Susan Mallery - Full-Time Father

“Yes, but I refuse to believe that a single conversation could destroy Stacey. She was stronger than that.”

He spun toward her. “Then why did she die? You don’t know, do you? I do. She died for the same reason Robin did. Stacey died because she’d lost the will to live.”

“Oh, Parker, you’ve got to let this go.” Erin took a step closer and wrapped her arms around his waist. “It wasn’t like that. Stacey was doing fine. She finished her classes at college. She even got good grades. Does that sound like someone who has lost the will to live? She died because there was a complication in the pregnancy. It was a one in a million chance that something could go wrong.” She tilted her head back and stared at him. “She had a beautiful baby she wanted to live for. She’d seen Christie. How could she see her child and still want to die?”

Their gazes locked. She could see the war being waged in his eyes. Would her words be enough to defeat years of blaming himself?

“It’s all there in the letter I gave you. The one Stacey wrote. She apologized, Parker. She knew she’d been wrong. And she said that she wasn’t sure whether or not to tell you about the baby. She planned to make a decision after Christie was born. Those aren’t the words of someone who wants to die. She had a future, something to live for. She had me. She knew I would support her, no matter what.”

“You don’t know how much I want to believe you,” he said hoarsely.

“Then do. I have no reason to lie about this. I loved my sister with all my heart. She was brilliant and funny and the best friend I ever had. I’ll always miss her. But I know her, Parker. I know her dreams and I know what happened to her that summer. She lost her head. So accept your part of the blame, but don’t take it all on yourself. Leave some for the rest of us.”

“Are you sure?”

Her heart ached for him. “Of course I’m sure. Obviously it’s the destiny of the Ridgeway women to have a serious crush on you. We’re just going to have to learn how to handle it better.”

She spoke without thinking. As the meaning of the words sunk in, Erin wanted to call them back. But it was too late. She stepped away from Parker, then turned her back on him. Oh, Lord, why couldn’t she think before speaking?

She could feel the flush of embarrassment climbing her cheeks. At least it was dark and he wouldn’t be able to see. She pressed her hands against her face.

“What I meant was-” she muttered in a strangled voice, then realized she didn’t have a quick line to make it all sound right.

“Erin?”

She cleared her throat. “I think it’s time for me to make my escape.”

Before she could leave, he grabbed her arm and turned her toward him. His gaze searched her face. “Erin?”

Okay, there was no easy way out of this. She would survive the moment. To the best of her knowledge, no one had actually ever died of embarrassment.

She stared at the open collar of his polo shirt. “Look, it’s no big deal. Really. It’s just the stress of the situation, and being here. You’ve been nice to Christie and me. You know, I am a single mother. I don’t get out much. Socially, I mean.”

She was babbling.

He touched a finger to her chin, forcing her to look at his face. His eyes were bright with an emotion she couldn’t read. His mouth curved up at the corners.

“Stop looking at me like that,” she said.

“Like what?”

“Like I’m Christie, and I’ve just given you a dopey looking drawing.”

“You’re nothing like Christie.”

Was that good or bad? “This doesn’t change anything. I’m not Stacey. I’m not going to get you drunk and seduce you.”

“Too bad.”

“What?”

He moved a little closer. The finger touching her jaw slid up and caressed her cheek. The sound of the ocean faded to a dull roar.

“Parker, you’re not listening to me. I’ll admit that I sort of fell for you while I was reading Stacey’s diary. I mean she made you sound terrific and I thought…well, I’m not sure what I thought. Anyway, then I got here and you were good-looking and sweet to Christie and I like to think any woman in my position would have reacted the same way. But it’s not a problem.”

“You’re talking too much.”

“Huh?” His finger brushed against her skin, moving back and forth. He was making it difficult to think. “I’m saying I can control my feelings. This doesn’t have to change anything. You don’t have to worry about me.”

“I’m not worried.”

With that he dipped his head lower and brushed his mouth against hers.

Like a lit match touching dry tinder, fire exploded inside her. Instinctively she clung to him. He wrapped his arms around her waist and hauled her hard against him. His tongue swept against her lips. She parted for him, seeking him as he entered, shivering when he began to explore her mouth.

She was ablaze with heat and long-denied need. She wanted him. All of him. So it took every ounce of willpower to pull back.

“You don’t have to do this,” she said, her voice trembling. “I don’t want you to kiss me because you feel sorry for me.”

He laughed. “Erin, do you remember the last time I kissed you?”

She nodded.

“I told you then I was concerned that my attraction to you was making you uncomfortable.”

“I thought you were kidding,” she whispered.

“Fool,” he said gently, then pressed his lips to her forehead. “I didn’t want to scare you off. And I didn’t want you to think I was using sex to keep Christie.”

“You’d never do that.”

“I know that. I didn’t know if you did. There’s something powerful between us. Maybe it’s time we stopped resisting and went along for the ride.”

She wasn’t sure. This could be an elaborate trick to make her feel better about mentioning the crush. Then he pressed his hips against hers and she felt the hard ridge of his desire. That part would be difficult to fake. Okay, he did want her. Now what?

“I’m not Stacey,” she said, voicing the fear she didn’t want to admit she had.

“I know, Erin.” He cupped her face in his hands. “You’re afraid I just want to relive the past.”

“Maybe.”

“The only thing I remember about that night is that I wanted to get so lost, the pain couldn’t find me anymore. This isn’t about that. This is about you and me and how much I want you in my bed. No ghosts this time.”

She believed him. Maybe because she wanted to. A thousand questions filled her mind, but she ignored them. She ignored everything but the man in front of her. If she trusted him with her child, then surely she could trust him with her body. She raised herself on her toes and pressed her mouth to his.

She was soft and sweet as she pressed against him. Parker felt his body harden more as she leaned into their kiss. In the past five years he’d been aroused on occasion. There were mornings he awoke with the lingering physical evidence of an erotic dream. A cold shower quickly diluted his need. But not this time. He could feel heat burning away the barriers he’d constructed. This time there was no turning back.

He broke their kiss and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “I think we need some privacy,” he said.

“What?” She glanced around the terrace, then smiled sheepishly. “Oh, we’re outside. I’d forgotten.”

“Good.”

As they crossed to the stairs, she looked at him. “Parker, are you sure?”

“I haven’t been as sure of anything in a long time.”

“I’m a little nervous.”

“Because of everything in the past?” He wanted to reassure her. She was the only woman he was thinking about. Briefly he wondered if that was wrong. Should he still be caught up in the grief of his wife’s passing? Then he decided he didn’t want to have to think about that right now. Tonight he wanted to feel alive. In Erin’s arms, in her body, he could find life again. He could see the colors and do away with the dull gray of his world.

“Actually it’s because I haven’t, well, done this sort of thing in a while. What if I’ve forgotten how?”

They’d reached the second-floor landing. A light glowed in the hallway. He turned to her and studied her large, hazel eyes. Confusion dilated her pupils.

“It’s been a long time for me, too. I think we can fumble through together.” He ran his hands up and down her bare arms. “I did some remodeling on this floor a few years back. Kiki helped. We moved the master and put in different furniture. The bed is about three years old.”

She frowned. “Why on earth are you telling me that now?”

“I didn’t want you to think-” He paused, not sure how to explain it.

“Oh!” She smiled. “You didn’t want me to think that it was the same room and bed you’d had while you and Robin were together.”

“Yeah.”

“Parker, that’s so sweet.” She raised on her toes and pressed her mouth to his.

Her lips were hot and slick from their last kiss. He wanted to devour her. Instead he held back, pressing gently, testing the seam until she parted for him.

This time, instead of allowing him to enter and taste her, she thrust into his mouth. She explored him, then teased the tip of his tongue with hers.

Desire ripped through him with all the force of lightning across the sky. The pulsing in his body increased as his erection flexed painfully against the fly of his shorts. He hauled her hard against him, then tilted his head to allow her to go deeper and reach all of him.

She was the aggressor, circling him, retreating, then advancing. Her teeth clamped down on his lower lip and she nibbled the sensitive skin. He was breathing hard. Every muscle in his body tightened. He could feel the blood racing, fed by the rapid pounding of his heart.

He ran his hands up and down her back. The curve of her rear taunted him. He slipped lower and gripped the fullness, squeezing gently and urging her closer. Her belly brushed against his arousal. He groaned and wondered if he would explode right then.

He broke the kiss and leaned close. “The bedroom is about ten feet down the hall. If we concentrate, I think we can make it there.”

She giggled. “You think so?”

“I know so.” With that he put his arms around her waist and lifted her off the ground. “At last I have you under my control,” he murmured.

She was still smiling when he kissed her again. The smile faded as she sighed. This time he was the aggressor. He licked her lips, tracing the shape before dipping inside.

She clung to him, then shifted so she could wrap her legs around his hips. Her hot center pressed against his need. She rocked her hips slowly.

He caught his breath. “I don’t think you have to worry about having forgotten a damn thing,” he said.

“Oh, Parker.” She buried her face in his shoulder. “You make me laugh. I didn’t know how much I missed that. I was so scared and nervous but this is going to be fun. Thank you.”

“Don’t you think you’re thanking me a little too soon? It could still be awful.”

She raised her head. “No, it couldn’t.” She kissed the tip of his nose.

He started for the bedroom.

When he kicked the door shut behind him, they were plunged into darkness. Erin’s legs were still wrapped around his hips and she still pressed sweetly against his erection. He wasn’t sure if he should let her slide down and risk losing control all at once or if he should continue to be tortured to death. He settled on a compromise. He made his way to the bed and sat. She was still close to him, but now she was on his lap and not pressed up against his need.

He reached for the lamp on the nightstand. Soft light filled their half of the room. He could see the faint flush on her cheeks and her hard nipples pressed against her T-shirt.

He brushed her hair back, then fingered the red-brown strands. “You’re very beautiful,” he said.

“No, I’m not. I’m average.”

“I’m the man, and I get to think you’re beautiful if I want to.”

She smiled. Her hands rested on his shoulders; her thighs hugged his. The night stretched before them, endless in its possibilities. He was in physical pain from desire, but he wanted to go slow. He wanted this to last…for both of them.

“I’m the woman and I get to tell you that you’re wrong,” she said. “But thank you for saying it anyway.” She leaned close and kissed his cheek. “Besides, you’re the beautiful one.”

A faint heat rose on his cheeks. “Men aren’t beautiful.”

“Oh, but they are. Your eyes, the hard lines of your face, the shape of your chin, your dark hair. I’ve thought about touching it.” She placed her fingers on his head, then fingered the short strands. He’d never thought of his hair as an erogenous zone, but he felt her caress down to his toes.