Marion Croslydon - Fast Forward

We returned to our rental car and Cassie let out a heavy breath. The tips of her fingers brushed the area underneath her eyes to wipe away the tears. I was leaning towards her to hug her when my cell rang.

Trisha, Lucas’s caseworker. The call was brief and Trisha wasn’t her usual bubbly self. She wanted to see us ‘as a matter of urgency.’

“What was that about?” Cassie gave me a frown.

“We have to stop by Trisha’s before going to Kansas.”

“Why’s that?”

“No idea. But she wasn’t giving me the option.” I checked my watch. “Her office isn’t too far from here.”

I made sure my voice didn’t betray the concern that had sneaked its way into my guts. I kept the conversation light for the entire drive, but it was impossible to miss the signs of worry from Cassie, starting with the bone-white knuckles clenched tightly around her knees.

She sprang out of the car and I hurried to catch up with her. We’d met Trisha there before and within a couple of minutes we were knocking at the door of her tiny office.

“Come in.” I opened the door and was about to let Cassie enter first when I saw who was sitting opposite Trisha.

I didn’t think twice before stepping forward to stand in front of Cassie. “What are you doing here?”

My father answered with one of his smirks and I knew we were in trouble. For him to be so deadly calm, he must have the upper hand in some devious way.

Behind me I felt Cassie stiffen. She tried to step around me, but I stopped her by wrapping my arm around her shoulders and pulling her back against me.

“Please, Joshua, Cassandra, take a seat.” Trisha waved at the small chair next to the one my father sat in. I led Cassie over to it, moved it as far away from him as possible and made her sit.

“I guess introductions won’t be necessary.” Trisha was a smiling lady, but she was somber today. The way her lips were stuck tight together warned me the shit was about to hit the proverbial fan. “Mr. MacBride,” she cleared her throat, “I mean, Josh’s father here has brought to my attention some disturbing allegations. As Lucas’s caseworker, I can’t ignore them even though we are far advanced in the adoption process. I will also have to share them with your caseworker in D.C… and, of course, the judge if the facts are verified.”

“What are these allegations?” I made a point of keeping my voice neutral. I stood right behind Cassie and laid my hands on her shoulders to reassure her but also to warn my father she was off limits. “Should we have our lawyer with us?”

“It’s up to you. I asked you to come to my office before you left the city because I wanted to hear your side of things.” Trisha cleared her throat again. “You’ve never hidden the marital problems you went through over the past years. You know how important transparency is during the adoption process. However Mr. MacBride told me those problems went far beyond what you’ve shared with me or your D.C. caseworker.”

Cassie squeezed my hand, but I had to ignore her distress and start the fight. “What exactly has he told you?”

His smirk was stuck on his face as he leaned further back into his chair.

Trisha continued. “Apparently only one week before you and Cassie applied for adoption you were still engaged to a certain Miss Carrington. Is this true?”

“I told you I was involved with someone else. I was living with her and we’d even planned to go back to D.C. together. I’ve discussed that with you and our caseworker back home.” I had to make Trisha see who we were now. “We’ve never pretended that our relationship had been smooth sailing anyway. What should matter now is that we are together.”

Trisha stared down at her hands that lay flat on her desk. She wasn’t enjoying it but I knew she’d force her way to the end. “The fact that you were so seriously involved with someone other than your wife such a short time before starting the adoption process does make me question how committed you are to each other and to providing a stable home for Lucas.”

“We didn’t lie to anybody. We didn’t lie to you.” Cassie bent toward the edge of Trisha’s desk. I heard despair in her voice. “He had filed for divorce, for God’s sake, it doesn’t shout happy marriage.”

Trisha’s gaze warmed when she focused on Cassie. “You’re right and you never lied about the fact that you and Josh were estranged since Lucas’s birth. The engagement isn’t really the problem… There’s something else.”

“What?” We both asked her. I was trying hard to pretend my father wasn’t in the room. Even breathing the same air as him made me sick.

“Apparently your problems have gone right back to the start of your relationship and marriage.” Trisha shuffled in her seat and cleared her throat for the third time. “The fact that you’re Lucas’s natural parents has played a deciding role in speeding up the adoption. That, and the fact his foster family is moving out of the state.”

“I’m not sure I follow you, Trisha.” I really wasn’t until I caught a glimpse of my father out of the corner of my eye.

“I’ve been told you might not be Lucas’s biological father, and given how chaotic your marriage has been, I can’t just ignore this fact. In addition to that, the allegation comes from your father, not a total stranger.”

The sob Cassie let out next was my undoing. I lunged forward and went straight at that asshole. I grabbed him by the collar, lifted him up and, in one more stride, had him pinned against the wall. I heard Trisha scream, but I didn’t care anymore. My fingers circled around his neck and I enjoyed the fear I saw in his eyes. “You have to keep spoiling our lives, making us waste six years wasn’t enough for you. I’m gonna—“

“—Josh!” It was Cassie, but she sounded far, far away. “Champ!” Her hand grabbed my wrist. She was now too close to my father for comfort. I didn’t want her to be in the same room as him ever again.

I let him go and he slid pathetically down the wall into a crumpled heap on the floor. I stepped backwards taking Cassie away with me. I sat her back on the chair and let my fingers brush along the side of her jawline. I shut my eyes to regain control of myself. When I had done so I managed to sound all-business. “Lucas is my son. I have absolutely no doubt about it. However, to make sure my father’s allegations are quickly disregarded, I have no problem taking a paternity test.”

Trisha had kept her gaze fixed on my father. Slowly, she reverted her attention to me.

“I’m sorry, Josh, but the judge will very likely need to verify your claim. When you and Cassie put Lucas up for adoption six years ago, you were legally his father because you were married to his birth mother. But you gave up your legal rights then and the clock reverted to zero.”

“I understand.”

Trisha’s face betrayed her relief.

“Lucas is Josh’s son. He’s your grandson.” Cassie was broken. She faced my father, her whole body begging him, imploring him. “Why can’t you let us be? Let us be together. We’re not asking for anything from you. We only want to be a family. Nothing more.”

His fingers were clawing at his neck in pain. Good. He didn’t have the decency to answer. He simply nodded at Trisha. “I had to do what I thought was right.”

Utter bullshit!

I heard the door click behind him. I had to keep myself from hunting him down to finish what I’d started.

I couldn’t, and failing my wife so badly punched me hard in the stomach.

“So where does that leave us? Apart from the DNA test.” I tried hard to sound polite. I was dying to reach for Cassie but she looked… gone.

“I need to liaise with your D.C. caseworker and discuss the situation with her and the judge. We need to make sure Lucas’s biological dad isn’t somewhere out there because he could always claim Lucas later on.” Trisha stood and walked around her desk to come and sit on the chair left vacant by my father. “Please understand that we have to be one-hundred per cent sure your personal situation is as you’ve said. Single parents can adopt but you’ve applied as a married couple—and the child’s biological parents—and this is how the adoption has to be approved. So now is your last chance to be honest with us. Is there anything else we should be aware of?”

“We have nothing to hide.” I answered back, my eyes looking straight at hers. “Cassie and I have had our ups and downs, maybe more downs than most people, but she’s the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with and the mother of my son. That is the only truth.”

Trisha let the silence hang between us before asking, “So you’ll have no issue if we get in touch with Miss Carrington and check the facts with her?”

“No problem whatsoever. I can give you her number, but she lives in Paris now. Our relationship is over.”

“What about Christmas?” Cassie cut in. “We’re supposed to have Lucas with us.” There was a wobble in her voice.

Trisha took Cassie’s hand. “I’m sorry, darling, but I expect the judge won’t let you go ahead with the plan. I’ll have to write a report, file the paperwork and, of course, we have to arrange for the paternity test. It has to be done properly. It’s likely the judge will cancel any pre-placement visits as long as the situation hasn’t been clarified. We can’t have Lucas getting even more attached to you in case… Josh’s father told the truth.”

“I understand.” But Cassie didn’t sound as though she did.

There was no reason to let the meeting drag on any longer. I thanked Trisha and escorted Cassie out of the office and out of the Department of Social Services building. A gust of frozen wind blew into our faces as we emerged into the road below. I took her under my shoulder and led her back to where our car was parked.

Inside the car, I switched the heating on and took Cassie’s hands between mine and rubbed to inject some warmth into them. She let me do it but we didn’t talk. I had to say something though, “I’m sorry, Cass. I’m truly sorry.”

Her eyes took time to focus on me and, when they had, she had a dazed expression. “What for?”

“For fucking up. It’s all my fault.”

“It isn’t anyone’s fault, Josh. Let’s not play the blame game again.”

“I never hid the fact that Lenor and I lived together. We were engaged for only a few weeks anyway.”

Cassie shrugged. “I agree, but the real issue bothering Trisha is if you’re not his biological father.” She couldn’t hold my gaze and all about her screamed defeat. “How are we going to tell Lucas we’re not spending Christmas together?”

Guilt hit me even harder. “We’ll give him a call tomorrow. Trisha didn’t say anything about Skype. We could—”

“—Skype?” Cassie’s voice cracked over that single word. I enveloped her in my arms and cursed the gearstick that stuck up between us. Her head snuggled in the hollow of my neck. “It’s his first Christmas without Jenna and Chris… and Alfredo. I can’t leave him on his own. I can’t.”

I kissed her temple and waited for the right words to come to me. They didn’t. I waited some more. “I’m sorry.” How fucking lame.

Cassie was crying. I couldn’t hear her but the tiny shake of her shoulders told me as much.

I had failed them. I had failed my wife and my son. I couldn’t let that happen again.

Cassie

I didn’t remember much about my wedding day. I’d arrived late and Gran had gone apeshit, that I remember. I’d worn her wedding dress. I remembered that as well. It was very 70s, all frills and laces. It’d been December but I’d had daisies in my hair. I must have looked like freakin’ Laura Ingalls walking down the aisle.

The only thing that had mattered to me on that day was Josh waiting at the end of the aisle. He’d worn the same tuxedo as he’d had at Homecoming. It wasn’t as well-tailored as the clothes he had these days, but he’d looked like Prince Charming to the seventeen-year-old me. Pity our love story hadn’t turned into a fairy tale. But I guess princesses aren’t supposed to be knocked-up when they say ‘I do.’

I shook myself. Today wasn’t about me. Today was about my best friend and his bride.

“I’d heard about Bridezilla, but not Groomzilla.” I closed the door behind me and forced a smile onto my face. I wasn’t used to playing BFF to Clarissa.

“I can’t believe it.” She did a little pirouette in front of the full-length mirror and returned to admiring herself in her wedding dress. “He was so laid-back and then suddenly he started panicking about the flowers and the color of the napkins. He even started a crash diet last week.”