Rachel Dyken - Fearless

“Like the ones you see in movies?”

“Yeah, Kiersten, like the ones with giant warts and giant feet and…” She shuddered. “There’s a very good reason I came up to Seattle.” Her smile was forced. “Look at it this way. At least you have someone willing to fight alongside you. And he’s waiting inside.”

“What about you? Where’s your partner?”

Lisa was silent for a minute, then she reached for the handle to open the car door. “He no longer exists.”

She didn’t offer any more information, but the momentary distraction of her story was enough to get me out of the car and walking towards the elevator.

The smell of medicine burned my nostrils.

We rode the elevator up to the main floor, but when the doors should have opened it just kept going.

“Um?” I pointed at the buttons. “Did we miss our floor?”

“Nope.” Lisa looked straight ahead, a smile curving at her lips.

When the doors opened—it was to floor where they had performed Wes’s surgery. I’d remember it anywhere. The nurses’ station was decorated with so many flowers it was almost impossible to see their heads as they waved at me from the table.

A banner hung across the hallway. “Wes and Kiersten.” There were hearts on either side of our names.

Music started playing from somewhere. My legs had officially stopped working—so much that Lisa had to push me. I walked numbly towards the nurses station, as each of them stood directly in my path, holding a rose.

A song started to play over the loudspeaker or it sounded like it, the music was slow, eerie, gentle as it softly played in cadence with my footsteps as I neared the nurses.

Every nurse held out a single rose, and I accepted them from each in turn as I passed, still holding onto my sense of numbness. Lisa took the roses from me and placed them in a type of bouquet. I couldn’t make out the shape.

“We’re so proud of you guys.” One of the nurses who had been in the operating room pulled me in for a hug and kissed me on the cheek.

Okay, so Wes was seriously trying to make it so that I had no makeup by the time I saw him.

As I collected the last rose—I think around ten nurses total had each handed me one of the red flowers—I found myself at the end of the line.

The doctor that had performed the surgery stood waiting.

He was the one who had spent countless hours making sure the love of my life survived.

I hadn’t been back to the hospital.

I’d thanked him.

But I hadn’t really thanked him.

Without thinking, I threw myself against his chest and wound my arms around his neck. He went completely still for a minute and then returned my hug.

“Thank you…” I whispered, warm tears streaming down my cheeks. “Thank you for saving his life.”

The doctor gently pried me away and handed me five red roses and whispered, “I wish I could take credit.” His eyes blurred with tears. “But some hearts—don’t need help to keep beating.”

He stepped out of the way, and Lisa handed me my bouquet. It was all the roses, arranged together in the shape of a heart.

Wes’s heart.

In the palm of my hands. Where it had been all along.

We walked up to the room where Wes’s surgery had taken place.

When the door opened, Wes was staring straight at me. His smile wide—he looked gorgeous in his black suit.

He held out his hands and whispered, “Where we thought we may see the end—”

“—we write ‘The Beginning’.” I finished.

I wonder how many times we think our lives are over—how many instances we scream at the top of our lungs when things aren’t going our way…how often, do you think, the reason for things not going our way is because there’s a bigger plan we can’t see yet? A bigger destiny we could have never possibly imagined for ourselves? Maybe…we’d be a lot happier, if we were silent more. –Wes Michels

Wes

“Lamb?” I tilted her chin towards me then brushed a soft kiss across her lips. Her mouth trembled.

“Yes?” Kiersten grinned through a tear-stained face. “Big bad wolf?”

“No blowing houses down,” I teased. “I’d rather build one with you. How’s that for changing my ways?”

Kiersten threw her arms around me and squeezed my neck.

A few throats cleared.

“Right.” I stepped away. “So we should probably get married now.”

Her face was tear-stained—and gorgeous. She nodded and let me lead her farther into the surgical room where our families were standing. Everyone was standing near the wall—everyone but Uncle Jobob, who was standing by himself holding a bible in hand.

Kiersten gave me a confused look.

I just shrugged my shoulders and continued walking. We stopped once we reached JoBob.

“Your parents…” Uncle JoBob started, his voice loud, and clear as it echoed throughout the room. “…would be so proud of you.” His eyes shimmered with tears.

I gripped Kiersten’s hand. My heart performed a little flip at the fact that I was actually going to be marrying her in a few minutes. And that dress? It was gorgeous. Exactly what Lisa had described. Simple in its form. It was head to toe silk, with a lace overlay. It didn’t take away form Kiersten’s beauty—nothing ever could—but merely added to it. She wore her hair piled around her head, wisps of red fluttering around her face and loose strands trailing down her back.

She was like ice cream. Like a chocolate cake. Like the perfect desert.

“We are gathered here,” Uncle Jobob said.

Kiersten’s mouth fell open. “You’re marrying us?”

“—sweetheart, don’t interrupt the man marrying us,” I whispered with a gentle laugh.

“Rude,” Gabe said from behind me. “Seems wolf failed to teach lamb manners.”

“Go back in your shell, turtle,” Lisa murmured.

I burst out laughing while Uncle Jobob gave us a stern look then glanced at my dad who was also trying to hide his amusement.

“As I was saying…” Uncle Jobob glared at Kiersten and continued. “We’re gathered here to celebrate the life of Wes and Kiersten and their desire to join together as one.” His hands trembled as he held them out in front of him. “Love is often measured unfairly. People throw the word around so flippantly that society rarely gets a true glimpse of what it means to love something—to love someone so much that it’s the basis for your entire existence. To love someone so much that you’d be willing to trade places—even in death. Well, I can’t imagine a stronger type of love than that of sacrifice. So your marriage, Wes and Kiersten, is not only a celebration of a new beginning, but of the sacrificial love you share with each other.”

JoBob dabbed his face with a tissue and went on, “Gabe, the rings.”

Gabe stepped around me and handed the four rings to JoBob.

“Wes, wanted to do things a little different.” He winked at Kiersten. “So, son, I’ll just let you take it from here with your vows.”

He handed me the three rings that would belong to Kiersten.

Looking into her green eyes was so distracting it was hard to remember what I was going to say. My entire body shook with the emotion of the moment. I would never get this moment again. I wanted to do it right—the first time.

“The first ring,” I murmured, sliding the platinum diamond encrusted band up her finger, “represents your past. Your parents, your life in Bickelton, your first year at college, and finally the hospital room. There are ten diamonds in this band, representing every item you put on your bucket list. These diamonds are a reminder of how far you’ve come.” I cleared my throat and slipped the next band on her finger. This one was a three-carat solitaire. “This band is the present. This moment. Right now. Every time you look down at this ring, I want you to remember the way you looked on this day. The way you made me feel. And since you can’t see yourself and since you can’t read my mind…” Tears filled Kiersten’s eyes as I gripped her hand tighter. “You look like an angel. Like the first person a dying man would see when he was granted access into heaven. Your skin is glowing so much that it almost hurts to look at you, the way your hair falls against that same glowing skin is so distracting that I don’t know where to look first. Your eyes are really clear, because you’ve been crying, and your lips are a bit swollen from licking them too much, something you do when you get nervous.” I placed her hand over my heart. “And right now I feel like I can do anything. My heart feels strong for you, my desire isn’t just to marry you and let this be our moment, Kiersten. I want to marry you and create a million moments every single day. Which is why…” I slipped on the next ring. It matched the first one. “This ring has ten stones. I figure that we should just keep it an even number when it comes to lists. Just because the last list was finished, doesn’t mean we can’t create a new one. On this list, I see kids, careers, our first house, possibly our first big fight where you make me sleep on the couch. This last ring is our future, Kiersten. We complete our lists together, we complete our life together. This is what we have to look forward to. Blank pages just waiting to be filled with our story. And the cool part? We don’t know what’s going to happen, but I can make a promise to you right now. Your hand’s going to be in mine the entire time. Kiersten, I swear to never let you go. Through sickness, through health, through happy times, through sad times. I’m yours.”

JoBob handed my band to Kiersten, she took it and looked down than looked back up at me. “I don’t—I didn’t prepare anything, there was no time and—”

“Words were never needed between us, Kiersten,” I said softly. “You know that. I can hear your heart. That’s all that matters.” I rested my hand against her chest and smiled as she slowly took my other hand. She squinted at the writing on the band.

“It says my name?”

“Yeah.”

“With a heart?”

“Just in case I need you to keep me going and you aren’t around.” I smiled. “I’ll just look down and remember, you’re with me. Forever. Always.”

“I am.” Kiersten slipped the ring on my finger and then placed her hand over mine.

“By the power vested in me from Randy Michels and that handy little online tutorial…” JoBob winked. “I now pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Wes Michels. Son, you kiss that bride of yours.”

Our mouths collided, meeting in the middle. Kind of how our relationship was, the perfect give and take.

My fingers dug into Kiersten’s hair as I pulled her closer to me.

She wrapped her arms around my neck.

I couldn’t stop kissing her.

Time paused for me—in that moment it was like the sun had stopped shining, the earth had stopped its movement on its axis.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the table.

The very table that I had lain on months ago.

I remembered the cold metal of the instruments they hooked me up to, the slow steady beat of my heart on the monitor.

Kiersten stepped back from me, turning our kiss into a hug. Everyone clapped but my eyes were still on the table.

Angela had held my hand as I fell asleep.

Funny, because she held my hand during the surgery. I’d felt it. I had felt her warm palm, the imprint of the ring against my skin.

I could have lost my faith in that moment, instead I chose to believe that I couldn’t control the outcome and just trusted in the hand that was holding mine. Sometimes that’s all we have. A hand.

But most the time.

If we’re being completely honest with ourselves.

It’s all we really need.

My eyes flickered to the door. I could have sworn in that moment, I saw a nurse with blonde hair smiling, and then, as if I’d just imagined it, the figure disappeared.

My dad moved to stand in front of me, and pulled me in for a hug. “Your mom would have been so proud.”

I smiled and stared at the door. “Yeah. I know.

Our steps define us—whether they take us in the direction towards what we want the most—or away from what we love. Our entire lives are based on steps and stages. Funny thing, feet. You control them. –Kiersten Michels

Lisa

Wes and Kiersten made their way through the crowded hallway, hugging doctors, nurses, patients. It was like watching a really sad Hallmark commercial or something. Not that it was sad, more of a happy sad. My smile was frozen a bit on my face—actually it was starting to hurt…bad. I wondered how actors did it. How did they act happy when they were torn up inside? I would have been the worst actress on the planet.