Slap! His palm struck her buttocks, his cock slammed into her, his finger penetrated her. Again and again.

“Nooooo.” The molten heat surged into her center, up her spine and belly, and she kept coming and coming, unable to stop.

With both hands, he gripped her hips, lifting her ass higher as he pounded into her and released with a growl.

***

DeVries woke early with Lindsey’s soft body cradled to his front. His arms were wrapped around her, holding her close. Sweetest teddy bear he’d ever known. Her breath was warm on his chest. Slowly, he inhaled her tangy sweet fragrance that mingled with the lingering scents of raw sex and the cream he’d rubbed into her skin.

After their session last night, he’d taken his time with aftercare, washing her, tending the marks he’d put on her—and enjoying her squirming—then rocking her as she fell asleep. Felt like he’d come home.

Considering his exhaustion, he should have slept longer. But, even though his body was sated, the knot of tension inside him hadn’t subsided. Not the way a good S/M scene at the club would have accomplished.

Fuck, she’d tried.

Remorse scraped his already raw nerves. He’d satisfied her, he knew. Hell, she’d come as hard as any woman he’d ever seen and lavished him with grateful kisses when she recovered. His guilt was because he realized he’d flogged her longer and harder than he should have. Dammit, he’d known she’d try to take more than she really wanted. He just hadn’t realized she’d attempt to disguise her pain from him.

She was going to get her butt walloped for not being honest with him…once he unwound to where he could deal. Fuck, his gut was tight. His emotions were a tangled mess, ready to snap.

After easing out of bed, he yanked on a pair of running shorts from his bag and headed out into a foggy San Francisco dawn.

***

The biscuits were almost done. Hair damp on her shoulders, Lindsey finished cooking the scrambled eggs and bacon. Upstairs, the shower was still running. Back from his jog, Zander had found her in the kitchen, given her a quick kiss, and muttered he needed a scrub up.

Worry simmered under her happy mood. As late as they’d been up, he should have slept longer. Instead he’d gone running—and he never ran in the mornings. He always went to the gym after he got off work.

Taking her time, she set the table and poured juice and coffee. Her appetite kept decreasing.

Happily, as he came down the stairs, he was smiling. “Gotta admit, I missed your breakfasts last week.”

The compliment sent her spirits soaring…but not enough. As he sat down across from her, she studied him. He’d had a night of sex. Gone running. He should look relaxed and satisfied. Instead the muscles around his mouth were tense, his body taut.

She hadn’t given him what he needed. The knowledge lay like a granite boulder in her chest, weighting down her words, making her evaluate everything he said.

“You got plans for tonight?” he asked.

“Rona and Abby want to go shopping.” For sexy underwear for the Yosemite trip. Unfortunately, Lindsey probably couldn’t afford any. “Tonight I’m on the desk at Dark Haven until midnight.”

He nodded. “Let one of them drive. I’ll pick you up at midnight and bring you home. If I’m late, wait for me.”

He still wanted to see her. Her heart lightened slightly. “Okay. But aren’t we going to play at the club after I’m through working?” They hadn’t yet done a scene together at Dark Haven.

He paused with his fork halfway to his mouth. Slowly, he lowered his hand. Stalling. “I’d rather fuck you senseless here again.”

The warmth expanding outward from her core didn’t succeed in melting the chill encased around her heart…because although his lips had curved up, none of the smile had shown in his eyes.

***

“Hey, Lindsey. Look at this one.”

Lindsey turned.

The Frederick’s of Hollywood store was crowded with holiday shoppers, but Lindsey had no trouble spotting her friend’s curly blonde hair. Abby held up a cami and thong. The lacy fabric wouldn’t cover…anything. “What do you think?”

“Oh score,” Lindsey said. “My liege would definitely like that one.”

“Considering the price, he’d better.”

Abandoning a rack of corsets, Rona quirked an eyebrow and said in a dry voice, “I think Xavier’s budget might extend to the occasional lingerie purchase.” Over her arm was a black lace teddy with garters and fishnet stockings. Tiny satin ribbons held the front closed. “How about this for the dungeon party at Serenity?”

“That’s adorable,” Lindsey said. “Only, tying all those bows while dressing would drive me nuts.”

“Payback is watching Simon untie them. One by one. He loves unwrapping things.” Rona smirked like a cat who’d found the best cream.

Lindsey rolled her eyes. “Thank the Lord I don’t work for him anymore, or this would be such an inappropriate conversation.”

With a giggling snort, Abby put Xavier’s treat into her basket. “What about you, Lindsey? Aren’t you getting anything?”

“Not today.”

When Rona opened her mouth, Lindsey held up a hand. “Don’t insult me by offering to buy something.”

“Not to worry.” Rona pointed to the rear of the store. “Everything there is 75 percent off. Will your finances cover that?”

“Seriously?” Hope rising, Lindsey led them to the rack. Most of the clothes were too big or too small. But… “Oh wow.” She lifted out a virginal white satin negligee. The length went to midthigh. She held it up. The neckline dipped all the way to the waist. The lacing fastening the back together would end at a woman’s ass. “I can afford this.”

It would drive Zander crazy. Or would have. Her face fell. “But—”

“What is it, sweetie?” Rona squeezed her shoulder. “Money worries?”

“Uh-uh.”

“I’d guess that means guy problems,” Abby said.

Lindsey rubbed her fingers over the smooth fabric, envisioning Zander’s big hands there. “More like sadist problems—as in, Zander likes handing out pain.”

Rona frowned. “Is he going too far? He respects your safeword, doesn’t he?”

“It’s not that. It’s that he’s a real sadist and…”

“And you’re not a masochist,” Abby said softly. “I’ve seen those intense scenes he does at the club.”

“That’s it. He wants—needs—more than I can tolerate. I can see his internal battle.”

“Mmmhmm. He usually plays with masochists who like a lot of pain.” Rona’s gaze was troubled.

“I know,” Lindsey whispered. “I can’t give him that. I tried, and I couldn’t.”

“No. And you shouldn’t try. Taking a little extra pain for your Dom’s pleasure is different from trying to satisfy a sadist,” Rona said.

“Did you talk to him about it?” Abby asked.

“Kind of. He says he’s fine, like it’s not something I should worry about.” How dumb was that? “If he doesn’t get to… Do a sadist’s needs go away?” Lindsey asked. Surely she could figure a way to fix this. She had to.

Abby bit her lip. “I don’t think so. Not even if the sadist tries to ignore them.”

“Oh.” The acknowledgment was like a cholla plant, the thorns painfully ripping into her heart.

She hung the garment back on the rack—she wouldn’t need something pretty after all.

***

Near midnight, Lindsey was working the reception desk at Dark Haven. Her shift was almost over, and the number of incoming members had decreased to a trickle. With a sigh, she slumped in the chair. Her heart hurt and somehow was making all the rest of her hurt too. Ever since she’d talked with Abby and Rona, the world had seemed to darken, as if someone had drawn the curtains in a house.

The door squeaked open and thudded shut, and she looked up to see the masochist named HurtMe. He sauntered up to the desk and handed her his membership card. “Lindsey.”

“Hey.” She nodded at his PVC chaps and matching chest harness that showed off his lean muscles. “I like the look.”

“You should get some cowgirl gear. You have the accent to make it work.” He leaned a hip against the counter. “So…have you seen deVries today?”

She felt her face heat up. “Um…”

“Fuck, is he still screwing with you?” He sighed and patted her hand. “I’m sorry, Lindsey. I’d hoped he was over his snit.”

“Snit?” Seriously? She lifted her eyebrows. Did the word “snit” and the man named the Enforcer even exist in the same zip code?

“Like how he was using you to make me jealous.”

“What?” She swiped his card through the reader and slapped it on the counter. “Why would he do that?”

“I thought you knew. We were together—before you came along. The trouble was he didn’t want me playing with other guys.” He rubbed his hand over his lean, shaved chest. “I don’t think it’s right he’d use you to get me upset, you know?”

Zander had used her? Lindsey flattened her hands on her leather skirt. “I don’t get you. We are together.”

“Oh please.” HurtMe gave her a pitying look. “He’s punished a female off and on, but do you see him actually have a real scene with females? Seriously? No.”

“Whatever.” She forced her back to stay straight. “It’s none of your business what he does with me anyway, now is it?”

“Well, I guess not. Fine.” His mouth went flat. “I liked you, you know, and I thought you’d want to hear this before you made yourself into more of an idiot over him. Before everyone in Dark Haven finds out how you were played.” He snatched his card off the desk and stalked through the club entrance.

Used. Played. She stared at the wall, seeing scenes unfolding. Zander with Dixon. With HurtMe. With johnboy. All men. Sure, Zander would flog or paddle a woman, but usually because Xavier had asked him to.

His intense sessions were always with guys, and rumors said Zander was bisexual. If he was serious about HurtMe, maybe Zander had used her to make the guy jealous. From the snipe in HurtMe’s voice, the maneuver was successful.

Feet in the chair, she curled her arms around her ankles, and laid her face on her knees. Used. The thought was like a fingernail digging into the unhealed sores inside her.

All the same, HurtMe’s assertions didn’t matter. Not really.

Breaking up with Zander was simply the right thing to do. They were getting too involved, and if Parnell or Ricks found her, there was a chance Zander might get hurt.

So…she was a danger to him, and she didn’t satisfy his needs. Couldn’t get much more straightforward than that, right? She stared down at her hands, watching her knuckles blur as grief welled up and filled her eyes with tears.

I can do this. I have to do this.

Nonetheless, when Zander walked in a few minutes later, she still wasn’t prepared.

“Ready to go, Lindsey?” he asked.

“Um… Hey.” She attempted to smile at him.

Eyes narrowed, he leaned over the counter. His fingers—so familiar a touch—curved to cup her chin. “You’ve been crying. Why?”

The authoritative demand of a Dom sent a shiver up her spine. She swallowed. Do it now. Here. If she left with him and tried to argue—face it, he could make her change her mind in a heartbeat. “Because I’m sad.”

The words kept sticking in her throat. Get it out now. “Because I’m not going to see you again.”

His fingers tightened on her face. “What the fuck are you talking about?”


DESPITE FEELING SCRAPED raw all day, deVries had looked forward to seeing his little Texan. Her sense of humor, her caring, her warmth—being around her was like stepping into springtime. But what was this shit? He let go of her. As short-tempered as he was today, he needed to be careful. Patient.

Her face was pale, eyes haunted and wet with tears. She really was upset.

Gentling his voice, he rested his hands palm-down on the desk. “Okay, babe. Tell me what’s going on.”

“There are reasons why we’re…breaking up.” Actual grief shadowed her face. “Several, actually. Only there’s one difficulty we can’t get past. It’s impossible.”

“Go on.” Impossible rarely was.

“You’re a s-sadist,” she whispered.

“You knew that when we met. I’d never go beyond what you wanted. Not if you’re honest with me.” Unlike the way she’d been last night. One more thing they’d talk about.

“Yesterday, you stopped long before you were ready to. B-before you were satisfied.” Her raised chin defied him to deny her statement. Her quivering lower lip tugged at his heart.