And I will admit that it was impossible to tell what was going on behind those steely baby blues of his.

But I imagined—my second BIG MISTAKE—that he was feeling the way I was… that Mark and Holly are the cutest couple EVER and totally belong together and it’s a CRIME what their families are doing to them, being so unreasonable about the differing faiths thing.

So I went, in a soft voice so Mark and Holly wouldn’t overhear, “Do you STILL think those two shouldn’t get married?”

And the Modelizer went, “I give it a year. Two, tops.”

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I couldn’t believe it! I mean, where could he POSSIBLY be getting that?

So I went, “Are you crazy? They’re totally in love. Look at them.”

Cal: “You know love is just a chemical reaction in the brain caused by surges of phenylethylamine, don’t you?”

Me: (confused) “You’re saying Holly and Mark don’t really love each other? That it’s all in their heads?”

Cal: “I’m saying no one loves anyone. People are attracted to one another and pair up to breed due to our natural mating instinct. But that attraction doesn’t last. As with all drugs, the body develops a tolerance for the phenylethylamine, and eventually, the attraction you once felt for your partner fades. It’s all perfectly natural. You can get the same amount of phenylethylamine, a stimulant the mind craves, by ingesting vast amounts of chocolate as you can by, quote, falling in love, end quote.”

Me: “So… you don’t believe in romantic love?”

Cal: “I believe I just said that.”

Me: “Because of the vast amount of time you’ve spent studying the subject?”

Cal: “From my own personal experience, yes. And from the relationships I’ve observed around me.”

Me: “So Holly and Mark are going to break up because there’s no such thing as love?”

Cal: “Oh, no. Well, yes, eventually. But well before that happens, they’re going to break up because their backgrounds are too different.”

I really don’t think I can be blamed for saying, “At least they’re both human, unlike the skank I saw leaving your hotel room earlier.”

I had the satisfaction of seeing him, for the first time since we’ve met, completely speechless.

Sadly the effect was ruined when one of my stiletto heels got caught between the cobblestones outside the restaurant. It gouged away all the silver lame. I don’t think it can be fixed, either.

I’ll admit the cobblestones are charming, but have these people never heard of asphalt? It was totally humiliating too, the Modelizer had to help me pry it loose. My heel, I mean.

His hand fit all the way around my ankle. You know, his fingers met his thumb on the other side.

Thank God I remembered to shave my legs in the shower before dinner.

God, I’m so jazzed from all that good food, I don’t think I’ll ever fall asleep. Plus, I keep thinking about The Dude. He has to be all right, doesn’t he? I mean, Julio would have called if there was anything wrong. I left my cell number by the phone, so Julio could call from my phone, and not wrack up a bill on his parents’ line.

And I just checked it, and he hasn’t called. So The Dude is good. No news is good news, right? The Dude HAS to be good.

It’s just that we’ve spent maybe only five nights, total, away from each other since he was a kitten. Who is going to get up during The Dude’s 4-AM windowsill yowl at the moon and comfort him if I’m not there? That yowl used to drive me insane. But now I sort of miss it. I’d give anything to hear that yowl right now. In fact, I don’t think I’ll be able to go to sleep without it—

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___________________________________________


e-mails

To: Customer Service New York Journal Travel Privileges <TravelPrivcustser@thenyjournal.com >

Fr: Mark Levine <mark.levine@thenyjournal.com >

Re: Car Rental


I realize it’s Sunday, and that your offices are closed. However, when I made the reservation for a rental car in Rome, I specified that I needed a four-door sedan with trunk room for four VERY LARGE bags. I asked for a Jaguar or Mercedes, NOT a Toyota. Now I have to cram one of the bags in the backseat with two passengers, and we’re going to be driving through MOUNTAINS. Do you really think it’s safe to drive through a mountain range with a large, overstuffed suitcase between passengers in the backseat?

I didn’t think so. I’ll expect to hear from you on Monday.

Mark Levine, MD

___________________________________________


To: Julio Chasez <julio@streetsmart.com>

Fr: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>

Re: The Dude


Hi, Julio! I have to admit, I’m getting kind of worried. Is everything OK? I mean, you haven’t written back to me, and I just want to know if everything is going all right. I know you’re busy with school and hockey and all, but if you could just send me a tiny message, letting me know The Dude’s all right, I’d really appreciate it.

I think I’ll try your pager.

J

___________________________________________


To: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>

Fr: Holly Caputo <holly.caputo@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Where are you?


????????????????????

___________________________________________


To: Holly Caputo <holly.caputo@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>

Re: Where are you?


I’m still in the dining room, finishing breakfast. Where are YOU?

J

___________________________________________


To: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>

Fr: Holly Caputo <holly.caputo@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Where are you?


Outside. Hurry up and finish and get out here. You’ve got to see this. Mark and Cal are trying to cram all of our bags into the trunk, only they won’t fit. So they’re doing physics. All serious, like it’s a puzzle or something. Something actually IMPORTANT. Get out here, or you’ll miss it.

Holly

___________________________________________


To: Holly Caputo <holly.caputo@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>

Re: Where are you?


I’m not done with my yogurt yet.

J

___________________________________________


To: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>

Fr: Holly Caputo <holly.caputo@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Where are you?


Oh my God, it’s just YOGURT. Get out here. You can have yogurt anytime.

Holly

___________________________________________


To: Holly Caputo <holly.caputo@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>

Re: Where are you?


Not like this. This is the best yogurt I’ve ever had.

What does Fett-Grassi 3.7g mean anyway?

J

___________________________________________


To: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>

Fr: Holly Caputo <holly.caputo@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Where are you?


Fat grams.

Holly

___________________________________________


To: Holly Caputo <holly.caputo@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>

Re: Where are you?


SERIOUSLY??? SATURATED OR UNSATURATED??? OH MY GOD, I’VE EATEN FOUR CONTAINERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

___________________________________________


To: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>

Fr: Claire Harris <charris2004@freemail.com>

Re: How are you?


Hi, honey! Thank you for emailing me back so promptly. I hope you made it to your hotel all right. Things here are good. Well, except for Dad nearly broke his tailbone from a fall off the roof as he was cleaning the gutters. But he bounced off the hydrangea bush, so all is well.

I don’t want you to worry, but after I wrote you yesterday I ran into Holly’s mother again, this time at the Kroger Sav-On, and I mentioned how lovely I thought it was that you all were going to Italy to stay in her uncle’s villa, and Marie didn’t seem to know a thing about it. I know I wasn’t supposed to mention the elope ment, but Holly did tell her mother she was going to her uncle’s, didn’t she? I hope I haven’t spoiled anything.

Love,

Mom

PS Cal Langdon, the reporter with the New York Journal ? Why, I just saw him on Charlie Rose the other night! He was being interviewed about some big book he’s just written. Apparently, it’s selling very well. He’s very handsome, Janie.

Still, imagine not thinking Mark should marry Holly. Those two were made for each other! And who’s never heard of Wondercat? What has he been doing, living under a rock???? Well, I guess so, actually, since his book is about Saudi Arabia….

Mom

___________________________________________


To: Claire Harris <charris2004@freemail.com>

Fr: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>

Re: How are you?


Hi, Mom! Things here are fine. Well, except that Holly and I are waiting for the guys to go check out of the hotel so that we can rearrange the way they’ve packed the rental car. It’s too small for all of us, plus our luggage, so Holly and I have to sit in the back with Holly’s giant suitcase. Which we don’t mind, especially, except that they packed our bag of Toblerone in the trunk. What good will it do anyone there?

We leave for Holly’s uncle’s villa today. It’s about a four-hour drive from Rome to where the house is, on the Adriatic coast. I can’t wait to see it! Everything here is just so different and fun. Even the yogurt is better.

But then I found out that’s because I was eating full fat yogurt for the first time in my life. Oh well.

I wouldn’t worry about Holly’s mom. People in their family borrow their uncle’s place all the time, since he’s away so much.

Tell Dad there are people he can hire to clean the gutters.

Love,

Janie

PS You saw Cal Langdon on Charlie Rose ? It figures. He is so full of himself. And as for his not thinking Holly and Mark are perfect for each other… Please! I don’t even like to remember what Holly was like before she started dating Mark. I mean, remember the whole green hair phase?

And you’d have to have lived under a rock not to have seen Wondercat’s recycling campaign at D’Agostino. There are circulars for it everywhere.

J

___________________________________________


To: Holly Caputo <holly.caputo@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>

Re: What is up with this?


Why did you let Mark drive?

J

___________________________________________


To: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>

Fr: Holly Caputo <holly.caputo@thenyjournal.com>

Re: What is up with this?


Hello? You were there. How was I supposed to stop him?

Holly

___________________________________________


To: Holly Caputo <holly.caputo@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>

Re: What is up with this?


Yeah, but he sucks at it. I mean, really, really sucks at it.

J

___________________________________________


To: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>

Fr: Holly Caputo <holly.caputo@thenyjournal.com>

Re: What is up with this?


Hello. It’s Italy. Everyone sucks at driving. He blends.

Besides, I had to let him drive, after that whole thing with Cal rearranging all the suitcases.

Holly

___________________________________________


To: Holly Caputo <holly.caputo@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>

Re: What is up with this?