that off my bucket list. He’d shared me with his friend, for goodness sake. Not that Ellie needed to know all that. She already hated Braydon for some strange reason. I didn’t want to tell her about the threesome. I had no clue how she’d react.

“Fine. Boring it is. Dinner, drinks, and girl time.”

“Sounds perfect to me.” Ben and I had agreed to spend tonight apart in anticipation of making our wedding day that much more special when we were reunited at the altar tomorrow. To be honest, though, I had my doubts about his abilities to stay away. I was prepared to get a three a.m. phone call asking me to come home so he could sleep.

Instead of a swanky dinner at a fancy restaurant that served five one-bite courses that I’d never be able to identify, relaxing in pajamas with takeout sounded heavenly. “You know what I’d really like?” I teased, lifting my eyebrows to taunt her.

Ellie leaned closer, obviously hoping my line of thinking was something naughty, like a strip club. “What?”

“To go to your place—our old place—order pizza, drink wine, and catch up on girl talk. “Don’t hate me because I know you pulled a miracle to get us dinner reservations at that swanky bistro . . . but I kind of just feel like staying in . . .”

She laughed. “I love that you’re cool with eating pizza the night before your wedding and you’re not on some crazy juice fast.”

“Hell no. Either the dress fits or it doesn’t. And Ben doesn’t love me for the size on my tags.”

She smiled. “You guys are too fuckin’ cute for me to handle. It’s a deal, as long as this girl talk includes you spilling some secrets on your fiancé’s big dick and his skills in the bedroom.”

I grinned devilishly. “For that, we’ll need tequila instead of wine.”

“Booyah. Let’s go. We’ve got to stop on the way home for tequila.” She smiled, grabbing my hand and hauling me from the office.

Ben

The moment I spotted Emmy advancing toward me down the center aisle, unshed tears in her eyes, I knew I’d love her forever. I could just picture us old and gray, sitting together telling stories of my modeling days and our adventures in Paris.

Seeing her walk down the aisle, watching the soft whoosh of her dress, the subtle sway of her hips, the tender way her hand rested on her father’s forearm . . . all of it captivated me. But when she reached me at the altar I fought back a misty feeling forming behind my eyes. I’d never seen something so sweet. I couldn’t imagine how someone so honest, so pure could love me for me. But Emmy did. Deeply. And I could see that reflected back at me from those gorgeous, bluish-gray eyes. She looked stunning. That was all I could focus on during the brief but loving ceremony, which was very Emmy. Simple yet elegant—and of course genuine.

Now we were joined on the dance floor, surrounded by our closest friends and relatives. I held her in my arms, swaying to the soulful melody played by the band. Life was perfect. My girl was mine. Forever.

Our families were getting along well; the only hitch came when Emmy’s mom spotted my mother’s date. I thought her eyeballs were going to fall out of her head when she saw the guy my mom had brought to the reception. The guy couldn’t have been over twenty-five. Oh well.

I rarely heard anything about Fiona. Only that her baby girl had been born. A little thing she’d named Alice. I was happy for her. She’d gotten what she so desperately wanted—to be a mother. And her brand-new daughter kept her too busy to interfere in our lives.

The change in our lifestyle had been nice. With Emmy running the charity, not everything was about my modeling career anymore. I was looking forward to all that lay ahead for us, beginning with a month-long honeymoon to St. Barts.

“Ben,” Emmy said as she threaded her fingers through the hair at the back of my neck.

“Yeah, baby?” I bent lower to brush my lips past her ear.

“I want . . .” she paused, stopping herself.

“What?”

“Um, nothing.”

“Tell me.”

“Never mind. It’s a bad idea.”

She had me intrigued. I cocked an eyebrow, challenging her to continue as her eyes fluttered to the floor. “Look at me.” Her gaze latched onto mine once again. “Tell me.”

“I want you,” she admitted softly.

“You’ll have me later. Several times,” I promised.

She whimpered softly, her fingers tightening in my locks. “I want you right now.”

“Fuck, baby, you can’t say things like that.”

“I need you deep inside me, please,” she begged softly, keeping her voice low so no one could overhear our conversation.