Crystal sniffed and wiped her eyes, still refusing to turn around. "I hate this," she said quietly. "I

" She watched a van make its way down the street while she collected her thoughts. "I hate feeling this way."

"What way is that?" the soft voice behind her asked.

"I dunno." Shrugging her shoulders, Crystal moved away, keeping her back to Jenny. Returning to the blue beanbag, she slumped down into it, letting out a deep breath of air when she finally felt in control of her rarely used tear ducts. She watched Jenny return to her beanbag.

"You know, you just don't want to admit it," Jenny said. "I told you no cop outs here." The distant sound of the church bell caused her to look at her watch. "But I'll give you a break tonight. It is getting late. Look at me." She waited until she had Crystal's full attention before continuing. "I want you to go home and write tonight." Ignoring Crystal's groan, she continued. "I want you to write about the dream you keep having. Try to put as much detail in it as you can. Don't forget that the people in your life today aren't the same as the ones in your past. You're around people who care about you. Don't forget to reach out if you need to."

"I don't want to write tonight," Crystal said, rubbing her eyes and standing up. "I just want to get numb."

"Getting numb won't make the pain go away," Jenny replied as she rose to her feet. "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a new result. Try doing something different for a change. I guarantee you won't wake up with a hangover."

"It takes a really rough night for me to wake up with a hangover, Doc. I can hold my liquor."

"Yeah, so I've seen," Jenny smirked. "I don't take bullshit either, Jane Wayne. Go home and remember you're a woman, not a tank." "Meaning?"

"Meaning go easy on yourself," Jenny said. "You're a woman who needs comfort from time to time. Don't be so afraid to take it, okay?" "I'll see you Saturday at softball, Doc," Crystal replied, reaching for her keys.

"Hey, rule twenty six." Jenny stood in front of her and reached out. "I believe everyone needs at least five hugs a day. You are way overdue for one, I'm sure."

"You're kidding." As she found herself enveloped in a gentle hug, Crystal knew the answer. "Yeah yeah, okay, you've given me a hug. Leggo now." "Read your meditations, write in your journal and don't forget to reach out to the people who care about you," Jenny said as she pulled back. "I'll see you Saturday."

Chapter Eighth

The parking lot of the liquor store was dark, the overhead light broken some time ago by vandals and never repaired. Crystal parked her car near the front door, wanting as much light around her as possible now that darkness had fallen. Leaving the store with the brown paper bag in her hand, she looked around the dim lot carefully before leaving the safety of the doorway for her car. Once inside the small interior of her Omni, Crystal locked her door and set the bottle on the passenger seat. I can't do this, it's just too hard, she thought to herself, reaching out to start the engine. All I think about is that fucking place and all the shit that happened. Pulling out onto the street, Crystal pushed her foot down hard on the accelerator, quickly passing the speed limit. At least when I'm wasted I don't think about it. The bottle sitting on seat screamed out from within the paper bag but Crystal knew in her present state of mind that if she started drinking, she'd have half the bottle finished before she reached home, if she made it home at all. "Ah, who cares anyway," she said aloud, reaching out for the bottle. Her fingers barely closed around the bag when she saw the bright blue lights flashing in the rear view mirror. "Oh shit," she said, letting go of the bag and reaching for her seat belt. Oh shit, is there any weed in the car? Crystal tried hard to remember as she guided the car to the shoulder of the road. Reaching between the seats and putting the car in park, she shut off the engine and rolled down the window. Did I put the new insurance card in the glove compartment? Crystal looked at the rear view mirror, not at all happy with the sight of the police car parking behind hers. The blue lights continued to strobe incessantly as seconds passed. What are you doing, running my plate? Please just get up here and give me a speeding ticket and go away.

As any marijuana in her glove compartment. The registration is in there. What if he sees something when I reach for it? Maybe I should get it now, just in case. But on the other hand, if he sees me moving around in there, he might become suspicious and want to search the car. That would not be a good thing. Over a week ago she had dropped her pipe and at the time simply kicked it under the front seat. The sound of a car door closing made the decision for her. Do nothing and see what happens.

Crystal's heart began pounding as the uniformed officer approached her vehicle. Watching through her side view mirror, Crystal's eyes grew wide when the cop stopped at her rear bumper and appeared to be looking at something. Don't tell me I have a broken taillight or something. Oh damn, when was the last time this thing was inspected? Wiping the sweat from her upper lip, she nervously poked her head out the window. "Um, is something wrong, officer?"

"Stay in the vehicle, Miss," the deep feminine voice said with authority. Crystal immediately turned around and faced forward, both hands gripping the top of the steering wheel. What if she frisks me? Crystal knew she had rolling papers in her back pocket. Finding those would most surely be enough cause for the policewoman to tear the car apart. Damn damn, this isn't good. She heard her name come over the police radio and the officer respond before walking up to her door. "License, registration and proof of insurance, please."

"Uh ." Crystal shifted in her seat to reach for her wallet, all the while nervously watching as the policewoman shined her flashlight throughout the car's interior. "Um, here's my license. The insurance and registration are in the glove compartment."

"Are there any weapons or illegal drugs in this vehicle, Miss

Sheridan?" The officer's voice sounded familiar to Crystal but she couldn't pinpoint it.

"No." Leaning over and noting that the flashlight beam followed her hands, Crystal reached into the compartment and removed the flimsy plastic sleeve that held the papers for the car. Removing the registration and insurance cards, she handed them over.

"Is this your current address?"

"Um, no. I live in the Terraces." Crystal watched as the officer flipped the license over and scribbled something down on her pad.

"You're required to notify the department of motor vehicles within ten days of any change in address and mark it clearly on the reverse of your license," the officer said, her flashlight still weaving a pattern of light throughout the interior of the car. "Have you had anything to drink tonight?" "No, I'm on my way home," Crystal replied.

"Mm hmm," the officer said noncommittally. A few more notes were scribbled before she put the pad down and took a step back from the car. "Step out of the vehicle, please."

Oh fuck. Taking a deep breath, Crystal unbuckled the seat belt and opened the door. Please let that pipe be waaay under the front seat. She was trying to remember the name of a lawyer when the police officer spoke.

"Aren't you Laura Taylor's new roommate?" Now standing under the street light, Crystal now knew the reason why the voice sounded familiar. It was Alex Duncan, the shortstop from the Falcons softball team.

"Yes," Crystal said happily. The odds of needing a lawyer just dropped considerably. Alex was smiling and leaning against the open door. "I didn't know you were a cop."

"Yeah, it's my job to keep these streets safe at night," Alex replied. "Speaking of which, not a good i.e.to be doing fifty in a thirty five." "Oh, yeah sorry." So much for getting out of a ticket.

"You swear you haven't been drinking?"

"Not a drop." Crystal thought about the bottle sitting on the front seat. "Actually I just picked something up to take home to drink." She motioned at the passenger seat, pointing out what hadn't been visible to Alex's eye before, the whiskey bottle wrapped in a brown paper bag.

"You have a light out over the license plate, by the way," Alex said as she leaned in and removed the whiskey bottle from the bag. "Good thing this seal isn't broken. I would have had to charge you with carrying an open container." Alex returned the bottle to the seat and handed Crystal's documents back to her. "I suppose I can let you off with a warning this time on the speeding but I have to give you a ticket for the defective light." She opened her pad and clicked open her pen. "I'd already started to write it out. No fine if you get it replaced and have this ticket signed by a licensed mechanic or bring it down to the police station to have it checked before dusk tomorrow." Officer Duncan held the pad and pen out. "Signing is not an admission of guilt, only of receipt of your ticket. So you're off work and just heading home to have a few drinks, hm?"

Crystal signed the ticket and handed the pad back to Alex. "Yeah, well"

"Shame I'm on until midnight." Alex stepped out of the way of the door, silently telling Crystal it was all right to get back in the car. "I'd love to buy you a drink sometime," the officer said softly as Crystal walked past her to get into the driver's seat.

"Oh, um yeah." Now that the danger of a search was gone, Crystal smiled at the flirtatious cop.

"I know Laura's number. I'll call you sometime then?"

"That sounds nice," she said, using the same tone she used so many times before on horny men wanting her phone number. "Tell you what. I'm never home. Why don't I give you a call sometime?" Making sure to buckle her seat belt, Crystal tossed the license and other documents on the passenger seat and started the engine.

"There's a speed trap set up near exit six."

"Thanks for the tip. Good night." Crystal began rolling up the window as soon as Alex stepped back. Oh my god, I got away with it. Watching in her rear view, Crystal waited until the police officer was back in her own unit before she pulled away from the shoulder and onto the roadway. That's it. Tomorrow I'm going to clean out the car. The overhead street lights caught the bright white of the ticket sitting on the seat. "Guess I'll be going to the auto parts store too."

"Oh what is that horrid noise?" Crystal shouted as she stepped into the townhouse. The music was coming from Laura's bedroom and as the stripper listened to a few bars, she recognized it as one of the Carpenter's signature songs. Finding the door to Laura's room open, Crystal knocked lightly on the jamb and stepped inside. "Why are you listening to such depressing music?"

"It's not depressing, it's thought provoking," the writer defended as she shut the tape player off.

"Sure, if you're thinking of killing yourself." Crystal walked over to the short file cabinet and sat down atop it. "How ya doing?" "Hello yourself and I'm fine." Laura gestured at the monitor. "I think I got over fifteen pages done so far. It's been a most productive day." "Good for you."

"What's that? Refilling your stock?"

"Yeah well" Crystal set the whiskey bottle on the floor, out of Laura's sight.

"Yeah." Laura let the subject drop. "So how was your day? You look like you've been playing in a dirt pile. Make sure you spot soak those stains with detergent before you put them in my washing machine."

"You're the only person I know who worries about keeping your washing machine clean." Looking at her roommate, Crystal noticed Laura's drawn face and puffy eyes. "Did you take a nap today at all?"

"I didn't have time. Those ideas you gave me yesterday were just what I needed to bring Bobbi and Julie together." Laura stretched in her seat, rolling her head from side to side until she heard a satisfying pop. "I'm almost ready for them to have their first kiss."

"Oh yes, let's get them into bed as soon as possible," Crystal said teasingly. "I think you need a break. Tell you what, I'll make dinner tonight." "You know how to cook?"

"Bite me," Crystal replied, hopping off the file cabinet and retrieving her bottle from its hiding place. "Come on, you need to get away from this depressing music."

As they made their way down the stairs, Laura continued to defend her musical tastes. "The Carpenters aren't depressing. And melancholy music is the perfect setting for the scene I'm working on."