"And you'll never do it again, right?"

"Right."

Carey sighed. "What am I going to do with you? Go wash up. I'm going to make a pot of coffee."

"Okay." Grace walked into the bathroom, shutting the door and the world out behind her. God, what a day. Closing her eyes, she put her hands on the vanity and let out a deep breath. Gage said she wouldn't say anything, but she's Carey's buddy. What if she does? Oh, I'd never be able to face Carey if she did that. She's mad at me enough for fighting. She turned on the cold water and let it run for several seconds before splashing some on her face. Now I have to go face her and explain why I lost it with Grenner. How am I going to explain that? Sorry, Carey, the thought of you getting hurt bothered me so much I put someone in a choke hold? She shook her head. That'd go over like a lead balloon. Shutting the water off, she opened the medicine cabinet and found the tube of antiseptic cream. She finished applying the cream, then put the tube away and stared at herself in the mirror. "You screwed up good this time," she said to her reflection. Taking advantage of the privacy, she lifted her shirt and hissed at the discoloration on her lower ribcage. She twisted but could not see the bruise she knew was forming on her back. If Gage saw these she'd send me to the infirmary for sure. Tucking the shirt into her pants, she took one last look at herself. Time to go out there and face her, she thought, certain Carey was not finished reprimanding her about the fight.

"I thought you fell asleep in there," Carey said when Grace entered the kitchen.

"Sorry."

Carey pointed at the table. "Sit. The coffee's almost done."

Grace did as she was told. Here it comes, she thought when her mentor took the chair next to her.

"You're very lucky, you know," Carey said. "In case you didn't see anyone on your way back here and hear it from the teenage grapevine, Sally Dawson admitted she helped Lauren hide the knife and played lookout while the bunks were destroyed as well as cutting the rope."

"That's good."

"I'm not finished," Carey said. "By all accounts, you went after Lauren and started the fight."

Grace looked down at her hands. "Yes, I did."

"You're still that upset about your bunk being ruined?"

It was then that Grace realized her mentor had no idea what the fight was really about. Maybe she could pull it off after all. "She's done more than that," Grace said. "She let everyone be punished for something she did."

"You still should have kept that temper of yours under control," Carey said. "You've been doing so well lately."

The sound of disappointment in her mentor's voice bothered Grace more than any amount of yelling could ever do. "I'm sorry."

"People are going to do things to upset, annoy, or even hurt you. That doesn't allow you to resort to violence. I thought you wanted to go to college, not end up in Irwin serving time for assault."

"I do," Grace said.

"Then make a decision," Carey said. "College, or a life of answering to guards and working in the prison laundry."

"College."

"So stop doing things that could take that choice away from you," Carey said, taking the mugs out of the cupboard. "And start thinking about your major. While you're at it, come get your coffee."

"I think computers would be interesting," Grace said, reaching for the coffeepot. "Web design or something like that."

"It's a growing field," Carey said. "Certainly computer skills are in demand."

"That's what I was thinking," Grace said, setting her mug down and opening the refrigerator. "Plus it's good money. Where's the half-and- half?" she asked.

"Oh, I think it's behind the orange juice," Carey said, leaning over Grace and reaching into the refrigerator. As she did so, her hand inadvertently pressed against the teen's back.

"Ah, damn." Grace dropped to her knees, pain lancing through her back.

"What is it?"

"Ow, nothing," Grace said, moving out of the way and slowly standing up. "Grenner got a good kick in, that's all."

"What did Instructor Gage say about it?"

"Um, she didn't see it," Grace said. "I didn't tell her. It's just a little bruise."

"Uh-huh," Carey said, putting her hands on Grace's shoulders and turning her around. "Let me see." She lifted the cotton tee and let out a low whistle. "That's more than a little bruise, Grace."

"I don't want to make a big deal out of it," Grace said. "It's not like anything's broken."

"What did she hit you with? A two-by-four?"

"Her boot, I think," Grace said, leaning her hands against the counter.

Carey's fingers began moving along her back, gently checking the injury. "Does that hurt?"

"No," Grace said, her eyes fluttering shut. Oh God, that feels so good.

"How about there?"

"A...a little." Grace stifled a moan as Carey's fingers lightly touched her skin.

"You might want to sleep on your stomach tonight."

"She punched me there too," Grace said, her heart racing at the thought of Carey checking that injury as well. "It...it knocked the wind out of me." Please don't stop. The tender touch became too much and a low moan escaped from her throat.

"Grace?"

"Mm?" Her eyes opened when Carey's hands left her body.

"I think we need to talk."

Grace lowered her head and closed her eyes, knowing she had finally given herself away. "I don't want to talk about it."

"We have to," Carey said, moving away to sit at the kitchen table.

"It's not some phase or a stupid crush," Grace said, refusing to turn around. It was painful enough without having to look at her. "I know how I feel."

"I didn't say it was," Carey said softly. "Come sit down."

"Why?" Grace asked, feeling the tightness in her throat. "So you can tell me how someone like you would never be interested in a juvenile delinquent?"

"Aside from the fact that it's illegal and morally reprehensible?" Carey asked. "Grace, I'm twenty-nine years old. You're seventeen."

"I'm going to be eighteen next month." She stared at her now lukewarm cup of coffee. "That doesn't make a difference, does it?"

"It's not that easy," Carey said. "You've been placed in my care by the state. I'm responsible to take care of you."

"You don't believe me," Grace said, her heart breaking. "You think I'm so screwed up that I don't know how I feel."

"That's not true, Grace," Carey said. "Please, come sit down."

Grace shook her head, knowing she was dangerously close to tears and seeing Carey would send her over the edge. "I never understood, you know? I tried but boys just never...and then I thought it was because of what happened, that it somehow turned me off, but it wasn't." She took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "I didn't understand until I met you. God, this hurts." She heard the scraping of the chair on the floor, then felt Carey's presence behind her.

"I know it hurts," Carey said softly. "Grace, I care about you, very much."

Grace wiped away a tear. "But not that way, right?"

"But not that way," Carey repeated.

"Just a stupid kid."

"No," Carey said. "You're not stupid, Grace. You're a smart, sweet, caring young woman who has the whole world before you. If circumstance were different, if you were older, if I wasn't in charge of teenage girls…"

Grace took her mug and moved to the sink, keeping her back to Carey. "And if the moon and sun lined up in perfect harmony, then I might have a shot, right?" She dumped the coffee into the sink. "I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"Don't shut me out," Carey said.

Grace turned the water on and rinsed her mug. "Nothing to talk about." She set the mug haphazardly in the drainer, then shut the faucet off. "You've made it clear how you feel."

"Grace—“

“Instructor Carey, may I be excused to do my homework?" Grace blinked rapidly, taking deep breaths and fighting with all her might not to break down and cry.

"Don't do this."

"Instructor Carey, may I please be excused to do my homework?"

Several seconds passed before she heard the older woman let out a breath. "Go ahead," Carey said.

Keeping her back to Carey, Grace went to the living room and sat down on the couch. Staring at her closed textbook through glistening eyes, she listened to the sound of footsteps going into the bedroom. Now that she was alone, the tears began to run. Damn. How stupid can I be? If I had just stayed quiet she never would have known. Fearing Carey would come out and see her crying, Grace ran into the bathroom, sliding down the door until she was sitting on the tiled floor. Grace struggled to calm herself down when she heard the bedroom door open. She listened as Carey walked into the living room, then came back and stood outside the bathroom for several seconds before knocking.

"Grace?"

Grace sniffled and wiped her face with wadded-up tissue. "I'm fine. I’ll be out in a minute." She looked up to see the doorknob turn. She's checking to see if I locked the door, she thought as the knob returned to its original position.

"I wish you would," Carey said softly.

"I don't want to talk about it," Grace said. "Can't we just forget it?"

"You can't just forget your feelings."

"I can't help them either but that doesn't matter, does it?" She stood up and walked to the sink, met by red-rimmed eyes looking back at her from the mirror. And you were worried she'd be mad about the fight. Try getting a hug out of her now.

"Grace?"

"I'll be out in a minute." She watched in the mirror as the knob was tested again. Don't worry, the razors are safe. Soaking her washcloth with cold water, she pressed it against her face. How am I gonna face her? I can't go out and just sit there and pretend nothing happened, and I can't talk about it. She soaked the cloth again. I'll tell her I'm tired and go to bed early. No, she'd know I was lying. What am I gonna do? "Fucked up big time," she whispered as she wrung out the washcloth and draped it over the sink. "No way to fix this one." She looked at her reflection one last time. Be tough. Don't cry. Don't let her see how much it hurts. "Ready?" She took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. Be tough.

Opening the door, she looked down at the carpet and waited for Carey to move out of the way before going into the living room and taking her usual position on the couch. She opened her textbook and pretended to be finding the correct page as Carey claimed the recliner. Please just let it go tonight, she silently begged, watching from the comer of her eye as the dark-haired woman opened the drawer and donned the black-rimmed reading glasses. Good. Grade papers or something. Don't bring it up. She looked down quickly when Carey glanced in her direction. Please don't say anything, she thought, relieved when Carey picked up the paperback sitting on the comer of the table. Grace tried to pay attention to her textbook but the words made no sense, her mind refusing to let her escape from the feelings welling inside. "I'm going to bed," she blurted. Carey closed the novel.

"If that's what you want to do," she said, turning off the lamp.

I want to crawl into a hole and disappear, Grace thought to herself as she collected the bedding. Deliberately keeping her back to Carey, she laid out the blanket and sheet, then crawled between them and faced the rear of the couch. She heard footsteps as Carey moved, then a creak as the older woman sat down on the edge of the coffee table.

"I wish I knew the right words to say," Carey said softly.

Grace sniffled, wiping her eyes with the pillow. "Just something I have to work out myself."

"If you want to talk about it..."

"I know." She pulled the blanket tighter.

"I'm sorry, Grace. It can't be any different."

Grace kept her back turned to Carey, but she nodded her acceptance.

"It was stupid of me to think that someone like you would ever be interested in a screw-up like me anyway."

Carey reached over and grabbed her shoulder, pulling her over onto her back. "I'm not going to listen to you put yourself down like that. You've changed so much since you arrived here. You've learned to set goals, and work to achieve them. And until tonight, you've been able to keep that temper of yours under control. That's something that you couldn't do a few months ago." Carey released Grace's shoulder, a thoughtful look on her face. "I'm so proud of you, Grace. I hope you know that. And you know we can remain friends when you leave here."