Rachel Dyken - Fearless

“Oh…” Kiersten’s eyes fluttered open then closed. “Did I hurt you?”

“What?” I roared. “No, no, not hurting, definitely—” I stopped talking. What the hell was I doing? “Yeah, Kiersten, it hurts, right here.” I kissed her softly and then pushed farther into her, then retreated. “Think you could help with that?”

She shrugged innocently, then locked her legs behind my back, pulling me all the way into her body—inviting me in, coaxing me, killing me.

Sweet death.

Everything about her was warm—tight—perfect. I gritted my teeth together.

“How’s it feel now?” Her mouth met mine in a frenzied kiss.

“Like—” Control snapped. I pumped into her, taking her with me. “Perfection.”

The buildup of what we had gone through over the last year…

Exploded into such an intense feeling of satisfaction, belonging, rightness, that when my body reached its tipping point, I physically shook as every muscle tightened and then released. Kiersten’s soft cry washed over me as I carried her with me. Kiersten shuddered, waves of heat rolling off of her as I stayed put—never wanting to move from that position—ever.

Slowly, her green eyes opened, flashing with possession and a fierce type of love that made me want to cry. “I’m yours,” Kiersten whispered, while I caught my breath. “And you are mine.”

* * *

We stayed up all night.

And we weren’t playing cards. Not unless cards was a new code word for sex, and the game was to see how many times we could actually participate in said activities until I died of dehydration and/or jumped into Elliot Bay.

At around seven in the morning the next day, I went to make a cup of coffee for Kiersten. At some point in the middle of the night her hair had become possessed with a rat and was now wrapped around her head like a really scary looking towel after Chewbacca had used it.

Once the coffee was brewed, I brought a mug to bed and watched her sleep. Rays morning sun peeked through the window. How had I been so blessed? To be gifted with not only life but with her? A year ago I should have died—instead I had a wife. I had Kiersten. I didn’t want this moment to end, this morning. I wanted a thousand of them, a million, as many as my body could handle, that’s how many I wanted. Sighing with contentment, I pulled up the blinds letting sunlight stream into the room.

“Why?” Kiersten grumbled from her bed. It was a true miracle her hair hadn’t strangled her in her sleep. Her lips pressed together like she was trying not to smile.

“Why, what?” I set her mug on the bedside table.

“Why is there sun?”

Chuckling, I took a sip of coffee. “Oh you know, just this little thing called living…we need the sun in order to do it.”

“You,” Kiersten whispered. “I just need you.” She pushed the mop of hair out of her face and rose from the bed, the sheet pooling at her hips. Without looking down, she grabbed her coffee and started drinking.

I, however, was still staring at her naked body.

Yeah, we’d been up all night, but I was ready to be up all morning too.

“So…” Kiersten continued talking as if she wasn’t naked.

As if I had self control—which I totally didn’t, not after I knew how good we were together. Not after the bathroom incident, where I’m pretty sure I made up new uses for soap, towels, and full length mirrors.

“What are doing today?”

“Damn it.” Her breasts rose with each breath. How were they so pretty? Perky? The perfect size for my hands?

“We’re cursing today?” Her brow furrowed.

“No.” I shook my head, my throat was so damn dry you’d think I’d spent last night in the middle of the Sahara desert. “We’re going to um…”

Kiersten leaned down and set her coffee back on the table.

Her breasts brushed my arm.

I clenched my teeth.

Gentle, Wes, be gentle.

Groaning, I pinched the bridge of my nose just as Kiersten peeked through her hair and gave me a coy look.

“Tease!” I yelled, setting my coffee next to hers. “Do you even, realize… and then words…not coming…but needing gentleness.”

Kiersten burst out laughing. “Complete sentences.”

Damn it!

“How do you know these things?” I shuddered as her hands gripped my ass hard, and then dipped into my boxers. Yeah, right there, shit…”I thought I was the teacher?”

Kiersten squeezed and giggled. “Lisa talked with me.”

“Good because if it was Gabe talking to you about how to please me in bed I would have him by the balls, then again, I’d also be concerned he’d be into it since he’d know…you know what?” I cursed as Kiersten moved her hand. “Let’s not talk.”

Kiersten grabbed me by the back of the head and kissed me hard on the mouth then bit my lower lip, followed with smaller bites down my neck, when her tongue touched my nipple I almost fell backwards on my ass.

With a roar, I pounced onto the bed, threw off my boxers and t-shirt, and trapped her beneath my body. She was on her stomach laughing her ass off. And I was trying to think of ways I could both punish and please her at the same time.

My body…chose please.

“I love you,” I whispered in her ear as my hands moved to her hips lifting her at the angle I needed.

“What are you do—” Kiersten sighed happily.

“Oh…” I chuckled and eased into her, immensely grateful that apparently Lisa hadn’t told her everything. “The things I’ll teach you.”

“Yes, please.” She moved against me.

With clenched teeth, I let out a hoarse cry. “Say please again, I really liked hearing that word from your lips.”

“No.” She gripped the pillow in front of her and panted. “Not a chance.”

I pulled out of her. The emptiness was damn near devastating.

“But Wes—”

With a chuckle, I plunged into her and pulled her body tight against me. “Not really in a position to argue, are you sweetheart?”

“Please?”

“Please what?”

“Please…Wes?”

“That’s my girl.” Every angle felt different, every movement was pure torture and pleasure all wrapped up into one.

She never finished her coffee.

I never even made breakfast.

That was how we spent our morning.

We missed our flight to the Bahamas.

But I didn’t care. There were always flights. But moments? Moments with a girl like that? I knew they were one in a million and I was on a mission to capture them all. Each. And every. One.

The thing about memories? They store in your brain. You can go a lifetime thinking you’re totally fine and then boom, something triggers said memory and all of a sudden you’re in the fetal position. My memory had always been really good—something I hated about myself because right now, I really, really wanted to have amnesia. —Lisa

Lisa

“You can’t just tease and not follow through,” Taylor said. “Besides, I’m just taking what everyone else has already had the chance to sample.” His hands moved from my hips to my jeans, slowly undoing the zipper. “If you scream, I’ll just be that much more entertained.”

I woke up screaming.

And then, terrified that it was real and screaming would summon him, I slammed my hand over my mouth in order to muffle the sound of terror coming from my lips.

Reaching for my phone, I looked at the time—three am. I needed sleep if I had any hope of being awake for classes the next day. Today, I corrected myself.

With a grunt, I lay back down, and set my phone on the table. My hand brushed something. Curious, I turned on the light and looked down at the floor. It was an old picture of me.

Scrawled across the front at an angle were words that send a chill along my spine: Taylor and Melanie Forever.

Gagging, I barely made it to the bathroom before I lost all of my dinner from the night before.

With shaking hands, I looked at my reflection in the mirror. He couldn’t’ hurt me. He was gone. The picture was an old picture. It had probably found its way into my room from all the stacks of fan mail Gabe had been bringing in once he went to the media.

It was silly.

It meant nothing.

But the memory of his touch? I meant something, because with his touch he’d destroyed an innocence I would never get back. An innocence I’d fought for four years to forget about.

Because that’s the thing about girls. We may talk a big game, we may say we’re guys’ equals. We may even say it’s fine for us to sleep around. But the truth? I still wanted someone to want me. And I still wanted to be whole for them.

But I wasn’t whole.

Because he’d stolen that piece of me—and I knew, even though he might be gone, I couldn’t get those pieces back. They were lost forever.

My text alert went off.

Gabe: You okay? Got up to get a drink of water and thought of you, you know you can stay with us this semester. No need for you to room alone. Oh and PS Wes and Kiersten made it safely into the Bahamas—two days late.

Me: It’s fine. I think I may live off campus this year. I’ll figure it out. No worries! Gotta sleep. Yay for the happy couple!

I sighed and threw the phone onto my bed, chewing my lower lip in the process. Everyone was moving on with their lives.

And I was stuck.

Rain pelted my window. Funny, because I felt like rain most the time. Like I was meant to be sunshine but got confused and haven’t been able to free myself of the darkness for a really long time.

With a pitiful sigh, I crawled back into bed and closed my eyes. I prayed he wouldn’t visit me in my dreams again. Because whenever he visited—I was reminded of how pathetic it really was.

To want a love like Wes and Kiersten or Gabe and Saylor. To think it actually accessible, when all signs pointed to the obvious.

It would never happen. Not to me.

My heart broke all over again as warm tears slid off my cheeks onto the pillows. It wouldn’t happen for me, but I could still be the best person I could be, right? Right. That had to be enough.