Maya Banks - Giving In

This wasn’t about sex or making love. He couldn’t very well lie and say that he didn’t want her, that he didn’t lie awake at night aching with need to make love to her. But she wasn’t ready. And when the time did come, he knew he was going to have to do something he’d never done with any other woman.

Relinquish control.

It wasn’t an entirely comfortable thought. It made him feel . . . vulnerable. But however vulnerable he felt, the emotion was tenfold for Kylie. For her he could and would make the ultimate sacrifice. She was worth it. He knew it to his bones.

Some things were just meant to be and he and Kylie were one of those things. He’d recognized it the moment they’d met. She’d been unable to meet his gaze. She was understandably skittish around him. But something about her fragility and the iron core he saw, the resolve and strength in her even as fragile as she’d seemed, just struck a chord with him.

Here was a woman who was meant for him and he hoped to hell he was meant for her.

He’d never been a big believer in fate or destiny, but the moment he’d laid eyes on Kylie he’d realized that she was his destiny. The hell of it was whether he would be hers.

He pulled into his drive and quickly got out, opening the door to the backseat where Kylie still lay unconscious. He wondered if she’d slept at all during his absence. He needed to call Chessy. He’d touched base with her only once, the morning after when Chessy had told him she’d spent the night and Kylie had awakened screaming from nightmares.

He closed his eyes briefly as the pain of that phone conversation hit him all over again. The knowledge that he’d done that to her. Had pushed her too far too fast too soon. He’d been remiss in not checking in more frequently with Chessy, but guilt had kept him from making another call. He’d been a fool. It wasn’t a mistake he’d make again. Ever.

Not again. This time it would all be up to her. She was in the driver’s seat except when it came to matters of her health. That he would solidly take over and he felt zero remorse for what he was embarking on. Kylie needed someone. And that someone was going to be him.

He gathered her gently in his arms and carried his precious bundle inside, kicking the door shut behind him. Bypassing the living room, he walked into his bedroom and eased her down on the bed.

She never even stirred when he pulled the covers from beneath her and then repositioned her so her head was resting on a pillow. He slipped off her shoes but left her clothed. He was in no way taking advantage of her weakened state and she’d be freaked-out enough when she woke in a strange bed. He wanted no question in her mind that he’d not so much as touched her.

He slid the covers up over her body and then tenderly pushed the strands of hair from her face, tucking them behind one ear.

For a long moment he simply stood there staring down at her, filled with the sense of rightness. She belonged here. In his bed. In his home. She didn’t know it yet, but this was where she was the safest. Where he could protect her from whatever threatened her. He’d move heaven and earth to ensure she felt protected.

Had she ever truly felt safe with anyone except her brother? He knew she had good friends, a tight circle of people, only a handful. But he wondered if any one of them ever truly saw to the heart of her. If she ever confided her darkest fears and secrets.

Everything he’d learned about her had been from a third party. But he wanted her to trust him enough to share her past with him herself. Not because he had any morbid curiosity. What he did know sickened him. He simply wanted her trust and knew it wouldn’t be given easily.

But she’d already said that she trusted him on some level. Had said somewhat in bewilderment that she seemed to just blurt out things to him she wouldn’t ordinarily confide. That had to mean something, didn’t it?

Only time would tell. He was a patient man when the reward was worth it. He hadn’t become the success he was by being impulsive or impatient. And he knew that Kylie would present the biggest challenge of his life. Be the ultimate test of his patience and endurance.

He’d have to be strong enough for the both of them because she needed that above all else. And perhaps she would chase his own demons away. She’d certainly challenge his entire lifestyle, his dominance, things he’d ordinarily never surrender to any woman.

She required special handling. He knew this, acknowledged it. It was new territory for him and he didn’t try to delude himself into thinking it would be easy. He needed control. He didn’t just desire it. It wasn’t some kink he enjoyed. It was a necessary component of his existence and yet he’d give it up without a moment’s thought for this fragile woman lying in his bed.

It was unnerving. He could admit that. Tendrils of fear clutched at him, because for the first time in his life he was contemplating giving up the one thing he held dear above all else. Control. It wasn’t something he’d ever do lightly. It wasn’t something he’d even ever considered until now.

Love was sacrifice. It was making the ultimate compromise.

Love? Was that what he felt for Kylie?

He shook his head in confusion. He wasn’t at all sure what his feelings for this woman were. It was certainly too soon to be in love with her. Their relationship was tenuous at best. They had only a fledgling trust that had begun to build and that may have all been ruined on their last night together.

He certainly felt more for her than he’d ever felt for another woman. That much he could acknowledge. But he’d never considered himself in love with a woman before. To be so would have meant relinquishing control over his tightly held emotions. And he’d never entertained such a thing. Until now. Until Kylie.

“Fuck me,” he muttered.

He was in deep. Way deep. And this was by far not a slam dunk. The path before him was long, winding and uncertain at best. It would be the biggest risk of his life. And it all came down to his earlier question. Was she worth it?

Even as he posed the question again, his answer was still the same.

Yeah, she was worth it. God only knew why but there it was. He couldn’t simply walk away from her, no matter that it was the path of least resistance.

He was stuck, for lack of a better word. In between a rock and a hard place no doubt. His fate, his future, was in the hands of this delicate woman and the hell of it was she had no idea. No inkling that she had him so tied in knots.

He massaged his nape, weariness assailing him. He’d wrapped things up in Dallas a day early, eager to be back, to see for himself how Kylie was faring. Now he realized he never should have left, no matter that this contract was huge for his company. She’d needed him and he’d failed her. Just as he’d failed her their last night together.

That would all end now because going forward she was his primary concern.

KYLIE climbed through the heavy veil of sleep, realizing at once that something was very different. Oddly, no panic registered. Just a sense of . . . well-being. She felt warm and safe.

She emitted a contented sigh and snuggled deeper into the strong embrace that surrounded her like the thickest blanket.

“Hey, you with me?”

She blinked in surprise, her eyelashes slowly fluttering open. Only to collide with a very familiar, very warm gaze.

Jensen?

She struggled to remember all that had happened. For that matter, where the heck was she?

“Don’t panic, baby. You’re safe. I’ve got you.”

His murmur of reassurance calmed her but her brow furrowed in silent question.

“You collapsed at the office. Do you remember?”

More came into focus, and she blinked, realizing they were in bed. Together. And not her bed.

She pushed herself upward, surprised at the strength it took to perform such a simple function.

“Easy. Don’t move too fast,” he cautioned. “Take it nice and slow. Breathe for me, okay?”

“I’m okay,” she whispered. “Just confused. Where are we?”

“My house. I brought you here. You worried the hell out of me, Kylie. When was the last time you slept? You were obviously running on fumes. Thank God I got there when I did.”

She glanced around, taking in the masculine feel of the room. The furnishings. The colors and the huge bed they currently occupied. She was nestled up close to him, their legs entwined.

Immediately her gaze shot downward, and she was relieved to see she was fully clothed. Surely she’d remember if they’d had sex!

He nudged her chin upward with a gentle finger, his gaze sincere.

“Nothing happened, baby. I wouldn’t take advantage of you that way. You passed out at the office and I brought you here and put you to bed. You’ve slept sixteen hours straight.”

Her eyes widened in shock and then horror. “Oh my God. I should be at work! What time is it?”

His eyes narrowed and his lips turned down into a frown. “Don’t get any ideas. You aren’t going near the office any time soon. What you’re going to do is stay here and catch up on much-needed rest. You aren’t going to so much as lift a finger for the next several days and that’s not negotiable.”

She had absolutely nothing to say about that. What could she? She stared at him in bewilderment. Why was she here? Why hadn’t he washed his hands of her?

“What are you thinking?” he murmured, his brow furrowing in concentration.

“I’m wondering why you’re here, or rather why I’m here,” she blurted. “I can’t imagine why you didn’t run as fast and as far away from me as possible after what happened.”

His expression softened and he stroked a hand down her arm to rest on her hip. “I’m not going anywhere, baby. And neither are you for the time being.”

“You can’t possibly want me after what happened,” she whispered.

“I can and I do,” he said simply. “You’re going to have to work a hell of a lot harder than that to scare me away. You and I are inevitable, Kylie. I’ve accepted that. Now you have to as well.”

Warmth rushed through her veins and with it, relief. Overwhelming, mind-boggling relief. She sagged against the pillow, her strength leaving her. Why was she so relieved? Shouldn’t she be pissed? Shouldn’t she be arguing the point? Convincing him that they weren’t possible and that he should leave her alone?

What did it say that the only reaction she could conjure to his autocratic demand was . . . relief?

“I seem to do nothing around you except freak out,” she muttered. “You have to be some kind of a masochist to sign up for more.”

Humor glinted in those dark eyes. “We’ll get through it, baby. Together.”

Longing like she’d never experienced flooded her heart. And hope. Genuine and unfettered hope. He wasn’t giving up on her. He was sticking it out, and he’d seen her at her absolute worst. If he could get past that, he could get past anything, couldn’t he?

She hadn’t realized just how much she’d hoped for such a thing until now. She’d braced herself for the inevitability of his rejection. She’d known with absolute certainty that he’d drop her like a bad habit after the ass she’d made of herself on their date. And yet here he was, resolve shining in those beautiful eyes.

“Together,” she whispered.

Hope flared in his own eyes. Had he been as convinced that she’d reject him as she had been that he’d reject her?

“Are you hungry?” he asked. “It’s obvious you haven’t slept since I left, but have you not eaten either?”

She struggled to remember, to get through the fog of the last few days.

“I’ll take that as a no,” he muttered. “Okay, you stay put. Don’t even think about getting out of bed. I have a T-shirt you can change into and some sweat pants too. But that’s it. Get up long enough to change if you like but then you get your ass back in bed and wait until I bring you something to eat.”

“Yes, sir,” she said crisply.

He grinned and tousled her hair affectionately. “I like that attitude, baby.”

Then he pushed off the bed and she saw that he too was fully dressed. She was touched by the knowledge that he’d taken such care to make sure she had no doubts as to what went on when he’d brought her here.

The man had to have the patience of Job because God knew he was dealing with a complete head case.

She watched as he walked away and then glanced down to the end of the bed where the clothing he’d set out for her was. She felt grubby and wanted a shower, but that might get her into trouble since he’d been adamant that she stay in bed. And, well, the idea of going through the motions of taking a shower exhausted her. She was still tired and the idea of staying in bed certainly appealed. Breakfast in bed? Even better.