Sylvain Reynard - Gabriel’s Redemption

Allison sat still for a moment, as if she were waiting for something. Then she stood.

“I’ll see myself out.”

Her former boyfriend followed her to the back door. “Thanks for the coffee.”

“You’re welcome.” She stepped outside.

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

Allison didn’t turn around but stood facing the driveway.

“Me, too.”

August 2011

Umbria, Italy

Every time Julia sat down at her computer, she was tempted to Google Gabriel’s parents. But he’d exacted a promise from her and she wouldn’t betray him, no matter how difficult it was to keep that promise.

On one such morning, Julia was checking her email when she found something from Paul. She opened it.

After she read the message, she sat back in her chair, stunned.

“Do you want eggs for breakfast? Or fruit and cheese?” Gabriel called from the kitchen, which was next to the living room.

When she didn’t respond, he walked over to her.

“Should I make eggs for breakfast, or just fruit and cheese? There’s also pastries from the bakery.”

She looked up at him in evident distress.

“What’s wrong?”

“I just got an email from Paul.”

Gabriel resisted the urge to comment on the Angelfucker and his behavior. “What did he say?”

Wordlessly, she pointed at the computer screen.

Gabriel fished around in his pocket for his glasses and put them on.

Dear Julia,

Thanks for your email. You did a great job with your paper and I thought you handled the questions well, especially Christa’s. I was impressed.

Professor Picton was very complimentary. She doesn’t praise people often, so you should be proud of yourself.

Please pass along my congratulations to your father and his girlfriend. He’s a good guy and I’m happy for them.

I’m back in Vermont. My dad’s health continues to improve. Thanks for asking. I’ll tell him and Mom that you said hello.

I’m determined to meet Professor Picton’s deadlines, so my parents have hired more help at the farm. I hope to go on the job market this fall and pick up some interviews at the Modern Language Association meeting. If I don’t get a job, I’m back on the farm for another year.

I’m glad we had a chance to go to lunch. It was good to see you.

There were some things I should have said, but didn’t. I guess I should say them now.

I think we need to go our separate ways. You’re married and I need to move on.

Maybe it will be easier for me in the future. But in the meantime, we should stop emailing.

I don’t mean to hurt you, so please don’t take it that way. I care about you, but I’ve been thinking about this for a while and believe it’s for the best.

Be happy, Rabbit.

Paul

Gabriel’s eyes focused on hers. She looked stricken.

“I sent him a couple of emails. It took him days to reply. And look at what he said.”

Gabriel crouched down, placing his hand on Julia’s knee. “He’s in love with you. You know that.”

“I know he loved me once.”

Gabriel looked at her gravely. “Did you stop loving me when I left Toronto?”

She nibbled on the edge of one of her fingernails. “Of course not.”

“If he truly loves you, he’ll love you for a long time. Maybe forever.”

“Then why wouldn’t he want to be friends?” She turned troubled eyes in his direction.

“Because it’s too painful.” Gabriel cupped her cheek. “If I’d lost you to him, I couldn’t be friends with you. I’d simply have to love you from a distance.”

“I never meant to hurt him,” she whispered.

“I’m sure he realizes that.”

“Why didn’t he try to talk to me about it when we were in Oxford?”

“He didn’t want to upset you before your lecture.”

Julia turned suspicious eyes in her husband’s direction. “Did you know about this?”

Gabriel hesitated, ever so slightly.

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“For the same reason he didn’t bring it up. We wanted you to be in the best frame of mind at the conference.”

She pushed her chair back from the table. “So you and Paul discussed this? You discussed me?”

“Briefly, yes.”

“You should have told me!”

“I’m telling you now. Truthfully, Julianne, I thought he’d change his mind. But once again, Paul has surprised me.”

“You dole out information like vitamins.”

Gabriel lifted his head, a smile playing about his lips. “Vitamins?”

“You know what I’m saying. You and your secrets.” She rose to her feet, but he caught her wrist.

“I don’t have secrets from you. We agreed not to disclose everything from our pasts for the sake of moving forward. But if you want full disclosure, I’ll give it to you.” He lifted his chin in challenge. “And then I’ll ask you for full disclosure. For example, did you happen to have a conversation with Paul about dropping out of Harvard?”

“What?”

“He tore a strip off me, telling me I had to make sure you didn’t abandon your dreams.”

Julia’s eyes widened.

“When did he say this?”

“In Oxford, right after your lunch. So don’t lecture me on keeping secrets, Julianne. I’m not having lunch with old flames and telling them about our marital conflicts.”

“I wasn’t doing that.”

“Well, what do you call it, then?”

She lifted her hands and then let them drop to her sides. “It just—came out. I was worried and needed someone to talk to.”

“Did it ever occur to you that you already have someone to talk to?” Gabriel glanced between them significantly. “Someone infinitely closer?”

“I needed time to think.”

“I can understand that. I can even support it. But time to think and going to someone else to talk about our problems are two different things. That was not the right thing to do, Julianne, and you know it.” His tone was reproving.

Julia stared, expecting him to explode into temper. Surprisingly, he didn’t.

(Which demonstrated, clearly, that the Apocalypse was nigh.)

Gabriel continued. “I don’t share our problems with anyone. And yes, sometimes I dole out information, as you so charmingly put it, in order to protect you. But it is always, always, done with love.”

His fingers slid from her wrist to her hand. “I tried to persuade Paul not to cut off contact with you. Not because that was what I wanted, but because I didn’t want to see you hurt.”

Julia blinked back tears that had suddenly appeared. “What hurts is the fact that you don’t trust me.”

“I trust you.”

“But not with your family history.”

He clenched his teeth. “You know what I know—that my mother’s family disowned her and left me to foster care after her death. My father abandoned us. Do you want me to investigate such people? Just so I can discover more unsavory details?”

“They made you, Gabriel. There has to be something in your family history that’s worth knowing. And of course I don’t want you to be upset. But your family is part of you. If we have children, eventually they’ll ask about their grandparents.”

Gabriel dropped her hand, his face a mask of stone.

“If I could expunge them from my memory, I would. I won’t have our children so polluted.”

She lifted her chin. “A man as good and as brilliant as you came from that pollution. And so will our children.”

His expression softened. He raised her hand to his lips and kissed the back of it. “Thank you,” he whispered.

“You’re right, I shouldn’t have gone to Paul with my worries. But he was my friend.” Julia continued to fight back the tears.

He pressed her face into his chest.

At bedtime, Gabriel strode into the master suite. He was barefoot, clad only in a white shirt and jeans. When he caught sight of Julianne, he began rolling up his sleeves.

“Are you still on your cycle?”

Julia was standing by the washroom, having just finished brushing her teeth and washing her face.

“I finished yesterday.”

“Good. Take off your clothes and lie on the bed.”

She stared at him.

“Now.”

His eyes seemed to burn through her. Without argument, she undressed quickly, dropping her clothes to the floor before climbing onto the bed.

“On your stomach. Eyes closed.”

She couldn’t help trembling at the tone of his voice, but she did what he said. With eyes closed, her other senses were heightened. She felt the breath of air from the open window. She could hear Gabriel’s sure footsteps against the tiled floor.

Soon he chose music to fill the air, “The Look of Love” performed by Diana Krall. Julia opened her eyes and saw that he’d turned the lights out and lit candles next to the bed. A luminescent cloud filled her gaze.

“Eyes closed,” he commanded.

She did as she was bidden and felt the mattress move. His hands found her waist, lifting her in order to slide a pillow beneath her hips. Seemingly satisfied with her position, his lips blazed a trail from dimple to dimple before coming to rest at the base of her spine.

A single finger traced up to the nape of her neck, gliding across her shoulders. Another pillow was placed under her naked breasts before he stretched her arms above her head.

“A work of art.” He breathed in her ear before kissing just behind it, drawing the skin into his mouth. His palm traveled the length of her back twice before exploring her bottom and legs.

The bed shifted and the music changed to Sting’s “I Burn for You.” Julia felt more than a fluttering of desire.

She could feel his presence next to the bed, but she heard nothing until he set a couple of objects on the table. She turned her head in the direction of the sound, but Gabriel placed a hand over her eyes, blocking her sight.

“Do you trust me?”

“Yes.”

“Good.” He passed his hand over the back of her head, pulling her hair to one side. “I’ve missed you these past few days. I’ve been looking forward to getting reacquainted.”

Julia heard him straighten, and after a few moments she heard the rustling of clothing and the sound of his belt hitting the floor. Then she heard the subtle sound of his underwear sliding over his skin.

She opened her left eye, drinking in the sight of her naked husband, watching as he turned his back in order to arrange things on the table. She sighed in appreciation of his form and closed her eyes once again.

She heard something liquid and the sound of his hands rubbing together before the bed moved once again. Then he was massaging her shoulders.

She groaned.

“You like that, do you?”

She hummed. The scent of satsuma and sandalwood filled her nose: the scent of their first time together.

“Thank you.”

“I’ve only just begun.”

He took his time, worshipping her body with his hands. On occasion, his nakedness would rub up against her. She would move to deepen the contact, but he would only chuckle and retreat.

After what seemed like hours she drifted into an almost unconscious state, totally and completely relaxed. All thoughts of anything other than Gabriel flew out of her head.

He brought his mouth to her neck, drawing the flesh against his lips and gently sucking. His large hands slid the length of her arms until they took hold of her wrists, stretching them out to her sides like a cross.

Then his naked body was over hers, pressing his front to her back.

She murmured at the contact.

“If it’s too much, tell me.”

It was an intense feeling. She preferred frontal contact, but there was something about Gabriel spread over her like a second skin that was especially intimate and erotic.

When he heard her breathing grow shallow, he took his weight with his knees, separating her legs. She inhaled and he placed a hand under her to cup her right breast.

Julia moaned her approval.

He moved his left hand beneath her to the junction of her thighs, his fingers sliding against her skin.

He petted her, his hands working in concert, drawing pleasure from both parts of her body. Then, ever so slowly, he pushed inside.

He stilled. The feeling of being inside her in this position was almost overwhelming. They always fit together well, but on this occasion, the sensation of their joining assailed his control.