"No, I can't can I?" Crystal sniffed, taking the offered tissue and wiping her face. "But that doesn't make it hurt any less." "You're right. It doesn't." Jenny said softly. "But when you learn to accept it and move on, the pain will lessen. You are a strong woman, Crystal. You can get through this."

"It doesn't feel like it." Crystal said with a hitch to her voice. "I

I feel like this pain will never go away." The constant tears were ending as were the chest heaving sobs. Feeling embarrassed by her emotional display, Crystal took the offered tissue and wiped her eyes and face. "So this is how you know it's working, Doc?"

"Therapists have a daily quota of patients they have to get to cry," Jenny deadpanned. "What can I say? I was behind today." "Bawling like that should keep your quota filled for the week," Crystal replied, giving the smallest of smiles at the joke. Feeling reasonably in control of her feelings, she stood up and headed for the recliner.

Jenny remained on the mat, turning around so she could face her patient. "What are you feeling right now?"

"Fine," Crystal answered automatically.

"I didn't ask how you felt. I asked what you were feeling. Fine isn't going to fit. Try again."

Crystal shot her therapist a glare but it lacked any threat with the red rimmed eyes and downcast expression. Shrugging, she tried to find words to put to the turmoil spinning inside. "I dunno. Kinda empty, I guess."

"And that will happen," Jenny said gently. "I suspect, however, there is more than what you're saying."

Nodding reluctantly, Crystal smiled ruefully. "Guess that's why you're the therapist, eh Doc?" With a sigh, she tried to put the jumbled mess into order. "Sometimes I wonder what she's doing, if she ever left him. When I was a kid, I always thought if she just left him that everything would be all right." She gave a snort. "Dreams of kids."

"You're not a kid anymore."

"It doesn't make sense. How can this be? How can I hate her so much one minute and wonder what she's doing the next?"

"Perhaps what you felt wasn't hate. People are going to disappoint you. That's just a fact of life. When a friend or acquaintance does it, that's one thing but when someone close to us fails us, that's much harder to accept."

Crystal looked at Jenny thoughtfully, then nodded. "This ain't gonna be easy, Doc."

"I told you growth is a great deal of hard work," Jenny said. "And like it or not, you're going to stumble along the way and need guidance. Just don't be afraid to reach out when you do."

"Oh hey," Crystal said, noticing the time. "We went over."

"That happens at times," Jenny said, rising to her feet. "Life doesn't always fit neatly within an hour." Crystal rose as well but sat down when the therapist shook her head. "Not yet. We need to put some closure on this session before you leave."

"Oh yippee," the blonde said unenthusiastically. "I love the closure part of our time."

"I know you do," Jenny said as she took a seat on the couch. "It's your favorite part next to the hug, isn't it?"

"Yeah, a real tossup between the two," Crystal said wryly. "And after this I have to stop at the store and pick up some half and half because Helen doesn't like milk in her coffee."

"Considering how you were when you first walked through the door I'm sure she's very happy you stopped here first."

"Yeah, well" Crystal shrugged. "I'll deal with her."

"Tolerance and patience, Crystal. Remember that." Jenny settled back and picked up her clipboard. "Now let's finish up here so we can both go home."

Crystal didn't have to open the door to easily identify the music blaring through the walls. The Jeep was absent which meant only one thing, Helen was home alone and Crystal would have to entertain her until Laura returned. With a heavy sigh she turned the knob and entered.

Laura had apparently been gone for some time if the hurricane that swept through the living room was any indication. Helen was lounged across the couch, remote in one hand and the phone in the other. Gum wrappers littered the coffee table and loose papers were scattered about. Crystal went straight into the kitchen, not wanting to listen to Helen's phone call. Probably another long distance call, she thought while putting the creamer into the refrigerator. An almost empty six pack of beer caught Crystal's attention. Wait a minute. I had four of those left when I went to work this morning. Now fuming, she took the remaining bottle for herself and forcefully shut the refrigerator door.

"Oh there you are," Helen called from the doorway. "I saw you come in but I was on the phone. Did you remember to get my half and half?" "It's in the fridge," Crystal replied, leaning against the counter and bringing the bottle to her lips. "By the way, the beer you drank was mine."

"Oh it was? Well I am sorry I didn't check. I just assumed it was there for the taking." Without the benefit of a hat, Helen's platinum hair stood out almost shock straight from her head and Crystal could only wonder if Phyllis Diller had been the inspiration for the hairdo. "I guess you wouldn't know if no one said anything to you," Crystal acquiesced reluctantly. "Most everything in the fridge is shared but the beer and those health nut things that Laura likes."

"So how was your day today?" Helen asked, crossing the room and settling down at the kitchen table.

"It was fine. We finished hanging the drywall on the fourth floor."

"You have to excuse me but you're far too pretty to be playing Rosie the riveter. You could be a model."

Crystal took another long pull on her beer, making no effort to leave her comfortable space leaning on the counter. "Looks only last for so long. And I don't rivet anything. I screw drywall to the framing studs. That's a marketable skill in the construction industry."

"Just a little butch if you ask me."

I wasn't asking you, Crystal thought to herself. "Whatever. Where did Laura go?"

"She went to see her mother. I was there this morning but Gail was too busy being her usual post menopausal self to have any worthwhile conversation."

"At least she's doing better and you had a chance to see her again."

"Pshaw." Helen waved her hand dismissively. "That battle ax is going to be around for a long time to come, just like me. I should have just called to check up on her but I was due for a stateside vacation anyway."

"Well I'm sure your sister appreciates you coming so far to see her." Raising the bottle to her lips, Crystal was surprised to find it empty. I knew I should have bought more when I was at the store.

"Appreciate? Please." Helen made a disgusted look. "That woman hasn't appreciated one thing I've done for her in all my life." "Well, I don't know Mrs. Taylor that well so I can't say anything but I know I'd give my right arm to know where my sister is right now." Realizing she said more than she wanted to, Crystal set the bottle down on the counter and opened the refrigerator. "I'd better get dinner started." "You don't know where your sister is?" Helen asked. "Did you two have a fight?"

Crystal shook her head. "No. Patty ran away when she was a teenager. I haven't seen her since." Pulling the leftover chicken out and setting it on the counter, Crystal debated with herself for a moment before turning to face Helen. "You know, it's none of my business but Mrs. Taylor is your sister. Don't you care anything about her?"

"Of course I do," Helen said, bristling. "That's not the point."

"Then what is the point?" Crystal sighed. "Does it really matter that her house has a few drafts or her taste in politics is different than yours? You chose a life of parties and people, jetsetting all over the world. She chose a family and that is her world. Can't you just accept that you two are different and get over it?" Pulling a pan out from under the counter, she set it down with a bang. "Don't you think it's scary for her to be stuck in that hospital knowing if her son wasn't home she could have died?" The pan of chicken was put into the oven none too quietly. "Don't you think Laura is worried and upset over her mother? The last thing she needs is to come home and listen to you bring up the same old fights over and over again. Does it really matter who is right and who is wrong?"

"I didn't realize you felt so strongly about it," Helen said, her tone more subdued. "Usually you talk to Laura and then disappear upstairs." "Yeah well I'm not family so I try to stay out of it unless Laura needs to talk."

"Not to mention a certain herb I smell coming out of your room."

Crystal colored slightly. "Yeah well"

"I've been meaning to ask you about that. It seems I didn't pack any when I left."

"Oh." Understanding the hint, Crystal nodded. "I'm only allowed to smoke pot in my room. I can smoke cigarettes there and of course out on the decks. Laura's afraid if I light up a joint on the deck that one of the neighbors will see it."

"That's one way to make friends with your neighbors," the older woman said. "I find mine are always appreciative of sharing the herb now and again."

"I never would have pegged you for a pot smoker," Crystal said, the anger of their previous conversation leaving her. She leaned against the counter, fighting the urge to join Laura's aunt at the table.

"Compared to my niece I'm sure I seem like quite the rebel. I was very much into the disco scene of the seventies but I'm certain Laura isn't aware of that. Her mother tended to shelter her from the more 'seamy' side of life, as she called it." Helen waved her over. "Come sit down with me. I hate talking across the room." Crystal hesitated, then did as requested, taking a seat directly across from the older woman. "There, that's better. I'll have to admit you aren't like Laura's other girlfriends."

"We're not girlfriends," the blonde reminded.

"I meant as friends who happen to be women, not as lesbian lovers," Helen said. "Although I will admit it must have taken a lot of courage for Laura to come out to her mother."

"Laura has a lot of courage," Crystal agreed.

"I never told her this but I am proud that she stuck to her guns about it and didn't let her mother talk her into seeing a psychiatrist." A smirk came to the older woman's lips. "I dare say I've been known to jump over the fence once or twice. You remember the old Wagon Wheel series? The actress that played Carol, I could tell you stories about her."

The reference went over Crystal's head, knowing the show only as something that was in reruns when she was a young child but she understood the meaning clearly. "So you're bi?"

"I suppose I am. I haven't been with a woman in quite a few years but I suppose anything is still possible. What about you?" "I'm straight," Crystal replied.

"Oh, any men in your life right now? I know this absolutely devilishly handsome young man who would just die for a pretty blonde like you." Crystal gave a short laugh and shook her head. "I don't think so. I'm not looking."

"What a shame. Bad breakup?"

"No." As was her habit, Crystal looked down at the table when talking about herself. "I haven't ever been in any serious relationship."

"Now that's a real shame. You're a young thing but isn't it about time you start looking for a love to share your life with?" Helen reached out and slapped her hand atop Crystal's. "Take it from this old broad, deary. There is nothing lonelier than not having someone to love you at the end of the day. Personally I think you're limiting yourself by not looking at the other side of the fence. My niece is really quite the catch, you know. Accomplished author, college graduate and she certainly isn't hard to look at, is she?"

Crystal saw the mischievous glint in Helen's eye and smiled. "No, she isn't. Laura's a very nice person but it's just not like that between us. Besides, I'm far from her type."

"I don't know about that, deary. My little pumpkin seems to think very highly of you."

"What did she say about me?"

"Ah, curious aren't you?" Helen said knowingly. "I'll tell you what. We have at least twenty minutes for dinner, right?"

"Yeah. At least."

"If you would be kind enough to share a hit or two I might be persuaded to reveal certain things Laura has said about you." Crystal didn't need to be asked twice. "Let's go."

Chapter Twelfth

Laura was bone tired when she finally pulled into her parking space but pleased to see the familiar Omni parked next to her. That meant Crystal was home and hopefully had driven Aunt Helen to retire early for the evening. Remembering the bag of cleaners in the back seat, Laura retrieved them and headed inside.