“No, you shouldn’t,” Zack said, alarmed. “You’re fine the way you are.”

Lucy looked thoughtful for a moment. “You know, that may be part of the reason I went ahead and married Bradley. I mean, marrying without passion worked for Tina. She got it all anyway. And I didn’t seem to be having much luck finding a hugger.”

“So you didn’t feel passionate about Bradley? What a shame. Pass the potatoes.”

“I don’t think I’m a passionate person.” Lucy carefully avoided looking at Zack as she handed him the vegetable dish.

“Oh, you meet the right guy, and you’ll be surprised,” Zack said. “You got any plans for dessert?”


THEY SPENT THE REST of the evening scrubbing the old glue off the kitchen floor. At ten, they quit to take a beer-and-pretzel break, and the phone rang. Zack followed Lucy and waited while she picked it up. “It’s Tina,” she told him, and he took the pretzels and the beer over to build a fire with the dogs.

“So how’s life with the cop?” Tina asked.

Lucy curled up in an armchair, draping the phone cord over the arm. “Difficult. But nobody’s tried to kill me lately, so I’m not complaining.”

“Hell, yes. It’s been over twenty-four hours since anything’s exploded in your vicinity. By the way, I’m buying you a new car for your birthday. What do you want?”

“Nothing. My insurance will cover it.”

“There must be some kind of car that’s bomb-proof.”

“Forget the car. Get me something that’s Zack-proof.” Lucy dropped her voice and kept a wary eye on Zack across the room in front of the fire.

“Is he being difficult? Shall I have somebody beat him up?”

“No. If I need that, I’ll do it. He’s just driving me crazy.”

“How?”

“Well, he’s ripped up my kitchen floor, for starters.”

“Why? He thought Bradley was under there?”

“No. I think he got bored, but he’s afraid to leave for fear I’ll get killed.”

“So he ripped up the kitchen floor.”

“Well, it keeps him off the streets. He’s also cooking.”

“He cooks? He didn’t seem the type.”

“I’m teaching him. We’re starting with the basics. Nachos and chili.”

“Lucy, what’s going on?”

“I’m crazy about him.” Lucy’s voice sank to a whisper. “I’ve had more lustful thoughts in the past three days than in the entire rest of my Me. Somebody blew up my car, and all I can think about is ripping off his clothes. I’ve never had so much fun, and I’ve never been so turned on, and he doesn’t seem to notice.”

“Jump him,” Tina said.

“I don’t know how. Ideas. I need ideas.”

“Take off your clothes and crawl into bed with him. I know it’s not subtle, but he looked like the elemental type in the restaurant. If you get too subtle, he may not catch on.”

Lucy clutched the phone. “I can’t do that. What if he says no, and there I am, naked? I’ll die.”

“He won’t say no, but who cares if he does? Do it Hell, guys go through this every time they make a move on a woman, and none of them has died yet. In many cases, that is, of course, unfortunate, but rejection is definitely not lethal. Go get him.”

“I can’t.” Lucy shot another glance at Zack. “He kissed me last night, but then he stopped. Do you think it was my hair?”

“No. I think you should get your hair fixed, but I definitely do not think it was your hair.”

“Maybe I’ll make an appointment to get my hair done and then…”

“Lucy. You’re just using this hair thing to hide behind. When you are ready to be that new independent woman you kept babbling about in the diner, you’ll seduce him with your hair the way it is.”

“Maybe. But maybe the hair makes a difference. Maybe that’s why he kissed me and stopped.”

“Maybe he was being a gentleman,” Tina said doubtfully.

“Zack?”

“Maybe not. I’ll stop by tomorrow night and check him out- No, I won’t. I’ve got theater tickets.”

Lucy breathed again. “Good. I don’t need you helping. You’ll hurt him.”

“I’ll stop by Wednesday night. If you haven’t made your move by then, we’ll work something out.”

“Tina, really -”

“You have forty-eight hours. Do it. Just don’t get hung up on him. I think this lust thing you’re developing is very healthy, but Zack is not husband material. Just use him to get over Bradley, and then I’ll introduce you to somebody nice and quiet and rich.” A doorbell chimed in the background on Tina’s end of the line. “Oh, hell. I’ve got to go. Bye.”

“Tina, I don’t think so…” Lucy began, but Tina had already hung up.

“Lucy?” Zack called from over by the fire. “Is everything all right?”

“Tina says hi,” Lucy said and went to join him.


“THIS IS THE LIFE.” Zack sat on the floor leaning back against the love seat. “Great food, great fire, great company.” He looked over at the three dogs lined up expectantly beside him. “Don’t look at me. Your mom’s got the pretzels.”

“Forget it,” Lucy said to them from where she had curled up on the love seat “Pretzels are bad for your figures.”

The dogs lapsed into their favorite activities. Einstein put his head between his paws and watched the food, Maxwell sat and stared into space, and Heisenberg rolled over onto his back.

“Einstein, Heisenberg, and Maxwell,” Zack said. “Is there a pattern to these names? Obviously, Einstein even I can figure out He looks just like the old guy. But why Heisenberg and Maxwell?”

“They’re both famous physicists. Heisenberg was because Einstein was suspicious of him, and I thought he was uncertain about whether he wanted to stay. I was wrong about the second part, but the rest of it fit.”

“I don’t get it”

“Werner Heisenberg said the universe was an uncertain place, with no real rules. He drove Albert Einstein crazy because Einstein wanted to believe that the universe was completely understandable. So when this poor little dog showed up at the front door and Einstein growled, and the next day the dog was gone but he came back again in the evening, I just thought, well, Einstein is suspicious of him and he’s uncertain about staying, so…”

“You named him Heisenberg,” Zack finished for her. “What part were you wrong about?”

“Heisenberg wasn’t uncertain,” Lucy said grimly.

“What?”

“Heisenberg was gone every morning for three days in a row. Bradley would tell me that he’d let him out and he’d just disappear, which I thought was strange because the backyard is fenced, but then Heisenberg is a small dog, so I thought maybe he’d found a hole. So I looked, but I couldn’t find one. And then I got up early one morning and glanced out the front window and saw Bradley putting Heisenberg in the car. So I went out on the front porch and asked him what he was doing.”

Lucy clenched her jaw, and Zack saw the old anger seep back into her eyes.

“I hate Bradley,” he said.

Lucy swallowed and went on. “He didn’t say anything, but while he was standing there, Heisenberg jumped out of the car and came trotting back into the house. Bradley just stood there, sort of annoyed. I wanted to kill him. I should have known right then that everything was over, but…”

“But?” Zack prompted.

“Well, we were married. That’s serious. You don’t go to court and say, ‘I want a divorce because my husband tried to lose my dog.’ And after all, he could have taken him to the pound, and then Heisenberg would have died.”

Zack shook his head, disgusted. “No, he wouldn’t have. If Heisenberg hadn’t come back one night, what would you have done?”

“Called the pound.” Lucy stared into the fire. “Bradley wasn’t so dumb.”

Her voice was lost, and Zack wanted to hit somebody. Preferably Bradley. “Yes, he was,” he said. “He lost you. That was extremely dumb.”

“Oh.” Lucy blinked. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Their eyes met for a moment, and then he looked away, searching for a diversion. Any diversion. No matter how lame. “Hey. Stop hogging the pretzels.”

She passed him the pretzels, and he tried to remember the part about not getting involved.

“What I need to know,” he said finally, dragging his mind back to the investigation, “is the kind of guy Bradley is. You seem really sure he’s not a criminal.”

Lucy picked up her cue. “It’s hard to believe. He has no imagination. He’s essentially a good man, but he’s boring. If he was a criminal, at least he’d be interesting.”

How boring? Zack wondered. Was he boring in bed?

“Actually,” Lucy went on, “we were both boring. We were the most boring couple in Riverbend.”

Zack gave in. “In bed, too?”

“I beg your pardon,” Lucy said.

“It’s a legitimate question,” Zack said, trying to convince himself. “After all, he may have seduced and shot a blonde.”

“No, he didn’t. I told you, the blonde seduced him, which was more than I was ever able to do.” Lug blushed, but plunged on anyway. “Bradley approached sex the same way he approached everything else. He did it correctly, and then he forgot about it.”

“Correctly?” Zack almost spilled his beer. “There’s a correct way to have sex? Where am I when these rules get passed out?”

Lucy shrugged. “All right, efficiently then. I didn’t like it. I mean, he was doing all the right things, but…”

“He was all the wrong guy,” Zack finished for her, his voice thick with disgust. “You need a keeper. How could you have married this creep?”

Lucy glared at him. “Oh, let’s talk about some of your ex-girlfriends. I bet there’s a million stories in your Naked City.”

Zack glared back. “Didn’t you notice the sex was lousy before you got married?” He took a swig of beer to hide his annoyance.

“We didn’t have sex before we got married. Bradley respected me.”

Zack choked on his beer.

“No, he did.” Lucy frowned. “That’s what I can’t figure out. I mean, Bradley wasn’t exciting, but I was sure he respected me. I’d still swear that he loved me. Not passionately, of course, but…well…firmly. He sort of took me for granted, but he always wanted me around. He was very upset when I moved upstairs to the attic after he tried to kidnap Heisenberg.”

“I bet he was.” Zack stopped, putting himself in Bradley’s place, a Bradley used to having Lucy warm and loving in his bed and then suddenly losing her. “I bet he was upset. Why didn’t he move upstairs, too? I’d have been up those stairs like a shot.”

There was a short silence, and then Lucy said, “Bradley wasn’t you.”

“Guess not.” Zack shifted uncomfortably. “Want some more pretzels?”


A FEW MINUTES LATER, Zack took the dogs out for their last ran, made sure the doors were all locked, and then stopped by the fire to say good-night.

“I’m sorry we had to talk about Bradley,” he told Lucy, his face all shadows, backlit by the fire as he stared down at her on the love seat. “I know it upsets you.”

“It doesn’t upset me. Thinking somebody was trying to kill me upset me. Talking about Bradley hardly qualifies.”

“Good.” Zack hesitated.

Lucy waited, holding her breath, and then he said, “Good night,” and went upstairs.

“Good night,” she said and turned her eyes back to the fire.


FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER, Zack stretched out in Lucy’s old bed in the attic and stared out the little diamond-paned windows.

He could just go down there and say, “So, Lucy…”

So Lucy what?

So Lucy, you want to take off your clothes and have incorrect sex with me?

Very smooth, he jeered at himself. Just forget it. There is nothing you can say to her that will interest her. Go to sleep.

But when he closed his eyes, he could see her. And just as he’d feared earlier, he wasn’t having any trouble at all thinking about her naked.

And she didn’t look anything like Queen Elizabeth.

“Oh, hell.” He sat up in bed. Think about something else. Something depressing.

Fast.

Okay. The Orioles. Game seven of the ‘79 World Series.

The game appeared before him in vivid, depressing detail.

And there on third base was Lucy. Naked.

“Oh, hell,” he said, and fell back against the pillows.


HER FACE IN THE bathroom mirror was pale under her mass of green curls. Wrapped in her terry-cloth robe, Lucy stared at her hair in despair, and then suddenly leaned to look closer.

Her hair wasn’t just plain green anymore. Part of it seemed lighter, so that her hair looked mottled in places. And part of it was a lot shorter, too. She ran her fingers through her hair and some of it broke off when she tugged.