"Luck nothing, Waters. One serving zero."
"Anyway, I haven't seen him since I was a kid. Aha!"
"Now that was luck," Jan said, tossing the ball to her. "I wish I hadn't seen mine since I was a kid. He's a real prick. Thinks I'm going to have an eight o'clock curfew. I'm seventeen, for Christ's sake."
"One serving one. The problem is they can't remember what it was like when they were our age." They volleyed several times before Grace failed to make the cross shot. "Shit. That's the problem, you know. They forget what it's like."
There was a knock on the wall. "Waters." Instructor Donaldson stood in the doorway. "You have a visitor."
"I don't want to see her, ma'am," Grace said, motioning for Jan to throw her the ping pong ball.
"Funny, I don't remember asking," the tall blonde said. "Move it, Waters."
Grace set the paddle and ball on the table. "Yes, ma'am. See you later, Jan."
"Good luck," Jan replied.
Grace expected to see her mother waiting for her when she entered the room. "Excuse me, I must have the wrong room," she said when she saw the man sitting at the instructor's desk.
"Graceful?" He had aged, his hair no longer the thick blonde that she remembered but now thin and receding. Still, there was no mistaking the blue eyes looking back at her so much like her own.
"Daddy? H-how?" Shocked, she allowed herself to be engulfed in his lumberjack arms. The short beard that tickled her cheek and the smell of his cologne resurrected memories long ago forgotten.
"My little pumpkin," he said, his deep baritone voice still the same as she remembered. "Let me take a look at you." He held her at arm's length, his smile as wide as it could be. "Look how pretty you've become."
"How did you know where I was?" she asked, thinking he used to seem so much taller than he did now. Of course, she was much shorter then. "Did you talk to Ma?”
"No," he said. "I got a notice from the state saying they were taking your child support so I called to find out why. I have to tell you I damn near fell out of my chair when I found out." He squeezed her shoulders. "Are you doing okay here?"
"I'm surviving," Grace said, backing away from him and sliding into the nearest desk chair. "Ma told me she had no idea where to look for you except that she thought you might have been in Alaska."
"She knew where your grandparents lived," he said. "They knew where I was. The courts knew where I was because they sure enough took child support from me." He shook his head. "That's neither here nor there now."
Now that the shock was wearing off, question after question formed in her mind. "Why didn't you ever come see me?"
He pulled the teacher's chair out from behind the desk and sat down next to her. "I don't have a good answer for that, pumpkin. Your mother and me were fighting so hard and every time I came to see you we'd get into a fight and after a while it was just easier to stay away. Then I got the job in Anchorage and even though it was far away, the higher pay was enough for me to live on and still pay my child support." He took his hand in hers, his callused fingers rubbing over her knuckles. "I thought I'd do it for just a few years and save up enough money to afford to come back but-I'm sorry, Grace. I love you very much and I never meant to hurt you."
"You didn't try hard enough," Grace said, the little girl's pain flaring inside. "All I know is one day you were gone and you never came back. You didn't come back for my birthday, you didn't come back for Christmas, you just disappeared and forgot all about me."
"I never forgot about you," he said. "You know what?" He reached back and pulled out a thick leather wallet from his rear pocket. "Look." Opening it up, he showed her the photo section filled with various pictures of her as a, little girl. "I carried these with me because they were all I had of you."
"Why didn't you take me with you?"
"It wasn't for lack of trying," he said. "I went to court against your mother half a dozen times and she kept coming up with lies to keep me from getting anything more than minimal visitation."
Grace stared at their intertwined hands, remembering the poison her mother used to spew about her father when they were going through their divorce. "I wish you had won," she said sadly. "Ma got involved with a lot of assholes after you left."
"I'm sorry, pumpkin," he said. "I know I should have been there." He looked around the room. "Maybe then you wouldn't be here."
Grace pulled her hand back. "Did they tell you what happened?"
"I came home from logging and found the letter from the state. It just told me about the support." He took her hand again. "All I could think of was something terrible had happened to you. I called and they told me you were here."
"Did they say why?" she asked. Her father shook his head. "I threw a chair at a teacher," she said, wondering what his reaction would be. So much for being his perfect little daughter, she thought to herself. Bet you wished you stayed in Alaska.
"Well…” He gave a quick squeeze. "Sounds like you inherited the Waters temper."
"Big disappointment, huh?"
"I'm not happy to hear that you did something like that but you're not a disappointment to me, Graceful. It happened, it's in the past, you move on and do better the next time."
"People call me Grace," she said.
"Grace, hmm?" Letting go of her hand, he reached out and cupped her cheek. "You'll always be my Graceful little girl."
"Whose idea was that anyway?" she asked. "Do you have any idea what it's like going through life with a name like Graceful Lake Waters?"
He chuckled and sat back. "It was both," he said. "Your maternal grandmother's maiden name was Lake and I came up with Graceful."
"The last two years have been anything but graceful," she said. "Obviously, I'm here."
"But it's in the past and tomorrow's another day," he said. "You move on from here." Leaning his elbows on his knees, he clasped his hands together. "Graceful, you can be anything you want to be if you try hard enough. I know I haven't been there the last ten years but I can still remember the little girl who wanted to ride a bike without training wheels more than anything. It didn't matter how many times you fell, you just kept getting back up and had me give you another push."
"And I used to cry-because you made me stop when it got dark out," she said, sharing the memory. "I remember when you came home with that bicycle."
"I have a picture of you on that bike," he said, gesturing at the wallet.
"I had it blown up and it sits on the mantel in my house."
"I still can't believe you're here," she said. "I can't believe you still came to see me after finding out where I was."
"It doesn't matter," he said. "Once I knew how to find you, nothing else mattered. You're my daughter. If you came and told me you wanted to tattoo your entire body and marry a rock star, I'd ask you if you've seen a psychiatrist and then I would ask if you were happy. If you were, I'd give you my blessing."
"What if I wanted to be the rock star?"
"As long as you didn't inherit the Waters tin ear, if it made you happy and you could earn a living at it, why not?" He took her hand again. "I don't want you becoming a drug dealer or a porn star or anything like that," he said. "But who am I to deny you something that makes you
happy?"
"I'm an adult now," she said. "I can do what I want."
"For the most part," he said. "But you'll always be my little girl and I'm always going to want what's best for you."
"Why Alaska? That's so far away."
"That's where the money was, pumpkin. I earned almost twice as much as I was making here. There aren't that many trees left in this state. In my line of work, Alaska was the only place where I could make a decent living." He let go of her hand and stood up. "I'm sorry, Graceful. In hindsight I should never have gone." Turning his back to her, he leaned forward and put his meaty hands on the desk. "I suppose in a way this is my fault too for not being there for you."
Silence reigned as Grace worked through her feelings. First there was the seven-year-old who cried for her father night after night until it was clear he never would return. There was the thirteen-year-old who cursed him for leaving her, for not acknowledging birthdays and special events. Finally there was the seventeen-year-old, struggling to reconcile the past with the gentle man before her, admitting his mistakes and wanting to do better. The decision was hers, keep the hurt and push him away or forgive him and try to repair the frayed bond between them. "But…it's in the past now, right?"
The blond man nodded and turned to face her. "Tomorrow is another day," he said.
"Is this a one-time thing or will I see you again?"
"I gave my phone number and address to one of the ladies in charge here," he said. "I spend a lot of time up at the logging camps but I'm usually home once or twice a month. Cell phones and pagers don't work too well up there. Towers can't get the feed into those remote areas. If you want to see me, just send word and I'll make sure either you can get to me or I will get to you. You're a senior this year, right?"
"I was," she said. "I'll be taking my GED test soon."
"Are you going to college?"
"I can't afford college even if one would let me in with my grades," she said.
"I suppose you know your old man never made it out of eleventh grade," he said. "Always thought my girl would go to college."
"So you want me to go college?"
"It's what you want that's important," he said. "What is it you want?"
"I don't know," she said. "Part of me wants to because I want to get a degree and make good money but another part doesn't want to spend four more years in school even if I could afford it."
"So if there was a way you could afford to go, would you?"
"Maybe. What do you want?" she asked.
"I want my daughter to be happy," he said. "If you want to go to college, we'll figure out a way to make it happen. I'll love you no matter what."
Carey found Grace sitting at the kitchen table, her notebook open.
"How did your visit go?"
"Hi." The teen looked up, smiling. "It was great," she said. "He stayed until visitation was over."
"I know. I saw you walk him to his car."
"He said he'd come back next month," Grace said.
"That's good," Carey said. "I'm glad you had a nice visit."
"I did. I was surprised to see him but he's great. He looks older but he's still Dad. I told him what I did to end up here and he was really understanding about it."
"And you're all right with seeing him again after all these years?" Carey asked. "You're not angry with him?"
Grace shrugged. "A little. I told him so but like he said, we can't change the past."
"This from a girl who threw a chair at a teacher because he told her she wasn't living up to her potential," Carey said, ruffling the short blonde hair as she passed. "I'm really glad you had a nice visit with your father."
"He said he's coming back next month."
"I know, you told me already." Carey smiled and opened the refrigerator. "It only takes a little effort on each side to repair that bond you two once had."
"He doesn't seem as tall as he did then."
"That's because you've grown since you saw him and he hasn't," Carey said, taking a can of soda out of the refrigerator.
Grace giggled. "Yes he has," she said, holding her arms out in front of her stomach.
"He is a big man," Carey said, opening her soda. "He's a lumberjack, right?"
"Right."
"Certainly looks the part." She took a Sip. "So you told him everything you did?"
Grace looked down. "Not everything," she admitted. "I told him the big thing I did and he didn't seem worried about the rest of it."
"Did you talk to him about what's going on with you and your mother?"
"No."
Carey leaned back in her chair. "Your father mentioned he and your mother had an acrimonious relationship after the divorce."
"If that means they hated each other's guts, yeah," Grace said.
"Your definition is pretty close. Did they fight in front of you?"
"If they were in the same house, they fought," Grace said. "Dad would tell you that it started the minute he came through the door but she'd be badmouthing him to me before he'd get home." She returned to the table. "How can two people who got married end up hating each other so much?"
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