Julie Garwood - For the Roses

She still wasn't prepared.

"How in God's name does that mind of yours work? I know you're as intelligent as everyone else. Hell, you're smarter than everyone else. Does everything shut down inside your head? How could you possibly believe tonight was an indiscretion? Answer me."

He didn't give her time to say a word, however. "We made a commitment to each other. Got that?"

Mary Rose was astonished by his anger. She wasn't at all frightened by it though. The realization made her smile. Harrison was roaring like a wounded bear, and she was feeling just as safe as always.

She didn't understand his reaction, however. He acted as though she had just grossly insulted him. And his mother. And even his dog, if he happened to have one.

She tried to keep the smile out of her voice when he finally let her speak.

"I didn't say I believed we had been indiscreet. I thought you…"

He interrupted her again. "Listen to me. I really don't think you quite get it yet."

"Get it? What does that mean?"

"It means you obviously didn't understand me when I said you were mine now. I didn't imply you were mine for the night. I meant forever."

"I wish you'd be logical about this. If…"

"You want me to be logical?"

She thought that perhaps it hadn't been the right thing to say to him. She was thankful she couldn't see his face now, because she knew the muscle in the side of his cheek was probably going crazy. It flexed whenever he clenched his jaw, and he always did that when he was angry. It was a dead giveaway that a storm was coming.

"It appears I can't say the right thing to appease you." He started to tell her what he thought about her remark, then decided against it. He knew if he continued on, he would become furious all over again. Indiscretion? He still couldn't believe she'd used that word to describe what had happened tonight. It was going to take him a good week to get over it.

His silence indicated to her that he was ready to listen to reason. "I'm new at this. You could be a little more patient with me. It wouldn't kill you, so quit breathing like that. I've never been intimate before. I can't help but feel vulnerable."

She was certain her explanation would gain his sympathy and his understanding. She was wrong with both expectations.

"It's ridiculous for you to feel the least bit vulnerable. It's also damned insulting to me, woman."

She was beginning to lose her patience. He was taking exception to every word she said. He really was as temperamental as his horse. She considered telling him so, then changed her mind. The comparison would probably set his temper off again.

"You didn't use to be this moody."

"I didn't used to be in love with you."

She drummed her fingers against his chest. "Cole always becomes moody when he feels guilty about something."

"I don't feel guilty about a damned thing. Do you feel guilty?"

He grabbed hold of her hand and started squeezing. He was telling her without words her answer better be the one he wanted to hear.

"No, I don't feel guilty. Happy now?"

He didn't answer her. He relaxed his hold on her hand, though, and so she assumed she'd given him the right response.

"I believe we should end this discussion. If we continue, we'll get into a full-blown argument. Then you'll have to apologize to me. Do you really want to waste all that time begging my forgiveness when we could be doing much more enjoyable things?"

He smiled in spite of his irritation. "What makes you think I'll apologize?"

"Because I can wait longer than you can. You'll give in before I will."

"In other words, you hold a grudge. Your brothers mentioned that flaw to me."

"Sometimes I do."

He started to laugh. "Mary Rose, you make me want to shake you and kiss you at the same time. Honest to God, you're going to drive me out of my mind one of these days."

She started stroking his chest again. She loved the feel of his hair curling around her fingers. She wished he'd kiss her again. Just thinking about it made her restless. She let out a little sigh and draped her thigh across him.

He let out a grunt. She realized where her thigh was then, but the heat radiating from his groin felt too good against her skin for her to move away.

If he hadn't liked it, he would have pushed her away. He didn't though. He put his hand on her knee and began to caress her.

" Harrison?"

"Yes?"

"Was tonight as nice as your dream was?"

"It was much, much better. My dreams weren't ever nice. They made me hot. Tonight, you made me burn. Understand?"

"You were satisfied?"

He could hear the amusement in her voice and knew she was up to something. He smiled in anticipation. God only knew what she was going to say.

"Yes, I was satisfied."

"Now you sound appreciative, grateful. Are you?"

Her fingertips were making circles around his nipple. It was driving him to distraction.

"Yes," he answered gruffly.

"I guess I made you happy."

"Yes. You made me very happy."

She smiled against his chest. He was mildly surprised she needed this much assurance. The way he had responded to her while they were making love should have told her how good she'd been. Maybe she really was feeling vulnerable because it had been a new experience for her.

Lord, was she beginning to make sense?

"And you can't thank me enough."

Her whispered words finally registered in his mind. She was tossing his words back at him. Harrison laughed again. "I guess you didn't much like hearing that part of my dream, did you, sweetheart?"

She was too content to answer him. A sudden thought turned her attention. "What did you mean when you said I only cried for a second the first time? Did I cry again?"

"Yes. It lasted longer."

"When?"

"When you came apart."

The memory made her blush. She really had come apart during her climax. She didn't remember crying though. Finding fulfillment had required her full attention.

"Now will you listen to what I have to say?"

"If you're going to tell me I'll hate you, then no, I won't listen."

"I want to talk about our future."

"All right."

"The next six months are going to be difficult for you."

"Do you plan to be difficult?"

"No, that isn't what I meant."

"I love you, Harrison."

"I love you too. I have to go back to England, sweetheart. I want you to join me there."

"You do?"

"Yes."

"Why do you have to go back?"

"I have to finish something I started."

"Will you want to stay there for a long time?"

"That depends on you."

She didn't understand. "Do you still long for the Highlands?"

"I long to be with you. Where I live isn't important."

"It used to be important."

He smiled. She was right about that. Returning to the Highlands had been an obsession. His plans had all changed, of course, because of Mary Rose. He could be happy anywhere in the world as long as he had her by his side.

"When do you want to leave?"

"I had thought to leave the day after tomorrow. I want you to come to me as soon as possible."

He had just overwhelmed her with all the changes he wanted to make. How could she possibly leave her brothers? England was an ocean away. Oh, God, why did it have to be so far?

Would they live in the city? How could she live like that? She wouldn't be able to breathe. The crowds would drive her wild. Would she look out her window and see pavement and buildings? How could she leave her paradise?

And how could she ever let Harrison leave her behind? Life without him would be unbearable.

Her mind reeled with questions.

"I know you need time to think about it, sweetheart."

"Yes," she answered. "I wish… Harrison, would you ever consider living here?"

"If it were possible."

"Is it?"

"I don't know yet," he replied.

"What if I couldn't join you?"

"I would come back to get you."

"I don't want to think about the future now. Tomorrow we'll worry about plans and decisions. Please kiss me again. I want you to make love to me now."

She lifted up on her elbows and stared down into his eyes.

"I want to feel you inside me again," she whispered.

"We can't," he whispered. "It's too soon, sweetheart. It would hurt."

She leaned down and kissed him. She didn't care if it hurt or not. She needed him.

"Please," she whispered. Her lips brushed over his again. "One kiss, my love. Let me kiss you once and if you want me to stop then, I promise you I will."

"I love the way you throw my words back at me," he said. He wrapped his arms around her and lifted her up until she was stretched out on top of him.

"Are you planning to keep on kissing me until you've got me inside you?"

"Oh, yes."

They were the last coherent words either one of them could speak for a long, long time.

They fell asleep wrapped in a tangle of arms and legs. And love.

April 5, 1868

Dear Mama Rose,

Adam got in a fight yesterday. It was all my fault, because the Indians like my pretty hair. I am putting some of it in the envelope so you can see how pretty it is. But it's yellow, Mama, and the Indians liked it so much they tried to take it all off my head. Then one of them says to take me with my hair and that's when Adam got mad. Cole and Douglas were gone, and by the time Travis came out of the barn, Adam had punched them good and hard. Your son got a bloody nose, but the Indians he got mad at were all sleeping in our garden by the time he got done with them.

Fighting isn't good, Mama. Even Adam said so, but now he thinks the Indians will leave my hair alone.

I sure hope so.

Your daughter Mary Rose

Mary Rose returned to her bedroom a little before dawn. She was somewhat surprised Harrison slept through her departure. He was usually a light sleeper, but he barely moved at all when she got out of his bed, dressed, and left the bunkhouse. She guessed she must have worn him out. The possibility gave her an inordinate amount of pleasure.

She wasn't quite ready to greet the day, however. She fell asleep as soon as her head touched the pillow, and she didn't wake up again until almost ten o'clock.

She didn't see Harrison again until supper. Travis told her that Dooley had ridden out early to deliver a telegram.

Her brother was headed out the back door when he mentioned the wire. Mary Rose went chasing after him to get the particulars.

"Who was the telegram for?"

" Harrison, of course. If it had been for one of us, you would have seen it on the kitchen table."

"Who sent it?"

"I don't know."

"Travis, please slow down. Did Harrison tell you about it? Did he read it to you?"

Her brother turned around. "No, he didn't tell me, and I didn't ask. He didn't look very happy about the news he received though. Fact is, he looked kind of grim."

"Oh, Lord, I pray no one died."

"Now, why would you think someone died?"

"Telegrams are always for bad news, Travis. Everyone knows that. What did Harrison do after he read the message?"

Travis let out a sigh. "He put the paper in his pocket and went to the bunkhouse to pack his things. He was going to go into town to buy a trunk to ship his things back to England, but Adam gave him one of his old ones to use. I promised I'd ship it off for him."

" Harrison 's leaving. I knew he was leaving," she said. "He told me."

"Don't get upset until you've talked to him."

"I'm not upset."

"Then let go of my arm. You're pinching me."

She hadn't realized she'd grabbed hold of her brother's arm. She immediately pulled her hand away. "I don't want him to leave."

Travis's expression softened. "I know you don't. Loving someone isn't pleasant all the time, is it? It's made you vulnerable."

She couldn't disagree with his assessment. She was miserable right this minute.

"No, it isn't always pleasant. When is Harrison leaving?"

"He didn't say."

"Where is he now?"

"He left with Adam an hour ago. They didn't tell me where they were going. I do know Adam wanted to have a private conversation with him though. They might have gone fishing up by Cowan's place. The trout are thick as fleas near the bend. Don't waste your day worrying, Mary Rose. I'm sure Harrison will explain his plans tonight."