“Okay . . .”

“And don’t ever tell me again to love another woman the way I have loved you, and will always love you. There is no way you could have expected me to move on after you.”

“You say that now, but you don’t know how you would have felt in a few years.”

He grabbed my face in his hands and his voice shook as he shouted, “I don’t give a shit! I know I don’t know how I would feel in that situation, there’s no way to know that. But I know that no matter what happens in our lives, if you were taken from me for good, there would never be anyone else like you. There would never be anyone else I could love the way I love you.”

“Kash, okay. I’m sorry,” I whispered and brushed the tips of my fingers against the angry set of his face. Something in my touch broke him, because a pained cry burst from his chest at the same time heavy tears fell down his cheeks.

He dropped to his knees on the floor and pressed his head against my stomach, his hands gripping my back as he cried into my lap. “I’ve come too close to losing you too many times,” he forced out. “I will do anything to keep you by my side for the rest of my life.” Looking up at me, I felt helpless staring back at his broken expression. “Knowing that you even had to consider me moving on with someone else because you might die, kills me. I hate that you went through that, and I hate that you prepared yourself for that.”

“Okay, but I’m—” My voice gave out and I had to clear my throat. “I’m here, we’re together.”

“I’m not letting you go, Rachel, for anything. It’s you and me. Always, got it?”

I nodded, unable to respond, and his head dropped back against my stomach as another sob ripped through him. I’d only ever seen Kash begin to cry twice. Usually when he was upset, he got angry. So to see him break like this was absolutely breaking my heart. I kept one hand holding his head in my lap, and ran the other over his back. The muscles bunched and shuddered beneath my fingertips as he let everything out.

As he let everything go.

I could only imagine that this went so much deeper than what had been written in the letter, and what it had signified. This was all the lies, this was Blake, this was the months apart, and this was the torture that Kash had gone through while I’d been kidnapped.

Kash eventually climbed onto the bed with me, and he pulled me close after his tears had subsided and his breathing had evened out. For countless minutes after, we lay there, staring into each other’s eyes . . . not saying anything. One of his hands cupped my cheek as dark gray eyes tried to convey a pain to me that I just couldn’t understand.

I didn’t know all that Kash had been through in his time as an undercover. I didn’t know what it was like to be the one looking for your significant other . . . just as he didn’t know what it was like to lose both your parents, be tortured by a man you’d grown up with, or be the one that was waiting to be found. Our pains and fears were so different that I didn’t know if we would ever fully understand the depth of the pain that the other had experienced. And yet, at the same time, I knew him, and he knew me . . . we knew when the other was terrified, or upset, and we would always be there for each other to help the other through whatever was happening at that time.

So although I couldn’t understand the grief he’d gone through that had caused this breakdown, I was here for him as he worked through it, just the same as he’d always had been there for me.

I KNOCKED ON THE LARGE DOOR and fumbled with the armful of food as I waited for Marcy to open the door. It was the Fourth of July, and while all of Kash’s family was going to be coming to his parents’ house, Kash wouldn’t be here until later tonight. He and Mason were on call today and had been called in two hours ago . . . surprise, surprise. I needed him here; I hadn’t seen his extended family since before I’d been taken. And while I hadn’t had an issue with any member of his family, I hadn’t felt comfortable with them . . . but that could have probably had something to do with the fact that everyone seemed to keep bringing up my mom and dad. I’d ended up breaking down that night and was afraid of questions that might come up today.

After the emotionally draining night we’d had last night with Kash’s breakdown, I didn’t think I was up for one of my own. And then Kash had been so weird today . . . like he was worried about something. The way he’d kissed me right before he’d left for work had left me feeling uneasy, but I’d finally decided he was probably just as worried about me going to this party without him as I was.

“Hi, sweet girl!” Marcy said when she opened the door. “Oh, let me help you with all that. Gosh, we could have made a few trips out to the car, you didn’t have to bring it all in at once.”

I transferred some of the bags and food into her arms, and kicked the door shut behind me as I followed her inside.

“It’s so good to see you getting out more, and I’m glad you wanted to come over early! You know I love our girl time.”

My chin was holding some of the boxes down, so I had to wait until I reached the counter to answer her. But as soon as I relieved my arms of everything with a large exhale, I turned to hug Marcy and took a deep breath. “I know, it’s like I was still keeping myself locked up by not leaving the house.” I began taking things out of the bags and setting them on the counter, or putting them away in the fridge and freezer. “Hey, Marcy, I was wanting to talk to you about something.”

She stopped what she was doing and eyed me curiously for a moment. “Is it something we should be sitting down for . . . or maybe not setting up for the party tonight?”

I laughed awkwardly and tossed the package of paper plates I was holding down on the counter. “Neither . . . I think. I’m not sure.” Rolling my eyes, I leaned on the counter on my forearms and just started talking. “Kash and I were supposed to have gotten married a week ago tomorrow. Neither of us said a word about it when the day came and went, because at the time, well we were working through a lot at the time. And I think for both of us, it was hard thinking that it was another thing that had changed in our lives, or wasn’t going the way we had planned, because of what happened.”

“He told us you overheard the conversation the night you came back. I hope you don’t think he doesn’t want to marry you, Rachel. He was confused and hurt, but he—”

“No, I don’t think he doesn’t want to marry me. I mean, I did . . . but, I don’t anymore.” I pressed the tips of my fingers into my temple and shook my head. “He and I already went through that, I understand all that now. But what I’m getting at today . . . is that I was kind of hoping you would help me. I think he’s waiting for me. Waiting for me to be ready, waiting for me to bring it up, just waiting for me to let him know I’m ready to move forward with our lives again.”

Marcy’s lips kept tilting up like she was trying to contain her smile, but she wasn’t saying anything yet.

“Will you help me think of a fun way to tell him I’m ready?”

“Yes! Yes, yes, of course I will!”

“Okay!” I straightened up and drummed my hands on the granite countertop. “I want some ideas from you, but I was wondering . . . while I was gone, did you ever go pick up my wedding dress, and do you have it here?”

Marcy’s face lit up with a massive smile before she turned and took off, leaving the kitchen.

I’ll take that as a yes to both.

We spent the next few hours thinking up ideas and taking pictures, running back to the store to use the one-hour print, and then back to my house to set them up. Kash wouldn’t be going back there between then and the party anyway, so he wouldn’t see it until we got home that night.

By the time we got back to Richard and Marcy’s, we were running around, trying to set up for the party and getting all the food ready. I had so much adrenaline running through me that the setup seemed to fly by, and by the time Kash’s extended family began showing up, I was already wanting it to be over. I was anxious to get Kash back to our place and see his reaction.

After an hour and a half of the party and Kash’s fun-loving family—which had been graciously avoiding asking questions about my time away—my desire to get back home and my need to see Kash’s reaction . . . all faded away.

Kash walked into the living room, and after searching for me, he walked over to me with purpose, and the most scorching gaze I’ve ever seen from him as his eyes raked slowly over my body. Wrapping an arm around my waist, he pulled me close and pressed his lips firmly to mine for long seconds before giving me another quick kiss and leaning back.

“Well, hi,” I said breathily. For a second I wondered if he had gone back to the house and had already seen everything. But I still felt light-headed from what should have been a simple kiss, so I focused on breathing normally and the feel of his heart racing beneath my palm.

He toyed with his lip ring as he studied me. “I have something for you, sweetheart.”

“Do you now?”

“I do. You wanna come outside with me for a minute?”

I eyed him and asked softly, “Do you really have something for me outside, or is this your attempt to save me from your thousands of cousins?”

A loud, awkward laugh left him, and he kissed my forehead as he grabbed my hand. “Uh . . . you just need to see this.”

Vague. I let him lead me outside and smiled when I saw Mason standing out on the front lawn. “Wow, you’re giving me Mason? I’m pretty sure this is the best gift ever.”

Kash stopped walking and growled, and Mason burst out laughing. Elbowing Kash’s side, I urged him to keep walking, and rolled my eyes when he wouldn’t. “Oh, you know I’m joking. Show me whatever it is you brought me out here for.”

“Mase?” Kash prompted softly.

Mason pulled out his phone and made a call. As he did, Kash turned me toward him and brought me in for a lingering kiss.

“If you need anything, we’ll be right inside, okay?”

I pulled back and looked back and forth between him and Mason. Both wore matching looks of understanding mixed with fear. “Wait, what? Why are you leaving?”

“Trust me on this,” he crooned and ran a soothing hand up and down my back. “I need you to know, Rachel. No matter what happens, I just want you to be happy.”

“Happy? Kash, what’s going on?”

“Just know that I’ll always love you.”

As soon as he released me, Mason picked me up in a big hug before setting me back down and following Kash into the house. Leaving me out in the dark alone. There were dozens of people just inside the house, and tons of other houses on the street, but I suddenly felt very alone and terrified.

I didn’t understand Kash’s cryptic words. And now I was second-guessing the way he’d been acting this morning before he’d left.

My body stilled when I heard someone walking up the grass behind me, and when I turned to see who they’d left me with, I understood why Kash had taken me away from everyone. Because as soon as I saw him, I burst into tears and ran up to him, launching myself at his large frame.

Trent caught me easily, and held me close to him for long minutes before releasing me.

“What are you doing here?” I asked through my tears and grabbed his arm. I needed to know that he was actually here, that I wasn’t dreaming all this. “How did you get out of prison?”

“With your testimony, and with the help of your fiancé, his partner, and their chief, the charges against me were dropped.”

A sob broke free from my throat, and I slapped a hand over my mouth as I continued to cry. Trent reached forward and cupped my cheeks in his hands, his thumbs brushing away tears. “Are you serious?” I finally managed to ask.

“Yeah, Rach, I am.”

“I’m so happy for you! This is all I wanted for you . . . to have another chance at life.” Throwing myself into his arms again, I wrapped my arms around his waist and cried into his chest. “God, Trent, I’m so happy for you. I’ve missed you.” Remembering last night, I stepped back and tried to glare at him. It didn’t hold. “I wish I had my journal, I really wanted to slap you with it.”

His eyebrows pinched together, and he laughed softly. “Why?”

“I read your letter, Trent.” Understanding flashed through his eyes, and I continued. “I hate that you view yourself like that. You deserve everything, you have to know that. You deserve an amazing life, you deserve an amazing woman. And now you get to experience all that!”