Damn it.

It should be Avery she smiled at, Avery touching her.

He snarled as he ripped the bush beside him out of the ground, spraying damp earth in all directions.

When the haze lifted, he realized his hands were cut and bleeding. The holly’s sharp edges had punished his impetuous actions with aplomb—and the Watersons’ poor gardener would have an apoplexy.

He knelt in the damp earth, replacing the battered bush as best he could. Would his rages ever be controlled? Would he ever be the master of his own mind and body?

He flexed his sore palms, ignoring the trickles of blood that dripped to the ground below. His gaze locked on the group inside. The duke had moved to another part of the room. He stood by the front door, but where was Leah?

Avery’s heart raced as he desperately scanned the room for her. Where had she gone? He must find her before someone else did.

The squeak of a nearby door’s hinges chased him behind the mangled bush. He crouched low. Footsteps echoed on marble, disappearing only a moment later. Someone descending the stairs into the garden?

Maintaining his crouch and ignoring his protesting muscles, Avery ran alongside the manor toward the back garden. He had a feeling that the person wandering there alone just may be the woman he’d been searching for.

He bolted for a stone statue of a Greek warrior and knelt in the shadows cast by the lights of the manor’s windows. His breath caught in his throat as the clouds moved past the moon, shining soft light down on her.

Her gown glowed, almost as if she were a celestial being. Her hair, a golden tumble of curls and braids, absorbed the moonlight, mesmerizing him. She shivered, rubbing her gloved hand on her bare upper arm. The longing seated deep in his chest intensified so much that he stood, intending to run to her. The aching pain in his body returned to remind him why that was impossible, but his heavy breath did not go unnoticed.

Leah turned abruptly, bright eyes wary. “Hello? Is somebody out here?”

Blast and damn. He stayed in the shadows, willing her to go back into the house, to remain in the safety of company. He could not go to her, not here.

“I know you’re out here. I can hear you breathing.” Her voice came louder as she drew closer. He flattened his back against the statue’s legs. She must not find him here. She must not…

“Avery?”

His eyes flew open. There she was, the woman of his dreams, the one who haunted his waking hours. The one he could not touch, not under any circumstances. His one lapse would have to last him a lifetime.

“Miss Ramsey,” he croaked. Clearing his throat, he tried again. “Miss Ramsey. You must return to the house. You are not safe here.”

“Avery, are you okay?” She reached out for him, but he dodged her hand, making sure to stay in darkness. “I can’t really see you, but you don’t sound all that good.”

“I am well. Please return to the house.” Please, because I long to draw you into my arms, to make you my own. But you are so much more, need so much more than I can give. I’ve endangered you.

She propped her hands on her hips, giving him a cross look. “Bullshit. Get over here where I can see you.”

He shook his head. Maddening, infuriating, beautiful woman. “I cannot be seen. I do not have permission to be here. Return to the house. It is not safe for a female to wander outside alone.”

“I’m not alone,” she whispered, joining him in shadow. “You’re here with me.”

He turned away, though her words warmed him with violent hope. She must not see his face.

“You’ll be missed.”

She laughed softly. “I don’t care.”

He kept watch out of the corner of his eye. She stared at his face, squinting through the darkness. The moment her eyes adjusted to the dimness and she realized his injuries, horror painted her features and stabbed his heart.

“Oh my God,” she whispered, stepping close to him. “You…you’ve been…”

“My dear Miss Ram,” Lady Chesterfield called from the balcony. “Where have you got to, dear child?”

Leah tossed a look over her shoulder, and he took advantage of her distraction to look his fill. The delicate lace of her gown only hinted at her womanly charms, but the innocent décolletage flamed his interest as much as a daring gown would have. The ivory color only accented her porcelain skin, pinkened her lips and cheeks, and set off her golden hair to perfection. She was as close to an angel on earth as had ever lived, and she deserved the best man life could offer her.

“That’s me,” Leah griped as she turned back to him. “We had to pick a name so nobody could connect the dots to the maid at Granville House.”

He stifled his sigh of relief.

“Miss Ram?” Footsteps echoed on the marble steps to the garden.

“Go,” he said quietly, and though it cost him dearly, he gently pushed her toward the house. She stumbled from the darkness as he melted backward.

Lady Chesterfield’s cry was nothing if not glad. “My dear, there you are. Lord Granville is searching high and low for you. Come, we mustn’t keep him waiting.”

Avery watched from the cover of the statue as Lady Chesterfield and Leah disappeared into the house. His chest burned with an intense ache he couldn’t place, but he knew its cause.

He could not speak with her again. It was much too painful. He’d only brought trouble on her. He’d keep watch from afar and count himself blessed that he had met her at all.

* * *

“What a naughty girl to disappear in the middle of a performance,” Lady Chesterfield clucked as she pulled Leah back toward the house. “I declare it is as if you’ve no interest in His Grace at all.”

“That’s not it, Lady Chesterfield,” Leah protested lamely. “I just had a headache and needed a little air, that’s all.”

“Well, we must return before his interest wanes. Good heavens, did you injure yourself?”

Leah looked over her shoulder where Lady Chesterfield was mopping at a blood spot on the shoulder of her beautiful gown. The same shoulder where Avery had touched only a second ago. What had happened to him?

“It was just a bug bite that I scratched too hard,” she said as Lady Chesterfield fussed. “It’s not bad, I promise.”

“You must be more careful, dear.” Lady Chesterfield removed her own shawl and placed it over Leah’s now-spotted dress. “Now, we must find His Grace.”

Lady Chesterfield’s winning smile and wink couldn’t remove Leah’s uncertainty. God, she wanted nothing more than to run out there and check on Avery. His face had seemed swollen, discolored even. It was so hard to see in the shadows, which he’d probably planned. She rubbed the shoulder he’d just touched. That was his blood. He’d been hurt and refused to show her.

“Miss Ram.” His Grace’s voice melted over her like warm butter. Distracted for a moment, she turned to him. She couldn’t shake the feeling that he sounded a lot like her grandfather would if Pawpaw had a British accent. “I trust you are well.”

Leah opened her mouth to answer, but Lady Chesterfield beat her to it. “Of course she is, Your Grace. I was just telling my dear niece about your new phaeton. It sounds lovely.”

If Leah didn’t know better, she could have sworn Lady Chesterfield had just fluttered her lashes at the duke. Leah stared harder. Nope, no question. Definite lash fluttering.

The duke laughed softly. “Yes, Miss Ram. I fear I have been frightfully rude in boring your aunt with such talk.”

“Rubbish, dear Duke.” Lady Chesterfield tapped his arm flirtily with her fan. “I have been most entertained.”

An extended silence fell. Leah glanced first at Lady Chesterfield, whose cheeks held high spots of color, then over to the duke, who was looking directly at the baroness.

Well, damn.

Leah cleared her throat gently. “If you’ll excuse me, I think I’d like some lemonade before the music starts up again.”

“Oh, Miss Ram, I would love to take you and your charming guardian for a ride through the park tomorrow if you are both amenable.”

Leah tossed a wan glance at Lady Chesterfield, whose eagerly nodding head reminded her of those creepy tree spirits from Princess Mononoke. She’d had nightmares for months after watching that movie.

“I’d be glad to,” she said quietly.

“Of course you may go, dearest. But I am afraid I have a prior engagement, so I will be unable to join you.”

The duke’s face fell almost imperceptibly. “I see. Well, Miss Ram, we are to be a pair. I look forward to it then. I shall come ’round and fetch you on the morrow.”

Taking Lady Chesterfield’s hand, he bowed low over it, brushing her gloved knuckles with a light kiss. He repeated the gesture with Leah, who winced a little at the intimate contact. It was like hugging someone else’s grandpa.

“I bid you good evening.” He smiled at them again as he straightened.

“Good evening.” Leah returned the expression despite the acid churning in her throat. Lord, what she wouldn’t do for a Tums right now.

Lord Granville left then, even though the evening had only just begun. Leah was confused, but not sorry to see him go. It didn’t look like the duke wanted Lady Chesterfield to shove Leah at him any more than Leah did herself. In fact, it seemed that the duke would much rather spend time with Leah’s chaperone than with Leah herself.

The rest of the musicale was sort of anticlimactic after that. The music wasn’t bad, and with everyone distracted, Leah was pretty much left to her own devices. She darted glance after glance out the window, hoping for a glimpse of Avery, an answer to why he’d acted so strangely and what had happened to him, but he was nowhere to be seen. She even sneaked onto the balcony once more, sprinting to the nearly naked Greek statue she’d seen him behind before, but he wasn’t there.

Sighing, she slumped against the cold marble.

What was with him? And for that matter, what was with her?

She looked up at the stars, brighter here than she’d ever seen them at home. It was strange that despite the advanced technology of her time, she hadn’t ever seen the heavens like they were here.

The twinkling lights above didn’t offer her any answers. Bastards.

“What do I do?” Her lonely whisper faded into the darkness. A raindrop kissed her cheek, then another her neck. She turned back to the house, her steps leaden.

How could she disappoint Lady Chesterfield? How could she let her chaperone push her toward the duke when she might have feelings for Avery?

The marble stairs were slick with raindrops, so she gripped the handrail tightly. At the top, she turned her palm over. Her glove was damp, dingy now with the dirt of the rail. His hand had been wet too, but with blood.

She let her lids slide closed and focused on dismantling the knot that had lodged in her throat. It wouldn’t budge no matter what she tried.

Nineteen

The next day dawned sunny and warmer, which should have made Leah happy. It didn’t. She paced in the drawing room, wearing a carriage dress of powder blue that matched her eye color almost perfectly. Even the gorgeous costume couldn’t pierce her melancholy armor. She glared at her reflection every time she passed the mirror behind the settee.

“You’re a coward, Ramsey. An ungrateful and idiotic bitch.”

Her “pep talk” didn’t do much for her self-esteem or her confusion, so she gave it up and flopped down sideways on a wingback chair in the corner, legs draped over the arm. Worrying the inside of her cheek, she stared at the ceiling and concentrated on breathing deeply. Maybe extra oxygen would clear the fuzz from her brain.

A noise at the door grabbed her attention. A dark-haired maid toting a bucket and a broom had entered the room and ground to a halt at the sight of Leah.

“Oh, I apologize.” The maid blushed as she stammered, hands fumbling on the broom handle. “I did not know you were here.”

Leah smiled encouragingly at the girl. Man, did she ever understand how the maid felt. “Don’t worry about me. Do what you need to do.”

“I couldn’t, miss. ’Tis no trouble.” She started backing out the door.

Leah’s feet hit the floor. “It’s cool, come on. I could use someone to talk to.”

Though her face was wary, the maid set her bucket by the hearth and began sweeping the ashes. Déjà vu slammed into Leah. Such a short time ago, she’d been in this girl’s position. How amazingly things had changed.