"I hope it isn't a love scene," Crystal quipped as she stepped into the kitchen. "So what are you in the mood for? I know nothing that resembles real food." She opened the refrigerator and glanced at the contents of each shelf. Oh, I didn't know she had green olives hidden in here, Crystal thought to herself, making a mental note to come down later and help herself to a few. "What's this thing that looks like a burger?"

"It a veggie burger."

"How do you cook it? Just like a regular one?"

"Pretty much. I add some fried onions and cheese for flavoring."

"Sounds good. I have a piece of cube steak in here somewhere" Crystal moved jars of unidentifiable concoctions around but her meat was nowhere to be found. "Where is it?"

"I moved it away from my leftover rigatoni. Look on the bottom shelf in the back."

"Of course, why didn't I see it before?" Crystal said sarcastically, moving the baskets of fresh berries out of her way to reach the steak. "Do you have onions and cheese?"

"Cheese is in the dairy compartment on the door and the onions are in the bottom drawer."

Crystal found the ingredients and placed them on the counter. Opening several drawers turned up the good cutting knives. Laura had buried herself in the newspaper, leaving the blonde to her own thoughts. As it did so many times during the day, Crystal's mind went back to the past. It shouldn't keep hurting so much. Picking up the knife, she began slicing the onion. I know what Jenny wants. She wants me to break down and tell her what he did like that's going to make any kind of difference. The force of the knife through the onion increased and Crystal soon felt stinging tears come to her eyes. With her back to Laura and her fingers covered with onion juice, she let the tears fall, knowing it would be worse if she tried to rub her eyes. Bet this would make her happy, seeing me cry like this again. Sniffing and rubbing her cheeks against the upper sleeves of her shirt, Crystal shoved the knife away and scooped the slivers on onion into the frying pan. I miss you Patty. I really need a hug. A small half sob escaped her lips, the onions no longer to blame for the tears.

"You okay?" Laura asked from the table.

Crystal sniffed and lowered the temperature of the burner. "Uh yeah, strong onion, I guess." Everything else could wait a few minutes. "I'm going to step outside for a smoke." Lowering her head and looking away from Laura, Crystal quickly made her way out to the deck.

The moon was still below the tree line, casting very little light on the deck. Gripping the rail with both hands, Crystal faced the darkness, unable to stop the stinging tears from falling. The anger that used to come so easily to her couldn't break through the stronger emotion, pain. The memories of being a lonely girl with no one to turn to refused to go away and Crystal felt herself slipping back to that painful time. She never heard the sliding glass door slide open or Laura stepping out onto the deck. Crystal jumped at the feel of a gentle hand on her back.

"Hey" Laura spoke softly. "Com'mere." Before she could react, Crystal found herself wrapped within Laura's gentle embrace. "I

"

"Shh, it's okay," the writer said. Crystal felt the hold tighten, her head pressed into Laura's shoulder. "Once in a while we all need to just let it out." "I c-can't stop," Crystal sniffled, awkwardly letting her arms go around Laura's back. "It j-just it just hurts so much." Unable to stop herself, she burrowed deeper into the hug, feeling the heat of Laura's body through the thin cotton shirt. The tears fell freely for the first time in many years and Crystal found herself helpless to stop them. Just as she sought comfort in her sister's embrace as a child, Crystal now tightened her grip around Laura's back as sobs wracked her body. As her tears soaked into Laura's shirt, she felt a hand rubbing gently up and down her back. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Crystal felt Laura's grip tighten. "I told you, sometimes we all have to just let it out." The hands rubbing her back and hair stopped. "Do you feel like going inside now?" Laura asked. Crystal nodded and allowed herself to be led through the kitchen and onto the couch where Laura insisted on sitting next to her.

"I-I'm sorry," she said, wiping at her face with her sleeve. "I thought it was the onions but

" She looked everywhere but at Laura, embarrassed by the crying jag. "I'd better get back to dinner." Crystal tried to get up only to find herself held in place by a firm hand on her chest.

"Dinner can wait," Laura insisted. "You're more important." As she spoke, Laura moved her hand up to cup Crystal's chin, forcing their eyes to meet. "Talk to me." Crystal found herself looking into Laura's hazel eyes, finding both care and concern within them. "Come on, Crystal, talk to me," Laura repeated softly.

"I just keep thinking about the past," Crystal said, breaking the gaze and focusing on the laces of Laura's sneaker instead. "My father was such a bastard." Unsure what to say, Laura remained quiet, giving Crystal the time she needed to collect her thoughts. The smell of cooking onions began to filter through the air. Laura made a mental note of it but remained where she was, one arm around the back of Crystal's shoulders. The shrill ringing of the phone interrupted the silence.

"Let the machine get it," Laura said. Three rings later she heard the familiar click and the recorded sound of her own voice. "This is Laura. I can't come to the phone right now, so please leave a message." Beep.

"Laura, it's Jenny," the distorted voice said. "Call me when you get in." There was a click then the room returned to silence. "I saw her today," Crystal said quietly.

"I thought you usually saw her on Mondays?"

Crystal nodded. "I do but I've been feeling like this all day."

"Oh, so she saw you again today?" Crystal nodded. "Good," Laura continued. "What did she say?"

"She said I need to out more, I guess." Crystal shrugged. "I need to talk about what happened " She shook her head. "How am I supposed to talk about something like that?" She looked up at Laura again, still finding the gentle look of concern on her face.

"Just like you're doing now."

"Easy for you to say. I feel like I'm coming apart at the seams," Crystal said.

"Interesting visual image," Laura said. "Maybe you feel that way because there's something inside that's trying very hard to come out." "Now you're sounding like Doc," the blonde said, causing them both to smile briefly. "Maybe," she admitted with a nod, the smile leaving her face. "I told you before if you ever needed to talk, I'd be here."

Crystal nodded and looked away. "I don't think I can."

"I know you can," Laura said firmly. "You're strong. You can handle it."

"Strong?" Crystal snorted. "I don't think so."

"How can you say that?" Laura shifted and waited for Crystal to look at her before continuing. "Have you ever seriously sat down and thought about it? I don't know many people who would have survived what you have. After all the horrible things your family did to you, you still managed to get away and support yourself all these years." Laura shook her head. "At fifteen I was worrying about passing Biology and not getting too many pimples. I don't think I could have made it on the streets all by myself." Laura paused, choosing her words carefully. "Especially if I'd been raped." The word caused an immediate reaction. Crystal stiffened noticeably and crossed her arms in front of her chest. Her eyes took on a faraway look. The now burning onions couldn't be ignored any longer. "I'll be right back," Laura said as she rose to her feet. She went to the kitchen and shut off the burner, deciding that the pan could be cleaned out later. When she returned to the living room, she found Crystal in the same position, lost in deep thought. "Hey."

Crystal looked at her, blue eyes rimmed with red from her crying. Laura fought the urge to pull Crystal into a hug, instead resuming her seat next to the emotionally pained woman. To her surprise, Crystal reached out and grasped her wrist, pulling her hand back to its previous position around the blonde woman's neck. Taking the invitation, Laura wiggled closer until she had Crystal's head resting on her shoulder and their bodies touching. "So do you want to talk or just sit here for a little while?" she asked softly, letting her thumb move back and forth across the curve of Crystal's shoulder.

"Did you have a bike when you were a kid?"

"Um ," Laura replied, remembering now Crystal's habit of changing subjects without warning. "It was purple with a white flowered banana seat and a matching basket on the front."

"I had a bike too. It was Patty's before she gave it to me." Crystal continued to let her head rest against Laura's shoulder, a move that surprised them both. "It was a boy's bike but that didn't matter to us. It was a bike. She won it, you know."

"Patty?"

"Yeah, there was an art contest put on by the school and they gave away a bike to the winner. She bought herself a bigger one at a garage sale with some money she had saved. Patty was good at saving money, not like me."

"Not one of your strong suits, hmm?"

"I never have any money to save but even when I do get some extra, I usually spend it right away."

"I've always been a saver," Laura said. "Dad used to make me put a third of my allowance each week into the bank. By the time I graduated high school I had enough to pay for my own car."

"After Patty bought the ten speed at the garage sale, we used to ride our bikes everywhere. Of course that was before that drunken bastard ran over them with his fucking car. Took us almost a year of returning bottles before we could get new ones." Crystal sat up and leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees and rubbing her hands together. When seconds passed with no further words from Crystal, Laura wondered if that would be the end of the conversation for the night but finally her roommate began talking again. "I loved having a bicycle," Crystal said. "It gave me freedom. When I was out riding it, no one could touch me." Crystal blinked several times. "He couldn't touch me," she added in a lower voice.

"He can't touch you here either," Laura said softly, hoping to encourage Crystal to continue talking.

"For all I know the bastard could be dead. I wish he was." Crystal sat back and looked at Laura. "I really need a drink and a smoke." "Cigarettes or something else?"

"Does it matter?"

"Depends on whether you want to keep talking or not. If you want a cigarette, we can go out onto the deck. If you want the other, you'll have to go up to your room and I don't want to be around that stuff." Laura hoped she wasn't making the wrong move. It seemed that Crystal was on the verge of really opening up and Laura certainly didn't want to do anything to hinder that but at the same time she didn't want to encourage the drug use.

"I guess a cigarette it is then," Crystal said, rising to her feet. "But it is getting cool out there with the wind and all. Can we go upstairs to my room? I have that orange chair in there that you can sit in if you want."

Laura hesitated, knowing it put the pot within easy reach and she was certain Crystal wouldn't stay away from it for long in her current state. "I'll tell you what. Do you know how to play rummy?"

"Sure, Patty and I used to play it. I kicked her butt."

"You clear a way through that minefield of a room of yours and I'll bring the cards."

"Deal."

It had been several days since Laura had seen the inside of Crystal's room and thus was surprised to see that her assumption of disarray was on the mark. Dirty clothes were scattered about the floor, no doubt remaining where they were originally thrown when Crystal was changing. The small waste basket near the bed was filled to the brim with cigarette butts and empty whiskey bottles. Crystal's newest purchase was sitting on the nightstand, the glass next to it already filled with the amber liquor. Crystal was sitting cross-legged on her bed, the ashtray and lit cigarette next to her. "How do you find your way to the bed?" Laura joked as she pulled the orange chair next to the bed.

"Well the bed doesn't move. I know where it is. I'll pick all this up when I do laundry. Come on, let's play cards."

"Can you light one of those incense before your cigarette kills me?"

"Help yourself. You know where they are. Here."

Laura caught the thrown lighter and soon had an incense stick burning in the holder. Settling into her chair, she smoothed the bedspread and began shuffling the cards. "Regular or gin rummy?"