“That's crap, Dad. All Sam wants is Mom. And Mel spends half her life on the phone, and the other half locked in her room. You don't come home till nine o'clock and when you do, you're too tired to even talk to us. So why the hell should I sit around here wasting my time?”

Oliver was hurt by his words and it showed. “Because you live here. And I don't come home at nine o'clock. I make it home by eight at least. I break my back to catch that train every night, and I expect you to be here. I'm not going to tell you that again, Benjamin. This has been going on for a month now. You're out every night. I'm going to ground you for a month if you don't knock it off.”

“The hell you will.” Benjamin looked suddenly furious, and Oliver was shocked. His son had never answered him that way before, he would never have dared. And suddenly he openly defied him.

“That's it, mister. You win the prize. As of this minute, you're grounded.”

“Bullshit, Dad!” For an instant, Benjamin looked as though he was going to punch him.

“Don't argue with me.” Their voices were raised, and neither of them had seen Mel come quietly downstairs, and she stood watching them now from the kitchen doorway. “Your mom may not be here, but I still make the rules here.”

“Says who?” An angry voice came from beyond them, and they both turned in surprise to see Melissa watching. “What gives you the right to push us around? You're never here anyway. You don't give a damn about us. If you did, you'd never have chased Mom away in the first place. It's all your fault she left, and now you expect us to pick up the pieces.”

He wanted to cry, listening to both of them. They didn't understand any of it. How could they? “Listen, I want you both to know something.” Tears stood out in his eyes as he faced them. “I would have done anything to keep your mother here, and as much as I blame myself for what she did, I suspect that some part of her always wanted to do that, to go back to school, to get away from all of us and lead her own life. But whether it's my fault or not, I love you all very much.” His voice trembled painfully and he wondered if he could go on, but he did, “and I love her too. We can't let this family fall apart now, it means too much to all of us … I need you kids …” He began to cry, and Mel looked suddenly horrified, “I need you very much … and I love you. …” He turned away, and felt Benjamin's hand on his shoulder, and a moment later he felt Melissa close to him, and then her arms around him.

“We love you, Dad.” She whispered hoarsely, and Benjamin said nothing but stood close to them. “I'm sorry we've been so awful.” She glanced at her older brother and there were tears in his eyes, too, but no matter how sorry he felt for his father, he had his own life now, and his own problems.

“I'm sorry.” It was several minutes before he could speak again. “It's hard for all of us. And it's probably hard for her too.” He wanted to be fair to her, not to turn the children against her.

“Why hasn't she come home like she said she would? Why doesn't she ever call us?” Melissa asked plaintively as the three of them walked slowly into the kitchen. Sarah had hardly called them since moving to Boston.

“I don't know, sweetheart. I guess there's more work than she thought there would be. I kind of thought that might happen.” But he hadn't expected her to stay away from them for five weeks. That was cruel to Sam, to all of them, and he had told her that repeatedly on the phone, but she just kept saying that she wasn't ready to come home yet. Having made the break, painful as it was, she was flying free now, no matter how much it hurt them. “She'll come home one of these days.”

Melissa nodded pensively and sat down at the kitchen table. “But it won't be the same anymore, will it?”

“Maybe not. But maybe different won't be so bad. Maybe one day, when we get through this, it'll be better.”

“Everything was so good before though.” She looked up at him and he nodded. At least they had made contact again, at least something was going right. He turned to look at his son then. “What about you? What's happening with you, Benjamin?” Oliver could sense that there was a lot going on, but nothing his son was going to tell him. And that was new for him too. He had always been so easy and so open.

“Nothing much.” And then, looking awkward, “I'd better get to bed now.” He turned to leave the room, and Oliver wanted to reach out and stop him.

“Benjamin …” The boy stopped. Oliver had sensed something. “Is something wrong? Do you want to talk to me alone before you go to bed?” He hesitated, and then shook his head.

“No, thanks, Dad. I'm fine.” And then, anxiously, “Am I still grounded?”

Oliver didn't hesitate for a beat. It was important that they all understand he was in control now, or they'd all go wild. And for their own good, he couldn't let that happen. “Yes, you are, Son. I'm sorry. In by dinner every night, weekends included. For a month. I warned you before.” He was unbending, but his eyes told Benjamin that he was doing it because he loved him.

Benjamin nodded and left the room, and neither of them knew the sense of desperation Oliver had just created. He had to be with her at night … had to … she needed him. And he needed her too. He didn't know how they were going to survive it.

Oliver looked at Melissa after Benjamin left, and walked slowly over to where she sat and bent to kiss her. “I love you, sweetheart. I really do. I think we all need to be patient right now. Things are bound to get better.”

She nodded slowly, looking up at her father. She knew more about Benjamin than she was willing to tell. She had seen him a thousand times with Sandra, and she also knew he was cutting classes. Word got around quickly in their school, even between sophomores and seniors. And she suspected how serious he was about the girl, serious enough to defy their father.

Sam didn't stir that night, as Oliver slept beside him, and in the morning the fever was gone, and everyone seemed calmer as he left for work with a lighter heart.

He was sorry for having had to ground Benjamin, but it was for his own good, and he thought that Benjamin could understand that. The breakthrough with Mel had been worth the agonies of the night before, and suddenly as he got to work, and found a message on his desk, he remembered his invitation to Daphne the night before, to come out on Sunday, and for the first time in a month, he was excited at the prospect of the weekend.





Chapter 7


Daphne came out on the train on Sunday, and he picked her up and brought her back to the house, as they chatted on the way about the children. Mel had been friendlier to him all week, Sam still had a little cold, and Benjamin had barely spoken to him since Oliver had told him he was grounded. But he was respecting the rules finally. He was in every night by dinnertime, and in his room the moment after.

“I warn you, they're not an easy group these days, but they're good kids.” He smiled at her, glad she had come out. Sarah hadn't called in days, and they were all feeling the strain of her silence, particularly Ollie.

“I'll try to let them know I'm no threat.” Daphne smiled at him again, she was wearing beautifully cut black leather pants and a fur jacket.

“What makes you say that?” He wasn't sure why, but she seemed to want him to know that she had no romantic interest whatsoever.

“I say that because I like to keep things straight, and honest.”

“Is there some reason why you're not interested in men?” He tried to sound casual, and he certainly had no immediate interest in her, but it might be nice to go out with her one day. She had a lot to offer any man, brains, looks, charm, wit. He really liked her. “I know you make a point of never dating anyone at the office.”

“That's because I learned my lesson a long time ago. The hard way.” She decided to tell him. She wanted to, maybe because she also found him attractive. “Three years into my first job, after I graduated from Smith, I fell in love with the chairman of the board of the ad agency I worked for.” She smiled quietly and he whistled as he looked at her.

“You don't mess around, do you?”

“He was one of the most exciting men in advertising. He still is. He was forty-six years old then. Married, with two kids. He lived in Greenwich. And he was Catholic.”

“No divorce.”

“Very good. You win the prize: two hundred dollars.” She didn't sound bitter about it, just matter-of-fact. She wanted Oliver to know about it, although she never told anyone. There were those who knew, and most people didn't. “Actually, his family owned the firm. He's a terrific man. And I fell head over heels in love, and told myself it didn't matter that he was married.” She stopped and watched the countryside as though remembering, and Oliver urged her on. He wanted to know the rest, what the guy had done to her to make her so gun-shy about men. It seemed a shame to waste her life alone, although she clearly didn't seem unhappy.

“And? How long did it last? What happened?”

“We had a great time. We traveled. We met on Tuesday and Thursday nights, in an apartment he kept in town. It doesn't sound very nice, but I guess you could say I became his mistress. And eventually, he canned me.

“Charming.”

“He figured that someone would find out, and a few did, but most didn't. We were very discreet. And he was always honest with me. He loved his wife, and his kids, they were still little then. His wife was only a few years older than I was. But he loved me too. And I loved him. And I was willing to accept what little he could give me.” She didn't look angry as'she spoke about him and Ollie was surprised at how calm she was about it. “How long has it been since you've seen him?” She laughed as she looked at him. “Three days. He got me another job. We have an apartment. We spend three nights a week together now, and that's all it will ever be. It's been thirteen years in March, and it may sound crazy to you, but I'm happy, and I love him.” She looked perfectly content and Oliver was stunned. She was involved with a married man, and seemed perfectly happy about it.

“Are you serious? You don't mind, Daph? “

“Of course I do. The kids are in college now. And his wife is busy with the garden club and about sixteen charities. I guess there's something about their life he likes, because he's never wavered for a minute. I know he'll never leave her.”

“But that's a stinking deal for you. You deserve more than that.”

“Who says? If I married someone else, we could wind up divorced, or unhappy. There are no guarantees with anyone. I used to think I wanted kids, but I had a problem five years ago, and now I can't anyway. I guess this is enough for me. Maybe I'm strange, or abnormal, but it works for us. And that, my friend, is the story of me. I thought you ought to know.” She smiled gently at him. “Because I like you.”

“I like you too.” He grinned sheepishly. “I think you've just broken my heart.” But in a way, he was relieved. It took the pressure off him, too, and now they could really be friends. “Do you think he'll ever leave his wife?”

“I doubt it. I'm not even sure I'd marry him if he did. We're comfortable like this. I have my own life, my career, my friends, and him. It just gets a little rough sometimes on holidays and weekends. But maybe what we have is more precious to us because we know its limitations.” She was even wiser than he'd thought, and he admired her, for her honesty as much as the rest.

“I wish I could be as philosophical as you are.”

“Maybe you will be one day.” He wondered if he could ever be satisfied with two days a week with Sarah. He didn't think so. He wanted so much more than that. He wanted what he had had with her before, and it didn't look as though he was going to get it.

He pulled up in front of the house, and turned to face her. “Thank you for telling me.” And he really meant it.

“I trust you.” It was her way of asking him not to share her secret, but she already knew he wouldn't. “I thought you ought to know. I didn't want your kids to worry about us.”

“Great.” He grinned. “What should I tell them when I introduce you? Hey, kids, it's okay, she's involved with a married man and she loves him.” His face sobered then, and his eyes were gentle. “You're a terrific woman, Daph. If there's anything I can ever do for you, if you need a friend … just yell. …”

“Don't worry. I will. Sometimes it gets pretty lonely. But you learn to fend for yourself, not to reach for the phone at night, not to call him when you think you have appendicitis. You call friends, you learn to take care of yourself. I think it's been good for me.”