Laurelin Paige - Forever with You

I took a deep breath and stared at the door of apartment three-twelve. Whether or not I wanted to go any further, I hadn’t decided. Actually, I couldn’t remember deciding to come this far. But here I was—my heart pounding and hands sweating, debating the pros and cons of raising my fist to the wood and knocking.

God, why was I so nervous?

Maybe more deep breaths were in order. I took several—in, out, in, out—and examined my surroundings. The hall was long and empty. Gold-framed abstract art lined the walls. Though the building was nice and in a good part of town, the carpet was old and threadbare. Rose petals were strewn across the floor in front of the threshold a few doors down. Must have been left over from someone’s romantic gesture. Sweet.

To the other side of me, the elevator opened. I looked over and saw a couple walking in the opposite direction. The man, dressed in a nice suit, held his hand to the small of the woman’s back. Her blonde hair was tied up in a perfect bun. Even from behind, they were beautiful to look at. It was obvious they were in love.

Funny how I was seeing romance everywhere. Perhaps it was my state of mind.

I turned back to the door in front of me. It was plain and ordinary, but something about it felt ominous.

Well, might as well get this over with.

I pulled my bag higher on my shoulder and knocked.

Nearly a minute went by and no one answered. I leaned my ear against the door and listened. It was quiet. Maybe I had the wrong unit. I checked my hand where I’d scribbled the address in red pen, but it had rubbed off from my sweat.

It didn’t matter. I knew I was in the right place.

“Try the buzzer,” a man said from down the hall.

“The buzzer?” I asked, but he had already gone into his own apartment.

I hadn’t noticed a buzzer, but I searched the wall by the doorframe anyway. There I found a small circular button. Strange I hadn’t seen it before. I brought a trembling finger up and pushed.

A loud bark ripped through the air, and I nearly jumped out of my shoes, my heart pounding in my chest. I wasn’t usually afraid of dogs, but I was already so anxious that it took very little to set me off. Movement sounded from inside and a voice talking sternly to the animal. Seconds later, the door opened.

Stacy stood in the entryway, her face more welcoming than she normally was with me. Her overly bright smile sent a chill down my spine. She was dressed casually in a faded t-shirt and jeans—not at all the attire I was used to seeing her in when she worked at Mirabelle’s boutique. She was barefoot and her toes were painted with a pale pink polish. She looked relaxed. Comfortable.

I felt just the opposite.

Her grin widened. “You came.”

“I guess I did.”

She didn’t move to let me in, so I stood where I was, awkwardly shifting my weight from one foot to the other. Did she hear my knees knocking? I was sure she must.

“Oh, sorry! Come on in.” She stepped aside and let me move past her.

I took a tentative step inside, scanning her apartment. It was nice. Not nice like Hudson’s apartment—Hudson’s and my apartment, rather—but nicer than the studio that I used to reside in on Lexington Avenue. The space was sterile and cold, though completely immaculate except for the kitchen table to my left. It was covered with stacks and stacks of papers, reminding me of the top of the file cabinets in David’s office back at The Sky Launch.

“This way.” Stacy gestured to a couch in her living room. It was a twin to the sofa in Hudson’s office—brown leather with oversized arms. I’d admired the design so much that I’d ordered a similar, less expensive one for the office at the club. Hudson and I had christened that couch, actually, with a round of heated sex. Stacy’s version was not the cheaper variety, and with as prudish as the woman seemed, I doubted that she’d christened it with anyone.

Weird, though, that we all had similar taste.

Actually, what was weird was that I was there finding out Stacy’s taste at all. Why was I there? The tight knot in my gut said this was the wrong decision. I should leave.

Except, I couldn’t. Something kept me there with an intense force. Like my shoes were metal and the floor a super magnet. I knew it was all in my head—that I could physically walk out the door anytime I wanted. Yet there I stayed, compelled against my better judgment.

I threw my shoulders back, hoping it would make me feel more confident, and took a seat. I sunk lower than I’d expected, my knees sticking up higher than my thighs. I looked and felt ridiculous. So much for being self-assured.

“So sorry,” Stacy apologized. “The springs are broken. Scoot down further and you’ll bounce back.”

Awkwardly, I lifted myself from the concave spot and moved further down the sofa. I sat slowly, testing for firmness. Thankfully, the springs were indeed intact. My poise, on the other hand, was not.

Stacy settled into the armchair next to me. A large gray cat rubbed against her leg, hissing in my direction. The unfriendliness of the cat reminded me of the barking from earlier. I looked around, but found no sign of a dog. Stacy must have locked it up in another room. It was odd that she’d have both pets in such a small apartment. I’d never figured her for an animal lover.

But I’d never figured her to wear jeans and a t-shirt either. It was all the unexpected that had me on edge, I told myself. That’s all.

“Can I get you anything? Water? Iced tea?”

“No, thank you.” I crossed my legs. “Actually, I’m sort of on a schedule. Do you mind if we get this over with?” It was a lie. I had nowhere to be. I didn’t even have a driver waiting for me. I’d taken the subway instead of asking Jordan to bring me. Jordan reported to Hudson, and I didn’t want him to know about this visit.

“Yes. Of course.” She stood and crossed to her television. I noticed her computer was plugged into it, and when she turned on the set, her desktop showed on the large flat screen.

Having lost its leg to rub against, the gray cat moved over to my leg.

Great. Now I’d have gray fur all over my black pants. How would I explain that to Hudson? Maybe I could change before he noticed.

Stacy chatted as she scrolled through files on her computer. “Honestly, I wasn’t sure if you’d come. You hadn’t seemed interested before. I was surprised to get your text.”

“Yeah, I wasn’t sure I’d come either. Curiosity won out.” Maybe it was because of the animal at my feet but I couldn’t stop thinking about the curiosity killed the cat adage.

Fuck, what was I doing? Was it too late to change my mind about this?

It wasn’t too late until she actually started the video. But I couldn’t turn back now, could I? I’d never be able to stop wondering what secrets Stacy held about Hudson.

Maybe I should have asked him about it instead of showing up here.

“Well, I set up in case you did come. I just have to load the file. Hold on. It’s here somewhere.”

It seemed to take hours for Stacy to search through her computer. Each second that passed felt like agony. Thoughts of what could be on her video nagged at the edges of my mind—Hudson betraying me in various forms. I tried to shake the images away, but they clung, nipping at me, begging for my attention.

I’d chewed half of my nails ragged before I finally sought to relieve the tension. “Perhaps you could tell me what’s on it while we wait.”

“Oh, I couldn’t do that.” She gave me another warm smile. “You won’t believe it until you see it. But trust me. It will change everything you know about Hudson. He’s a liar, you know.” She never smiled this much. It was as if she took pleasure in my discomfort. As if she were delighted to destroy my relationship with Hudson.

“He’s not a liar. I trust him.” I was the one who’d lied to him. Hudson had done nothing but proven himself over and over.

“You’ll see.”

Her certainty sent goose bumps down my skin. There was no way she was right. I knew Hudson. He didn’t have secrets from me.

“Ah! Found it!” Stacy said in a sing-song voice. “Are you sure you don’t want anything before I start this? Water? Iced tea?”

I gritted my teeth, the knot in my belly tightening with every passing second. “I said, no thank you.”

“Popcorn?” She laughed. “I always like popcorn when I’m watching TV. Popcorn and M&M’s.”

“Look, Stacy, this isn’t entertainment for me. You say you have something that will make me feel differently about Hudson. Do you think I’m looking forward to this?”

This was ridiculous. What was I doing here, behind Hudson’s back no less? I should be talking to him, asking him about this stupid video instead of sneaking off to watch it. I didn’t even know if I could trust the woman in front of me. Maybe this whole video thing was a trick.

I stood to leave. “I shouldn’t be here. I have to go.” I headed toward the door.

“No! Wait! It’s already playing.”

Again, curiosity got the better of me. I turned back to the TV. The screen was dark, but there was a muffled voice in the background. Little by little, the voice became clearer. It was Hudson.

“I want you, precious. Whatever it takes to make that happen. Whatever I have to do. Whatever I have to say. I have to have you in my life.”

The screen was still dark, but I recognized the words. He’d said them to me—earlier. At the club.

“Is this some kind of a sick joke?”

“Just be patient.” Stacy giggled.

The screen began to lighten and the picture came into focus. Hudson lay on a bed facing away from the camera, completely naked. I glanced at Stacy, furious that she had seen my boyfriend without clothing, but Hudson’s next words drew me back to him. “Whatever I have to say, precious. I have to have you in my life.”

They were familiar words, but I’d never seen this scene before. I didn’t know that bed or that room. I hadn’t been there when this had been filmed. I shook my head—no, no, no. Those were my words. Precious was my name. Whom was he sharing my words with?

The camera began to move, zooming around Hudson. I held my breath, waiting to see whom he was speaking to, not wanting the confirmation.

But as the camera zoomed closer, the focus blurred. So much so that it was impossible to make out what was going on or who was on screen. It was like looking through a dirty windshield or a cloudy contact lens. I blinked over and over, hoping to clear the blur, to bring the picture into clarity. I was desperate to see what was going on, desperate to see who was there. Even though I didn’t want to, I was compelled.

I went to the TV and slapped my hand on its side, trying to sharpen the image. “Show me, dammit,” I screamed at the picture. “Show me what you’re hiding!”

I hit the television again and again, my hands red from the force, my breath ragged from the effort. I had to see, had to know. My gut told me the truth—the video held the answers. What I needed, what I was meant to see was here on this screen. Beyond the blur was what I dreaded most, my deepest fears, my darkest imaginings—the thing that could ruin everything.

The thing that could tear me and Hudson apart for good.

I awoke in a panic, sweat beaded along my brow, my heart racing. I knew it was a dream, but the feeling it left was intense and vivid. Stupid, really. It wasn’t real.

But it wasn’t the dream video that had me in a panic—it was what might be on Stacy’s real life video. She’d said it was some sort of evidence about Hudson and Celia. I’d blown it off earlier in the night, but maybe I shouldn’t have because now it was seeping into my subconscious thoughts.

I glanced over at Hudson asleep next to me. Usually we remained in constant contact while we slept. His missing warmth exacerbated the “off” feeling that still clung to me after my nightmare. Not wanting to disturb my lover, I ignored the pull to snuggle into him and instead climbed out of bed, grabbed my robe, and headed to the bathroom.

Splashing cold water on my face, I took deep breaths and tried to calm down. I’d never been prone to nightmares. Even when my parents had died, my dreams had remained sweet and calm. My obsessive mind did enough work during the waking hours—sleep wasn’t where I fleshed out my problems.