She sighed. “Well, the verdict is in. I think I might give it up at the end of this week, whether the baby shows up or not. What do you think?”

He smiled at her as he drove her home in the new Jaguar he had just bought. “I think that's a pretty good idea, Tan. You could sit around for a couple of days, you know.”

“Fancy that.”

But she never got time for that. Her water broke at eight o'clock that night, and she suddenly turned to Russ, terrified. She knew it was going to happen eventually, but suddenly it was now, and she had the overwhelming urge to run away, and there was no place to run. Her body would follow her everywhere. But Russ saw easily what she felt, and tried to comfort her.

“Everything's going to be just fine.”

“How do you know that?” She snapped at him. “What if I need a Caesarean? Christ, I'm a hundred years old, for chrissake.” Actually, she was forty years old plus four months. She suddenly looked at Russell and began to cry. She was terrified, and the contractions started almost as soon as her water broke.

“Do you want to lie down here for a while, Tan, or do you want to go to the hospital?”

“I want to stay here.” He called the doctor for her, brought her a glass of ginger ale, flipped on the television across from their bed, and smiled to himself. It was going to be a big night for them, and he also hoped that everything would go well. He was confident that it would, and he was particularly excited. She had insisted on their doing Lamaze training together, and although he hadn't been present at the birth of his girls so many years before, he was going to be with Tana for the birth of their child. He had promised her, and he could hardly wait. She had had the amniocentesis five months before, but they had opted not to know the sex of the child. And Russ could feel a mounting feeling of excitement now for both of them. By midnight, Tana had had a short nap, and she was in control again. She smiled up at him, and he timed her pains, and at two o'clock he called the doctor again, and this time they were told to come to the hospital. He picked her bag up from the hall closet where it had sat for the last three weeks, helped her into the car, and out again at the hospital, and helped her to walk inside. She could hardly walk now, and the contractions took all her concentration and his help, just to get her through them, but they were nothing like the pains she felt once she went into transition three hours after that. She was writhing in pain on the bed in the labor room, and she was clutching at his arm, as he felt his own panic begin to rise. He hadn't expected it to be quite like this, she was in such agony, and by eight o'clock the baby still hadn't come. The sun was up, and she lay there panting horribly, her hair damp, eyes wild, looking at him as though he could do something for her. And all he could do was breathe with her and hold her hand and tell her how proud he was of her, and then suddenly at nine o'clock everyone began to run around. They wheeled her into the delivery room, strapped her legs up, and she cried as the pains came now. It was the worst pain she had ever known in her entire life, and she felt as though she were drowning as she clutched at him, and the doctor urged her on, and Russell cried, and Tana knew she couldn't stand it anymore. She wanted to die … to die … to.…

“I can see the head … oh, God … sweetheart … it's here.…” And suddenly a tiny red face popped out, as Russell cried, and Tana looked at him and gave another ferocious push which forced the baby from her womb, and the doctor held him in his hands as the baby began to wail. They cut the cord, tied it, and cleaned him rapidly, suctioned his nose, wrapped him in a warm blanket, and handed him to Russ.

“Your son, Russ.…” The doctor smiled at them both. They had worked so hard and so long, and Tana looked at him victoriously now.

“You were wonderful, sweetheart.” Her voice was hoarse and her face was gray, as he kissed her tenderly.

“I was wonderful?” He was deeply impressed by what he had just seen her do. It was the greatest miracle he had ever seen. And at forty years of age, she had it all now. She looked at him. Everything she had ever wanted … everything … her eyes filled with tears as she reached out to him, and Russ gently put the baby in her arms, as he had once put it in her womb.

“Oh, he's so beautiful.…”

“No.” Russell smiled at her through his tears. “You are, Tan. You're the most beautiful woman in the world.” And then he looked at his son. “But he's pretty cute too.” Harrison Winslow Carver. They had long since agreed on that. He came into the world blessed in name, and life, and love.

They wheeled her back to her room a little before noon, and she knew she would never want to do it again, but she was glad she had this once. Russell stayed with her until she drifted off to sleep, the baby slept in the little bed they had left there for him, and Tana, all clean again and sleepy now and so much in love with him. She opened her eyes once, drifting from the shot they'd given her for the pain afterwards. “I love you so much, Russ.

He nodded, smiling again, his heart forever hers after tonight. “Shhh … sleep now … I love you too.





And once she was back on the bench, she was glad she hadn't given it up for good. It felt good to be back again. The cases, the verdicts, the juries, the decisions, the routine. It was incredible how fast the days flew by, and how anxious she was to come home at night, to Harry and Russ. Sometimes she would find Russ already at home with him, crawling around on the rug, and playing games with him. He delighted them both, and he was like the first child born on earth to them. Lee teased them about it when she came out to visit with Francesca, her little girl, and she was already expecting another one.